Saturday, March 31, 2007

The Day The Football Coach Died


On this day in 1931, Transcontinental and Western Air Express Flight 599 crashed in Chase County, Kansas after losing a wing. A crew of two and six passengers were killed, and one of the passengers was a living legend, Notre Dame football coach Knute Rockne. Rockne was on his way to participate in the production of a film, The Spirit of Notre Dame.

The Rockne plane crash hasn't lived on in pop culture quite like the Buddy Holly or Marshall football plane crashes, but in that early era of commercial aviation, it was one of the most shocking and influential air disasters of the century. It was front page news for months afterwards, and an investigation into its causes discovered that the Fokker Trimotor plane (named after Dutch manufacturer Anthony Fokker) had lost its wing due to cracks in its plywood structure. Similar cracks were found in other Fokker planes and they were subsequently grounded, causing the Fokker brand to be completely discredited in the U.S. As a result, the standards for the infrastructure of commercial planes was completely overhauled, and all-metal planes became the industry norm within a few years.

In Bazaar, Kansas, there is a memorial to the victims of the Rockne crash at the site where the plane went down. It is tended to by Easter Heathman, now 90 years old, who, as a thirteen-year-old boy, was one of the first people to come upon the scene of the crash.

Friday, March 30, 2007

This Week in No Mas



3/25
Sentimental Education
On the anniversary of Mike Tyson being released from prison in 1995, Large looks back at an Esquire interview that Pete Hamill did with Iron Mike while he was incarcerated and discovers a drastically different Tyson than the one in our imaginations. "He tells Hamill that when he gets out of prison he wants to go to college, that he wants to go back to Paris so he can visit the Louvre, that what he misses most about his life is bullshitting with his friends and flying his pigeons and talking to Camille Ewald (Cus's companion). All in all, he sounds like a crack addict who has gotten clean and is dizzy at the prospect of a different, more rewarding existence."

Good Times, Bad Times, Sunday Times
I-berg directs our attention to a Sunday Times piece on former Cubs prospect Adam Greenberg. "His tragedy combines Cubs fans' and Jewish mothers' worst nightmares and eerily parallels the misfortunes of Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham, who never made it past the on-deck circle (but was immortalized in baseball's favorite tour de schmaltz, Field of Dreams)."

3/26
HOYA SAXA: Jesuits Gone Wild
Our resident D.C. resident and college basketball maniac, Unsilent, documents the Georgetown madness outside his window after the Hoyas beat UNC in OT.

K.O.W. - Pure Magic
To celebrate the announcement that ABC is getting back into the fight game to televise Antonio Tarver's next bout, we celebrate the Magic Man in our Knockout of the Week by going back to his one-punch demythologization of Roy Jones.

3/27
Ninety Freaking Three
On his 93rd birthday, we send our warmest regards to No Mas icon, Budd Schulberg, and reprint a passage of his that fills us with esprit de corps. "I'll be looking for him, along with the ghosts of Homer and Lord Byron, at the next writers conference at Caesar's Palace, or MGM Grand, or wherever the next epic encounter captures the imagination of the writers who see The Fight as a microcosm, an intensification of the life forces we struggle to understand."

3/28
Sweet Redemption
The anniversary of Marquette NCAA final victory over UNC in 1977, the last game of Al McGuire's storied career.

Mr. Woods, Mr. Federer... meet Mr. Phelps
Michael Phelps is putting on a show at the World Championships in Melbourne that defies the imagination. As far as Large is concerned, Mark Spitz's seven-gold-medal record is now officially an underdog in Beijing.

Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor
Steve looks back at the greatness of Rod Laver and Lew Hoad, the Sampras and Federer of another time. "Laver does share two things with Federer and Sampras: (1) He was a shy man and a gentleman, the opposite of what we’re told top professional athletes need to be to succeed. (2) Laver, Federer, and Sampras were all the Sandy Koufaxes of their eras."

3/29
Sharpshootin' with The Franchise
As you might imagine, just days before the grandaddy of 'em all, Franchise is pretty worked up. In this week's column, though, he showed a measure of restraint and tackled all of the big business news in the MMA world before getting down to the many Wrestlemania-related matters at hand.

Four MC's with Reasons to Bring This Game to Its Knees
Unsilent's Final Four preview, a.k.a Beat Street Breakdown. "As good as Jordan Farmar was (and you know I love my Jewish ballers) Darren Collison is a prototypical Ben Howland point guard. He runs the offense more efficiently than any of the other talented guards heading into Atlanta and he's got the balls to let it fly when that's what the team needs from him."

Cowardice and Treason
The anniversary of the day (early morning) when the trucks rolled into Baltimore and snuck the Colts out of town to Indy. "Has there ever been such a craven act on such a grand scale in the modern era of sports business?"

Jews for Michael Ray
I-berg - journalist, playa, Jew - vouches for the cred of alleged Anti-Semite, Michael Ray Richardson. "Now because he has the temerity to say that Jews are good lawyers, Jews are industrious people, Jews use their wits to get ahead in a world where they are more often hated than loved, we are going to excommunicate him from basketball like he’s Tim Hardaway or Al Campanis."


3/30

The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments
WM 23 is this Sunday, and so the 'Chise wrapped up his epic 23 moment countdown today in style by breaking out the top five. People, I'm not going to spoil anything here - just believe me when I tell you that the shit is positively shocking and not to be missed.

The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments

The Granddaddy of 'em all is this Sunday, Wrestlemania 23. I know this because the first thing Franchise did when he got into the office this morning was put me in a sleeper hold and scream "WRESTLEMANIA" in my ear about thirty times (which mercifully I could not hear, because I had already fallen asleep - kid's got a hell of a sleeper hold I must say). So without further ado, here is the top five of the Chise's epic Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments. If you want to backtrack for the full list before you get into the top five, you can click here for moments 9-6, here for 13-10, here for 18-14, and here for 23-19. All right 'Chise, the envelopes please...

#5: Year of the Dragon
Wrestlemania III – Pontiac Silverdome, Detroit, MI
March 29, 1987

The Match:
Intercontinental Championship: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. Randy “Macho Man” Savage (c)

The Moment:
Forget Wrestlemania, many wrestling fans consider this I-C title match to be one of the greatest matches ever. While I will forever love this contest I don’t hold it in that high regard. The best parts, hands-down, were the near-falls. Back-and-forth they went and in the end, Steamboat, with the incomparable George “The Animal” Steele in his corner, would add another title to his impressive career resume.

____________________________________________________


#4: Icon vs. Icon
Wrestlemania X8 – Skydome, Toronto, ON
March 17, 2002

The Match:
“Hollywood” Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock

The Moment:
This match, and WM X8 for that matter, have a place near-and-dear to my heart because it was the only Wrestlemania I have ever attended. I have been to the World Cup of Hockey and Soccer, the Stanley Cup Finals, the NBA Finals and the NCAA Tournament and I have never heard a crowd as loud as when the Hulkster and the Brahma Bull stepped into the squared circle to face off for the first time ever.



____________________________________________________


#3: The Heartbreak Kid meets Kid Dynamite
Wrestlemania XIV – FleetCenter, Boston, MA
March 29, 1998

The Match:
WWF Championship: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels (c)

The Moment:
Remember when Mike Tyson first appeared on WWE Raw in January 1998 in the midst of the whole Stone Cold vs. Mr. McMahon saga. How amazing was that? The baddest man on the planet going up against the toughest S.O.B in the WWF. Predictably, Kid Dynamite joined forces with Austin’s opponent at WM XIV, “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels, only to turn on “his friend” on the grandest stage of ‘em all. Gotta love Jim Ross’ call at the end of this one – somewhere Howard Cosell must have been smiling.



____________________________________________________


#2: Genesis
Wrestlemania – Madison Square Garden, New York, NY
March 31, 1985

The Match:
“Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff & “Rowdy” Roddy Piper w/ Cowboy Bob Orton vs. Hulk Hogan & Mr. T w/ “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka

The Moment:
The match that started it all. Not only was this the inaugural Wrestlemania Main Event featuring the likes of Hogan, Piper, Snuka and Mr. T but check out this impressive list of celebrity representatives at ringside:
Guest Ring Announcer: Billy Martin
Guest Time Keeper: Liberace
Guest Official: Muhammad Ali
Add the Rockettes and Cyndi Lauper (who appeared earlier in the night) and there will never, ever, be another Wrestlemania I.



____________________________________________________


#1: The Irresistible Force meets The Immovable Object
Wrestlemania III – Pontiac Silverdome, Detroit, MI
March 29, 1987

The Match:
WWF Championship: Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan (c)

The Moment:
How can I not give this match top billing on the twentieth anniversary of WM III? A battle which featured two of the biggest legends ever in front of, at the time, the largest audience in North American wrestling history. WWE is back in Detroit this year at the new-and-improved version of the Silverdome, Ford Field, and they can only dream of having a moment equal when Hulk finally slammed Andre.

No Mas Weekend TV Guide

3/30
1987 NCAA Final
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.

Keith Smart. Steve Alford, Daryl Thomas. Sherman Douglas, Rony Seikaly. Derrick Coleman, freshman.

Heaven Can Wait
HBOSGe, 2:45 p.m.

God doesn't have a football team, Max, so he couldn't make me first string.

Pedro Martinez SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m
Hopefully a significant portion of this program is devoted to explaining why Pedro needs a midget in his entourage like he's Slim Thug or some shit.

Days of Thunder
WGN, 8 p.m.

No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you... he rubbed you. And rubbin, son, is racin'.

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.

Stone Cold makes a special appearance on the final Smackdown before 'Mania. Plus, Finlay vs. Kennedy and King Booker vs. CM Punk.

Late Show with David Letterman
CBS, 11:35 p.m.

With his hair on the line at Wrestlemania 23 on Sunday, Donald Trump visits Letterman in perhaps the days of the infamous Trump comb-over.

3/31
Archie Moore v. Joey Maxim, 1952
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.

At the age of 36, and a veteran of 161 fights, Archie Moore got his first shot at world title in 1952 against light heavyweight champ, Joey Maxim. The Old Mongoose made good on the opportunity, succeeding where Sugar Ray Robinson had failed just sixth months prior.

Legendary Nights - Hearns/Leonard
HBO2, 7 a.m.

My favorite of the Legendary Nights series, including Manny Steward talking about how he stayed in his basement for days after Tommy lost this fight, and how he still to this day doesn't like to talk about it.

The Final Four
CBS, 6 p.m

Georgetown/Ohio State followed by UCLA/Florida. Click here for Unsilent's rundown.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

Tivo alert. While you're watching basketball, you're going to want to record this shit, because the Ringside series is taking on The Brown Bomber. The only Louis fights I ever see on Classic are Abe Simon and then the Marciano tragedy, so presumably they'll be busting out some new material in this one.

Deliverance
AMC, 8 & 10:30 p.m.

Now you listen, Ed. Damn it, we can get out of this thing, without any questions asked. We get connected up with that body, and the law, this thing's gonna be hangin' over us the rest of our lives. We've gotta bury that guy.

2007 WWE Hall-of-Fame Induction Ceremony
USA, 12 a.m.
They won't be showing the entire ceremony due to time constraints so look for the Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Dusty Rhodes and Curt Hennig inductions. Always a nice trip down wrestling memory lane.

Fight Club
Spike, 12 a.m.
We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

4/1
The Bullfighters
FMC, 6 a.m.
Laurel and Hardy are working as detectives in Mexico (of course). But Laurel happens to look exactly like a famous matador who has suddenly disappeared, so he is enlisted to step into the ring. If that doesn't sound funny to you, you wouldn't know funny if it ate your ass.

Wrestlemania 23
PPV, 7 p.m.

The grandaddy of 'em all, the Super Bowl of wrestling...whatever you want to call it, just know that it's finally going down tonight from Ford Field in front of some 80,000 crazed people. Oh yeah, some billionaire is supposedly getting his head shaved too.

Jim Thorpe, All-American
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

Burt Lancaster plays Jim Thorpe in this 1951 classic. Burt Lancaster - now there was a goddamn movie star. Just thinking about Burt Lancaster makes me wish that Colin Farrell would go drown in a tub of tartar sauce. Another tip - Pop Warner is actually in this movie.

Muhammad Ali: Young Champion
ESPN Classic, 10 p.m.

Ali in his prime, the mid-60's, against Henry Cooper, George Chuvalo and Floyd Patterson. Followed by those portraits of the artist as a young rumbler, Cassius Clay's Greatest Hits Vols I & II.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Jews for Michael Ray

To whom it may concern:

This Jew would like to vouch for Michael Ray Richardson.

He is a lover not a hater of Jews as well as every other variety of human being, and he does not deserve to be run out of professional basketball for his allegedly "anti-semitic" remarks.

For those who may have missed this story, Richardson, the one time Knick and Net star, was suspended yesterday from his job as head coach of the Albany Patroons after the second game of the CBA's championship series.

ESPN reported:
********************************
Before Tuesday's game against the Yakima Sun Kings, Richardson made anti-Semitic comments to two reporters in his office when discussing the contract general manager Jim Coyne had offered him Monday to coach his team in the CBA and USBL.

"I've got big-time lawyers," Richardson said, according to the Times Union. "I've got big-time Jew lawyers."

When told by the reporters that the comment could be offensive to people because it plays to the stereotype that Jews are crafty and shrewd, he responded with, "Are you kidding me? They are. They've got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? They're real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they've got to be crafty."

And he continued, "They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean?" he said. "Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."
*******************************

In 2001, I did a story for the Village Voice, about Michael Ray's long road back from cocaine addiction and his adventures in International basketball. Richardson was the first player to be expelled from the NBA under the “the three strikes” drug rule. Forced to play abroad, his first stop was in Tel Aviv. I caught up with him fifteen years later in Livorno, where he was then playing in the Italian B League at the age of 44, and he told me about his time in Israel:

"You think it's going to be an awful place. You just see bombs going off all the time, but it ain't like that." He starts talking about a club in Tel Aviv called Cinerama. "On Thursday and Friday nights, you'd get 4000, 5000 people in there. Yeah. There's another side of Israel too." He raises his eyebrows and turns down the corners of his mouth. "Let me tell you something. Them Jews know how to party."

It didn't make the Voice's edit of my piece, but Michael Ray went on to tell me about a James Brown performance in Tel Aviv:

"James Brown! The Godfather of Soul. Oh, he came with the leg kick and everything. He had it goin' on. Hummm. I never see them Jews have that much fun in they life. You know, for us blacks, James Brown is like Elvis Presley. He's our king. James Brown! James Brown will go all over the world!"

Michael Ray Richardson doesn't speak politically correct English. He isn’t the guy who knows it may be more expedient to say: "The Jewish people have a deeply celebratory spirit." He’s the dude that says, "Them Jews know how to party!" But if you hear him say it, you know his heart is in the right place. He was proud of James Brown, and he was happy that Israelis could appreciate a performer who he felt represented to a certain extent the collective spirit of his people. It clearly made him feel more at home and more comfortable in Israel. If they could truly appreciate James Brown, you could feel him thinking, maybe they could truly understand and appreciate him.

I really can’t think of any better way to illustrate that Michael Ray is the opposite of a racist. Confronted with the reality of Israel he abandoned preconceived notions and evaluated people on how they actually behaved. Michael Ray has done that in every country he’s been to. And that’s why he’s been loved all around the world.

Now because he has the temerity to say that Jews are good lawyers, Jews are industrious people, Jews use their wits to get ahead in a world where they are more often hated than loved, we are going to excommunicate him from basketball like he’s Tim Hardaway or Al Campanis.

It’s not right. Michael Ray is proud to have a Jewish lawyer because he thinks they are the best lawyers. Certainly it’s a stereotype, but it’s a stereotype rooted in a reality. A disproportionate number of the great lawyers in America are Jews. A disproportionate number of the great basketball players in America are black. We have learned to be very careful around these facts because here the line between fact and "stereotype" can get very blurry and if you're not careful, you can get into deep water real quick. Michael Ray was unwise to have been so indiscreet around reporters, but it wasn't exactly Elders of Zion territory.

That Michael Ray later apparently called a fan who heckled him a “faggot”, I’m not going to try to defend. For me, it’s much more of a problem than his remarks about Jews. He should know better than to use that word. But I guarantee Michael Ray, unlike Tim Hardaway, does not actually hate homosexuals any more than he hates Jews.

Michael Ray simply has not learned how to talk differently in public than he does in private. Michael Ray does not censor himself. That’s why he has always been quotable. That’s what’s “shocking” about his remarks. They are not hateful or malicious. They are candid and politically incorrect. Not politically incorrect in the tradition of Al Campanis whose remarks revealed the unspoken assumptions behind a shameful and unwritten policy of exclusion. They were just words better left unsaid in public.

So Benito Fernandez, Jim Coyne, David Stern--or whoever calls the shots on this one--please give Michael Ray some sensitivity training, give him a spanking, and then let him back in the good graces of the CBA.

He is a good man and he doesn’t deserve to be run out of town.

Cowardice and Treason

March 29th is a dark day in Baltimore history - on this day, or rather early early morning, 23 years ago, Mayflower Transit trucks from Indianapolis arrived at the Baltimore Colts training facility in a driving snowstorm. They rolled in at 2 a.m. - the team offices and equipment were quickly packed in an hour's time and then the trucks departed, taking the Colts franchise to Indianapolis, breaking Baltimore's heart in the process.

Has there ever been such a craven act on such a grand scale in the modern era of sports business? Colts owner Robert Irsay repeatedly had assured the city of Baltimore that he would not move the team, and all the while he was secretly negotiating with Indy, duplicity of such magnitude that he literally snuck the team out of town under cover of the night. The Colts players themselves did not know that they were moving until the wee hours of March 29th, after the trucks already had left town.

Of course, along with the entire city of Baltimore, true Colts of the likes of John Unitas, Raymond Berry and Art Donovan never forgave the Irsays their treachery, and never considered the Indianapolis edition to have any relationship whatsoever to the legendary Baltimore team. This became evident once again this year with the Indy Colts' Super Bowl victory, as many of the old Colts wanted it made clear that this should NOT be considered the second Super Bowl championship in franchise history, because the Indianapolis franchise was an entity unto itself with no historical connection to the Baltimore era.

Four MC's With Reasons to Bring This Game to Its Knees

Florida, UCLA, Georgetown, and Ohio State.

The Final Four: Stairway to One Shining Moment

On paper it's as flawless a Final Four as we could hope for, precisely as I visualized back on Selection Sunday. It remains to be seen how well the games will play out on the court but there is one certainty, these are the teams that belong in the Georgia Dome (whether or not the tournament belongs in said venue is another matter entirely).

Forget about favorites and dogs, for all intents and purposes these teams stand on equal footing atop the ever-turbulent world of college basketball. Here's a handy guide to what you need to know heading into the glorious culmination of gambling season collegiate athletics in America (fuck you college baseball...bunch of tree hugging metallurgists).

UCLA Bruins Pac 10 Regular Season Champions/Best Coached Team In America (aka: The Anti-Lute Olsen Award)

The most important thing to remember about this team is that they've improved significantly since they were dismantled by the Gators this time last year. As good as Jordan Farmar was (and you know I love my Jewish ballers) Darren Collison is a prototypical Ben Howland point guard. He runs the offense more efficiently than any of the other talented guards heading into Atlanta and he's got the balls to let it fly when that's what the team needs from him. Once again their front line will struggle to match up with Florida's ridiculously athletic post players, but their mastery of Howland's defensive rotation can be an equalizer.

Florida Gators SEC Champions/Defending National Champions/Future Millionaires Club

The big "distraction" in this year's Final Four run has been the constant speculation surrounding Billy Donovan's eminent departure. What you need to remember is that it's only a distraction for the people who care. You think the players really care? Please. The only distraction facing Noah, Horford, and Brewer is picking out some ballin' pinstripes for draft night. Even Taurean Green might be getting in on the act, but he's saddled with the task of finding a suit that meshes with all three shades of his face.

Ohio State Buckeyes Big Ten Champions/The Best Team They Could Buy With the Leftover Football Money (kidding...kinda)

Yeah I hate Ohio State, so what? Just because I think Thad Motta is a Goober doesn't mean I don't respect the talent he's able to put on the floor. The Conley/Oden combination gets the press but on any given night Daequan Cook, David Lighty, or Ron Lewis could be their most dangerous option on the offensive end of the court. On defense Oden has to stay out of foul trouble. Considering the opponent he's likely to be leaned on for more minutes then he's used to, if he picks up early fouls Ohio State could be in a lot of trouble. Similarly Ivan Harris will have his hands full with the inside/out game of Jeff Green. Harris has to be able to establish position in the high post and deny the pass to disrupt the "Princeton" offense.

Georgetown Hoyas Big East Champions/The Beginning of a Dynasty/My Neighbors

People look at this team and they see the Roy Hibbert and Jeff Green, but there's so much more. In a year that featured dominant freshmen all over the nation Dajuan Summers remains an overlooked superstar. Yet it's not just the big time recruits of that's carrying the squad. Junior point guard Jonathan Wallace rose to prominence with his second half daggers against UNC but his performance was nothing new to those who know him. He was originally recruited by JTIII at Princeton, not surprising when you consider his athletic and academic accomplishments in high school. Wallace's leadership and experience could be the difference when the Hoyas face off against Ohio State's star-studded freshmen backcourt.

Sharpshootin' With The Franchise

Good Call: Before we get to the Wrestlemania business at hand, there are a couple of MMA tidbits we need to touch on. First up, Tito Ortiz was supposed to fight his boss, UFC President, Dana White, in a three-round boxing match this past weekend. This sparring session came about after Ortiz returned to the UFC a couple of years ago and had it written into his contract. It’s one thing for Vince McMahon to step into the ring with a wrestler in a “worked” environment but I never understood what benefits both sides would derive from this event. If Ortiz loses to a former amateur boxer wouldn’t he lose all his credibility as “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy”? And if White gets his ass kicked then wouldn’t his aura as the tough boss disappear? And what if either man injured himself in the bout, what good would that do for the UFC (especially if the injury would have cost Ortiz a big payday)? Anyhow, after all the hype, Ortiz never showed up to the weigh-ins and the whole thing was called off. Cool, thanks for wasting our time.

Worlds Colliding Update: The worst-kept secret in MMA was officially announced on Tuesday when Pride president Nobuyuki Sakakibara announced that the company was being sold to one of the UFC owners, Lorenzo Fertitta. Details are still a bit unclear but it appears as though both companies will be run completely separate with one or two supershows scheduled each year. Clearly, Pride was in a lot of trouble so this appears to be the best-case scenario for them. I am just happy that the Fertittas will not be pulling a Vince McMahon by combining both companies. There is a lot more money to be made by separating the two entities and joining forces once a year for a World Cup-like event. For the boxing fans out there please don’t confuse this with the WBO merging with WBC. No, this would be comparable to the AFL buying the NFL or the ABA buying the NBA. Some of the dream matches that were mentioned were: Fedor Emelianenko vs. Randy Couture, Chuck Liddell vs. Mauricio Shogun Rua, Dan Henderson vs. Anderson Silva, Josh Barnett vs. Andrei Arlovsky and Georges St. Pierre vs. Takanori Gomi. My mouth is watering just thinking about some of those.

Anything you can do, we can do better: Fighting Entertainment Group, Showtime and Pro Elite announced that they will be holding their own super(duper)show on June 2nd at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. Say what now? I hope they are talking about some other L.A. Coliseum that I don’t know about because there is no way they are thinking about selling out a stadium that holds 92,000, right? Apparently not. Some of the fighters signed to to fight on the card are: Royce Gracie, Antonio Silva, Jake Shields, and, everyone’s favorite fight girl, Gina Carano. In addition, former WWE champ, Brock Lesnar, will be making his MMA debut against Choi Hong-Man. Oh, and former NFL star Johnnie Morton will also be fighting on the card. Yes, Matt Millen’s favorite football player has hung up the wide receiver gloves for MMA gloves.

Wrestlemania Recall: Since we’ve pretty much run down this year’s WM card, I thought it would be interesting to go back exactly 20 years today to WM III from the Pontiac Silverdome. 93,000 fans (in reality it was more like 79,000 but we’ll give WWE the benefit of the doubt) witnessed the pageantry of ‘Mania on March 29, 1987. When comparing both cards I’ve got to give the nod to WM III over WM 23. Why? More matches, better personalities and a MUCH BETTER main event (for more on WM III stay tuned to tomorrow’s final installment of The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments). Take a look and enjoy this weekend’s festivities:

• Can Am Connection def. Cowboy Bob Orton & Magnificent Muraco
• Full Nelson Challenge
Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules went to a double count-out
• Hillbilly Jim, Little Beaver & The Haiti Kid def. King Kong Bundy, Lord Littlebrook & Little Tokyo by DQ when Bundy flattened Little Beaver
• Loser Bows Match
King Harley Race w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and Fabulous Moolah def. Junkyard Dog
• The Dream Team (Brutus Beecake & Greg "The Hammer" Valentine) w/ Luscious Johnny Valiant and Dino Bravo def. The Rougeau Brothers
• “Rowdy” Roddy Piper def. “Adorable” Adrian Adonis w/ Jimmy Hart
• Hart Foundation & “Dangerous” Danny Davis w/ Jimmy Hart def. British Bulldogs & Tito Santana
• “The Natural” Butch Reed def. Koko B. Ware
• Intercontinental Championship
Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat w/ George “The Animal” Steele def. Randy "Macho Man" Savage w/ Elizabeth to capture the WWF Intercontinental Championship
• Honky Tonk Man w/ Jimmy Hart def. Jake “The Snake” Roberts w/ Alice Cooper
• Nikolai Volkoff & Iron Sheik def. Killer Bees by DQ
• Main Event for WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan def. Andre the Giant w/ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan to retain the WWF championship

Welcome to the Hall: Not only does this weekend mark the 23rd edition of Wrestlemania but it’s also WWE Hall-of-Fame induction time! Other than the year Piper and Hogan were inducted this seems to be one of the most impressive classes of all-time. A portion of the 2007 WWE HOF Induction ceremony airs this Saturday on USA at midnight (technically Sunday Morning). Let’s take a look at the list of inductees and inductors:

• Matt "Rosey" Anoa'i and Sam "Samu" Anoa'i will induct their fathers, The Wild Samoans (Aka & Sika)
• MLB Hall-of-Famer Wade Boggs will induct "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig
• Star Trek Superstar William Shatner will induct Jerry "The King" Lawler
• “The Magnificent” Don Muraco will induct his former manager Mr. Fuji
• Cody & Dustin Runnels (aka Goldust) will induct their father, "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes
• Bobby "The Brain" Heenan will induct AWA legend Nick Bockwinkel
• Sabu will indict his uncle “The Original Sheik,” Ed Farhat*
• Stone Cold Steve Austin will induct Jim Ross*

*Rumored

I’ve often felt that the Wild Samoans get overlooked when discussing the greatest tag-teams of all-time so I am really happy that they’re getting the recognition they deserve. In the spirit of HOF wrestling, enjoy this rare match involving six of the greatest wrestlers to ever live: Andre The Giant, Junkyard Dog & Dusty Rhodes vs. Ernie Ladd & The Wild Samoans.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/29

1999 NCAA Final
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.

Khalid El-Amin, Rip Hamilton et al. defeat the mighty Blue Devil squad of Battier, Brand, Langdon and Maggette. I wouldn't exactly say, as El-Amin did repeatedly, that the Huskies shocked the world. But it was close.

1982 NCAA Final
ESPN Classic, 7 p.m.

There's this guy who hit the winning shot in this game. I can't remember his name. He was freakin good though, that dude.

Oscar de la Hoya v. Jimmi Bredahl, 1994
VS., 9 p.m., 12 a.m.

Sort of a strange fight for Versus to break out (probably the best one they could afford), but hey, it won Oscar his first title, as he gave the Dane Bredahl a virtuoso whuppin and walked away with the WBO Super Featherweight title. And check out that hairdo on Little Vanilla Oscar over there. Ice ice baby.

TNA iMPACT!
Spike, 9 p.m.

In a preview of next month's Lockdown Xscape match we've got Jerry Lynn vs. Alex Shelley vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. the Austin Starr vs. Petey Williams vs. Shark Boy - every man for himself. Plus, Kurt Angle takes on Abyss.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor

Steve - the discussion of the greatest men's tennis player of all time has boiled down to one titanic match-up that fascinates everyone - Sampras v. Federer. To me, this unfairly throws Laver on the dustbin of history, left out of the conversation because of the evolution of the game and the passage of time. So my question is - first of all, is there anyone else you think is getting short shrift from the prevalence of the Sampras/Federer conversation, and then how are we to measure Laver and the other greats of the past against Pete and Fed when the game has changed so much?

I’ve thought of doing an article about how Laver has been dropped from tennis’ GOAT (Greatest of All Time) discussion. I wouldn’t say it’s unfair, exactly—if you see any old clips of the 5-foot-8 Aussie flicking the ball around with his tiny-headed wood racquet, you could only conclude that he would have been, well, mauled by the 6-foot-1 Pete Sampras and Roger Federer.

Look a little closer, though, and you can begin to appreciate why Laver still has a place in the debate. I think of him as the master of “small ball tennis,” or “dead-ball era” tennis (maybe “dead-racquet-era” tennis is the best way to say it). This was a time when being able to hit every shot in the book was as important as being able to hit them hard. (The book of essential tennis shots and skills has gotten much thinner since Laver’s day—pretty much the entire net game has been abridged.) Laver had them all, from the hook lefty serve out wide to the one-handed topspin backhand pass up the line to a deadly slice lob that has all but disappeared from the game. He did all the things you’re taught to do as a kid, but which the pros don’t bother with now—change speeds, sneak into the net, construct points.

Laver does share two things with Federer and Sampras: (1) He was a shy man and a gentleman, the opposite of what we’re told top professional athletes need to be to succeed. (2) Laver, Federer, and Sampras were all the Sandy Koufaxes of their eras. By that I mean they started out as throwers, guys with so much raw skill they didn’t know what to do with it. It took them longer than some other top players to learn to be pitchers, to get all that talent under control. None of them won Grand Slams out of the gate, but once they mastered their own games, they were utterly dominant.

Laver did it by adhering to the simple but strict practice sessions mapped out by his Davis Cup coach, Harry Hopman. They were always two hours on the nose, always involved a half-hour of forehands crosscourt, a half-hour of backhands down the line, etc., and always finished with a half-hour of match play. One journeyman player spent a week practicing with Laver and found himself playing the best tennis of his life—he said the difference was the way Laver made every shot count. He ended up thinking, “If only I’d practiced like that my whole life, I think I could have been No. 1…”

The other legendary figure who was once a regular in the GOAT discussions, but who’s largely forgotten now, is Lew Hoad. An Aussie champ from a slightly earlier era than Laver’s, he’s long been considered the best athlete the sport has seen—the purest tennis player imaginable. Watching a few clips of him, at first I wondered what the fuss was about. He hit a nice kick serve, but he also hit an old-fashioned flat forehand like everyone else from that era. A few games in, though, Hoad rushed the net and his opponent threw up a lob. He launched himself backward off one foot and, with no wasted motion, snapped the ball away with a crisply efficient overhead and immediately headed back for the next point. All I could think of was Sampras—the resemblance, as well as the natural athleticism, was uncanny.

This is a long way of saying that at the level of wins and losses, there’s no way to compare eras in tennis, or at least there’s no way of comparing the amateur-wood era with the pro-graphite era. (Andre Agassi and Jimmy Connors began late enough that they were able to cross multiple modern eras and succeed in all of them.) The only resemblances between now and the pre-Open era are found in those fleeting glimpses of past greats like Hoad, which remind you that tennis genius is eternal.

As for Laver, if you can’t call him the GOAT, at least you can say this: He was the best at what he did.

Steve Tignor is the executive editor of Tennis magazine. For more of his writing, check out his weekly column, The Wrap, on the Tennis website - today he takes on the match on everyone's mind, Guillermo Canas's upset of Moby Fed in Key Biscayne.

Mr. Woods, Mr. Federer... meet Mr. Phelps


Michael Phelps broke another world record today down at the FINA World Championships in Melbourne, lowering the record he set last month in the 200 fly by a full 1.62 seconds, a jaw-dropping improvement. Phelps now owns the eight best times ever posted in the 200 fly. The second-place finisher in Melbourne came in a full three seconds behind him.

And here it was just yesterday that Phelps made headlines around the world by breaking Ian Thorpe's 200 free world record from 2001 - defeating Dutch rival Pieter van den Hoogenband, erasing Thorpedo's mark from the books, and serving historical notice to Mark Spitz all in a single race. After all, at the Athens Games Phelps was only one gold short of Spitz' record seven Olympic gold medals, and one of the races Phelps did not win in Athens was the 200 free. That race forever will be remembered as one of the great swimming showdowns of all time, as Phelps took third behind Hoogie and Thorpe. (Was I in attendance you ask? Why yes, oddly enough I was... the podium shot up there is from the Large archive).

If, as seems evident from his World Championship performance, Phelps has seized control of the 200 free (he's now the only man to crack the 1:44 barrier in the event) while maintaining his utter dominance of his other signature events (the IM's and butterflys) he seems almost a cinch to equal and potentially break Spitz's record in Beijing. Whether he manages that or not, I think a lot of people will agree that Phelps' performance in Melbourne the past few days has cemented his status as the greatest swimmer who ever lived. Which is some serious shit.

Sweet Redemption


Thirty years ago today, Marquette won its only NCAA men's basketball championship when Al McGuire's Golden Eagles defeated Dean Smith's Tar Heels in the final, 67-59. Marquette was led by its stars Bo Ellis and Butch Lee (who was named the tournament's most outstanding player). North Carolina's Walter Davis led all scorers with 20 points, but legendary Tar Heel point guard Phil Ford (a.k.a. The Truth) had a sub-par evening, 3 for 10 from the field for six points.

It was the second final in four years for McGuire and the Golden Eagles - they lost the championship game in 1974 to David Thompson and N.C. State. In '77, they very nearly didn't even make it to the final, winning their semi-final over UNC-Charlotte with a last-second court-long inbounds pass from Lee to Jerome Whitehead, who dunked the ball off the fingers of Charlotte's Cornbread Maxwell.

An uber-New Yorker, Manhattan-born and a player for both St. John's and the Knicks, McGuire broke down in tears and wept in the final minutes of the '77 championship, and then retired immediately after the game, making his last outing one for the ages. Much beloved in the basketball world, he went on to have a second career as a broadcaster before dying of leukemia in 2001.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/28

Here Comes Mr. Jordan
TCM, 1:10 a.m.

The movie that Warren Beatty remade into that classic of my childhood, Heaven Can Wait. In the original version, released in 1941, Joe Pendleton is a boxer not a quarterback. Mr. Jordan is of course the angel who brings Joe back to life, in the body of the millionaire Farnsworth (yes, all the names are the same.) The 2001 Chris Rock movie, Down to Earth, was also a Mr. Jordan remake.

Kentucky v. Duke, 1992
ESPN Classic, 7 p.m.
The Laettner game. The whole freakin game.

Master Highlights, 1997
Golf Channel, 8 p.m.
Hard to believe it was ten years ago that Tiger Woods blew all of our minds at the '97 Masters. Golf Channel runs an hour-long review of the tournament followed by a half-hour interview with Tiger as he reflects on winning his first green jacket.

U.S. v. Guatemala
ESPN2, 9 p.m.

Coming off their 3-1 victory over Ecuador last Sunday (courtesy of a hat trick from Landon Donovan), the U.S. soccer team hosts Guatemala in Frisco, Texas.

UFC Ultimate Knockouts 4
Spike, 9 p.m.

If you possess some sort of sick fetish for seeing a 1-hour montage of guys getting their clocks cleaned well, then, this is the show for you. By the way, this particular installment features the best knockouts from 2004 and 2005.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Ninety Freaking Three

Today we send our heartiest birthday wishes to Budd Schulberg, the author, fistic enthusiast and all-around No Mas All-Star who turns 93 years young today (that's Budd on the right getting a little work in back in the day). I-Berg and I recently saw ole Budd at the Salita fight last Thursday, and let me tell you something - he doesn't look a day over 90 (ba-dump-bump). Seriously though, he's still out there ringside at a fight near you, scoring the rounds and taking no shit from nobody. He's a true living legend, and as far as I'm concerned he doesn't get the credit he deserves from the literary community, not that I imagine he cares much about that. But let me just say that if flippin Zuleika Dobson belongs on the Modern Library's Top 100 novels list, then The Harder They Fall does too. It's not only the best boxing novel ever written, it's also one of the great American novels of the 20th century.

But that's an argument for another day (and perhaps, another place). If you're unfamiliar with Budd Schulberg, then I suggest you familiarize yourself pronto, although you are already probably more familiar with him than you know. On that count, I'll just say "I coulda been a contender" and leave it at that. Beyond the silver screen, however, Schulberg had a marvelous career in print, the aformentioned The Harder They Fall (which made it to film as Bogey's last picture), What Makes Sammy Run, The Disenchanted, and countless boxing pieces, all rendered in Schulberg's characteristically taut and vibrant prose that has long been an ideal to which Large has applied himself daily.

For the No Mas set, I recommend checking out his collection Sparring with Hemingway, if you can get a hold of it, or the more recent boxing collection Ringside. Today, to celebrate all things Schulberg, I want to print this excerpt from his introduction to Sparring with Hemingway, a passage that fills me with excitement and inspiration and in and of itself could serve as the No Mas mission statement. Happy Birthday Budd, and the sincerest thanks.

From Homer to Hazlitt, Arthur Conan Doyle, and George Bernard Shaw, from London and Lardner to Hemingway, from A.J. Liebling and Nelson Algren and Norman Mailer, Pete Hamill, and Joyce Carol Oates, from Athens to Zaire (where even Dr. Hunter Thompson found his way), we seem irresistibly drawn to these ceremonial combats.

We find ourselves at one with John Milton, that most unexpected of fight fans, who wrote in Samson Agonistes:

I sorrowed at his captive state
but minded
Not to be absent at that
spectacle.

Let's get it on! the old master seems to be saying if we translate him into twentieth-century vernacular. I'll be looking for him, along with the ghosts of Homer and Lord Byron, at the next writers conference at Caesar's Palace, or MGM Grand, or wherever the next epic encounter captures the imagination of the writers who see The Fight as a microcosm, an intensification of the life forces we struggle to understand.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/27

NBA's Greatest Games - Suns/Celtics, 1976
ESPN Classic, 5 p.m.

Many would argue that this is THE NBA's greatest game, game 5 of the '76 NBA finals, a triple-overtime smackdown between the mighty Celtics and the upstart Suns. We're talking Hondo, Dave Cowens and Jo Jo White, not to mention Paul Westphal, Alvin Adams, and a grizzled veteran named Pat Riley. Some serious shizzam is what I'm trying to say.

Lennox Lewis v. Oliver McCall I & II
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Two very strange fights. In the first from 1994, Lennox coughed up his WBC belt when he got careless and walked into a wild right-hand counter in the second round (McCall delivered this blow with his eyes closed). Determined never to be so cocky again, Lewis promptly stole McCall's trainer, one Manny Steward. The second fight, held in '97, is about the craziest thing you'll ever see. Shit is like Prince of Tides in a boxing ring. That's all I'm gonna say.

Bloodfist
FlixE, 8 p.m.

If recently you watched the epic Bloodfist III, and you happen to subscribe to FlixE (whatever that is), then you have the golden opportunity tonight to see how the whole blood-fisted journey began with the original Bloodfist. The caption description is "A kickboxer stalks his brother's murderer in Manila." Yeah he does.

ECW Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
All eight members of the Wrestlemania Money in the Bank Ladder Match are in action tonight in an eight-man tag match featuring: The Hardys, C.M. Punk & Edge vs. Randy Orton, Mr. Kennedy, King Booker & Fit Finlay.

Monday, March 26, 2007

K.O.W. - Pure Magic

It's been a good week for boxing. Roger Mayweather's out of jail back training Lil Floyd, Barrera/Marquez did surprisingly robust PPV numbers, and the best news of all by far, ABC is getting back into the fight game, scheduled to broadcast Antonio Taver's return to the ring against Elvir Muriqi ("The Kosovo Kid" - nickname pantheon alert) on Sunday, April 22nd at 1:30 p.m.

We here at No Mas greeted this news by dancing around the offices in our pajamas and hugging each other like Promise Keepers. Boxing on ABC takes us back to the glory years of our childhoods - we learned to love the sport from watching those Saturday and Sunday afternoon matches and listening to Cosell's listless, self-promoting commentary. We saw Howard and Ali clown together on ABC, we saw Sugar Ray Leonard TKO Wilfred Benitez on ABC. Bobby Chacon and Bazooka Limon, Boom Boom Mancini knocking out Arturo Frias (not to mention Duk Koo Kim), Mike Tyson annihilating Marvis Frazier... all on ABC in the glory of our youths.

So to celebrate boxing's return to network television, we thought we'd hype the bout a little and take you back to Antonio Tarver's finest moment for our No Mas Knockout of the Week. We're not the biggest Tarver fans here at No Mas, but this one was pure magic for the Magic Man, and but for Douglas over Tyson, maybe the most shocking knockout of our lifetimes. I still vividly remember watching this and not being able to BELIEVE what I was seeing. It was the end of an era, to be sure.

HOYA SAXA: Jesuits Gone Wild

It's been so long since last we met,
Lie down forever, lie down;
Or have you any money to bet,
Lie down forever, lie down.

Despite attending the hated University of Pittsburgh I grew up in the bosom of Georgetown basketball (if nothing else it sure beat the hell out of the next closest alternative). So even though my favorite team got bounced in the Sweet 16 (again) the tournament could still provide some of the joy I've missed out on since 1985...when I was 2. For the past couple of years I've taken up residence in the heart of Georgetown, just a few blocks from the heart of campus. So yeah, last night was kind of awesome.

If you missed the game my pity for you runs deeper than Stillwater. Well fear not, YouTube and Viacom have put their billion dollar bitch-fest on hold so that you the viewer can experience the majesty all over again. But alas, Mr. Redstone is no fan of embedding videos (enemas on the other hand...). Follow the link to check out some quick highlights including J-Wall's game tying three (I called it long before the release and I have a No Masian witness).

As soon as that final buzzer sounded I grabbed my cigarettes and stepped outside to take in the revelry, I was not dissapointed. The Jesuits had taken to the streets.



What a field day for the heat.
A thousand people in the street,
Singing songs and carrying signs,
Mostly say, “Hooray for our side.”
It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down.


Thank God they didn't riot. Rumor has it the blogosphere's own Dan Steinberg served as an armed guard to defend Dean and Deluca's selection of artisanal cheese. By the grace of God my car was spared from the trampling. Let's just say that a little bit of lamb's blood goes a long way.

So at this point there are a few thousand college students clogging the streets, but what were they to do when the bottle rockets ran out? Well if you're celebrating the madness in DC the answer is simple, you march.



But wait! Where the hell are they going? If you aren't familiar with the area I'll break it down. That street you see in the video, that's M Street. Once you pass the Four Seasons it turns in to Pennsylvania Avenue, then it's just a mere thirteen blocks...



Oh you whacky Hoyas, like W is actually home. Maybe you should have marched to Crawford.

So yeah, it was a pretty crazy night but it was enjoyed by all. Of course Terps and 'Eers fans think they're all a bunch of pussies, not a single flaming sofa to be found.

To wrap up the lyrical theme of this post I'll turn it over to O.A.R. They're a decent band (if you like that kind of thing) from the DC area but they hit their stride as students at Ohio State, the very same school attempting to block the Hoyas from a return to the Finals.

What a long, long time.
Long, long time.
It's been a little old while since I felt so fine.
Wanderin' in the rain,
Losing my mind.
What a long, long time.
What a long, long time.


The best column of the day can be found at the WaPo. When Sally Jenkins is on her game she can be as good as it gets.

Note: I did not shoot these videos myself, I began the morning with a YouTube search and found some great stuff. There's plenty more goodness if you search around a bit.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/26

NCAA Men's Basketball Final, 1979
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.
Michigan State v. Indiana State. Couple of dudes by the name of Magic and Bird in this one, in the game that changed college basketball forever. Not much of a game really - Bird's Sycamores were overmatched from the start. But a joy to watch anyway.

Friday Night Lights
FX, 7:30 p.m.
The 2004 movie of Buzz Bissinger's classic book about the football culture at Permian High in Odessa, Texas. I've never seen this thing - people tell me it's good. People tell me the TV show is good too. I'm highly skeptical.

WWE Monday Night Raw
USA, 9 p.m.

It's here boys and girls: The final stop on the road to Wrestlemania 23. Usually these "go-home" shows are uneventful but things might be a little different tonight because Vince McMahon will be taking on Bobby Lashley. Here's hoping they don't test for steroids before this contest.

UCLA Dynasty
HBO, 10 p.m.

A new HBO doc about the glory years of UCLA basketball under coach John Wooden. Bill Walton, Sidney Wicks and Gail Goodrich are among the interviews.

Tonight Show with Jay Leno
NBC, 11:35 p.m.

Pete Rose is on with Jay. Lately Pete has swung the complete other direction from his years of denial about his baseball gambling habits - these days he's bragging all over the place about how he bet on the Reds damn near every night. Banged a lot of hookers too, God love him.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Good Times, Bad Times, Sunday Times

Check out Barry Bearak's piece on former Cubs prospect Adam Greenberg. On the very first pitch of his very first major league at-bat, Greenberg was beaned by journeyman reliever Valerio de los Santos. The pitch damaged Greenberg's inner ear which temporarily threw off his equilibrium and set in motion a chain of events which permanently damaged his prospects of making it in the bigs. His tragedy combines Cubs fans' and Jewish mothers' worst nightmares and eerily parallels the misfortunes of Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham, who never made it past the on-deck circle (but was immortalized in baseball's favorite tour de schmaltz: "Field of Dreams").

"Head Trip" is a fascinating story, told very competently by Bearak, who can't quite seem to get the quotes he wants out of Greenberg, whose discussion of his offseason business in housing foreclosures frustrates a story line that seems to want to head towards either high tragedy or inspirational comeback and doesn't quite achieve either. Regardless, we will be checking the Royal's minor league stats this summer and rooting for brother Greenberg, who deserved better treatment than he got from the Chicago Cubs, who will undoubtedly now have to add the curses of legions of Times reading Jewish grandmothers to the Curse of the Goat. They'll deserve it.

Onto the self-congratulation department...Check out page 40 of the T: Travel supplement where our homepretzels Jay, Oliver and Dan up at Bodega in Boston get big love and spread some in a No Mas direction. Mickey Duzyj's "Kid Dynamite" No Mas x 5Boro deck is up in the cut. Congratulations my dudes, and thank you for the light.

Sentimental Education

On this day in 1995, Mike Tyson was released from prison in Indiana after serving a three-year sentence for the rape of Desiree Washington in 1991.

Recently, I re-read a Pete Hamill article written for Esquire during Tyson's prison stay. Titled "The Education of Mike Tyson, " the piece documents a trip Hamill made to visit Iron Mike at the Indiana Youth Center in 1994. In retrospect, it's chilling reading, particularly in view of what has become of Tyson in the past few years - champion turned savage turned tabloid clown.

The picture Hamill paints of Mike in prison is that of a hungry-minded man who has woken from a nightmare and begun to reckon with the true essence of himself. Haunted by the spectre of his lost surrogate father, Cus D'Amato, Mike heeds the old trainer's words about the mind being just another muscle, and in confinement discovers that muscle's application. In the course of his discussion with Hamill, Tyson alludes to his reading list frequently, not as a man eager to show off his accomplishments, but as a wide-eyed student wrestling with a maelstrom of new ideas. Among his references are George Jackson's Soledad Brother, a history of the Haitian revolution, The Great Gatsby, Machiavelli, Candide, The Count of Monte Cristo ("I identify... with Edmond Dantes in the Chateau d'If. He was unjustly imprisoned too"), Hemingway, Francis Bacon, Tolstoy, biographies of Mao, Ghengis Khan and Cortez, Maya Angelou, Arthur Ashe's Days of Grace, and of course, the Koran.

This is a side of Tyson that rarely has been reported upon, the solitary searcher with a much more active and able brain than America ever wanted to believe of its feral, ghetto-born warrior. Mike converted to Islam in prison and for at least the duration of his sentence seemed affected by its tenets, discovering a potential for humility and discipline in himself that led to him look back on the excesses of his life outside with wonder and disgust. "It was all unreal," he says. "Want to go to Paris? Want to fly to Russia?... Let me have two of those and three of them and five of those. Nobody knows what it's like - fame, millions - unless they went through it... I had a thousand women, the best champagne, the fanciest hotels, the greatest meals - and it got me here."

He tells Hamill that when he gets out of prison he wants to go to college, that he wants to go back to Paris so he can visit the Louvre, that what he misses most about his life is bullshitting with his friends and flying his pigeons and talking to Camille Ewald (Cus's companion). All in all, he sounds like a crack addict who has gotten clean and is dizzy at the prospect of a different, more rewarding existence. "The pink cloud," they call it in recovery, the beginning of the journey to freedom.

Looking back, it's heartbreaking to know how soon after his release Tyson was puffing again on the vainglorious pipe, how soon college and the Louvre and the pigeons were sacrificed to the gods of hubris and chaos. Maybe the most ironic and saddest thing there is to say about Mike Tyson is that in all his misguided lifetime there was only one brief period when rays of sunshine dawned on his mind and he experienced intimations of what it might feel like to be a free man. And those were the years he spent in jail.

(Pete Hamill's Esquire article isn't available anywhere on the web. It appears in the collection Iron Mike: A Mike Tyson Reader)

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Doctors of Dunk

Two NCAA Finals were contested on this day in history, and two gravity-defying superstars were named the tournaments' Most Outstanding Players:

3/24/74
N.C. State 76, Marquette 64
The Wolfpack finished off the inevitable on this night in 1974, drubbing Marquette in the NCAA Final in what seemed like a formality after their semi-final conquest of the mighty UCLA Bruins, winners of the last seven NCAA championships and nine of the last ten. N.C. State was led by the Skywalker, David Thompson, one of the true pioneers of the above-the-rim game, he of the 48-inch vertical leap, he of the stupid-fly Pony's, he of the "look I invented the alley oop so back yourself up when you talk to me fool." Thompson scored 28 against the Bruins, and then 21 in the final to pace the Wolfpack over Marquette and their All-American superstar, Maurice Lucas. For his efforts, the Skywalker was named the Most Outstanding Player of the Tournament. One year later, he would be the first pick of the NBA Draft, and two years later, he would face off with Dr. J in the final of the first and arguably greatest slam-dunk competition at the ABA All-Star Game in Denver. Over three decades later, Thompson's number 44 remains the only number retired in N.C. State men's basketball history.

3/24/80 - Louisville 59, UCLA 54
This was Larry Brown's first season with the Bruins, a team that was not expected to even make it to the tournament, let alone the finals. Meanwhile, Louisville was a powerhouse in 1980 and dominated the tournament, led by the Doctors of Dunk - Rodney McCray and Dr. Dunkenstein himself, Darrell Griffith. Griffith won the Outstanding Player award after putting on an aerial show in the final, scoring 23 of his team's 59 points and landing some wicked slams over UCLA's star duo of Kiki Vandeweghe and Rod Foster. In the NBA draft that year, Griffith would go second to the Jazz, after Golden State's top-choice blunder of the great Joe Barely Cares.

Friday, March 23, 2007

This Week in No Mas



3/18
Decisions, decisions...
Large runs down Saturday's boxing action and its plethora of dubious decisions.

Birthday Birthday
A distinguished crew of born-todays, including Plimp, Sledge, the Wicked Pickett and the 22nd (and 24th) President of the United States.

Birth of a Chevy Nation
A Large rant on the ubiquitous "Our Country" Chevy ads currently marring the NCAA Tournament. "The ads now feel to me like this large wink-wink sales pitch to the red states - 'this country it belongs... to folks like you and me' - and we all KNOW who those folks are. They're not black or Latino or Asian or Jewish or, perhaps most emphatically, gay. They're man's men and women's women, white Republicans with their hats and their trucks and their unbearable nostalgia for a monochromatic past that never actually existed."

3/19
And we're back
Unsilent raves about Saturday's action in the tourney. "It was as if somewhere in Indiana Myles Brand rose from his coffin to flip the switch on the second round. On the third day there was action, and it was good."

K.O.W. - The Casablanca Clouter
For our Knockout of the Week, we turn to the great French champion, Marcel Cerdan, and his one-round destruction of Jose Ferrer in 1942.

Nitti Gritty
The anniversary of the suicide of infamous Capone-era gangster, Frank Nitti, who is among other things the nick-namesake of Flyers goalie, Antero Nittymaki.

3/20
Super Tuesday
A slew of born-today's, led by champion wood-chopper David Foster and champion femme fatale, Pamela Harriman.

Pawns in the Game
A review of Michael Weinreb's new book Kings of New York, which follows a championship high school chess team from Brooklyn through a tumultuous season. "...there's a lot to be learned about chess culture in this book, from the long shadow still cast by Bobby Fischer to the absolutism of the Elo ratings system to the rigors of the Washington Square hustling scene to the threat that the popularity of the high-stakes poker boom poses to the chess world at large."

3/21
Redemption on the Lost Saturday
Unsilent continues his the tale of his wild Saturday in transit, just one man trying to make it back to D.C. and catch some basketball action on the way.

Le Noble Art
Our Parisian correspondent, Madsear, sends us an eyewitness account of the Mormeck/Bell cruiserweight bout in Levallois last Saturday. "A few actors were shown on the big screen, all seeming bored out of their minds. The card girls were being chatted up by some rapper when the lights are dimmed and Don King nearly blinds half the crowd with an amount of ice I haven't seen since Jay-Z's last show."

Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor
Steve tells us about the day that German Karsten Braasch took on the Williams sisters back to back. "Braasch was there at the time, and he was ranked No. 203. He had had a couple beers that morning before playing a round of golf, but he said sure, he'd play them. He went out and beat Serena 6-1 and then Venus 6-2."

I'm that little bit of hope
Unsilent runs down his favorite unlikely stars from the opening weekend of March Madness.

3/22
Sharpshootin' with the Franchise
Franchise finally made it back, thank Jesus, from his fighting tour of the Midwest and got his ass down to some Sharpshootin'. What's on his mind? The steroids controversy, UFC's potential purchase of Pride, WM 23 and the deaths of Ernie Ladd and Arnold Skaaland.

Not with a whimper but a bang
The anniversary of Ali's last fight in the 1960's, his seventh-round knockout of Zora Folley. "The great tragedy of Ali's Vietnam exile from a boxing angle is that in '66 and '67 he had evolved into a type of athlete as yet unseen in the heavyweight ranks, and one we may never see again - a 212-pound man with power in both gloves and the agility and handspeed of an elusive middleweight."

The Greatest Fights of Large's Lifetime
Large gets all Franchise and counts down the top ten fights of his lifetime, all in response to a Bert Sugar clip on ESPN.com in which he counts down the greatest fights ever. I don't think I'm giving too much away when I tell you that the Thrilla in Manila is on both lists.

3/23
The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments
Oh people, we're getting down to the bone with this list - Franchise takes us into the top ten with the pioneering ladder match and a whole lotta Bret "The Hitman" Hart.

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 3/23 - 3/25

3/23
NCAA Regional Semifinals
CBS, 7 p.m.

Georgetown v. Vandy, North Carolina v. USC, Florida v. Butler and UNLV v. Oregon. Before you go wagering away your hard-earned loot, you be sure to check back with us for some advice from the sage Unsilent.

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.

The chairman of the board, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, makes a special appearance on Smackdown this week. Plus, Batista & The Undertaker put their 'Mania differences aside when they team up to face Finlay & King Booker.

Miguel Cotto v. Carlos Ramirez
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m., 12 a.m.

Some early Cotto, and some hyperviolence, as he puts the smack all over the overmatched Ramirez.

Friday Night Fights
ESPN2, 9 p.m.

The FNF headliner features somewhat hot welterweight prospect Delvin Rodriguez against Jesse Feliciano, a soupcan being served up for supper. This one should end quickly, but Rodriguez is definitely worth a look.

Jimmy Kimmel Live
ABC, 12:05 a.m.

The Maloofs (or as I like to call them, the "Mamalucs"), owners of the Sacramento Kings, are on with Kimmel tonight. I spend a lot of time out in the Sacramento area these days, and recently I went to a game at the Arco Center with a hardcore Kings fan who hates the Maloofs with a passion that divides nations. He pointed out that they made their fortune by owning casinos, which make all of their money off of suckers gambling on games they know nothing about. Now, however, it seems the Maloofs have fallen into that same trap with the NBA.

Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight
SHOe, 1:30 a.m.
All high in the wee wee hours alert. Bloodfist III... this shit is in a prison.

3/24
Jack Dempsey: The Early Years
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.
Footage of the Manassa Mauler from the fight where he won the heavyweight title from the Pottawatomie Giant, Jess Willard, along with clips from the Carpentier and Tommy Gibbons fights.

A Touch of Evel
ESPN Classic, 10 a.m.

A profile of one of the greatest sportsman of the 20th century, motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel. Watch this and just let the awesomeness roll over you in cascading waves of awesome.

Road to the Final Four
CBS, 3 p.m
If you're more like me than Unsilent, and you pretty much don't know what the hell is going on with the tourney but you want to watch the Elite Eight, well, this is the show for you... us.

NCAA Regional Finals

CBS, 4:30 p.m.

The aforementioned Elite Eight gets underway.

Mikkel Kessler v. Librado Andrade
HBO, 9:45 p.m.

If you haven't seen the Danish Hitman in action, here's your chance - Kessler is the WBC and WBA champ at 168 and he's got very heavy hands. Also, I believe that before the Kessler fight, HBO will replay last week's Barrera/Marquez bout.

Saturday Night Live
NBC, 11:30 p.m.

Peyton Manning hosts. Here's a behind-the-scenes look at rehearsals from the Indianapolis Star - "Manning seemed happy with his personal spin on a recurring sketch that features hillbillies describing the ridiculous circumstances that led to their ailments." Sounds fucking hilarious.

3/25
Classic Battle Lines
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.

Battle Lines sets up the Duke/Kentucky showdown in the '92 tournament, a.k.a. the Laettner Game.

Perfect Upset: The 1985 Villanova vs. Georgetown NCAA Championship
HBO, 7 a.m.

Great doc on the second biggest upset in the history of sport. Another piece of trivia - Franchise worked on this sucker, so you know the shit is good.


Hoosiers

AMC, 11:30 a.m.
Alright, boys, this is the last shot we got! We're gonna run the picket fence at 'em! Jimmy, you're solo right! Everett, hit Whit comin' across! Now, boys, don't get caught watchin' the paint dry!

U.S. v. Ecuador
ESPN2, 12 noon

An international friendly being played down in Tampa - the two teams haven't met since 2002.

NCAA Regional Finals

CBS, 2:30 p.m.

More Elite Eight action - at the end of this session, the Final Four will be set.

Fast Break
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m, 12 a.m.
A lost nugget from 1979 in which Mr. Kotter leaves the sweathogs and goes to coach a college basketball team. Ah Gabe Kaplan must still yearn for that 16-month period in the 70's when he could actually get a job.

Tough Enough
FMC, 10 p.m.

Dennis Quaid plays a country singer who decides to become a boxer. Warning - this movie is so bad that it goes all the way around to being awesome... but then goes around again to being even worse that it was in the first place.

Emile Griffith v. Dick Tiger, 1970
ESPN Classic, 12 a.m.

Are you kidding me? Emile and Dick Tiger in a super-middleweight battle from 1970? And at the Garden no less. Oh shit. I love you Classic... even though you fired me, I still love you. (Note - one of the judges for this bout was none other than Harold Lederman - "okay Jim, I gotta tell you...")

The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments

All right people, lot of countdowns on No Mas of late, but let's take it back to the real deal, as the Franchise gets into his top ten of all-time Wrestlemania moments. Today we're going from #9 to #6. Click here for #13-10, here for #23-19, and here for #18-14. And away we go...


#9: Sibling Rivalry
Wrestlemania X – Madison Square Garden, New York, NY
March 24, 1990

The Match:
Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart

The Moment: Bret Hart actually wrestled twice at WM X (he defeated Yokozuna to capture the WWF title) but it’s his match against his late brother Owen that everyone will remember. The build to this match was unforgettable and by the time the reluctant brother, Bret, stepped into the ring with his jealous brother, Owen, no one knew what to expect. In the end, Owen came out on top but I cant help but feel a little sad when I think back on this match that featured two men who had their careers cut way too short.


_________________________________________________

#8: Climbing the Ladder
Wrestlemania X – Madison Square Garden, New York, NY
March 24, 1990

The Match:
Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon (c)

The Moment: This match is widely considered as the genesis to all the amazing ladder matches of the next decade. The moves these guys pulled off were definitely the first of their kind.



_________________________________________________


#7: A Rattlesnake is Born
Wrestlemania 13 – Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, IL
March 23, 1991

The Match:
Bret “The Hitman” Hart vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin

The Moment: It’s not often that the loser of a match comes out looking stronger than the victor but that’s exactly what happened when Hart and Austin battled in a submission match at WM 13. The WWF pulled the old switcheroo by turning Hart heel and Austin babyface in one simple moment of defiance.



_________________________________________________


#6: The Boyhood Dream…
Wrestlemania XII – Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, CA
March 31, 1996

The Match:
Shawn Michaels vs. Bret “The Hitman” Hart (c)

The Moment: Alright, now we are getting into the “arguably the greatest match in Wrestlemania history” territory. Exhibit A: Bret vs. Shawn. Ironman match. Some doubted whether they could hold the crowd’s attention for 60 minutes. Did they ever…and then some.

Happy Sweet 16!

The only thing I can't stand about March (except for Billy Packer) is the interminable wait between the second and third rounds. If life were more like TiVo I would have started fast forwarding on Sunday night only stopping to occasionally check in on Gilbert and my Wizards. But alas, real life is a bitch. On Monday I contacted my health insurance provider to find out if they cover willfully induced comas. Cheap fuckers. I had no recourse.

Well now we can forget all of that, because today it's Thursday and in a matter of hours the Madness will return. This means no more sneaking looks at the Sportsline scoreboard at work (or missing entire games because of an afternoon flight), from now on it's all primetime. As Ray Charles once sang, "the night time is the right time." Just ask the former royal family of primetime television...



Vintage.

Now without further ado let's take a look at the four matchups that comprise tonight's double-dipped doubleheader.

7:10
Southern Illinois #4 vs. Kansas #1

Each team runs a very specific system and they obviously do it quite well. Whenever you get two talented teams with such divergent styles you're pretty much guaranteed to see an interesting game. Kansas is young, versatile, and their athleticism is awe-inspiring. They rebound and run as well as anybody in the country and when their shooting is on point they're as tough an out as anybody in the tournament. Meanwhile So. Ill came in to the tournament with the reputation of having the best defense in the nation. If anything last week's games elevated that rep. The Saluki's perimeter defense will be spread all over the floor this evening, the further out they push the more difficult it will be for Kansas to establish their half court offense. Once the Jayhawks work the ball inside (and they will) we'll be treated to a fantastic individual matchup.

Julian Wright vs. Randal Falker

Wright is 6'8" with the body of a swingman but he's shown the ability to dominate in the paint, especially on the glass. Tonight he faces one of the toughest interior defenders in the whole country. So Ill's chances of victory likely hinge on their dominating inside presence, Randal Falker. If he stays out of foul trouble and keeps up with Wright and the other long bodies on the front line they've got an excellent chance to stay in game.

7:27 (because 7:30 is bourgeois)
Texas A&M; #3 vs. Memphis #2

Nobody knows what's going on in this one, it's kind of like the matchup above without the talent disparity. A&M;'s perimeter defense is quite similar to Southern Illinois and Memphis relies on its length and athleticism. Each team has shown the ability to simply overwhelm their opponents all year by utilizing these strengths. Memphis' best shot to win will come under the basket. A&M has some athletes on the interior but it's likely not enough to deal with both Joey Dorsey and Robert Dozier. A&M;'s best chance is to hand the ball to Acie Law IV and step aside. His shot might be ugly but the results, much like the rest of his game, is undeniable in its beauty.

As of now there's been no update on the condition of Memphis' leading scorer, Chris Douglas-Roberts. The hyphenated swingman is still suffering through a sore ankle and Coach Cal' hasn't exactly been forthcoming. If I don't hear something soon I might send John Chaney over to practice for a little bit of up close interrogation.

9:40
Pitt #3 vs. UCLA #2

This very game could make or break my entire year as a sports fan. I like UCLA and I love Ben Howland, but tonight all the allegiances go out the window. I want to watch them suffer like Adam Morrison (the crying, not the diabetes) and I want to taste their sweet sweet tears.

Both teams play great defense and both teams have perfect balanced offensive attacks. This one is going to be an all-out battle, I'm just praying my side comes out ahead.

For more on the matchup check out Deadspin's Sweet 16 Pants Party from this afternoon. That's just good writing!

9:57
Tennessee #5 vs. Ohio State #1

By the time I switch over to this game I'll be too jubilant/high/anguished/drunk to comprehend the high definition images flying through my living room. For those of you planning to watch the game expect more of the same from Ohio State. They have a ton of talent but they have failed to exhibit the ability to put a team down on the mat. Seeing as how Tennessee is a team full of cold-blooded chuckers (and I mean that in the best possible way) the game should stay close down to the waning minutes. I'd really love to think that Chris Lofton could shoot his team past the unbearable Buckeyes but I'm still doubtful (unless Bruce Pearl shows up in drag, then it's anybody's game).

Enjoy yourselves tonight, I know I will.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Greatest Fights of Large's Lifetime

There's a clip on ESPN.com today that has Bert Sugar running down his top ten fights of all time with Brian Kenny. Here's his list:

1. Louis/Conn I, 1941
2. Tunney/Dempsey II, 1927
3. Ali/Frazier I, 1971
4. Graziano/Zale I, 1946
5. Moore/Durelle I, 1958
6. Ali/Frazier III, 1975
7. Marciano/Walcott I, 1952
8. Graziano/Zale II, 1947
9. Hagler/Hearns, 1985
10. Dempsey/Firpo, 1923

It's a sound list, not a lot of wild cards in there, although I scratch my chin at Dempsey/Firpo - obviously a barn-burner for two rounds, but still... you rate that higher than the Rumble in the Jungle? Louis/Conn is a real hobbyhorse of the old-timers, so I'll give that one a pass. I must say that I am not the biggest believer in the myth of Hagler/Hearns. A great three rounds for sure, but the fight on the whole does not compare in my book to the Shakespearean drama of Leonard/Hearns I. And my biggest beef with Bert's list is Moore/Durelle I - I've seen this fight many times, and it's an amazing testament to Archie Moore's resilience, but it's not one of the ten greatest fights of all time.

So... I of course need to offer a counter list, but I'm not going to go with an all-time list, because I don't feel quite qualified to rank the Graziano/Zale's and the Dempsey/Tunney's. Part of what makes a fight great is the stakes going in, the burden of expectation that the fighters are carrying. It's hard to assess this with the passage of time, as fights move from the realm of history into that of mythology. It can be done, obviously, but I'll leave it to the cigar-chompers who claim such evaluations as their birthright.

For myself, I only want to trade in the fights of my lifetime - August 11th, 1970 to the present. Without further ado, let's get ready to rumble... the envelopes please:

10. Larry Holmes v. Ken Norton - 1978
I'm sure that my tenth fight will be my most controversial, and there are obviously other very worthy candidates that I left off the list in lieu of this bout, chief among them in my mind being Morales/Barrera I and the aforementioned Hagler/Hearns. Yes, I admit there is some home-cooking going on here - Larry was local to my aunt and uncle and a big hero of mine growing up. But I also think the greatness of this fight has been overshadowed by time - I definitely think it's one of the top five heavyweight title fights ever. The 15th round alone makes it an instant candidate for immortality. Check it out - shit is straight up Rocky and Apollo, two men with absolutely nothing left reaching deep for the ultimate prize.




9. Bobby Chacon v. Bazooka Limon IV - 1982
The fourth fight between these two, this one with the WBC super featherweight title on the line. It's an absolute jaw-dropper, Castillo/Corrales material, with Chacon going down in 4th and the 10th but coming back to drop Limon in the 15th and get the UD. It's true that I'm a big Chacon fan, but I feel confident this fight belongs on the list.

8. Riddick Bowe v. Evander Holyfield I - 1992
No doubt, the best of this era-defining trilogy and possessed of one of the top ten rounds in history. Check it out for yourselves.




7. Muhammad Ali v. George Foreman - 1974
This is one of those fights that could be argued against solely for what transpires in the ring, because despite the fact that there was furious action at times, and the rope-a-dope is compelling just for being so bizarre, I still feel that if you watched this bout in a vacuum your mind would not be blown. But that's just not an option with the Rumble - this was one of the biggest stages for a heavyweight fight in the history of man, and Ali was such an enormous underdog that many thought he would be murdered in that ring. For the epic quality of the proceedings, and the miracle of Ali's victory, the fight must be on this list.

6. Diego Corrales v. Jose Luis Castillo I - 2005
Sixth? I can already hear you saying it. You have Castillo/Corrales sixth? Well, just wait and see what's ahead of it. I remain in complete awe of this fight, and simply don't understand how two human beings could take this much punishment and survive. The tenth round is one of those sporting moments that you just don't believe no matter how many times you watch it.




5. Aaron Pryor v. Alexis Arguello I, 1982
A junior welterweight championship bout so huge that it was held in the Orange Bowl. The fight itself justified the hype, as a back-and-forth war took place between the elegant but ferocious Arguello and the Tasmanian-devil-like tornado that was Aaron Pryor. Arguello looked like he would be knocked out in the 11th, and then came back in the 12th to put Pryor on queer street. Then the "mystery bottle" controversy occurred in Pryor's corner ("no no the one I mixed") and a rejuvenated Hawk went out eventually stopped Alexis in the 14th. Hands down, the fight of the 80's.

4. Julio Cesar Chavez v. Meldrick Taylor - 1990
Just a month after Tyson/Douglas, the boxing world was shocked again with a fight that had more drama than the entire history of Broadway. The preternaturally talented Meldrick Taylor (all love to Philly fighters) met up with the ultimate Mexican warrior, Chavez, and the bout that ensued is one that still incites passionate argument. Taylor dominated the fight until about the ninth round, at which point Chavez's relentless attack started to take it's toll. In the last three rounds, it boiled down to a classic fistic drama - could the wounded Taylor finish on his feet? The ending was flat-out unfathomable.




3. Sugar Ray Leonard v. Tommy Hearns - 1981
It's just impossible to recreate the hype that this fight generated. In my memory, but for Holmes/Cooney, it is the last true superfight, a boxing match so big that captivated all of America. Leonard/Hagler was big, but not this big - boxing was too far down queer street by 1987. And then the fight itself between Sugar Ray and Hearns was so unbelievable - it's like four fights in one, each of them great, each more heroic than the last.

2. Muhammad Ali v. Joe Frazier III, 1975
Someday I am going to sit down and do a close reading of this thing. It probably will take me about ten thousand words to do it justice. In short, Rocky/Creed I has nothing on The Thrilla. Joe Frazier said before the fight that he was prepared to die in that ring, and Ali said afterward that it was the closest thing to death he had ever known. Death was in the air that night, and if you've seen the fight, you know why - this was sport in the truly classical sense, hearkening to that ancient time when the only true end to a contest came when one of the combatants was truly vanquished.

1. Joe Frazier v. Muhammad Ali I, 1971
As good a fight as the Thrilla, and with both of them still in their primes. As I said on the anniversary of this fight a few weeks ago, maybe Johnson/Jeffries was bigger, maybe Louis/Schmeling... and I should probably throw Dempsey/Tunney on that list too. But this was undoubtedly the biggest fight of my lifetime, almost an allegory of civil war as much as it was a heavyweight title bout. It's hard for me to imagine such portent, such skill, such fury ever being matched again.

Not with a whimper but a bang

Forty years ago today, Ali fought his last bout of the 1960's, knocking out an old and overmatched Zora Folley in the seventh round of their heavyweight title fight at the Garden. It was just over a month after the Champ's "what's my name?" debacle with Ernie Terrell in Houston, and the fallout from that fight combined with his blunt refusal to fight in Vietnam had reinvigorated the anti-Ali sentiment in the public and the media.


Of course, no amount of public opposition could make the 35-year-old Folley into a worthy foe for Ali in 1967. The great tragedy of Ali's Vietnam exile from a boxing angle is that in '66 and '67 he had evolved into a type of athlete as yet unseen in the heavyweight ranks, and one we may never see again - a 212-pound man with power in both gloves and the agility and handspeed of an elusive middleweight. Watching his fights from that period, you almost have the feeling of a man who has cracked some grand mathematical code and is operating in another dimension than his opponents. As for his fight with Folley, Jimmy Ellis was probably giving the Champ harder sparring sessions that the bout that Zora put up that night. Ali put Folley down in the fourth and finished him in the seventh, looking for all the world as if he'd barely had a workout.

And that was that for the Ali decade in the ring. By the end of the year, he'd been convicted for refusing to serve in Vietnam and stripped of both his boxing license and his title. He would not fight again until October of 1970, when he began his comeback in Atlanta against that hard-as-nails Irish bridesmaid, Jerry Quarry.

(The video below is a short recap of the Folley fight and includes Ali's famous "you're being extremely truculent" exchange with Cosell.)

Sharpshootin' with The Franchise

(All right No Masians, your long trek through the combat Mojave is over - Franchise is back in the saddle and he means business - let's all welcome him back with a big flying hell-bow, and away we go...)

Yeah, and...?: The wrestling world is buzzing over the news that 11 current and former WWE wrestlers are being linked to a nationwide steroid investigation. SI.com first broke the news that TNA star and former Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle, the late Eddie Guerrero, Adam Copeland (aka Edge), Oscar Gutierrez (aka Rey Mysterio), Randy Orton, and Shane Helms, among others, had been prescribed various forms of drugs over the last few years. So, I will say it again: Yeah, and...? I can’t imagine anyone being dumb enough to think that steroids are not commonplace in the world of wrestling. They are and they always will be. That is until Vince McMahon stops pushing guys who look like Bobby Lashley to the moon. The bottom line is that wrestlers understand that the bigger you are the more successful you will be. If I had to guess, I would say that 90% if not more of the wrestlers in the WWE and TNA locker rooms are on some kind of drug. I wish it weren’t this way. I love professional wrestling more than anyone and, trust me, I would rather not see ‘roided up guys stumble around the ring when I can watch slimmer, more-talented wrestlers like CM Punk use their God-given ability. Unfortunately this is the nature of the business. When it comes to football or baseball, it is believed that the only way athletes will scare off of steroids is if a huge star suddenly dies. But in wrestling, we're way beyond that point. It seems like every week another wrestler passes away. Sadly, I foresee many more funerals to come.

Worlds Colliding: The latest rumeur du jour has it that the owners of the UFC, Lorenzo and Frank Fertitta, are on the verge of purchasing Pride Fight Championships. To say this would be the biggest news in the history of MMA would be the understatement of the century. Pride is by far the biggest MMA organization outside of the US (the UFC has a firm stranglehold on this market) but they seem to be on their last legs. Hence, UFC signing away top Pride stars like Mirko Cro Cop over the last couple of months. If this deal does go down there will be a plethora of dream matches ready to be signed. This situation is eerily similar to what happened with the WWF and WCW. In the mid-90s nobody was hotter than World Championship Wrestling. But by the start of the 21st Century, the tables had turned and the WWF had seized control over the wrestling world. Then, in March 2001, hell froze over when McMahon purchased WCW. Wrestling fans believed this would lead to a number of great PPVs over time but McMahon had no interest in promoting his former competitors so he basically buried all the WCW guys. That’s where the differences between the two purchases will end. Fortunately for us, UFC president Dana White can’t decide who wins and loses when former Pride fighters step into the Octagon with the UFC stars.

Wrestlemania Update: We are a mere 11 days away and I am not quite sure whether to be excited for the 23rd edition of “the granddaddy of ‘em all” or not. On one hand, they have done a great job promoting the top matches and making them seem relevant. On the other hand, they can promote them all they want but I am just not getting fired up for this card. We'll have a more in-depth preview of the show next week but let’s update you on where the card currently stands:

  • World Heavyweight Champion Batista vs. Undertaker
  • WWE Champion John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels
  • Battle of the Billionaires: Bobby Lashley w/ Donald Trump vs. Umaga w/ Vince McMahon – Special Guest Referee: Stone Cold Steve Austin
  • Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Randy Orton vs. Fit Finlay vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. King Booker vs. CM Punk vs. Edge vs. Mr. Kennedy
  • ECW Originals (RVD, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Sandman) vs. New Breed (Elijah Burke, Matt Striker, Kevin Thorn, Marcus Cor Von)
  • Women's Champion Melina vs. Ashley
  • Kane vs. The Great Khali
  • United States Champion Chris Benoit vs. MVP
I don’t know about you but there isn’t a match on that card that I am DYING to see. It just seems like any other PPV - which WM certainly shouldn’t be.

Rest In Peace: The last couple of weeks have been pretty rough for wrestling legends with the passings of “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd and Arnold Skaaland. Not only was Ladd one of the greatest wrestlers in the 1960s and 1970s, but he was also a pretty good football player too. He played for the San Diego Chargers from 1961 to 1965, starring on the Chargers’ 1963 AFL Championship team, and also played for the Houston Oilers and Kansas City Chiefs in the AFL. He appeared in four-straight AFL All-Star Games from 1962-1965. In 1961, in an effort to revive a struggling San Diego wrestling market, “Classy” Freddie Blassie brought Ladd in for a publicity stunt ala Lawrence Taylor coming to the WWF in the mid-90s. Unlike LT, however, Ladd realized that he enjoyed the wrestling ring more than the gridiron. The rest is history. The “Big Cat” wrestled for the NWA, Mid-South Wrestling, and the World-Wide Wrestling Federation (the precursor to the WWF), among other promotions. He was also a 1995 inductee to the WWF Hall-of-Fame.

A year before Ladd entered the HOF, Arnold Skaaland was honored as part of the 1994 class. While Skaaland’s in-ring wrestling career was impressive enough, he will be best known for his duties outside the ring as one of the industry’s best managers and most-liked personalities. He was one of the original employees of the WWWF and had been working behind-the-scenes for the company until his death last week. He also served as Andre the Giant’s agent, but most will remember him in his role as manager to Bruno Sammartino and Bob Backlund. He was even involved in one of the most famous moments in wrestling history when Backlund, managed by Skaaland, defended his WWF title against the Iron Sheik, managed by Freddie Blassie, on December 12, 1983 at MSG. It doesn’t get much better than this.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/22

NCAA Tournament - Regional Semifinals
CBS, 7 p.m.

Memphis v. Texas A&M;, Ohio State v. Tennessee, Kansas v. Southern Illinois, UCLA v. Pittsburgh. Not sure what games gets shown where, but look, who cares, because you'll watch whatever they give you. Check back here later in the day for Unsilent's preview.

Conan the Barbarian
AMC, 8 p.m.

First of all, this stars the great athlete Arnold Something-or-Other, and second of all, if you've studied your history, you know that in the Middle Ages, all barbarians were considered elite athletes. This was a tough movie for little Large - I loved it, but that scene where he's banging that ho and then she turns into a green vampire ho... that shit game me nightmares for weeks. It all too perfectly jibed with what I suspected women were up to in real life.

TNA Impact!
Spike, 9 p.m.

Eric Young goes up against The Austin Starr and an interesting main event as Sting & Abyss team up to face Christian Cage & AJ Styles. That, my friends, is why they call it Total Nonstop Action Wrestling.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I'm that little bit of hope / When my back's against the ropes

Each season the tournament casts its light on a select few players that can't help but catch your eye. I'm not talking about the All American leading his powerhouse program to the Final Four, I'm talking about the guy you probably wouldn't recognize on the street. Some of them only last a single game but it doesn't take long to recognize a guy hoisting his team on his back. Here's a look at my favorite individuals from the tournament's opening weekend (two from small schools and two from big schools).

Stephen Curry (Davidson)- Dell's kid is the main reason I decided not to ski on Thursday. The sharp-shooting wiry frosh is the reason people love the first round. The baby faced assassin was killing Maryland from deep before he started to run out of gas. Even when his shots weren't falling he was able to contort his lithe frame into every crevice made available by Maryland's staunch defense. The second leading freshmen scorer in the country (behind Durant) is going to be a big factor in March for years to come.

Eric Maynor (VCU)- Under normal circumstances a guy with balls that big should consult a physician. If Duke had somebody like that on their roster they probably wouldn't have become the first round's lone upset. Unlike other mid major standouts Maynor didn't carry his team on his jump shot alone (he only attempted two 3's in as many games). Instead he relied on a devastating mid range game and outstanding vision (8 dimes per) to lead his team over Coach K's Young Leaders of America. If that wasn't enough he cemented his spot on this list when he guided his team back from a 19 point deficit to force Pitt into overtime.

Derrick Byars (Vanderbilt)- It's hard to imagine that people still aren't fully aware of the SEC's Player of the Year. In addition to being a total joy to watch he's also been the tournament's Most Outstanding Player through two rounds. Whether he's defending his basket in the final three seconds of regulation or filling up the stat sheet you can't take your eyes off of him.

J.R. Reynolds (UVA)- Another well-established player who doesn't get the national recognition that he truly deserves (even if he did go to Oak Hill). Fellow guard Sean Singletary attracts a lot of the media's attention because of his penchant for the dramatic but it's J.R. that carried the offensive burden. He can, and will (9/18 on 3's), shoot from all over the floor with enough moves to elude any defender. In his two tournament games he averaged 27 points on over 58% from the field. Apparently I'm in the minority but I think the senior can become an excellent bench scorer in the NBA.

Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor

Steve - I heard a story once about an unnamed low-ranked player on the men's tour - apparently an asshole (the intimation was that it was Jeff Tarango) once got into an argument with the Williams sisters on a practice court and then ended up playing them. The story went that he beat each of them in succession at love. So, first of all - is there even a shred of truth to that story as far as you know? And then, how far are the women from being able to compete with the men? Is the gap bigger now than in the wooden racket days? What happens when they practice together?


You're off with the story, but not too far off. The player in question was Germany's Karsten Braasch (that's him on the right), a man who smoked 15 cigarettes a day and owned a serve that involved him running toward the baseline and leaping as he hit the ball. He took a set off Pete Sampras at Wimbledon once.

About 10 years ago, as the Williams sisters were starting their rise up the rankings, there was some talk about how the women were gaining on the men in strength and size, and perhaps they could finally challenge them. The Williamses had watched a player ranked around No. 200 in the world and thought they could beat him. They went to the men's tour offices at a tournament and asked to play with a man ranked around No. 200. Braasch was there at the time, and he was ranked No. 203. He had had a couple beers that morning before playing a round of golf, but he said sure, he'd play them. He went out and beat Serena 6-1 and then Venus 6-2. (It should be noted that four years earlier Braasch had been ranked as high as No. 38 in the world, so he was no slouch.)

The consensus is that the top women in the world would be competitive with men who are second-tier college players. There's the power difference, but the most crucial element seems to be speed. Maria Sharapova practices with an ex-pro named Michael Joyce, a guy who never cracked the Top 50 as far as I know, and there's no comparison in how they move around the court. I would say the gap is bigger now than it was in the wood racquet days—in the early 70s, the men and women actually played very similar all-court, slice-backhand-based games (again, not at the same speed). The difference in power was not as great, and the men had not developed the huge topspin they use now (the women, for the most part, have not become heavy topspin hitters even with bigger racquets).

Martina Navratilova, at the height of her success in the early 80s, when she was dominating the women, also entertained the notion of competing against men. For some reason, Vitas Geruilaitis was offended by this idea and challenged her to play the No. 100 man in the world. He even named the guy who was ranked No. 100 that week on TV. I don't think the guy wanted anything to do with it, and the challenge died.

Steve Tignor is the executive editor of Tennis magazine. For more of his writing, check out his weekly column, The Wrap, on the Tennis website.

Le Noble Art

(Our man in Paris, the one and only Madsear, sends his report of the Mormeck/Bell donnybrook from last Saturday.)

We arrived at 7.40 pm at the Palais des Sports Marcel Cerdan of Levallois-Perret and the atmosphere was electrifying. The palace was already packed and it was difficult to find nice places to fit us all. After a few minutes and a few smiles, our ladies snagged us six seats next to each other. We sat down and began to enjoy the festivities, beginning with a little rugby action (the last game of the Rugby VI Nations, Wales vs England), moving on to the French welterweight championship (Brice Faraji over Anthony Gaillet) and the European light heavyweight championship between Frenchman Christophe Canclaux and Spaniard Jaume Pons. What a fight this last bout was - in his first bout out of Spain, Pons promised he would not go down, and he made good on it, taking a world of punishment. By the end of the fight everybody was torn between their chauvinism and the fact that the underdog was actually worth rooting for. Canclaux won a unanimous decision, but it was an excellent fight and an excellent appetizer for the night's big event.

Before the Canclaux fight, the atmosphere heated up when the speaker announced that the fighters were now both in the building, and the giant screens cut to a live feed from the locker rooms. The crowd immediately started chanting "Mormeck, Mormeck....". Once the Canclaux fight was over, that energy boiled over. World Champ Souleymane Mbaye passed us by in a very sharp suit and I screamed "Souly..." like the groupie I am and he shook my hand. He looked extra happy and didn't seem too marked by his battle last week in Liverpool. Jean-Claude Bouttier hugged him and they both sat at the Canal+ table for a pre-fight interview.

A few actors were shown on the big screen, all seeming bored out of their minds. The card girls were being chatted up by some rapper when the lights are dimmed and Don King nearly blinds half the crowd with an amount of ice I haven't seen since Jay-Z's last show. The song by 357 entitled "Sur Le Ring" starts blasting and at some point you hear "Voila Mormeck, t'es mort mec...(here's Mormeck, you're dead homie...)" and the crowd goes wild. A very heavy-set man (who later turned out to be Richie Giachetti, ex-trainer of Larry Holmes) follows as the West Indian enters the ring the crowd goes berserk.

We wait a few for Jean-Marc to get set when Bell starts his walk-in abd Sizzla's "Solid as a Rock" comes through the speakers. Not in its original version mind you but in the remixed form made popular by Ja Rule's song "The Crown". "They can't keep a good man down, Always keep a smile when they want me to frown, Keep the vibes and i stood my ground, They will never ever take my crown....". The choice was so corny that it made me want even more for Mormeck to be the 50 Cent to his Ja Rule. Supernova enters the Palais and everybody started booing like I've never seen someone get booed before. He didn't seem to mind, kept a big grin on his face.

The fight itself was an oddity. Mormeck started this one like the one before, attacking relentlessly and trying to hurt his opponent as much as he wanted. After a nice first round, the fight was headed for the No Mas Hall of Fame, two highly skilled pugilists getting it on as you rarely see anymore in the heavier categories. The Frenchman was trying to put his opponent under pressure but Bell semed unfazed by his many attempts at knocking him out, even answering some of Mormeck's ferocious punches with a smile.

For the next four rounds, it was blow for blow and the two champions were giving us a show far superior to the one they offered us in NY a year ago. The whole house stood up when it seemed like Bell was about to hit the canvas in the fourth, but like the great champ he is, he let Mormeck exhaust himself and went to his corner behind point-wise but clearly in better physical shape then JMM.

Arrives the sixth round. Two very strange things happen. Everybody is loving Mormeck and I seem to be the only one in my vicinity to remember that the same tactics got him in trouble the last time he used it. He starts the round like a beast and looks like he intends to finish the fight immediately because it becomes obvious that the energy discharge is taking its toll on him. But something horrible happens. The last minute of the round is a very strange throwback to the Madison Square Garden last year. Bell shows why he holds the belts and literally punishes Mormeck at the end, sends him to his corner staggering.

That minute's rest and maybe the very surprising fact that the speaker started announcing the judges' markings and who they were in favor of ("74-78 Mormeck, 74-78 Mormeck, 74-79 Mormeck") were both crucial factors for the end of the fight. Mormeck changed strategies and started running from Bell Prince Naseem-style. Hitting once or twice and putting himself out of reach to both breathe and push his opponent to come fight him. It was strange, very unsportsmanlike as well. Everybody stood up when Bell went down believing he had been knocked down but it was a low blow on Mormeck's part. The crowd kept rooting for Mormeck until the end even as his permanent running rendered the end of the fight unwatchable. He had his 4 points advantage and intended to keep it that way. He won by an Unanimous Decision in a fight that he deserved to win, but the ending blew away the potential of this confrontation to be a 2007 FoY contender.

As Mormeck was holding his belts, Souleymane Mbaye joined him on the ring and the two French World champs greeted the crowd as a very enthusiastic Don King kept screaming "Vive la France, Vive Jean-Marc Mormeck...", holding 17 mini-flags and sporting the ugliest denim jacket known this side of the Atlantic.

The fight didn't end there as it seems JMM and Bell started fighting again at the press conference when Bell shouted at him that he was "Facticious" and that he should be ashamed of himself and that he, Bell, was still the real champ. That altercation took place after the fight and seems to be a great setting for the third bout, the one that we ironically call in french "La Belle"...




MORMECK
envoyé par djeph

Redemption on the Lost Saturday

This is a continuation of "...And We're Back!"


If you are any kind of a fan of the greatest annual sporting event in America then you must have enjoyed this past Saturday. I spent half of the in transit from Denver to DC and even that personal hell could not diminish the magic of the NCAA Tournament's opening weekend.

As I mentioned earlier, things all started with the interstate battle between the powerhouse of Ohio State and the scrappy Jesuits from Xavier. When I had to vacate the airport bar to wade through sunburned masses in the security line the game didn't seem like anything special. I was immediately worried that the second round might be as uneventful as the first--I was wrong.

By the time I deplaned the rest of you had been treated to the first real drama of March; overtime is a beautiful thing. The game wasn't pretty (watching Ohio State is like watching whoever is left in Serie A) but it got the job done. It was as if all the tournament needed was a little bit of crappy free throw shooting and one big shot.

Once I was safely in the terminal it was a dead sprint to the nearest television. As soon as I caught the scores we were in the midst of more drama than I'd seen since my last middle school dance (six weeks ago...I'm getting help). First it was Butler answering my prayers by kicking Gary Williams' sweaty ass out of the tournament. I like to imagine him licking his wounds over his usual chicken wings and ketamine. Then it was my man Acie Law IV who stepped up and drove that schmuck Rick Pitino out of Lexington once and for all.

My car ride home was dominated by the local broadcast (as well it should be). As soon as the station came on I knew I was missing even more greatness, at this point I saw no reason to abide by the posted speed limits. Things were getting serious. I was thrilled to hear the cheers after Jeff Green's putback dunk sent shockwaves through the crowd. The screams were so loud I was sure Al Skinner's teeth had created a mass panic. As you know by now Georgetown flashed their dominance and put the Eagles down for good.

I parked the car illegally (how can they give you two tickets for the same infraction?), dodged all of the drunken Georgetown fans/Irish revelers, and ran into my apartment. The Georgetown game was over and it was finally time to watch my Pitt Panthers.

But what's all this then? Vandy and Wazzu are still playing?

If it wasn't such an amazing game I would have been seriously pissed. Derrick Byars' block at the end of regulation was the most crucial defensive play I've seen since Hakim Warrick's blocked shot that finalized Syracuse's title. Two overtimes later and I could happily say that I'd seen the culmination of the best game of the tournament.

That feeling lasted about a quarter of a second. Because the next thing I knew Pitt's Levance Fields was at the line in a tie game with 2.1 seconds to play. In all the excitement I hadn't noticed that Virginia Commonwealth had eaten away at Pitt's seemingly invincible lead. Nineteen points! What the fuck just happened!?! I sat breathlessly on the couch. Even though our point guard was at the line I was too jittery to smoke a bowl. I really could have used that bowl. First shot: clank. Second shot same as the first. I immediately channeled my childhood hero and let out a "You cannot be serious!" that would have started Johnny Mac himself.

By the time Pitt wrapped things up in overtime I was no longer interested in drama, I was just trying to not pass out. Fields followed up his free throw debacle with a huge three the open up the extra frame which was immediately followed by an emphatic pounding of the chest. Straight up Brooklyn and I wouldn't have it any other way.

After the most boring first round in my lifetime Saturday hit me like a Jesse Spano size hit of speed. The magic was back.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/21

The Endless Summer II
IFC, 5 p.m.

Twenty-eight years after the original, Bruce Brown made a sequel to his seminal 1966 surfing documentary. This one stars Pat O'Connell and Wingnut Weaver.

Bull Durham
Comedy Central, 2 a.m.

Yeah, I was in the show. I was in the show for 21 days once - the 21 greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the show, somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Pawns in the Game



NO MAS BOOK REVIEW


The Kings of New York

Michael Weinreb

(Gotham Books, 288 p.)






The dust-jacket of this book contains an effusive blurb from the august Chuck Klosterman - "The Kings of New York is the Friday Night Lights of high school chess." Well, that's certainly what I was hoping for when I first read about Weinreb's project, following an unlikely championship chess team from Brooklyn through an entire season of tournaments and turmoil, and in the process shining a light on the unlikely world of New York City's youth chess subculture.

Unfortunately, this book falls far short of the mastery of Friday Night Lights, which is a shame, because there's a great book to be written here. The problem, I think, is the author's scope. He tries to do far too much, to tell the story of every character even remotely connected to his story, and thus ends up with a book that at times is so disjointed and wrought with dead ends that it's difficult to plow through to the finish. Is this a book about the dying public school system in New York City? Is it about the success of the various youth chess programs the city offers? Is it a layman's history of chess in the last forty years? Or is it a book about a single high school chess team in Brooklyn that has defied the odds and become the best and most recognized team in the nation?

By far Weinreb is at his strongest when he sticks close to the latter, focusing his energies on the chess team at Edward R. Murrow high school in the Midwood neighborhood of Brooklyn. He brings the young personalities to life without pandering and does a thorough job of charting the diverse paths that brought the team together - Oscar Santana, Willy Edgard and Shawn Martinez, the Latino ne'er-do-well savants who are almost as obsessed with late-night poker games as they are with chess, Sal Bercys and Alex Lenderman (pictured right), petulant and enigmatic Eastern European transplants who happen to be two of the best young chess players in America, and Ilya Kotlyanskiy, the team captain, a Ukrainian immigrant who defies all the chess stereotypes by being handsome, together, and driven to succeed in the world outside of chess, which, it seems, often hinders him in a pursuit that demands a single-minded obsession bordering on madness.

One character of this team that I could have done with a little more investigation of is the mastermind of the whole Murrow chess phenomenon, teacher and coach Eliot Weiss. Weiss seems like one of those inner-city saints who lives and toils in relative anonymity while doing work that in a more just world would put him on the cover of magazines. He singlehandedly built his chess program into a nationwide powerhouse through tireless devotion, recruiting his players from youth chess programs in NYC - The Right Move and Chess in the Schools - to field a public school squad of misfits that consistently defeats the elite private school teams in the city, not to mention all of the other high school chess teams in the United States.

In the end, I was captivated by this aspect of the story, particularly the last fifty pages or so, when Weinreb drops his constant shuffling between narratives and focuses on the Murrow team and its struggles at the state and national tournaments. For that alone, The Kings of New York is a worthy read. And even beyond the charming personalities of the Murrow players, there's a lot to be learned about chess culture in this book, from the long shadow still cast by Bobby Fischer to the absolutism of the Elo ratings system to the rigors of the Washington Square hustling scene to the threat that the popularity of the high-stakes poker boom poses to the chess world at large. I warn you, though - you'll learn all of this in the most haphazard fashion imaginable, almost as if you were being regaled by a chess player himself, one of the idiot savant variety you see at the tables in the park, bearded and wild-eyed and a font of privileged information, if only you can decipher the inscrutable code that governs his stream of consciousness.

Super Tuesday

Lot of muscle in today's born-today's, starting with that bohemoth world-champion woodcutter above, and moving on to a Sting who does not play bass, the Knicks' greatest fan and (sadly) their best player, Pete Sampras's coach, the second best hockey player who ever lived, the biggest blowhard in sports media, one half of the flashiest brother-quarterback combo in history, the one man holy trinity of player/coach/hairdo, the athlete who morphed into a jam band, the shoe-changing-est S.O.B. who ever set foot in the hood, and two fine ho's of the highest order, one who slayed the leading statesmen of her era, and one who slayed our teenage hearts in SI.














































































No Mas TV Guide - 3/20

1972 Olympic Basketball SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
A half-hour profile of the infamous gold-medal game at the Munich Olympics between the USSR and the USA in which the Soviets were given three chances at a game-winning buzzer-beating shot, the third of which went in and won them the gold medal. It remains one of the most controversial moments in Olympic history.

John Duddy v. Alfredo Cuevas, 2006
VS., 7 & 11 p.m.

If you're not on the John Duddy train yet, you might as well hop on now, because this kid is going to be big, even if he doesn't become a big-time champion. He could easily be the Arturo Gatti of his generation, and just won himself the IBA middleweight crown this past Saturday at the Garden, a meaningless belt yes, but still one wonders how much longer it will be before he makes a marquee fight. This fight against Cuevas is from the Malignaggi/Cotto card last June.

Evander Holyfield v. Carlos De Leon, 1988
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

Just as with Pernell, I get the feeling that Classic made some deal for a bunch of Holyfield fights in the last six months, because man they've been rolling out some nuggets that they never used to show. This dates back to Evander's cruiserweight days, and the night he unified the 190 belts by stopping Carlos De Leon (who, I must point out, had the audacity to nickname himself "Sugar").

UFC Unleashed
Spike, 9 p.m.

Featured fights include: Forrest Griffin vs. Elvis Sinosic, David Terrell vs. Evan Tanner, Jeff Monson vs. Brandon Lee Hinkle and Tim Sylvia vs. Cabbage Correira.

ECW
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
Still fuming after having his masterlock broken for the first time, Chris Masters comes to ECW to challenge Bobby Lashley.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Nitti Gritty

The nickname-sake of Flyers' goalie Antero Nittymaki, and also the man that he has painted on the side of his goalie mask, committed suicide on this day in 1943.

The man in question is the Prohibiton-era gangster, Frank "The Enforcer" Nitti, one of Al Capone's smartest and most trusted lieutenants. When Capone went to jail for tax evasion in 1930, Nitti became the de facto boss of the Chicago Mafia on the street, a position he held until 1943 when, facing a long prison term for extortion, he shot himself by the train tracks near his home in Riverside, Illionis.

As an underboss to the most famous mobster of all time, Nitti has experienced quite an afterlife in American pop culture - as a recurring character in the 50's television series The Untouchables, in the 1975 movie Capone, where he was played by Sylvester Stallone, in Brian De Palma's movie version of The Untouchables, and in the 2002 movie Road to Perdition, in which Stanley Tucci portrayed him as a sober-headed but savage right-hand man to Capone, part Tom Hagen and part Sonny Corleone. He has also been referenced in numerous rap songs ("we stormed the city, shootin shit up like Frank Nitti...") and now, of course, he lives on in perhaps his strangest manifestation yet, emblazoned on the helmet of a Finnish hockey goaltender due to a nickname bestowed by former Flyers coach (and evident classic mafia enthusiast) Ken Hitchcock.

K.O.W. - The Casablanca Clouter

I heard the name "Marcel Cerdan" quite a few times on Saturday, as the Mormeck/Bell fight was held in the arena in Levallois that is named after the great Algerian-born French champion. Cerdan was a heroic fighter with knockout power in both hands, and it seemed to me time that we gave him a little love in the Knockout of the Week forum.

Of course, The Casablanca Clouter is most famous for two fights - his destruction of Tony Zale in 1948 to become world middleweight champion (you can watch the final rounds of that fight here) and his bout with Jake LaMotta a year later, when he retired due to a dislocated shoulder and lost the title to the Bronx Bull, a fight that is depicted in Raging Bull.

Sadly, that was Cerdan's last fight. While flying to the States for his rematch with LaMotta in October of '49, his plane went down and everyone aboard was killed. Cerdan remains a beloved figure in France today, for his furious fighting stlye and for the glamourous life that he led, which included an affair with the uber-chanteuse Edith Piaf (that's the two of them together on the left).

For our Knockout of the Week, I've chosen the Clouter's one-round destruction of Jose Ferrer in 1942 for the European welterweight title. By my count, Ferrer goes down six times in the round before the killing blow, and each time due to a perfectly-placed right hook. Watching this, I can't help but think that the Spaniard's corner might have done well to urge their man to take an eight-count here and there during that onslaught of knockdowns. But then, such is the clarity of hindsight.

...And We're Back!

There was blood in the water, Old Dominion had failed me. The sharks were circling when Georgia Tech and Villanova became first round casualties before they could ever reach the Sweet 16. Then I was saved by the Commodore. Commodore. Commodore...this guy...

Give me all three! Oh how sweet it is.

Vandy's double overtime thriller invigorated my bracket but the tournament itself received its jumpstart several hours earlier. It was as if somewhere in Indiana Myles Brand rose from his coffin to flip the switch on the second round. On the third day there was action, and it was good.

It all started at the Battle of Ohio, which was fittingly decided next door in Kentucky. It was in Adolph's house of ill-repute that the year-long question could finally find it's answer--How would Thad's youngin's respond when they were pushed to the limit in March?

Apparently they'll push right back.
Great Oden's Raven! Way to keep your composure big guy.

As you probably heard by now the giant Norseman was bailed out by some confounding combination of questionable coaching, free throw chokeration, and a certified dagger courtesy the team's elder statesman, Ron Lewis (the role player for the Buckeyes, not the Southern Baptist Congressman who's probably in to role play). With the pushy old guy fouled out Xavier thought they had another chance in overtime, yet we were cruelly denied our first real upset of the tournament.

But as I soon learned, this was all just the beginning.

Saturday's early action provided a clear indication that the tournament was heading in the right direction. Unfortunately the only direction I was headed was the United terminal in Denver. After the requisite St. Patrick's Day pre-noon beer I had to board that damn plane. Xavier and Ohio State were still in the first half and I had no idea what was in store for me upon landing back in DC.

To be continued...

No Mas TV Guide - 3/19

Lakers v. Celtics, 1987
ESPN Classic, 6:30 p.m.

Game four of the '87 finals, the last year the Lakers and the Celtics faced off for the championship. L.A. comes back to win it on a last-second Magic baby-hook after being down 16 in the third quarter.

WWE Raw
USA, 9 p.m.

It's Wrestlemania reversal night on Raw, whatever the hell that is. Look, Franchise is on vacation - I have no idea what I'm talking about here.

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
CBS, 11:35 p.m.

John Mellencamp is on the show. Maybe he'll sing "This is our country." I haven't heard that song in a while.

The Great White Hope
AMC, 3:15 a.m.

A film from 1970 of the famous play by Howard Sackler starring James Earl Jones as controversial heavyweight champion Jack Jefferson, a thinly-veiled version of Jack Johnson. A great movie, highly recommended No Mas viewing material. (Ali saw this play and then went backstage to tall Jones, "That's my story... you take out the issue of white women and replace it with religion and that's my story right there.")

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Birth of a Chevy Nation


In the veritable onslaught of basketball I've been submitting myself to the past few days, I have learned a few important things - I don't know shit about college basketball, Miller Lite is an award-winning pale ale respected around the world, and the United States of America belongs to white people in cowboy hats who drive pick-up trucks.

The "This Is Our Country" Chevrolet ad campaign started, in my memory, around the time of the NFL playoffs, and at first they ran a full one-minute video of images from American history that included Ali (I believe it was the Champ knocking down Zora Folley), MLK and Rosa Parks, all set to the lyrics that in the most banal of terms (the song, after all, is borne of the hit factory known as Mellencamp) celebrate American individualism:

Well I can stand beside
Ideals I think are right

And I can stand beside
The idea to stand and fight

I do believe

There's a dream for everyone

This is our country


Of course, this type of bullshit is offensive, the association of historical moments to a brand name, the implication that such courageous acts could possibly have some link to what kind of truck you drive (not even to get into the fact that a supposed outspoken individualist like Johnny Cougar Mellencamp wrote a song intended for a car commercial). But whatever - you see this crap all the time ("Jesus wore khakis") and that's American life in the advertising age.

Lately, though, these "Our Country" ads have been truncated into something that is truly insidious, particularly when we all as sports fans are being subject to them over and over and over again. Ali and Rosa Parks are long gone... all people of color are gone... everyone is gone who is not a white person in a cowboy hat or a baseball cap driving a truck in some idyllic Midwestern farm-based paradise. The only lyrics of the song left in the ad are, "And this country it belongs to folks like you and me... this is OUR country."

Personally, I don't care if Chevy puts black people or Asians or white people like me (a.k.a. non-cowboy-hat-wearing ones) in their ads. They know who their audience is, and it ain't Manhattan, and it sure ain't the South Bronx. Fat Joe doesn't rap about the rodeo either. Fine. But when the forum is so enormous, and the soundtrack so possessive, so alienating, so absolute, it starts to become offensive. The ads now feel to me like this large wink-wink sales pitch to the red states - "this country it belongs... to folks like you and me" - and we all KNOW who those folks are. They're not black or Latino or Asian or Jewish or, perhaps most emphatically, gay. They're man's men and women's women, white Republicans with their hats and their trucks and their unbearable nostalgia for a monochromatic past that never actually existed. In short, they're a car company's idea of the Aryan race.

Birthday Birthday

Quite a list of born-todays we've got today, including... three Winter Olympics gold medalists, two shoutouts to the Franchise (including the best name in professional baseball today), two brilliant footballers, a football legend and a son of a football legend, one of Large's favorite writers and one of his least favorite, two iconic cyclists, the fifth best chess player in the world, one entirely wicked soul singer, and finally, one of the more underrated presidents in American history, and more importantly, the namesake of arguably the greatest pitcher ever to set foot between the foul lines.











































































































Decisions, decisions...

I didn't watch the Barrera/Marquez fight. I watched Mormeck/Bell earlier in the day and a shitload of basketball, and by the night time I'd realized that I just didn't feel like Barrera/Marquez was worthy of $50 PPV money.

Based on what I'm reading, I feel justified. Had someone been dramatically knocked out, I would have regretted missing it, but that wasn't going to happen, and it didn't. According to the scorecards, Marquez won a convincing unanimous decision, although Barrera and many observers seem to think that he won the fight and that the decision was a sham. He claims that he was repeatedly hit low. Meanwhile, he lost a point for hitting Marquez while he down on the canvas after a slip, a slip that based on the replays I've seen should have been ruled a knockout. That was a two-point swing for Marco right there. After the fight, Marquez offered Barrera an immediate rematch. Here's hoping he doesn't take it, and Marquez goes on to fight Pacquiao instead.

One of the undercard fights resulted in a hotly disputed decision as well, as Demetrius Hopkins, nephew of Bernard, won a lopsided unanimous decision over "Contender" finalist Steve Forbes that almost everyone is writing today was a grave injustice.

And then let us turn to the Mormeck/Bell fight earlier in the day. I'm not going to write too much about this bout, because I'm eagerly awaiting Madsear's ringside account, but let me just tell you this if you didn't happen to see it - it was a bizarre affair, a fight that in its first half was shaping up as FOY material, and in the second half turned into something resembling a vaudeville show. Mormeck dominated the slugfest that was the first seven rounds of the fight, but then as he lost steam in the late rounds he ran from Bell - and when I say "he ran" I do not mean it euphemistically. He did not get on his bicycle a la Sugar Ray Leonard - at times he literally turned his back and scurried all the way across the ring, leaving Bell watching him and shaking his head. A more dramatic project of evasion I have never seen - Oscar fought Tito toe-to-toe in the late rounds of their bout compared to this display. In the end, the Frenchman escaped on his feet, and was awarded the UD, which he certainly had earned. But I tell you people, wins like these are marred for me - the sight of the ultimately victorious warrior turning tail to protect a points-lead is always a little lame. I also think that had the fight been scored in the ole U.S. of A., Mormeck might have come out with a loss, or at the very least a draw. When you try and protect a lead by running in a Stateside fight, you are practically begging the judges to steal it from you. Ask Oscar about that one.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

The Gentleman Takes a Bow

One hundred and ten years ago today in Carson City, Nevada, an era ended in boxing history - Ruby Robert Fitzsimmons became the heavyweight champion of the world by knocking out Gentleman Jim Corbett with his infamous solar plexus punch. Corbett had held the title since 1892, when he'd done what had then seemed next to impossible, defeating the great John L. Sullivan.

Fitzsimmons was an unlikely heavyweight contender and foe for Corbett. Nearly six feet tall and still a natural middleweight, Fitz had already won the middleweight crown six years beforehand by beating the Nonpareil, Irish Jack Dempsey (no relation to the Manassa Mauler). Ruby Robert was born in Cornwall and moved to New Zealand as a child, where he apprenticed as a blacksmith, a fact to which many attributed his frightening punching power (myself I just imagine him built on the Tommy Hearns model and need no evidence of smithery to be swayed).

Fitz lost years of his career trying to lure Corbett into the ring, but the Gentleman, having won the title, was not so gentlemanly about defending it, spending much of the five years between the Sullivan and Fitzsimmons fights appearing in plays and vaudeville shows. When The Fighting Blacksmith was finally given his shot at Corbett, his Cornish temper was boiling over - the two came to blows at a Philadelphia hotel just months before the bout took place.

Corbett carried the early portion of the fight with his superior boxing skills, reddening Fitz's face with his jackhammer jab, his most effective weapon. In the sixth, the Gentleman caught the challenger flush with a left hook that sent him to the canvas - Fitz made it to his feet just at the count of nine, a fact that was to be much disputed in the fight's aftermath.

As is so often seen in the ring, the tide turned after a knockdown, as in the seventh Corbett wearied from his furies of the previous round and Fitz began to press the action. He softened up the Gentleman for the next six rounds, and then in the fourteenth, landed a knockout blow that would become his trademark. Here's how ole Bert Sugar describes it in his book, "100 Years of Boxing":

"The punch itself came after Corbett pulled back from a Fitzsimmons feint to his head, intending, or so he later said, 'to pull my head back a bit and have my right ready to shoot over the blow that would end it all.' Instead, just as Corbett was pulling back from Fitz's right, the challenger changed his direction in mid-punch and, shifting his feet and direction with lightning speed, put all of his weight behind a left-hand smash to the midsection somewhere under the ribs where they curled away from the breastbone. That was the area later to be known as the 'solar plexus,' an area which bareknucklers as far back as Broughton had known as 'the mark.'"

Fitzsimmons would attempt only one defense of his title, losing it in 1899 to the great Jim Jeffries, who would wear the heavyweight crown into the new century as America's boxing hero (click here to read about that fight). In 1903, Fitz won the world light heavyweight title from George Gardiner in San Francisco to become the first man to win titles in three weight classes, and the only man in history other than Roy Jones to be middleweight, light heavyweight and heavyweight champion. I must say, great as he was, I'm not sure Jones belongs in such fabled company.

(Amazingly, there is video of the Fitzsimmons/Corbett fight - I recommend watching the below clip with the sound down on your computer, unless you really like house music and late-period ZZ Top.)

Beware the Ides of March

Shit.

I'm getting my ass kicked over here; my bracket is redder than my eyes.

I don't blame Javaris Crittenton, I blame myself for riding a freshman. It just goes to show that the movies are nothing but lies. Thanks a lot Clark Kellogg (and you too Clark Kellogg).

Nate Funk, you're dead to me. The future of college basketball is brighter without your impishness. How many times can your name fool me into thinking you had game? For two seasons I waited for the Nate Funk breakout. I could practically feel it coming, and now it is dead like so many brackets reduced to ash by the fireplace.

If you're one of those fortunate few who has managed to avoid the pitfalls of Texas Tech and BYU then I salute you. Now shut up about it already. We've all been there. Twenty four games deep and you're just one or two away from perfection. It's a good feeling but it will fade. This bracket can bring nothing but agony.

Yet there's that glimmer of a bright side lurking around the corner of my mind. There are another eight games tonight and I can still make up ground. Hell, I've only lost one Sweet 16 team. If Villanova beats Kentucky and Kansas I could be champion yet!

Commenters, please tell me you've fared better. Just don't rub it in.

Newsflash

I just read that MSG is going to air Mormeck/Bell II live today at 4 p.m. Which is straight-up the balls for us New Yorkers, and... well I don't know where that leaves the rest of you. Is MSG national? Somehow I doubt it. If it is though, and you're watching out there (and why wouldn't you be... what other sports-related programming is scheduled for this afternoon at 4 p.m.?), look for our man Madsear - he'll be the handsome badass in the No Mas gear cleaning up all them French bitches because they KNOW who he roll with.

Friday, March 16, 2007

This Week in No Mas



3/11
Happy Drogba
Madsear sends his birthday wishes to the reigning African footballer of the year, Didier Drogba.

Rocky and Apollo
The heat gets turned up yet another notch for the Oscar/Floyd extravaganza, as Sugar Shane signs on as Oscar's sparring partner. "... we have something that may be a first - a decorated former champion going backwards, taking a gig as a sparring partner for a man he twice defeated in the ring. Not only that, but just consider this for a second - there will be two former pound-for-pound kings going at it in the Golden Boy's camp on a daily basis."

3/12
K.O.W. - The Marksman Gets Shot
For our Knockout of the Week, we decided to pump up the hype a little for Bell/Mormeck II, which takes place tomorrow night in France. "This was an electrifying fight from start to finish, as Bell came back from an early walk down queer street to finish off a clearly exhausted Mormeck (check out Mormeck's epxression on the canvas after the knockout - there is a man who truly does not know where he is)."

Woody Hayes, 1913-1987
The anniversary of the death of Woody Hayes, a true original and No Mas hero. "As for Hayes on Hayes, he summed up his coaching career in the most concise terms imaginable by saying, 'Nobody despises to lose more than I do. That's got me into trouble over the years, but it also made a man of mediocre ability into a pretty good coach.'"

3/13
Judging the Committee
Unsilent Majority (of Kissing Suzy Kolber fame) joins the No Mas starting five to give us some March Madness coverage. Here he takes the tournament selection committee to task.

Hammered
The 46th anniversary of Patterson/Johansson III, in which Floyd won the rubber match of one of boxing's all-time great trilogies.

3/14
Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor
Steve tells us about the coolest tennis player that no one ever talks about - Torben Ulrich, father of Metallica's drummer Lars Ulrich. "He was often described as "seeing everything upside down." His practices might consist of booking a court for dusk and then going out alone and sitting on it for an hour to feel it as the sun went down. Or getting a better sense of the ball by moving it around the court with his nose. He also liked to practice his errors."

Everything else is for pussies
Sleep-driving? Don't tell us about sleep-driving. "Look... we KNOW what sleep-driving is - the finest, purest, most exhilirating contact sport known to man. We here at No Mas were sleep-driving back when the FDA was sucking on its mama's teat."

3/15
Introducing the Group of Death
On opening day of the tourney, Unsilent present us with his Group of Death - the West.

Truelove Bowl
Our British correspondent Jamie Fraser brings us an eyewitness report from the 100th annual varsity boxing match between Oxford and Cambridge. "The sartorial sensibilities of the attendees at the York Hall usually encompass East End geezers in Gucci suits and aged coulda-been-a-contenders in tracksuits, but tonight was different. Apart from the referees, I don’t think that I had ever seen anyone in black tie on any of my previous visits to the York Hall – now the bar was awash with dinner jackets and the washed-out blue of Cambridge blazers."

3/16
The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments
Franchise continues with his WM countdown, this week taking us down from #13 to #10. It's a star-studded affair - the Hulkster, the Macho Man, the Nature Boy, Ultimate Warrior, Stone Cold and The Rock are all represented.

Yawn...
Does it come as a surprise that Large is bored by the prospect of tomorrow night's Barrera/Marquez fight? "... for fighters of this caliber, especially towards the end of their careers, I need something to lay in the balance, some irreversible conclusion to be drawn from what happens in the ring. This would have been a huge fight say... five years ago. Now, it's an afterthought."

Yawn...

I know I'm getting perilously close to an argument that I hashed out at extreme length with an anonymous reader over my thoughts on the Bernard/Winky fight, but as I mentioned in the weekend TV guide below, I'm just not that enthused for Barrera/Marquez tomorrow night. It has some elements that are exciting - two fiery Mexicans, to start, which generally guarantees some fireworks, and then the fact that Marquez has so much to prove, which certainly sweetens the pot.

But for me, even if Marquez soundly defeats Barrera, it's not going to prove that much. Barrera is still a great fighter, but he's well past his prime. Unless he gets blasted out of the ring tomorrow night, no outcome is going to make me think any less of him, and even if he does get his head knocked off, all I will really conclude is that he needs to hang up the gloves. As for Marquez, it's the same territory. I respect him immensely and think that he was one of the most under-appreciated fighters of his generation (largely because of his own bad business decisions, but that's another story). Unless he gets knocked out early, I will have the same assessment of him no matter what the outcome.

This is my problem - for fighters of this caliber, especially towards the end of their careers, I need something to lay in the balance, some irreversible conclusion to be drawn from what happens in the ring. This would have been a huge fight say... five years ago. Now, it's an afterthought. Personally, I can't get my mind off the fight that we should be watching - a Barrera/Pacquiao rematch - a bout that for me would be as exciting a proposition, if not more so, than Oscar/Floyd.

I will venture a prediction, however. Marquez in a split decision. I wouldn't wager on that one, but I'm feeling it. I sense that this will be more of a boxing match than a brawl, and I think right now Marquez is the better boxer. I also feel pretty confident that it will go the distance. On the whole, this does have the potential to be a very pleasing fight aesthetically - both of these guys are skillful fighters who can go for the jugular when they smell blood. If you have 50 bucks laying around, you could certainly do worse.

The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments

As I'm sure you noticed, there was yet again no "Sharpshootin'" from The Franchise this week, which I know is total bullshit, but look, I talked to him and he says he's almost mastered jeet koon do and he's ready to come back to New York and start beating some people up. So I said, "that's great man, but does that mean you'll get back to your column?" and he said, "yeah yeah whatever" so I'm hoping for the best. In any case, he did send along the continuation of his Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments countdown. This edition takes us from #13 to #10. Click here for moments #23-19, and here for #18-14.


#13: The Ultimate Challenge
Wrestlemania VI – Skydome, Toronto, ON
April 1, 1990

The Match:
Ultimate Warrior (I-C Champion) vs. Hulk Hogan (WWE Champion)

The Moment: This was Pepsi vs, Coke, Nike vs. Reebok, Jordan vs. Bird all rolled in one. In the early 1990s you were either an Ultimate Warrior fan or a Hulk Hogan fan. You just couldn’t be both. More importantly, Vince McMahon felt that Hulkamania was on its last legs and it was time to crown a new champion. Thus, he pitted the Intercontinental Champion, Ultimate Warrior, against the WWE champ, Hulk Hogan, in one of the most anticipated matches in WWE history. In hindsight, it was kind of fitting that this match took place on April’s Fools Day because clearly the joke was on anyone who thought Warrior would be a bigger star than Hogan ever was.



___________________________________________________


#12: Honor Thy Wife
Wrestlemania VIII – Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, IN
April 5, 1992

The Match:
Randy “Macho Man” Savage vs. Ric Flair (c)

The Moment: For months leading up to this match, Flair had teased Savage that his woman, Miss Elizabeth, had been "with him" before she was ever with the Macho Man. Flair’s constant threats of exposing nude photos of Elizabeth following their match drove Savage nuts. So when these two legends squared off in front of over 60,000 fans there was much more than a title at stake. In the end, Savage captured the WWE title and shut the Nature Boy up... for the moment.

___________________________________________________


#11: The Mega Powers Explode
Wrestlemania V – Trump Plaza, Atlantic City, NJ
April 02, 1989

The Match:
Hulk Hogan vs. Randy “Macho Man” Savage (c)

The Moment: I think I’ll let the Hulkster set this one up:



Needless to say, Hulkamania reigned supreme again. Reminding everyone to NEVER mess with the Yellow and Red. Brother.

___________________________________________________


#10: Hell Freezes Over
Wrestlemania X7 – Astrodome, Houston, TX
April 1, 2001

The Match:
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock (c)

The Moment: In the late 1990s, no WWF superstar was more popular than Stone Cold Steve Austin. Part of his popularity stemmed from the fact that he was never shy to tell, or show, his boss, the evil Mr. McMahon, how he truly felt about him. I mean, who wouldn’t want to flip off their boss? So when McMahon decided to interfere in the main event of Wrestlemania X7 everyone was pretty sure as to whom he would be helping out. The Rock, right? Think again…

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 3/16 -3/18

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV
NCAA Tourney
CBS, constantly

Duke is the first casualty, and I don't know about you, but whenever Duke goes down ignominiously I feel like good has triumphed over evil, if only for that one day.

BEST OF THE REST
3/16
Tyson Fest
ESPN, 12 noon

ESPN getting down and dirty again today, running wall-to-wall Tyson fights against the tourney on CBS. From 12 to 5, you can see Iron Mike throttle Michael Johnson, Mike Jameson, Jesse Ferguson, Steve Zouski (oh is Steve Zouski a prince amongst tomato-cans), Quick Tillis, and then a bunch of poor sumbitches in Tyson's Greatest Hits II. Then they finish off the action with the Buster Douglas fight. Lest you not know this and get suckered into watching Mike instead of basketball, ESPN Classic shows every one of these fights almost once a week.

Gimme Shelter
Sundance, 4:30 p.m., 5:15 a.m.

Okay, okay, I can't even pretend that this has anything to do with sports, and we have strict rules about this here at No Mas, but look, this movie is apocalyptically great and it's not on regular TV too much. I promise it won't happen again. "People... people.. everybody just needs to chill out..."

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.

You want madness??? How about Undertaker taking on King Booker. If that's not maddening enough for you Batista is this week's guest on MizTV.

Marco Antonio Barrera v. Rocky Juarez I
HBO2, 11:30 p.m.

In anticipation of the big Barrera/Marquez bout on Saturday night, HBO airs a fight that revealed the great Barrera just does not have the pop anymore to score easy knockouts, at least not against tough bastards like Rocky Juarez. The Baby-Faced Assassin runs out of gas in the middle rounds and almost gets his ass assassinated. He wins it by a narrow split decision - it was a draw on Large's card.

Juan Manuel Marquez v. Manny Pacquiao
HBO2, 12:20 a.m.

It's a little unfair to Barrera that they're priming us for Saturday with his disappointing performance against Juarez and then showing Marquez/Pacquiao, which is undoubtedly the shining moment of Marquez's career. JMM gets knocked down three times, and very near to knocked out, in the first round, and then comes back from a 10-6 start to earn a draw. If you've never seen this fight, don't miss it - it's everything that's great about boxing, brutality and fear and guts and a chess match all rolled into one. (HBO2 runs these two fights again on Saturday morning at 11 a.m.)

Futuresport
USA, 4 a.m.

All stupid crazy high at 4 a.m. alert - this movie is about a dreadlocked Jamaican gangster of the future who has invented a sport so awesome that it has made every other sport obsolete (we've been working on something like this for three years in the No Mas laboratories and we've gotten nowhere). There's also a Hawaiian terrorist group threatening to destroy the universe, and a bunch of other shit that only makes sense when you're high.

3/17
The Irish In Us
TCM, 8:30 a.m.

A movie from 1935 about three Irish brothers, one of whom, played by Jimmy Cagney, is a ne'er-do-well boxing promoter who thinks he's finally found the blue-chipper who's going to take him to the top.

Bring It On Again
USA, 1 p.m.

The sequel to Bring It On. I didn't even know this existed. Is there a Bring It On III? Bringing Some More On?

UFC Fest
Spike, 3 p.m.
Three consecutive Fight Night replays for the true college basketball haters out there, like Kevin.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Ringside counts down the 25 greatest knockouts in boxing history, a.k.a. "the 25 greatest knockouts we own the rights to." Whatever - expect a LOT of Tyson, and there's a Jersey Joe beheading in the promo they've been showing that looks pretty deep.

UFC Fight Night 7 & 8
Spike, 8 p.m.

A card from December, 2006 and this past January - Fight Night 7 featured Diego Sanchez v. Joe Riggs in the main event, and true to form, Sanchez got dirty. Fight Night 8 ended with Rashad Evans knocking out Sean Salmon with a kick to the head that left him unconscious for about five minutes after the fight ended.

Marco Antonio Barrera v. Juan Manuel Marquez
PPV, 9 p.m.

I know it's a surprise that this is not listed as Must-See No Mas TV, but I'm just not feeling it that much. It'll certainly be an entertaining fight, although whether it'll 5o bucks entertaining is a long shot. There's a good undercard, however, featuring both Daniel Ponce de Leon and Demetrius Hopkins, Bernard's nephew, a genuine talent at 140.

3/18
Classic Battle Lines
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.
A look at Bobby Thomson's infamous home run off Ralph Branca in 1951. Expect a lot of Sal Yvars, former Giant catcher and insufferable blowhard who came clean about the sign-stealing controversy years ago and hasn't shut up about it since.

Slap Shot
MOMAXe, 8 a.m.
Watch it AGAIN godammit.

Wimbledon
TBS, 9 a.m.

Just a terrible, terrible movie about tennis, a fact that our own Steve Tignor pointed out in last week's Deep Tennis. It does, however, have the merits of being on when there are no basketball games to watch. And it is about sports...

Pernell Whitaker v. Buddy McGirt II, 1994
ESPN Classic, 3 p.m.

Dirt McGirt does manage to knock Pernell down in this thing, in the second round I think, but then he proceeds to get a boxing lesson. On the other hand, he sports one of the illest boxing looks of all time, tube socks pulled to the knee, them Pony boxing shizzles, and his blue velour trunks with "Magoo" stencilled on them. The bald/moustache thing. If I ever interview Buddy McGirt the first question I'm going to ask him is why he doesn't wear the stash anymore. It was a great look for him.

The 35th Iditarod
VS., 10 p.m.
Highlights from the dog-sled race that ended on Tuesday. Lance Mackey won, becoming the first musher to win major long-distance North American sled dog races back-to-back. If you think for a second that I'm not Tivo'ing this shit you're crazy.

Milan v. Muncie Central, 1954
ESPN Classic, 1 a.m.

Classic shows the legendary Indiana state championship high school basketball game from 1954, the one that inspired the movie Hoosiers.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Truelove Bowl

The days of intercollegiate boxing at Ivy League schools (a universe which served as the background for Hemingway’s Robert Cohen, who boxed at Princeton in “The Sun Also Rises”) disappeared from America in the 1930s. While some programs (notably Harvard’s) have recently been resurrected, across the pond, the grand tradition of scholarly fisticuffs has continued uninterrupted. Every year in March, Oxford and Cambridge fight a bloody, best-of-nine bout Varsity Boxing Match, also known fondly as "The Truelove Bowl." Each participant earns a coveted Oxford or Cambridge “Blue”, an honor that bestows the right to wear a special blazer and still carries enough weight on a resumé —especially in consulting and investment banking circles—to tempt even the very career-minded into the ring. The centennial varsity match took place last Thursday, and what follows is a hard-hitting eyewitness account from our man in London, Jamie Fraser.
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8th March 2007 East London

Thursday night and the queue was snaking round the corner of the block in the heart of the East End of London, a crowd keen to get into the York Hall to see the oldest annual inter-club amateur boxing fixture in the world; the Varsity boxing match. And this was the 100th match.

Objectivity, I leave to the scientists – I can’t pretend that I wasn’t beside myself with excitement, going in to see Oxford, my old university, fighting its mortal enemy in their 100th match. Also, I can’t pretend that seeing Nick Griffin, chairman of the odious British National Party (a far-right political party) and, apparently, a Cambridge boxing Blue himself, in the queue behind us, didn’t affect my judgment – you can always tell a university by the company that it keeps.

Inside the York Hall, the East End’s great boxing institution, the Oxford supporters were outgunned 5:1 – I sat in front of what turned out to be the Oxford coach’s family and friends. In front of me was an extremely vocal Oxford supporter sitting on his own. Throughout the evening, he was shouting and gesticulating to the Cambridge fans, seemingly willing to take on anyone who was going to disagree with him. Passions were definitely high - last year, Oxford won the Truelove Bowl after a four-year run of Cambridge success.

As hosts, Cambridge’s fighters entered the ring second to the soundtrack of their choice. Cambridge’s featherweight, Russ Glenn, never quite lived up to the teenage bedroom aggression of Guns’N’Roses’ ‘Paradise City’. Russ took a standing count in the first and was simply outclassed by Oxford’s John McCarthy. A clear decision to Oxford, with prizes being awarded by the world featherweight champion, Barry McGuigan.

Oxford’s Asa Goldring had a problem with his gloves, which delayed his entry into the ring – this, combined with the soft rock of Cambridge’s Tom Bennett-Britton, seemed to cast a shadow over the lightweight bout. After a scrappy start, Asa seemed to be making his mark, but was stopped cold by some fine boxing from Cambridge’s very able fighter. It was Oxford’s turn to take a standing count in the first round (although Tom did not appear to be sure where to find a neutral corner, which gave an impression that this had not happened before). Following a further standing eight in the second, the Oxford coach, Des Brackett, threw in the towel and Cambridge levelled off at one-all.

And so we progressed (in hindsight) to the match of the night – ‘Fast Hands’ Freddie Brown, Oxford’s light-welterweight, entered the ring with the poise of one who’d clearly been there before and knew what was expected. Cambridge’s Dave Hyman took to the ring with the majestic pipes and drums of ‘Highland Cathedral’ booming around the hall – although the assured look on his face soon disappeared as Freddie stared him down. Freddie lived up to his name – his punches were confident and quick, foisting a standing count on Cambridge in both the second and third rounds. The only surprise was that Freddie didn’t knock him out of the ring – “Do him, Freddie” screamed the contingent behind me. A unanimous verdict for Oxford and the score crept up to 2 – 1.

Both welterweights were returning Blues and showed it – Cambridge’s Rich Spandl and Oxford’s Matt Nice looking comfortable in the ring. Although Matt was pushed over, or maybe slipped, in the first round, he showed his superior strength and dominated the rest of the fight. The Cambridge fighter floundered in the second round, but Mr. Nice somehow lived up to his name and never finished him off. By the end of the third, Cambridge was barely hanging on and the unanimous verdict to Oxford was no surprise. 3 – 1 (this cumulative aspect of the running tally throughout the evening is one part of what makes the Varsity match so exciting).

Peter Taylor, Cambridge’s light-middleweight, had chosen a kind of uplifting drive time radio-style music and this carried over into his style – calm and concentrated. He set out in the first round with a nice, stylized low guard. Oxford’s Tom Hughes put up a fine defence, but ultimately was outgunned. A unanimous verdict for Cambridge and the tension ratcheted up just in time for the interval.

The sartorial sensibilities of the attendees at the York Hall usually encompass East End geezers in Gucci suits and aged coulda-been-a-contenders in tracksuits, but tonight was different. Apart from the referees, I don’t think that I had ever seen anyone in black tie on any of my previous visits to the York Hall – now the bar was awash with dinner jackets and the washed-out blue of Cambridge blazers. Most spectators chose to stay in the bar, rather than watch the light-heavyweight special challenge bout (notable for being four two-minute rounds) between Oliver Bowles of Cambridge University Amateur Boxing Club and Daniel Hendy from the University of Portsmouth. The Portsmouth connection was never explained and the fight went to Oliver Bowles. The result of this exhibition bout was not included in the running Varsity match score and the crowd came streaming back in for the second half of the evening’s proper business.

I had been warned by a friend to look out for Cambridge’s Ardil Salem, a law student from Manchester, by all accounts a bright lad and a dedicated boxer. Together with Oxford’s Ben Quigley, these two middleweights seemed to be more serious contenders and both showed a kind of class that had the crowd at the York Hall on its feet throughout the fight. Although some of Ardil’s punches were wild, looping hits, he managed to cause some problems for the Oxford boy in the first round. An even second round was followed by the first blood of the night in the third, as Ben took the fight back to Ardil, who finished the bout with a blood-stained vest. By a majority decision, the fight went to Oxford and the gap widened to 4 – 2.

More Guns’n’Roses heralded the entrance of Cambridge’s Simon Lehnis, but Oxford’s Dom McKean, a tall, rangy fighter didn’t appear fazed. After some good footwork from both fighters in the first round, the tension escalated in the second, as Dom landed a number of good points, snapping Simon’s head back on one occasion. Simon came back and got in a decent left, just before the bell for the end of the second. As the volume increased in the third round, the Cambridge fighter was throwing wild punches and eventually threw Dom to the floor, to his, and our, surprise. Dom appeared relaxed as he waited for the scores to come in from the judges and seemed to be nodding to his teammates that this might be it, the evening won. When the majority decision to Cambridge was read out, there was some anger from the Oxford ranks and, as Dom left the ring for the changing rooms, words were clearly exchanged with some in the crowd and a scuffle ensued in the stalls. Bouncers rushed to the scene and calm was restored – welcome to the jungle, lads. 4 – 3, with two fights still to go.

In the penultimate fight, the light-heavyweights, Cambridge’s Artem Korolev and Oxford’s Carl Walton, took it slowly and evenly in the first. Artem was definitely not taking any chances and showed a ridiculously high defensive style not seen in the ring since the 19th century. Oxford’s Carl stepped up the pace in the third, but his energy lagged and, not for the first time in the evening, we had a fighter who didn’t seem to know how to finish (to his credit, Carl has only been boxing for the last few months). The result was not an obvious one to call, but when the majority decision in favour of Oxford was announced, securing the Truelove Bowl for another year, the cries of “Easy! Easy!” rang out from our small vanguard. The Oxford team celebrated at the side of the ring and we shouted ourselves hoarse at the rest of the sullen and miserable crowd.

The two captains stepped up for the heavyweight finale, Cambridge’s Ed Andrews and Oxford’s James Webster, both returning Blues. Ed had a commanding presence and a long reach, but Oxford’s captain held his ground. In the second, Oxford appeared the stronger and Ed was on the ropes, with James chasing him. In the final round, the Cambridge captain tied James up and his head was down for the latter part of the round – although this may have been due to his loose head guard, which he had to have fixed on a number of occasions. Although the eventual outcome of a win for Cambridge was not a huge surprise, the unanimous verdict was – any serious objections were forgotten, however, as the Oxford team celebrated and we shouted and laughed and headed out into the night, all dark blue, all victorious.
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After graduating from Oxford University, Jamie Fraser has worked as an intellectual property lawyer in London for the last 7 years. He never would have been a contender.

Introducing the Group of Death

Despite what you might think, the tournament selection committee is not all bad. For the most part they do an excellent job of distributing strong teams across the four brackets. Sometimes they screw up and a top seed appears to waltz through the regional final. This year my Final Four features two no. 1 seeds and two no. 2's, but that's just because the talent is top-heavy. None of the top seeds appear to have a distinct advantage on their way to Georgia.

However, there is always one group that strikes me as particualarly dangerous. It may not be the most talent-laden but it will typically feature teams with unique styles that are tough to match up against, especially on short notice. This is the Group of Death, and this year that title goes to the West.

Take a look.

  • Kansas- They're poorly coached and their last two tournament performances were a joke. That being said, they have a plethora of talent all over the roster and they can rebound with anybody. They aren't the best top seed but if their shooters get hot they can run through anybody outside of College Station.

  • UCLA- They have plenty of experience and, quite possibly, the best coach in the nation. Ben Howland forces opponents into his style, opponents should expect their offense to run off of precision passing with a suffocating defense.

  • Pitt- They play Howland's system nearly as well as UCLA. His successor, Jamie Dixon, has been nothing short of brilliant since taking over the program. If Aaron Gray can pull his fopish head out of his dandy ass they're damn near unbeatable. They don't pound opponenets into submission like the Brandin Knight teams of my day but they've improved their shooting and athleticism.

  • Southern Illinois- So So Ill. If you've been sleeping on them it's time to wake up. I had the chance to see them about five times this year and I've always been impressed. Jamaal Tatum and Randal Falker make up one of the better inside/out combos in the field, and they're better than the Skinn/Lewis combo that led Mason last March. If you saw their epic out of conference win in Butler's stifling gymnasium then you should understand why everyone fears their defense. If you didn't see the game just imagine Castillo/Corrales I on a basketball court--hooray hyperbole!

  • Virginia Tech- Their athleticism and pace of play has wreaked havoc on the ACC this season. They attack their opponent with the ferocity of a great mid-major team but they have the benefit of stronger athletes. Then there's Sam Greenberg, my favorite up-and-coming coach in America...and it's not just because he's Jewish. They could go down in the first round but they could just as easily crash the Elite 8.



And that's just the top five seeds. Beyond the big guys is a roster of potential sleepers. Even as a 10 seed Gonzaga remains dangerous while other mid-majors like VCU, Wright State, and Holy Cross are capable of achieving a major upset. The there's Duke and Kentucky; two teams on a relative down year who can silence all their critics with a couple of wins. Teams like this should never be overlooked. However it's the Villanova Wildcats that could be the surprise team of the bracket. Based on their paper resume they'e one of the best nine seeds I've ever seen. I know Scottie Reynolds from his days in Herndon and he could pose a single-handed challenge to Kansas (assuming they get by the other Wildcats).

This is the bracket to watch out for because nobody knows what could happen. Enjoy your first day of the tournament. I'm on a skiing vacation in Colorado but I'll be taking tomorrow off to watch the games on the laptop. I plan to check in with updates and general thoughts, be sure to join in the fun.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/15

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV
Dah... are you kidding me?
CBS, 12 noon, 7 p.m.

We're not generally too moved by those beloved spectacles of the major-network/ESPN hype machine, but this is one day that all the bullshit in the world can't ruin. So just leave your pj's on, break out a fresh two-liter of Coke, and get jiggy with it. Or, if you have a day job, suddenly develop a severe illness.

BEST OF THE REST
Ali Fest
ESPN, 12 noon
ESPNizzle going for the jugular, running four Ali fights from noon to five - Blin, the Rumble, Wepner, and the Thrilla - to go up against day one of the tourney. Talk about dirty pool. But look, you've all seen these fights before. And if you haven't, trust me - they'll be on again. I list them only for the true basketball non-believer.

Michael Carbajal v. Humberto Gonzalez I & II
VS., 9 p.m., 12 a.m.

Tivo this shit, at least the first fight. A more momentous junior flyweight bout has never seen the light of day. This is some rock-em sock-em tiny robot action right here.


TNA Wrestling
Spike, 9 p.m.
Tean 3D (formerly known as the Dudley Boyz) welcome back Brother Runt to face Alex Shelley and the Latin American Xchange. Plus, the main event for April's Lockdown PPV will be announced which is rumored to be some sort of "War Games" match. (Large note - if you are actually going to watch this tomorrow night instead of basketball, Franchise, I seriously dig you man.)

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Everything else is for pussies


According to the New York Times, an FDA release today is warning that commonly prescribed sleeping pills like Ambien and Lunesta (Lunesta... what a name... I don't think it ever occurred to me how funny that is until right now) can cause "complex sleep-related behaviors" including gorging on food, making phone calls, and, of course, sleep-driving.

The release went so far as to offer a definition of sleep-driving - "driving while not fully awake after ingestion of a sedative hypnotic, with no memory of the event.”

Look... we KNOW what sleep-driving is - the finest, purest, most exhilirating contact sport known to man. We here at No Mas were sleep-driving back when the FDA was sucking on its mama's teat. As far as their lameass definition goes, if booze counts as a "sedative hypnotic" we're prepared to let that bit stand. We would like to point out that having "no memory of the event" is not in fact required for an official sleep-drive, but it is generally the way the deal goes down, and thank Christ for that. But our real bone of contention with the FDA's definition is its lack of clarity concerning an issue that has long been controversial among sleep-driving enthusiasts - sleep-driving is NOT "driving while not fully awake." Sleep-driving is driving while completely unconscious. Nothing else counts. If "driving while not fully awake" is the best you can manage out there, then why don't you just go back to your yoga and your houseplants and leave the tough stuff to those of us who can handle it, okay Drowsy?

F.D.A. Issues Warning on Sleeping Pills (nytimes.com)

Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor

Steve, in the true spirit of No Mas, who's the coolest tennis player of all time that no one ever talks about?

Who's the coolest tennis player nobody ever talks about?

While he's well-remembered by some old-timers, I think that honor falls to Denmark's Torben Ulrich, the father of Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich. Torben, a mystic, longhair, jazz musician, journalist, and total original, was the freest of the globe-trotting free spirits who were drawn to tennis during its amateur and early pro years.

Ulrich was a journeyman as a player - he was never a threat to win a singles Grand Slam - but he was a champion weirdo. He was often described as "seeing everything upside down." His practices might consist of booking a court for dusk and then going out alone and sitting on it for an hour to feel it as the sun went down. Or getting a better sense of the ball by moving it around the court with his nose. He also liked to practice his errors.

His first love was jazz, and his tennis grew from that. Ulrich may not have been the most intimidating tennis player in the world, but opponents hating playing him because of his creativity - he could make a ball do just about anything. During the 1950s, Ulrich's nights were spent playing clarinet in jazz clubs. In the morning he would file music reviews at a paper, and in the afternoon he would play a match. "During all those years when [Australian great] Frank Sedgman was dominating the tour, I was up listening to Persian music," he said.

In typical Ulrich fashion, he became a better tennis player as he aged and began to focus on the game. Always in tune with his body, he might wake up in the middle of the night and feel the need for a five-mile run - "not because I needed the exercise" - he was fitter than ever in his 40s. He became a senior tour champion, beating some of the legends who had owned him in the past.

My favorite Ulrich story comes from a friend of his and fellow player, Gordon Forbes, in his memoir of the amateur tennis tour, Too Soon to Panic:

"I see, as if it were yesterday, Torben walking on the court at Wimbledon to play a very and eager Tony Roche; Tony getting ready to spin his racquet, saying, "Would you like to call, Mr. Ulrich"? And Torben saying, "You know, Tony, they say you have a very beautiful service. I would like very much to see it, so why don't you serve first?" and really meaning what he says!"

For Ulrich, tennis wasn't just wins and losses - there was so much more to the game worth appreciating and celebrating. Today's ultra-professional sports world would have no room for him.

PS: I haven't seen the movie, but Ulrich appears in the Metallica doc, Some Kind of Monster.

Steve Tignor is the executive editor of Tennis magazine. For more of his writing, check out his weekly column, The Wrap, on the Tennis website.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/14

1986 World Series, Game 7
SNY, 7 p.m.
All right Mets fans, here's a chance to re-live your moment - Darling, Strawberry, Ray Knight, Orosco, the whole crew. Savor it, enjoy it, because all's I can say is that Jimmy Rollins was right.

A Night at the Hot Corner
YES, 10 p.m.
Here's the official YES description of this program - "A lively conversation between Yogi Berra, George Brett, Graig Nettles, Mike Schmidt and Brooks Robinson. Moderated by Michael Kay." Dah... really? What are they talking about? And did I miss something or was Yogi Berra a third basemen? Or do they just throw him in there no matter what it is? A lively conversation between Olympic swimmers Jenny Thompson, Matt Biondi, Lenny Krayzelburg and, of course, Yogi Berra...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Hammered

On this day 46 years ago, Floyd Patterson faced Ingemar Johannson for the third and final time with the heavyweight title on the line. On the Paranassus of heavyweight trilogies, this one sits just a few peaks below Ali/Frazier and above the rest of the field. The Floyd/Ingo bouts were wide open, wild-swinging affairs in which knockdowns were traded like stiff left jabs, a total of 12 in all across the three fights. Floyd was floored seven times in the first bout in 1959, en route to a shocking third-round knockout that lost him the heavyweight title and earned Johansson's right a nickname worthy of his Swedish heritage - "The Hammer of Thor." The second bout was Ring Magazine's Fight of the Year in 1960, mostly due to the all-out ferocity of Floyd's thirst for revenge. He pulverized Ingo in the fifth with a left hook that rendered the Swede unconscious on the canvas with his right foot feverishly twitching. It's certainly one of the top ten knockouts in boxing history.

The third bout was possibly the best of the three in that it was a more even struggle, despite the fact that both fighters came in a little out of shape. They traded knockdowns in the first round, something that hadn't happened in a heavyweight title fight since Dempsey/Firpo. From there it was a free-for-all, a Gatti/Ward-type display of you-hit-me-now-I'll-hit-you that ended with a stoppage in the sixth. If you don't know who won, I won't spoil it for you. I tried to find a video of the whole fight, but unfortunately could only come up with one that begins in the fourth, when both men were a little dusted from the pace of the first nine minutes. Things pick up again in the sixth (if you listen closely in the fourth, you'll hear what I believe to be the voice of Cus D'Amato yelling "left hand Floyd!" like a mantra).

Judging the Committee

Every year the NCAA's tournament selection committee endures harsh criticism on the heels of Selection Sunday. And why shouldn't they? They'd have you believe that seeding a 64 65-team tournament is tantamout to proving Fermat's Last Theorem. In reality, they are the ones who insist on making things difficult. So where did they screw up this time around? Let's look at the snubs.
  • Drexel did just about everything that could be asked of them. They played an insane 17 road games, three of which came against tournament teams (they went 2-1). Ever since their back-to-back victories over Villanova and Syracuse I penciled them in for a first round win. When the bracket was handed down I didn't ask if Drexel had made it, I asked who they drew.

  • Florida State won a lot of big games but they struggled when Toney Douglas was innactive. With this resume the positives seem to outweigh the negatives. Throw in the fact that Al Thornton is one of the most dominant players in the nation and the snub becomes apparent.
So who then is the impostor that should be hosting an NIT game?

Stanford.

In a year that featured over a hundred 20-win teams Stanford amassed a meager record of 18-12. Combine their RPI ranking of 67 with their 4-7 record down the stretch and it should be clear where the Trees belong.

Sadly the snubs are just the beginning of the problem. Just a year after George Mason's glorious run through their bracket the committee has taken a decidedly anti-mid major stance. Although the committee only reduced the number of such teams by a count of two the deck seems to be stacked against them. Take for example the unfortunate 5/12 matchup between Butler and Old Dominion or the 7/10 game featuring Nevada and Creighton. We want to see these guys take down a power conference, as opposed to the committee who would prefer to watch them destroy one another.

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No you did not just accidentally come to Kissing Suzy Kolber by mistake, and yes you are reading that post name correctly. The one and only Unsilent Majority is moonlighting on his Kissing Suzy fiefdom to provide No Mas with some much-needed college basketball expertise during March Madness. His Unsilentness will be bringing the pain right here throughout the tourney, so, you know what they say people - get it while it's very hot - Large

No Mas TV Guide - 3/13

Wonderful World of Golf
Golf Channel, 2 p.m.
Palmer v. Player from the 1996 Shell Wonderful World of Golf shows. This one should be worth it just for the conversation alone.

This Sporting Life
TCM, 4 p.m.
Large has his Tivo set for this one. I've been told many times this is a great movie. Richard Harris plays a rough and tumble rugby player with a mean streak. Directed by one of the giants of the British New Wave, Lindsay Anderson, and released in 1963.

Greg Haugen v. Hector Camacho I & II, 1991
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

In the first bout, hard-as-nails Greg Haugen handed the Macho Man his first loss in a controversial split decision, with Camacho losing a point for refusing to touch gloves at the start of the 12th round. Camacho returned the favor in the rematch when the narrow split fell his way.

ECW Wrestling
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
There's no better place to welcome back the hardcore legend himself, Mick Foley, than the place where it all started: Extreme Championship Wrestling.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Woody Hayes, 1913-1987


Wayne Woodrow "Woody" Hayes, legendary football coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes, died of heart disease twenty years ago today. Richard Nixon, a longtime friend and admirer of Woody's, delivered the eulogy at his funeral. He talked about inviting the always gregarious Hayes to the White House - ""I wanted to talk football," he said, "and Woody wanted to talk foreign policy. You know Woody — we discussed foreign policy."

I'll always think of Hayes as he was described in Jack Tatum's autbiography They Call Me Assassin, a favorite of Little Large. It would be hard to read that book and come away thinking that Woody Hayes was just a sucker-punching tyrant. According to Tatum, he was a tough but generous surrogate father for generations of players, with a deeply loyal and sentimental side that was in direct contrast to his public image.

As for Hayes on Hayes, he summed up his coaching career in the most concise terms imaginable by saying, ""Nobody despises to lose more than I do. That's got me into trouble over the years, but it also made a man of mediocre ability into a pretty good coach." The trouble he speaks of refers primarily to his combustible temper, a force that boiled over in the 1978 Gator Bowl in perhaps the all-time greatest No Mas moment in college football history. Myself, I'll never forget it, eight-year old Large watching with his mom and wondering, "what just happened there? was that... the coach? sheesh..." No, it was not a courageous or laudable act by any means, but still it speaks to me of that rebellion of the heart in such incidents of despair that losing produces, those times when you just want to throw all class and decorum out the window and say, "fuck it... I'm killing that son of a bitch." If ever there was a man to throw such caution to the wind, it was Woody Hayes, and we here at No Mas are the first to applaud the damn-the-torpedoes spirit in all of its passionate anarchy.

K.O.W. - The Marksman Gets Shot

The big fight this week is of course Barrera/Marquez, but I'm afraid to bring you a Knockout of the Week featuring either of those fighters would be to whet your appetite for something that simply isn't going to happen. Marquez has never been a true knockout artist, and Barrera is a long ways away from wielding one-punch power. Don't get me wrong - I expect an action-packed fight between these two, but I'd be very surprised by a stoppage either way.

So for our K.O.W. I thought I'd get Madsear worked up a little and take you back to January of 2006 and the undercard of the Judah/Baldomir fight, when the Supernova, O'Neil Bell, became the first unified cruiserweight titlist since Evander Holyfield by knocking out Jean-Marc Mormeck of France, a.k.a. The Marksman. This was an electrifying fight from start to finish, as Bell came back from an early walk down queer street to finish off a clearly exhausted Mormeck (check out Mormeck's epxression on the canvas after the knockout - there is a man who truly does not know where he is). The rematch is this Saturday in France - Madsear tells us he may be in attendance, so hopefully we'll have an eyewitness account for you.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

No Mas TV Guide - 3/12

Soul of a Champion
VS., 2 p.m.

A show that purports to investigate what makes great athletes different from the rest of us, with an emphasis on bogus psychology. Nevertheless, this particular episode focuses on Floyd Mayweather Jr. The main problem with the show on the whole is that they can't clear that much footage, but if I remember correctly they got some Olympic Floyd for this.

Celtics v. Hawks, 1985
ESPN Classic, 5 p.m.

Larry Legend goes for 60, netting 37 points in the second half.

WWE Raw
USA, 9 p.m.

For the first time, all five individuals involved in the battle billionaires (Trump, McMahon, Austin, Lashley & Umaga) will be in the ring together for the contract signing. Expect some slobberknocker action to go down. Plus, Ric Flair vs. Carlito vs. Randy Orton for the final spot in the Money in the Bank ladder match.

U.S. Open Golf Highlights
Golf Channel, 3 a.m.

A recap of the '99 Open, one of the most memorable of all time, as Payne Stewart knocked down a 15-footer on the 72nd hole to edge Phil Mickelson by a stroke, Phil who was then still carrying the Best Player Never to Win a Major cross. Mickelson had also been walking the course all weekend with a beeper, because his wife was about to have their first child, and he'd vowed that no matter what happened he would leave the course as soon as she went into labor. As for Stewart, this was his last victory before dying in a tragic and bizarre plane crash in the fall of '99.

Rocky and Apollo


No matter what Jeff Pearlman has to say on the matter, this Oscar/Floyd fight continues to get more and more stratospheric in its scope. As if the whole Floyd Sr. drama wasn't enough juice for the training camps, the news came out this past Friday that none other than Oscar's business partner and former conqueror Sugar Shane Mosley is going to serve as his primary sparring partner for the bout with Floyd.

The sparring partner turned champion is a familiar story - both Jimmy Ellis and then, of course, Larry Holmes were sparring partners for Ali, Jose Luis Castillo did a long stint as Julio Cesar Chavez's whipping boy, and at the turn of the century, two of the most famous boxers of all time were training partners, as the unknown Jim Jeffries sparred with then champion Gentleman Jim Corbett. After Jeff won the title in his own right from Bob Fitzsimmons in 1899, Corbett challenged his former charge the following year and nearly beat him, boxing beautifully before lunging face first into a left hook in the 23rd round that put the lights out on the Gentleman's evening. They fought a rematch in '03, a predictably sad affair in which the shot Corbett was brutally dispatched (I wrote about this fight on its anniversary last August).

But here, over a century later, we have something that may be a first - a decorated former champion going backwards, taking a gig as a sparring partner for a man he twice defeated in the ring. Not only that, but just consider this for a second - there will be two former pound-for-pound kings going at it in the Golden Boy's camp on a daily basis. Help me out, No Masians - has anything even remotely like this ever happened before? In his piece on ESPN.com, Dan Rafael referenced Rocky and Apollo, as Apollo trained, sparred, and possibly shagged the Italian Stallion to get him ready for Clubber Lang. I can just see Oscar and Shane now, lubed and muscled and in matching tube socks, running wind-sprints together on the beach and then tenderly embracing with the unfettered manly joy of competition.


Rival-turned-partner Mosley to aid Oscar (ESPN.com)

Happy Drogba


(Birthday tidings for Didier Drogba dispatched to us from the one and only Madsear, our football correspondent from the other side.)

One of the main advantages of living in France and in The Netherlands (aside from chicks, great food and even greater drugs) is the fact that you are able witness future football megastars before they blossom and incidently move to bigger and richer (but not necessarilly better by any means) championships like the Premiership, La Liga and The Serie A. In some rare cases, we're fortunate enough to see them become legendary before our eyes, something that has happened quite a few times in recent history. France was blessed by the presence of some of today's most prominent figures in the football world while they were still honing their skills on the pitch - Ronaldinho Gaucho, El Hadji Diouf, Edmilson, Petr Cech, Michael Essien, Mahamadou Diarra and many others....

But out of all these amazing players, none of them had as much impact on his team nor became a legend while still playing in France as quickly as Didier Drogba did during the 2003/2004 season. When Marseille's Manager Alain Perrin demanded to his President to exclusively buy one striker, the most renowned free agents were rumoured to be headed to "la Canebière" - when the choice was revealed to be Drogba, every Marseille fan was filled with disappointment and expected a season of mediocrity. Drogba was dismissed as a player not fit to be a leader in the toughest city of them all. Sure he had shown promise the year before but he seemed too sweet, technically limited and, more importantly at the time, not glamourous enough to wear the sky-blue crossed jersey.

Boy were they wrong! Drogba scored 32 times and gave 11 assists during that season and lead Marseille to the UEFA Cup final against Valencia after defeating Newcastle, Liverpool, Porto and Internazionale Milan. Naturally, he was elected Player of the Year by his peers and when then Porto manager José Mourinho arrived at Chelsea, the first name he placed on his wishlist was, well, you know.

Drogba turns 29 years old today and, in his third season at Chelsea, he has never been so efficient as he is now. He picked up his African Player of the Year Award last week in Ghana alongside teammate and second runner-up Michael Essien. He's also the frontrunner for next year's Ballon d'Or. For today, however, I just want to reminisce and go back to a time when we here in France had him all to ourselves.

Happy birthday Didier and come back home.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Garry Kasparov for President

Now retired from competition, Garry Kasparov, the greatest chess player of the last thirty years, has turned to politics. He is one of the leading voices of opposition to Vladimir Putin in Russia, and in a Times article today, he refuses to deny the possibility that he will run against Putin's chosen successor with the aplomb of a politician who has already decided to run.

I particularly like the always-whirring chess-mind that is evinced in this article, as Kasparov begins by diagramming a recent protest through the streets of Moscow as if it were a great game he'd just played, and then goes on to analyze his movement's chances for success with the razor's edge of a true gambler: "I am absolutely objective. I think we can lose badly, because the regime is still very powerful, but the only beauty of our situation is that we don’t have much choice.”

Kasparov, Building Opposition to Putin (nytimes.com)

Deal or Shit Deal


In today's Deal or Shit Deal we take you back to one of the biggest cash-for-territory transactions in the history of the universe, the Louisiana Purchase. Two hundred and three years ago today, a formal ceremony was held in St. Louis to officially transfer ownership of the territory involved.

The first thing you'll want to note is that the Louisiana Purchase has nothing to do with Pete Maravich being traded by the Atlanta Hawks to the New Orleans Jazz for a bunch of draft picks and lowlifes from the expansion draft. It was in fact a trade between the U.S. and France - we gave France about $23 mill, and in exchange, they gave us Louisiana.

Of course, $23 mill back then would be worth so much money today that it's actually mathematically impossible to calculate. But before you start yelling "shit deal! definitely shit deal!" take a look at that map up there. Louisiana was a lot bigger back then too. We're talking 530 million acres worth of unblemished natural resources to ruin and Indians to disenfranchise. The territory involved today accounts for all of Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, and large parts of Minnesota, North and South Dakota, New Mexico, Texas, Colorado, Montana, Wyoming and Louisiana, including New Orleans. We even got parts of Canada in the deal, which we later pawned off to the Canadians in exchange for hockey. In all, as far Louisiana Purchases go, in this one I'd say that we were the Jazz, and they were the Hawks.

Friday, March 09, 2007

This Week in No Mas



3/4
Puerto Weirdo
Large breaks down the Saturday's HBO card, including Edison Miranda's cat-and-mouse (and by cat, I mean, big cat) game with Allan Green, and Miguel Cotto's uninspired outing against Oktay Urkal. "Maybe Cotto took this fight too easily - it certainly seemed that way - but watching it I had to wonder... if Urkal can shoeshine him like that, what's a fighter with real speed, like, oh, say, Zab Judah, going to do to him?"

The Winter of Our Discontent
A Large dispatch from Philly, where discontent is the air that they breathe. "... sports-fans in Philly are without a doubt the angriest sumbitches in the world. They should form some kind of paramilitary organization. It would immediately challenge Al Qaeda for the title belt awarded to The Most Unreasonable Violent Bunch of Crazy Bastards in the World."

3/5
K.O.W. - The Puncher from Ponce
Our No Mas Knockout of the Week comes from the great Puerto Rican lightweight, Carlos Ortiz, who lays the smack down hard on Flash Elorde in this bout from 1966.

Jeff Pearlman thinks boxing is for losers
Large goes after Jeff Pearlman and his idiotic anti-boxing piece on ESPN.com. No word yet on the catchweight for the Pearlman/Large bout, but let me tell you something people - the smart money is on Large.

3/6
Hebrew Hammers
CI travels to Think Tank 3 to see Charles Miller's "Jewish Boxers" exhibit. "...as a Jew and a fight fan and someone who has written and thought about the idea of Jewish boxers, I have to admit I was probably more predisposed to rant than to rave. It was in that territory where it’s so far up your alley that if it’s bad you might feel secretly pleased and if it’s good you'll be secretly jealous. “Jewish Boxers” was so good that it just made me happy it existed."

Happy Birthdizzle
Quite a motley crew of birthdays to celebrate on the 6th of March, from Cyrano to Shaq, from Lou Costello to Sleepy Floyd.

3/7
Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor
The debut of a new column on No Mas from Steve Tignor, the executive editor of Tennis Magazine and author of a regular column on their site called The Wrap. For us, though, he's taking it deep, you feel me? This week he explains the dearth of good tennis movies. "In other words, tennis in the popular imagination is stuck in two places: the preppy, cardiganed 50s, and the Borg-headband-longhair 70s. There hasn’t been a way to make tennis relevant or cool onscreen since, because it hasn’t had a defining style in 30 years."

For the heavyweight title
The anniversary of two heavyweight title fights - Ezzard Charles beating Jersey Joe in a unanimous decision to retain the title in 1951, and Iron Mike beating a decidedly non-bonecrushing Bonecrusher Smith to take his WBA belt in 1987.

3/8
The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments
Franchise continues his countdown, this week taking us from #18 to #14. Brock Lesnar's fabulous flop, Hulk v. Sarge, and Shane McMahon's attempt at legalized patricide all make the cut.

The Kid Gets Another Picture
At a reading by Ron Ross, Large and CI learn that Ross's book Bummy Davis vs. Murder Inc. has been optioned for the screen by none other than The Kid himself, Robert Evans.

March 8, 1971
A fight took place on this date. It was at the Garden. I'll give you a clue - it was the biggest fight in mankind's history since Achilles and Hector mixed it up outside the ramparts of Troy. "The tectonic plates of the earth are still reverberating with the impact of the mighty blow struck in the 15th round. Some might even say it was a blow for justice."

3/9
You cannot be serious
Yo check out some of our new gear, like the Johnny Mac jammy on the left. The shit is so ill, your guts may spill.

Two of a Very Rare Kind
Large reviews David Maraniss' Clemente and Mark Kriegel's Pistol. "It wasn't long before I was struck by the similarities between Clemente and Maravich - Pittsburgh connections (Maravich through his father, Press), flashy styles that earned them as many detractors as fans, nervous constitutions and careers littered with injuries, a dissatisfied, visionary streak that led them each to fringe, cultish pursuits, and finally, of course, early, tragic deaths that immediately transformed their complicated legacies into legends befitting those who die young."

You Cannot Be Serious!

Well, actually, we are. We are quite serious. Some might even go so far as to say deadly serious about fine sporting design. As evidence, we present No Mas Early Spring ’07.


Some of our closest associates have pointed out that we do not discuss our goods enough on this fine forum. We must admit, we have considered their point, and decided they are absolutely correct. Please forgive us, we will be less shameless now and in the future. We are still too inept to actually photograph our products, sell them off our own site, and jam your email boxes full of solicitations like any reasonable merchants, but we will at least herald the arrival of our newest creations and direct you to some of our finest purveyors.

WIMBLEDON


Sprectrumosity
+
McEnrosity
=
My Philosophy

It took this much pain, to produce this much joy.

Warning: Beware the spectrum print. It is devilishly colorful and infinitely adapatable. You have not seen the last of it.




CHIEF AND CHONG
There has been some confusion on the interweb as to the origins of this new piece by our modern day William Blake (minus the millenarianism and the backyard nudity), James Blagden. But true No Masionados will know to refer to their card catalogs under 793.45Fr “The Illustrated History of Drugs and Sports”. They will also know why we must apologize in advance to Mr. Abdelnaby for his removal from the equation. Alaa, trust us, if we had believed even one person would recognize a portrait of you, where you were somehow morphed into Tommy Chong, we would have made it. I am truly sorry.

CHOCOLATE THUNDER



Or as they call him on Planet Lovetron, the king of kings, the lord of boards, and the host of boasts. Double D, you gave us what many consider to be our greatest interview to date. We felt we had to honor you in at least three colorways. Philadelphia, can we get some brotherly love?






STEVIE
Some might ask, “What on earth does Hotter Than July have to do with athletics.” This would be a very legitimate question, if you are unaware that we at No Mas suffer from a rare condition known as synesthesia. (sĭn'ĭs-thē'zhə), as our friends at the American Heritage would have it is “a condition in which one type of stimulation evokes the sensation of another, as when the hearing of a sound produces the visualization of a color.” In our particular case, the hearing of “All I Do” causes the visualization of a slow motion sequence of Gabriella Sabitini following through on a low backhand, as tiny beads of sweat shake loose from her jet black hair. Considering this state of affairs, a better question might be “What doesn’t Stevie Wonder to do with sports?” It was this very question, when we came across artist Anthony Annandono’s incredible portrait, that we asked ourselves.



No Mas online regulars, you know who you are. If we knew how to give you special promotional codes for discounts, we would do so now. Since we have only recently given up our luddite posturing, please contact us directly if you need anything. Your discounts will be...serious.

Two of a Very Rare Kind

NO MAS BOOK REVIEW

Clemente: The Passion and Grace of Baseball's Last Hero -
David Maraniss (Simon and Schuster, 401 p.)

Pistol: The Life of Pete Maravich - Mark Kriegel (Free Press, 381 p.)


I just finished reading two recent sports biographies back to back, Clemente by David Maraniss and Pistol by Mark Kriegel. Both books have been well-received - Clemente, which came out last year, got a very favorable review from George Will in the NY Times and went on to be one of their notable books of 2006, and Pistol has been everywhere since its release in January, with such noted literary critics as the Sports Guy jumping on the bandwagon.

I didn't plan to read these books one after the other - it just worked out that way - but it was a strange coincidence. It wasn't long before I was struck by the similarities between Clemente and Maravich - Pittsburgh connections (Maravich through his father, Press), flashy styles that earned them as many detractors as fans, nervous constitutions and careers littered with injuries, a dissatisfied, visionary streak that led them each to fringe, cultish pursuits, and finally, of course, early, tragic deaths that immediately transformed their complicated legacies into legends befitting those who die young.

Of the two books, my biggest beef was with Clemente, although I also think this book has the more rewarding passages. My overarching criticism is that it reads like a 400-page apologia for a man who even when considered in the kindest spirit has to be said to have borne some rather glaring faults. Maraniss' project here is to deify his subject, and he glosses over gross misconduct with evasive language that at times borders on comic. Introducing an anecdote from early in the 1966 season when Clemente punched an autograph seeker, Maraniss writes, "In the ledger of his life, here was a day for the case against sainthood." There were not many such days, however, according to the author. He takes Clemente's side on his infamous, largely selfish-aggrandizing outbursts to the press, makes him out to be the most dignified family man who ever lived while only alluding to the fact that he was a heroic womanizer, and in general spins everything about Clemente to make it seem as if he were a misunderstood 20th century shaman, to the extent that he actually seems to give credence to the idea, apparently believed in his hometown in Puerto Rico, that he had great healing powers (because of his interest in massage.)

Then again, what was I to expect from a book that anoints Roberto Clemente as "baseball's last hero"? (hey Stargell, piss off... McCovey, you still here? Jeter, get your shinebox...) And trust me, I wasn't looking for a hatchet job. I was similarly disappointed with Richard Ben Cramer's DiMaggio for going to such great lengths to make Joe D. seem like a colossal dick. When you read a book like this, and the author's bias is so readily evident, credibility is lost almost instantly.

That said, Maraniss is a great writer, and some of the crucial passages of this book are riveting - in particular, his recitations of the 1960 and 1971 World Series, and his investigation into the plane crash that killed Clemente. Honestly, just for the plane crash stuff alone, the book is worth reading. The facts that he unearthed behind that whole business will blow your mind.

Pistol does not have any such dramatic highs - the book chugs along on a strong wave of competence from the start and keeps going straight through to the grisly finish. I would have liked a little more in-depth treatment of Pete's days in the NBA and a little less of the Oedipal drama between Pete and father Press, but these are quibbling concerns. Kreigel's book makes a convincing case for Maravich's standing in a very rare category - the athlete as visionary and artist. He was a driven, melancholy perfectionist whose relationship to his sport was more aesthetic than perhaps any other athlete I can think of who achieved such Olympian heights. McEnroe, maybe, belongs in this elite club, and like McEnroe, the picture that Kriegel paints of Maravich is of a man who wrestled with his sanity and wild mood swings that bordered on manic depression. With his relentless beer-drinking and his obsessions with karate, vegetarianism, UFO's, and eventually Jesus, Pete seemed always to be seeking an escape from the sport that he loved and yet increasingly felt to him like a prison. Kriegel makes a lot of comparisons between Maravich at his lowest points and the late-period, doomed Elvis. It sounds about right.

The only warning I'll give you about Pistol is you might want to give the Prologue a miss. It takes a clumsy stab at the mythopoetic and falls well short of the mark. Here's a characteristic excerpt:

Press Maravich was a Serb. Ideas and language occurred to him in the mother tongue, and so one imagines him speaking to Pistol... as a father addressing his son in an old Serbian song: Cuj me sine oci moje, Cuvaj ono sto je tvoje... Listen to me, eyes of mine, guard that which is thine...

Honestly, I almost didn't read the book after starting off with this sort of bathetic crap. But I'm grateful that I persevered - once he gets into it, Kreigel steps out of the limelight and lets the story take over with crisp, efficient prose. I imagine that, as with his Namath bio, this will become the definitive book on Maravich for some time.

(Note: The Pete Maravich SportsCentury is on ESPN Classic today - see below)

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 3/9 - 3/11

3/9
Pete Maravich SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.

A hour-long look into the sadness, weirdness, and genius of Pistol Pete. Worth it just for the LSU shit.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown CW, 8 p.m.
World Heavyweight Champ Batista and his Wrestlemania challenger, the Undertaker, are under the same roof for the first time since the No Way Out PPV. Will we see more friction between the two less than a month before their showdown in Motown?

Rocky
TNT, 1 a.m.

Look it's the name man. The I-talian Stallion. The media will eat it up. Now who discovered America? An Italian right? What better way to get it on than with one of his descendants?

3/10
Rocky II

TNT, 3:30 a.m.

Well now I don't wanna get mad in a biblical place like this. But I think you're a hell of a lot more than that kid! A hell of a lot! But now wait a minute if you wanna blow this thing if you wanna blow it then damn it I'm gonna blow it with ya. If you wanna stay here I'll stay with ya. I stay with ya. I'll stay and pray. What do I got to lose?

Heaven Can Wait
HBOSGe, 11:15 a.m.

Joe Pendleton. Max Corcoran. Mr. Farnsworth. Dyan Cannon and Charles Grodin. And last but not least, Julie Christie, be still my heart. I saw this one for my eighth birthday with my parents and Joey Albany, my best friend at the time. Afterwards we went to Perkins for burgers and milk shakes. Good times.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
FX, 1 p.m.
Kung-fu heaven. I haven't seen this one since it came out. I saw it with my girlfriend at the time at the Loews on 33rd and First. I had one of those blistering hangovers that makes you feel like you're on acid. It was beautiful.

Wladimir Klitschko v. Ray Austin
HBO, 5 & 10 p.m.

No Wlad is not fighting Gary Coleman with a moustache on stilts. That's Ray Austin, yo. Let's just take a look-see at Mr. Austin's accomplishments in the ring. A draw to Sultan Ibragimov, right, a draw with Zuri Lawrence, yes, a draw against Larry Donald, check. Hmm. I do see a two-round TKO over Jeremy Bates. But still I, ah... I just don't see this fight lasting too long.

Bend It Like Beckham
IFC, 7 p.m.
Don't laugh. I liked this movie. It warmed the cockles of my cockles, and was my first opportunity to get horny for Keira Knightley. If you haven't seen it, I'll clue you into something lest the suspense be too much for you - in the end, they let the girl follow her dreams.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

Man, Classic must have just stumbled across a bunch of Pernell fights in their vault or something. It's amazing. Years they went without showing any of his fights, and suddenly a barrage. Now they give him the three-hour Ringside treatment. Serious Tivo alert on this one - something tells me they'll even go back to some Olympic Pernell, which would be dy-no-mite.

3/11
Classic Battle Lines
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.
This show sets up the 1981 Wimbledon final between Borg and Mac at Wimbledon, after their epic encounter in the 1980 final. This was the year that Mac really made history with his on-court shenanigans, including the essential "You cannot be serious" and "You're the pits of the world" tantrums.

Rocky Marciano
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

A 1999 biopic starring Jon Favreau as the Rock and Judd Hirsch as Al Weill. If you've forgotten what Mr. Favreau looks like, that's him on the left. A dead ringer for Rocky Marciano if I ever saw one.

Rocky Marciano v. Ezzard Charles
ESPN Classic, 10 p.m.
The first of two fights the Rock had with the Cincinnati Cobra in 1954. Marciano wins by UD - the rematch is the doozy, an 8th round TKO for Marciano that was Ring's FOY.

Tyson Fest
ESPN Classic, 10:30 p.m.

Starting at 10:30 Classic shows six Tyson fights in a row - Mike Jameson ('86), Quick Tillis ('86), Trevor Berbick ('86), Larry Holmes ('88), Michael Spinks ('88) and Frank Bruno ('89). If you haven't seen them before, I'd say that but for the Jameson fight, they're all worth watching for different reasons.

The Natural
WE, 12 a.m.

Pick me out a winner, Bobby.

Rocky Marciano v. Jersey Joe Walcott
ESPN Classic, 2 a.m.

Ring Magazine's Fight of the Year in 1952, the fight that made Marciano the heavyweight champ, and about the most devastating knockout you'll ever want to see. We made this one our Knockout of the Week back in December, and when you see it, you'll know why.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

March 8, 1971

Maybe Jack Johnson/Jim Jeffries. Maybe Louis/Schmeling II. Maybe... but probably not. There is probably no fight that better deserves the moniker "The Fight of the Century" than the one that took place at the Garden 36 years ago tonight. The tectonic plates of the earth are still reverberating with the impact of the mighty blow struck in the 15th round. Some might even say it was a blow for justice.

The Kid Gets Another Picture

Me and CI went to that reading last night at Think Tank 3, Ron Ross reading from his book "Bummy Davis vs. Murder, Inc." with Charles Miller's striking paintings of Jewish boxers all around us. It was a good night - the space was perfect for the occasion, the art leant some heavy atmosphere, and Ron was charismatic and showed a real performer's streak, which all made the festivities a notch above your average "reading." And we met up with our man Kurt (known to those of you who troll the No Mas comments as "Kurt") - he's a boxing insider and afficianado of the highest order and just an all-around interesting dude.


But okay, so we had a nice time. The point is, in the course of his presentation, Ron dropped the news that Robert Evans had just optioned his book for a movie that Evans envisions as a true Mafia epic of the old school. They're currently trying to get Barry Levinson to direct it. If you know the story at all, you know that it has infinite cinematic potential - the mob versus the little guy, good versus evil, Jewish fighters and Murder Inc. Just the way Ron would end a passage or a description last night by saying in this dramatically clipped diction, "and this... was the group that... eventually became known... as Murder Incorporated" - I tell you, the thing is like a movie already.

So we wish him all the best with it, we certainly hope that movie gets made, and again we urge you to go check out the "Jewish Boxers" show at Think Tank 3 on 447 Hudson Street. It'll blow you away.

The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments

(The Franchise is away at karate camp this week, and possibly next week as well, so unfortunately there will be no Sharpshootin today. In its vaunted place, here's the continuation of his countdown of the Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments. This week it's #18 to 14 - click here to see #23 to 19.)


#18: Crash Test Dummy
Wrestlemania IX – Safeco Field, Seattle WA
March 30, 2003

The Match:
Kurt Angle (c) vs. Brock Lesnar

The Moment: Brock Lesnar’s rookie year in WWE was unlike any other. He rose through the ranks faster than anyone in the business by becoming the youngest ever WWE Champion (Randy Orton has since broken that record). Considering his amazing amateur wrestling background it seemed inevitable that he would face the only Olympic Gold Medalist in WWE history, Kurt Angle. The match definitely lived up to the hype and with Angle on the ropes Lesnar decided to try a move usually reserved for men 100 pounds lighter than him. He probably should have kept things that way.



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#17: Proud to be an American
Wrestlemania VII – LA Sports Arena, Los Angeles, CA
March 24, 1991

The Match:
Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter (c)

The Moment: Vince McMahon, being the ultimate promoter that he is, decided to exploit the Gulf War by turning former American Hero, Sgt. Slaughter, into an Iraqi sympathizer. Obviously, the Hulkster would have none of this and, in the midst of the first war in Iraq, Hulk and the Sarge engaged in a little squared circle warfare. Just like with the Persian Gulf War, the good guys came through in the clutch (or, well, I guess that depends on who you ask).

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#16: Finally, the Crippler is Crowned
Wrestlemania XX – Madison Square Garden, New York, NY
March 14, 2004

The Match:
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit vs. HHH (c)

The Moment: For over a decade, Chris Benoit constantly heard that he was going to be World Heavyweight Champion. But whenever he seemed to be on his way to the top, the glass ceiling would smack him right on the head. Until, on the same stage where the inaugural Wrestlemania took place, the Crippler defied all the odds and captured the title that had eluded him for so many years.



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#15: Family Feud
Wrestlemania X7 – Astrodome, Houston, TX
April 1, 2001

The Match:
Shane McMahon vs. Vince McMahon

The Moment: The McMahons, the first family of wrestling, have had their share of infamous moments inside the ring but none more shocking than when Vince McMahon faced his only son, Shane McMahon, in a brutal match. In the end, youth won out as Shane, who had just “purchased” WCW less than a week prior to their bout, reigned victorious over his old man with a devastating rendition of the Van Terminator.

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#14: To the Employed Go the Spoils
Wrestlemania VII – LA Sports Arena, Los Angeles, CA
March 24, 1991

The Match:
The Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy “Macho King” Savage in a Retirement Match

The Moment: There’s really nothing like a good ol’ fashioned retirement match– especially on the grandest stage of ‘em all. What made this one so intriguing was the uncertainty of who would have to call it quits. Would it be the fan-favorite Ultimate Warrior or the now-evil Randy “Macho King” Savage? (Obviously, this is wrestling so we all knew the loser would return in six months but nevertheless it was squared circle drama at its best)

No Mas TV Guide - 3/8

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV
Alexis Arguello v. Ray Mancini, 1981
VS., 9 p.m. & 12 a.m.

Talk about your No Mas bonanzas - Jesus. Increasingly Versus is giving Classic a run for its money on the old fight market. First Ali-Frazier II, then Hagler-Antuofermo, and now this thing. They're really digging out the nuggets. Arguello-Mancini is one of the defining fights of my life, two of my heroes as a young boxing fan in a war to the finish. We featured this one as a Knockout of the Week in December.

BEST OF THE REST
Dorothy Hamill SportsCentury

ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.

Learn the origins of the Hamill Camel, the Worldwide Wedge, and yes, Little Large's very first sexual thoughts.

Chris Evert SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4:30 p.m.
Classic really making it a Little Large Wet Dream Difecta today with the Chrissie SC.

TNA Impact!

Spike TV, 9 p.m.

A couple of six-man tag matches on tonight's show one of which has Sonjay Dutt, Jay Lethal & Petey Williams vs. James Storm, Robert Roode & Eric Young. But, the No Mas audience will love seeing the return of the legendary Hector Guerrero to the ring.

UFC Unleashed

Spike TV, 11 p.m.

Two great fight are featured: First, George "Rush" St. Pierre goes up against Sean Sherk and then its Rich Franklin's title defense against Anderson Silva from October. Wanna see someone get his nose smashed in? Watch the Silva-Franklin fight.

British Open Highlights
Golf Channel, 12:30 a.m.

A recap of the 2001 Open Championship, where David Duval finally passed the "Best Player Never to Win a Major" curse onto Phil Mickelson, only to trade it in for a more dire title - "The Best Player to Completely Lose His Mind and Disappear from the Face of the Earth."




Wednesday, March 07, 2007

For the heavyweight title...


March 7, 1951 - Ezzard Charles v. Jersey Joe Walcott

On this day in 1951, Ezzard Charles and Jersey Joe Walcott met for the second of their four career fights. Two years prior, Charles had won a unanimous decision over Jersey Joe to win the heavyweight title vacated by Joe Louis. He had since defended that title six times, including a victory over Louis that silenced the doubters and made him the undisputed heavyweight champ. In this bout, Charles was again dominant over Walcott, knocking him to the canvas in the ninth with a flurry of punches that Jersey Joe never shook off. Later that year, Charles and Walcott would wage their third battle, and this time Jersey Joe would emerge with the title after a seventh-round knockout. It was Ring Magazine's Fight of the Year in 1951. Originally I had written in here that Walcott had lost the title to Charles in the fourth bout a year later (something I sincerely believed - although I guess that's no excuse - you ARE allowed to doublecheck this shit) but in fact he outpointed Charles in a controversial decision.


March 7, 1987 - Mike Tyson v. James "Bonecrusher" Smith
Twenty years ago today, Iron Mike polished off the second leg of his heavyweight title unification tour, winning the WBA belt from Bonecrusher Smith in an uninspired 12-round UD. Smith (the only American heavyweight titlist in history to have graduated from college) had won the WBA crown just three months prior with a first-round knockout of the gloriously fat Tim Witherspoon. Of course, with Tyson on the hunt. Bonecrusher wasn't apt to hold that crown for long - in this particular bout he seemed more interested in holding on for good life, a strategy that got him two points deducted for excessive clinching. With his man running and hiding, the Brownsville came out in Tyson at times, but that only seemed to strengthen Smith's resolve not to play with fire. He went the distance, a callow distinction, and with the inevitable decision Tyson was two-thirds of the way to his birthright.

To Whom It May Concern

Sorry about the short notice, but there's an interesting reading in Manhattan tonight at the space currently hosting Charles Miller's Jewish Boxers show (click here for C.I.'s review). Even if readings are not your thing (they are certainly not mine), the art is amazing, and I-berg and I will be there in full effect. Any of our regulars who do happen to come by, please introduce yourselves - I'll be the startlingly average-looking bloke in a Phillies jacket, and I-Berg, well... he thinks he looks like Al Pacino in Godfather II, if that's any help.

Think Tank 3
447 Hudson Street
7:30 p.m.

Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor


(Deep Tennis is a new No Mas column from Tennis Magazine writer and editor Steve Tignor. Steve will be answering our incredibly deep questions about all things tennis. If you want to ask Steve a Deep Tennis question, send it to me at [email protected] and I will decide if it is deep enough for his attention. Keep in mind, I will only be forwarding questions to him that are seriously effin deep.)

Steve, last week on Oscar Sunday we did a retrospective on all of the great boxing movies that have won Academy Awards. That got us to thinking about sports movies in general, which eventually brought us around to the paucity of good tennis movies. In your opinion, what is the all-time best tennis movie, and why in general do tennis movies suck so bad?”


The two best movies with tennis as a major motif, I think, are Hitchcock’s “Strangers on a Train” from the 1950s, and last year’s “The Squid and the Whale.” (Caveat: I’ haven’t yet seen Donal Logue’s low-budget buddy comedy “Tennis, Anyone,” but something tells me it will never be described as “Hitchcockian.”)

“Strangers on a Train” gets the old amateur-era tennis player just right. The lead character is an aristocratic type—the cardigan-wearing, wood-racquet-sporting, not-a-hair-out-of-place kind of guy who is now universally mocked, but who was once someone Americans envied and aspired to be. And that’s the theme of the movie, as a creepy recluse tries to destroy the tennis player’s life. There are long, credible tennis scenes on a court that’s supposed to be the stadium at Forest Hills.

“The Squid and the Whale” is a flawed but cool indie movie from 2005, set in Brooklyn in the 1980s. This one captures the brief period when tennis was hip among bohemian intellectual types. The local teaching pro, Billy Baldwin, is the best thing in the movie—after an author/professor lectures him on the beauty of the one-handed backhand, Baldwin gives him a lesson in the reality of tennis: Underneath the aesthetics, it’s really a brutish game of force. They play the most hilariously clunky—i.e., real—tennis ever put on screen. (Then Baldwin has sex with the guy’s wife later in the movie.) You can tell someone involved with the writing knew the sport—when the female lead character comes to watch her son, she doesn’t say she wants to see him “play,” she says she wants to see him “hit.” The lingo is just right.

But there’s still something wrong with the tennis in this movie, and it points to why there are so few decent movies featuring the sport. The setting for “Squid” is New York, 1986-87. You wouldn’t know that from the tennis scenes—Baldwin dresses in headbands and tight Fila that had gone out of style five years earlier; the professor references Borg when he talks about the beauty of the game, even though Borg had retired four years earlier; and one of the kids in the movie uses a marker to write the word “Vitas” on his arm. In 1986, Vitas Gerulaitis was a has-been; 1987 was the beginning of Agassi and his denim shorts. (“The Royal Tenenbaums” commits the same sin, putting the star player in a 70s-era headband.)

In other words, tennis in the popular imagination is stuck in two places: the preppy, cardiganed 50s, and the Borg-headband-longhair 70s. There hasn’t been a way to make tennis relevant or cool onscreen since, because it hasn’t had a defining style in 30 years. (It’s hard to blame the “Squid” producers for going with Borg Fila instead of Agassi denim.) The latest tennis movie, “Wimbledon,” is typical—it has nothing to do with the sport. It’s “Rocky” and romance in white shorts, with no attempt to get the lingo, the culture, or even the modern style of play right.

Golf had a “Caddyshack” in the 70s, then a “Tin Cup” in the 90s, because the sport has been able to go from country-club to blue collar. From a pop-culture standpoint, tennis remains lost in two pasts, one despised, the other clichéd.
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Steve Tignor is the executive editor of Tennis Magazine and the writer of a regular column on the Tennis website called The Wrap that also appears on ESPN.com. He was a four-time All-American tennis player at Swarthmore, a feat he somehow managed to accomplish despite keeping up a very demanding daily schedule of drinking a lot of Schlitz and discussing the nuances of Exile on Main Street with Large. He's also an accomplished music writer, and still a badass tennis player, as well as (we hear) being a monster on the squash court, all of which should serve us well come the first Inter-Blog Olympics.

Madsear's Guide to the Champions League

Celtic Glasgow v. Milan AC
I wouldn't want people to lose interest in this game in particular but the bout will take place in Milan. Celtic has never won against an Italian team in Italy during this competition and Milan has never lost to the Celtic in 6 confrontations. Add that to the fact that Milan has won 14 out of their 17 last games at home in European competitions and that Nakamura's boys have lost 11 out of their last 12 European games on the road, and this game seems practically a done deal for a team that will be complete, focused and healthy whereas Celtic's most lethal weapon Shunsuke Nakamura (best player in his league by far) is still hurt and has not practiced today. If by any chance they win, it easily will be the biggest upset since 2004 when Monaco won 3-1 in Madrid after having lost 4-2 at home.

And speaking of Madrid...

Real Madrid v. Bayern Munchen
The White House won 3-2 in the first leg at Santiago Bernabeù but they are not going through that easy. They lost their best player they have of the moment (some guy called David Beckham) and former Arsenal wiz Jose Antonio Reyes for a month. Fabio Capello will have to go and win in the most tricky arena there is with a team that has been crippled by criticism and rumors. He doesn't achieve anything near unanimity anymore and people talk about him being replaced before the end of this season. If he loses tomorrow, the white handkerchiefs will be waving this Saturday (asking for the removal the head as soon as possible, a bullfighting tradition). All the Germans need is a 1-0 victory and they go through. Knowing how their season has been so far, this feat seems possible. I'm leaning towards Munich to win it... but Madrid is still Madrid.

PSV Eindhoven v. Arsenal
Arsenal put themselves in an uncomfortable position by losing to an always hard-to-maneuver Dutch team. Their loss was not a big upset but people expected them to play better. Tomorrow in their own arena, they'll have to create and be imaginative if they want to go through Phillip Cocù and his defensive midfielder Timmy Simmons (these two are as efficient as Essien, Makelele and Lampard on their best day). Thierry Henry started training again Sunday and did some shooting yesterday but he'll have to reach deep inside if he wants to be as efficient as he was before his injury. And let us not forget that Rosicky, Van Persie, Eboué, Flamini and Hoyte won't partake due to various injuries. If they don't win tomorrow night, Arsenal's season will be the second in a row without any trophy. On defense, the Gunners need to make sure Jefferson Farfan doesn't get as much free space as he did during the first leg - on offense, they quite simple need to give the ball to Henry. I'm leaning towards Arsenal for this one but Eindhoven has beaten stronger teams in the past on their own turf. Should be interesting.

And now onto the most talked about match of the day...

Lille v. Manchester United


The first leg was the most controversial match of the year. On one hand the English like to believe that a tragedy was avoided whereas the French focus on feeling that they were cheated of a victory. The problem is - both sides are right. An extra thousand tickets were counterfeited and sold to Manchester fans, which certainly could have led to disaster given the French Police's utterly stupid attitude of trying to keep English fans off the pitch at all costs, causing three women to have panic attacks. Meanwhile, on the pitch a rookie-referee (only his fourth European game) accepted a free-kick - Ryan Griggs' now infamous goal - that would have been refused anywhere else because the wall was not ready. Throw in the fact that Sir Alex Fergusson and Claude Puel do not shake hands (after a draw with Lille at Old Trafford last year, Sir Alex called Monsieur Claude some nasty names while his mike was still on), and all of these chilly relationships undoubtedly will make for a fiery confrontation. Lille's player of the year Kader Keita will be back after the first leg's suspension, and he'll be their number one threat. Rooney, who was hurt against Liverpool on Sunday, will be able to play after one last MRI early this morning. Personally, I'm hoping Lille wins because Manchester cheated when they never used to and never needed to. I'm disappointed by their whole attitude - it's not worthy of such a great squad.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/7

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV
Lille v. Manchester United
ESPN2, 2:30 p.m.
More Champions League action - Man U has a 1-0 lead (Ryan Griggs' controversial sucker goal from the first match) and Lille will be missing midfielders Mathieu Bodmer and Yohan Cabaye.

Real Madrid v. Bayern Munich
ESPN Classic, 5 p.m.

A replay of this match on Classic at 5 - Real won the first leg 3-2 but will be missing Jose Antonio Reyes and a certain Mr. Posh Spice.

BEST OF THE REST
The Last Ride
USA, 2 p.m.
Mickey Rourke as a washed-up rodeo star? I've never heard of it, but how can this movie not be great?

Mike Tyson v. Michael Johnson, 1985
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m., 12 a.m.

Iron Mike with a brutal first-round KO in just his eighth pro bout. You don't want to miss the post-fight interview, when Mike utters his famous, "My shots are so accurate, so precise... not to be egotistic..." speech.

UFC Ultimate Fight Night
Spike, 9 p.m.

A replay of Ultimate Fight Night 5 from last June in Vegas, which includes Anderson Silva's stunning first-round knockout of Chris Leben.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Happy Birthdizzle

What a day for birthdays, what a motley crew. Check out Bob Wills and Ring Lardner. One jolly and one mean, and two superduper fly hats.


























































































































Hebrew Hammers

I walked the Armory Show ("The International Flair of New Art") and a couple of its satellites in Manhattan last week, and I left feeling officially unmoved. In addition to a whole lot of junky one liners, I saw some beautiful and some clever work, but nothing that really hit me in the breadbasket. Most of the trouble isn’t with the artists—the Armory isn’t a show in the way I normally think of a show (one or a number or artists meditating on a particular topic). It’s a trade show. Galleries bring work from multiple artists to showcase, and more importantly to sell. It’s a strange way to see work, and it felt to me like listening to an eclectic record label’s spring compilation. Every artist’s work is deprived of the context of the other works it was originally created to stand with and then lumped together with other works it has nothing really to do with. All in all, for the casual tourist with a short attention span (like me), it’s not a very good way to see things.

The experience got me thinking about everything that was right about Charles Miller’s “Jewish Boxers”, a show I saw several weeks ago and have been meaning to review. Now you might say that any show called “Jewish Boxers” was bound to hit ‘ol Isenberg where he lives. But as a Jew and a fight fan and someone who has written and thought about the idea of Jewish boxers, I have to admit I was probably more predisposed to rant than to rave. It was in that territory where it’s so far up your alley that if it’s bad you might feel secretly pleased and if it’s good you'll be secretly jealous. “Jewish Boxers” was so good that it just made me happy it existed. If I had had an extra two grand in my pocket I would’ve walked out with a painting—as it was, I had to settle for a postcard and a red leather yarmulke gold stamped inside with the show's opening night details.


The show is up until March 15, and it is mandatory No Mas viewing. It’s at a place called “Think Tank 3”, a small creative agency which occupies a storefront on Hudson street and have converted the front half to a gallery. Why Charles Miller’s work had not already been snatched up and shown by a more traditional Chelsea gallery, I have no idea. But whatever the reason, while her space may lack art world pedigree, Sharoz Makarechi did a beautiful job curating the show and the space fit the work extremely well. I especially appreciated the books lining shelves in between paintings: A.J. Liebling’s Sweet Science and A Neutral Corner, Douglas Century’s biography of Barney Ross, and Allen Bodner's When Boxing Was a Jewish Sport (the book that apparently started Miller on his journey) in a glass case along with some well chosen vintage boxing cards. From the moment I walked in, I knew I was in brother from another mother land.

Two large paintings dominated the room—one of someone called Ted “Kid” Lewis, in a turn of the century training outfit (leggings and very mitteny boxing gloves) clutching a medicine ball. This was an arresting piece, but having never heard of Kid Lewis, the one that really got me was Abe Attell or as he was known apparently back in the day, “The Little Hebrew”. Those weaned on “Eight Men Out” will remember Attell as Meyer Rothstein’s accomplice in the fixing of the 1919 World Series. I’ve always liked “the scene” where Rothstein reveals the origin of his contempt for athletes, (“I was the fat kid they wouldn't let play.”), and then tries to lord it over Attell for having taken dives. At the end of the exchange, Attell insists, “I was champ, and can't nothin take that away.” John Sayles’ characterization of Attell is gritty by 80s Hollywood standards, but Miller is working on a different plane.



He has clearly studied vintage photographs very carefully, and he chooses a defensive posture for Attell, left arm extended, right crossed behind protecting his chin. It is an older Attell, not the young champ intoxicated by victory and feeling invincible. Attell's brow is furrowed, his face is lined with care. Seen in the light of what was coming it seems like he is protecting himself against more than a right cross—he is warding off the inevitable future.


That one, Mr. Miller, got me right in the solarplexus. Congratulations on a beautiful show.



Through March 15th
Think Tank 3
447 Hudson Street
212-647-8595


P.S. For everyone who has ever lamented the steady decline (or rather increase) of the boxing and basketball short inseam, get ready to shed a tear for the world that Hector "Macho" Camacho may have singlehandedly destroyed.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/6

MUST SEE NO MAS TV
Barcelona v. Liverpool
ESPN2, 2:30 p.m.

Second leg of a potential shocker, shown live on the deuce. Click here for Madsear's preview.

Porto v. Chelsea
ESPN Classic, 5 p.m.

A replay of the Porto/Chelsea match. Again, click here for Madsear's take.

Livingstone Bramble v. Ray Mancini, 1985
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
All's I got to say to this is oh shit. This is not a fight that Classic breaks out every night. Also, keep in mind that this is the rematch, not their first fight, when Boom Boom's eye was sliced up like prosciutto. But the second fight is still a classic, as Mancini went to war to get back the lightweight crown, even going all Rocky with Mills Lane and telling him "You stop this fight I'll kill ya!" After this bout, Boom Boom went into his first retirement, while Bramble was so beat up in victory that he didn't fight again for a year. When he came back, he wasn't the same, and in 1986 he lost his lightweight title in an upset to Edwin Rosario.


BEST OF THE REST
Andy Roddick SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.

A solid look at the rise of ARod that, if I recall correctly, gets you past the Mandy Moore era and well into the slump years of '04 and '05.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
FX, 8 p.m.
The best movie ever made about the corrupt sport of dodgeball.

Rafael Marquez v. Israel Vasquez
ShoToo, 10 p.m.

A rerun of this brawl from Saturday in which Rafael Marquez takes Israel Vasquez's bantamweight belt and breaks the shit out of his nose in the process. This one is ugly. In a good way.

ECW Wrestling
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
Vince McMahon has vowed to make Bobby Lashley's life a living hell but Stone Cold will be in the house so chances are those plans will backfire. Plus, Rob Van Dam vs. Elijah Burke.

Miguel Cotto v. Oktay Urkal
HBO2, 11:30 p.m.

HBO reruns the Miranda/Green and Cotto/Urkal fights - for my recap, click here.

Iran Barkley v. Gerrie Coetzee, 1997
ESPN Classic, 12 a.m.
Hard to believe Coetzee, a.k.a The Bionic Hand (nickname pantheon alert), was still at it in '97. I mean, holms knocked out Leon Freaking Spinks, fought Mike Weaver for a belt. This was his last fight, God willing - he was 42 at the time. As for Barkley, well, it ain't exactly his prime either, but I always like to watch the Blade in action. I still can't quite get over the last time I saw him at the opening of this year's Golden Gloves and he was introduced as "the man who beat Tommy Hearns twice." Rest of his life, he gets that. Nice way to make an entrance.

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
CBS, 12:35 a.m.

Ferguson's only listed guest is Jeremy Roenick. I guess they have a lot to catch up on. It'll be like a Charlie Rose showdown between two great geniuses.

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
Telemundo, 2:30 a.m.

This is a fictionalized movie about Bruce Lee's life that I saw and can't remember very well but I'm pretty sure it's horrible. Nevertheless, it's on at 2:30 in the morning and it'll be in Spanish, so if you happen to be up and all high, well, Merry Christmas.

Madsear's Guide to the Champions League

(Our crack correspondent from across the pond, the one and only Madsear, previews today's big matches.)

Chelsea v. Porto
This game seems to be the most predictable of all. There was a draw in the first leg of this game (1-1 @Lisbon) and that appeared to be an excellent operation for the Blues, who followed up their performance in the "Stadio do Dragao" by winning the League Cup against an Henry-less Arsenal. During that same game, they lost England skipper John Terry for a month and he won't be there tomorrow. Still, it seems quasi-impossible for Porto to pull an upset at Stamford Bridge if you count on freshly named "African Footballer of the year" Didier Drogba and his second runner-up Michael Essien who will be filling Terry's absence in central defense next to Ricardo Carvalho.

Liverpool v. Barcelona


Liverpool is on the verge of creating the biggest surprise this year in a European competition. Nobody expected Barcelona to be in any kind of trouble before the quarterfinals. Now it seems very possible for the Catalans to leave the tournament before ever having a chance of starting a lineup similar to last year's. Liverpool won in Barcelona (2-1) thanks to Bellamy and Riise who were both implicated in an incident involving golf clubs and ungodly amounts of booze. All that turmoil didn't seem to bother them much, but the drama on Barcelona's side did - people actually saying that Samuel Eto'o refused to enter five minutes before the end of a game and his response that the cause of it was his still somewhat injured knee. Frank Rijkaard, who doesn't seem to like him much, said off the record that his knee was not healing due to the fact that he didn't train enough. Eto'o promptly burst out of an interview saying that whoever had the balls to say that he didn't go to practice should grow some balls (juegos). This was one of those "You talkin about practice??" moments. Add those declarations to rampant rumors that some Cataluñans would like to see Ronaldinho and his ways leave the club before he self destructs. This game will definitely be the most interesting tomorrow out of the four, Barcelona having to score at least twice to go through.

Lyon v. AS Roma
The first leg was a draw. Lyon is the best team in France right now and they seem to be back on track. They've also proven to be world-class choke artists when it comes to playing Italian teams (they lost to Milan in the 2006 quarterfinals and in 2004). They're a superior team than Rome and should win, but they've lost to weaker opponents in the past so who knows.

Valencia CF v. Internazionale Milan
Valencia did something special by scoring twice (2-2 @ San Siro) on the road and putting themselves in the driver's seat against a Milan squad that just saw their 17-game win streak stopped by a draw this weekend. All the Valencians need is a 0-0 result, and knowing them, they'll play for it. So it may be the last time we see legend Luis Figò in a European competition before he moves to Saudi Arabia this summer. Milan has been the best team in Italy this season but can they handle one of the toughest crowds in Spain? Seems unlikely.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Jeff Pearlman (dude in glasses on right) thinks boxing is for losers

Jeff Pearlman, best known for the infamous John Rocker-is-a-racist S.I. article, has a column running on ESPN.com right now that is so utterly stupid and offensive I feel a need to comment.

He's writing about Oscar/Floyd and the preposterousness of the fight being titled "The World Awaits." Yes, hype titles like that are ridiculous, and yes to say that "the world is awaiting" the showdown between Oscar de la Hoya and Floyd Mayweather is overstating the case considerably (although, let's face it, the hype for this fight is a pimple on the face of the pomp and circumstance that greets the Super Bowl or the World Series each year, and Jeff, I hate to break it to you, but the world doesn't wait on them either).

He moves on to do a random polling of his "associates" to get their opinion about this fight, supposedly to prove that most regular people do not care about boxing. He leads into his poll with this gold-plated material:

Personally, I do not know "The World." I know World B. Free. I know Atlanta's World of Coke. I know "We Are The World" (big ups, Dan Aykroyd). But not "The World." So, in an effort to self-educate, I called "The World," a.k.a. a random sampling of associates who surely must be amped for the biggest throwdown since MC Hammer-Vanilla Ice, backstage at the 1990 Grammys.

This style is recognizable to any sports fan who has to traverse the snarky fratboy hell that is the ESPN diaspora these days, beating a flimsy premise to death with a string of one-liners unworthy of Jimmy Kimmel. It speaks of exactly the kind of asshole who thinks this kind of writing is funny (oh snap! he referenced Vanilla Ice! Big ups, Dan Akroyd! how does he come up with this stuff...). And no, it goes without saying that this class of dude is not into boxing, and neither are his dudely friends.

From there, Pearlman recounts the fact that he was at the Hagler/Leonard fight and there was a fight the world was waiting for (it was no doubt a much bigger fight than Oscar/Floyd, although I'm not sure why that's relevant, and honestly even then boxing had moved far from the mainstream of sports culture... he could have conducted his idiot poll in '87 and found no shortage of people unconcerned with that fight), and that part of the problem with this fight is that it's not that fight, not to mention the fact that Floyd is such a dick and boxing sucks now.

Where do I begin? How about at his beginning? Check this out:

They have tagged it "The World Awaits."

Not "A Couple of People Await."

Not "Bookies and Ticket Scalpers Await."


Not "Shallow Posers Who Wear Sunglasses Indoors and Pay $50,000 to be Seen Ringside Next to Nick Nolte and Aubrey O'Day Await."


Not "Random Boxing Geeks With No Lives, Money, Deodorant or Girlfriends Await."


No. "The World Awaits."

I could go on for a long time about how narrow-minded, provincial and willfully stupid this is. All of the above insults could be leveled at the Super Bowl crowd by changing maybe two words, the Super Bowl which Pearlman and his ilk hold sacrosanct. To wit:
  • The bookies I know do not make their livings off of boxing by any means - most of them could work the football season and take the rest of the year off if they wanted to.
  • You'll see more A-level celebrities at even a borderline big-time fight than you ever will at a football game, or the World Series for that matter.
  • There are no more pathetic, chickless dorks in the world than the Pearlman universe of Bill Jamesians and fantasy league rejects.
For myself, an admitted "random boxing geek" of the highest order (and what makes us random, I wonder - that we weren't in your frat at Tech State Poly?) I wanted dearly to go to Oscar/Floyd and I usually have no problem through my connections going to fights shown on HBO. This fight? Not a prayer. "It's a tougher ticket than the Super Bowl," my HBO insider told me. "People are obsessed with this thing."

So Jeff Pearlman, clearly someone is interested, just not your crowd. Point taken. You know, a men's field hockey game between Pakistan and India will draw up to a hundred thousand fans in either of those countries, and the outcome has the potential to start a war. Why don't you write a column about how none of your friends care about that either, throw in some predictable ESPN-like jokes - "men's field hockey, ha ha ha, do they wear skirts, AH HA HA HA..." Or better yet, why don't you go do a couple anal chugs or mow your lawn or fill out your bracket or brag about your Hemi or do whatever you and your kind do... and just shut up about things that you readily admit you know nothing about.

The world ain't waiting for Mayweather-De la Hoya (ESPN.com)

K.O.W. - The Puncher from Ponce

I watched another one of those Curt Gowdy boxing shows this past week, this one on the great lightweights in history with Jose Torres as guest. Having Torres on the show took a little of the suspense out of who at least one of the featured fighters would be, as Jose of course pushed his Puerto Rican countryman Carlos Ortiz as the greatest 135 of all time. For his part, Gowdy made an unconvincing argument for Benny Leonard. Not that there isn't an argument to be made for "The Ghetto Wizard" - he seems to be the consensus choice of the experts - but Gowdy just wasn't the man to make the case.

Myself, I was hoping that Ike Williams would get a bone thrown to him, and they did show some clips of Ike, particularly his bout with Beau Jack (great boxer name) from 1948 that is pure Corrales/Castillo material from start to finish.

But because of Torres, the focus was on Ortiz, and that's fair enough - they're not only both Puerto Rican, they're from the same hometown, Ponce. Ortiz was the second world champion ever from P.R. after the legendary Sixto Escobar - Torres was the third. So for the No Mas Knockout of the Week, I went with this famous Ortiz knockout of Manny Pacquiao's hard-punching Filipino ancestor, Gabriel "Flash" Elorde (man do boxers have great names) from 1966. This was the second time that Elorde challenged Ortiz for the lightweight title, and the second time that he was stopped in the 14th round. I love how once Elorde has been counted out, Ortiz passes over his prostrate body on the canvas, takes one look down, and moves on. "I'll talk to him later," he thinks.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/5

Duke v. Maryland, 2001
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.

I must say, I'm not much for watching old college basketball games myself, but this one I remember like it was yesterday and it was a jimdandy. Jay Williams. Steve Blake. Nate James. Hell of a game.

Last Call with Carson Daly
NBC, 1:35 a.m.

Carson Daly takes a trip to Planet Zito. Presumably this is just a ploy to try and get a message to Hilary Duff.

WWE Raw
USA, 9 p.m.
The special guest referee for the McMahon vs. Trump hair match will be in the house tonight. A couple of hints as to who it could be: a) he likes beer b) he's the toughest S.O.B in WWE history. Also, Cena vs. Edge and Orton vs. HBK. There's nothing better than the last few shows before 'Mania.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

The Winter of Our Discontent


I've been down here in the mothership the last few days, and let me tell you something - sports-fans in Philly are without a doubt the angriest sumbitches in the world. They should form some kind of paramilitary organization. It would immediately challenge Al Qaeda for the title belt awarded to The Most Unreasonable Violent Bunch of Crazy Bastards in the World.

The Ryan Howard salary smackdown is first and foremost on everyone's mind, which is nice on one hand, nice for once to hear Philadelphians talking passionately about baseball and not analyzing their depth charts trying to figure out who the Iggles should get as third-string long-snapper. But the bile they're spewing toward the Phils front office for the Ryan Howard business is just insane. Yeah, they underpaid him a little bit, but come on. Howard himself is taking it in stride, and no doubt they'll hit him off next year in a big way and all will be forgiven. It's business - when the Big Kid gets his chance, trust me, he'll shake the Phils down for every last dollar he has coming or he'll go get a 200 gazillion thirty-year deal from George. Either way, he's not going anywhere until 2011, so just sit back and enjoy the ride for a while why don't ya? I mean, you'd think people down here would be happy about the Phils. They have the most exciting young slugger in baseball, they have an exciting young team that should contend for the postseason. It's spring training, for Pete's sake. For once, FOR ONCE, how about some hope springs eternal around here?

As for the Iggles, the Phaithful is very worked up about losing Jeff Garcia and the probable loss of Donte Stallworth. Man if Lurie wasn't so friggin cheap they'd'a won about five Super Bowls by now... Yeah right. Look, Jeffrey Lurie is not cheap. He spends money, he puts a great team on the field year-in, year-out. Garcia had to go, and it was the right thing to do - let him battle it out for the starter's job down in Tampa Bay. He left too much on the field last year to sign him up for another session as McNabb's caddy. As for Stallworth, are you kidding me? Jeffrey Lurie's cheap because he won't re-sign Donte flippin Stallworth? Unreal.

Lot of talk too about the Sixers and the lottery (according to many callers on WIP, Oden is already a Sixer), and there is one situation that Philly fans are uniquely suited for - wholeheartedly rooting for their team to lose.

On a personal note, look... I've been on a little bit of a losing streak lately. Work's a little slow, taxes are killing me, my lady's out in California, blah blah blah. But on Friday I had lunch at my favorite chain, Slack's Hoagie Shack, and while I was wolfing down my cheesesteak I caught about an inning and a half of Braves/Pirates on the tube. I was sitting in a corner by the window and the sun was shining in on my face. I tell you, the combination of all that good grease and the sunshine and a little Grapefruit League action really set me straight. My step was light as I walked out to my car, and I let out a mighty belch to the gods that felt like my lion's warning to the universe - Large... is... back. This right here is one Philly fan who knows the drill. Hope springs eternal goddammit.

Puerto Weirdo

Shit got strange in P.R. last night people. Neither fight on the HBO card went quite as planned, although it was still an entertaining, if not slam-tastic, evening. Here's how it looked on the Large scorecard:

Edison Miranda over Allan Green, UD10
I tell you, Allan Green does not have a lot to be proud of this morning and I bet he knows it. After all his talk, he comported himself like a very scared man in the ring last night, when in fact he should have listened to himself and acted accordingly. My overall assessment of the bout was that Green could have won the thing if he'd fought confidently and without such palpable fear. As it was, he took a few hard shots from La Pantera early on and spent a large portion of the rest of the fight trying desperately not to get hit. As for Miranda, Jesus, talk about a panther in a boxing shop. He has no ring skills whatsoever - he throws his jab off the wrong foot, lunges awkwardly to close space, is constantly off-balance (causing him to get knocked down in the 8th). He is just pure strength and kinetic energy, but that was clearly enough to frighten the pants off of Green. For seven rounds it was a dull stalemate, as Green cowered, and Miranda, lacking the know-how to draw him out, stalked and lunged, stalked and lunged. The flash knockdown in the 8th gave Green some confidence, and he opened up a little, and soon after Miranda found the button. The last two rounds were very exciting rounds - can the bull kill the cowardly matador and appease the crowd's bloodlust? Ten more seconds in round ten and he would have done it, and in fact, he landed a titanic right at the final bell that might have turned the trick, as Green wobbled into the ropes and the ref grabbed him to keep him from falling.

As to the future of these two fighters, I'd say Green is doomed to a lifetime in the second rank, while Miranda, if he ever learns to box, will be a champion. Right now, any skilled fighter with courage enough to face his onslaught will pick him apart like the clumsy toro that he is.

(A side note, both of these dudes had straight-up illy-dilly ringwear - Green with his black velvet Ghost Dog Boxing shit, and Miranda with the duel-flag Pantera robe and the Romans 10:9 t-shirt - "That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.")

Miguel Cotto over Oktay Urkal, TKO11
This fight was much more interesting than the way I imagine it will get reported. Yes, Cotto was dominant, and yes his body attack was fearsome, but he also took a lot of shots from a very game fighter who happens to be 37 years old and who in my estimation never once was sincerely hurt in the bout. Urkal has never had any power himself, and if he had, he would have knocked Cotto out last night, because he landed a lot of hard, clean head shots and was even stringing together combinations at will. Of course, he also was head-butting a lot, which opened a cut above Cotto's left eye that clearly troubled him. But that's not enough to explain away what I saw last night - a much-ballyhooed fighter who tired early, and could not help but get hit frequently and cleanly by a man with average hand-speed at best. Maybe Cotto took this fight too easily - it certainly seemed that way - but watching it I had to wonder... if Urkal can shoeshine him like that, what's a fighter with real speed, like, oh, say, Zab Judah, going to do to him?

Some other observations:
  • Before the fight, HBO showed a clip of Cotto playing golf with Puerto Rican legend Chi Chi Rodriguez. Cotto golfs lefty and has a nice-looking drive, but his short game is for shit. Meanwhile, it looks like Chi Chi's done some sparring. No surprise there.
  • Larry Merchant, man, who has been hitting that guy all these years that he is so punch-drunk? Has Lampley been beating on his ass? Or does he have a case of sympathetic pugilistic dementia? Or is he just senile? Whatever it is, put him out of his misery, get him off the air for chrissake.
  • Zab ringside with his lady. I saw the two of them at an HBO pre-party for the Klitschko/Brock fight last November. Zab's woman is like 8'7". I think she's one of them new-fangled combination bodyguard/old lady ladies.
  • Lamps thinks it's still the WWF. Gonna have to sick the Franchise on his ass.
  • There was a fight in the crowd during the 7th round of the Cotto/Urkal bout. Urkal actually turned and pointed to it with his glove in the middle of an exchange. I wonder what he was trying to indicate. "There, also, is a fight." During another exchange, when Cotto was landing some shots to his ribs, he turned and winked at Lennox. I'm telling you, I really don't think Urkal was too bothered in there.
  • The Cotto fight ended strangely, as Urkal's corner waved the towel in the eleventh after the ref deducted a second point from their fighter for head-butting. It was a shame, because at that point Cotto was clearly exhausted, and Urkal had actually won a few rounds. As Lennox put it, in the voice of a disappointed twelve-year-old, "The ending was such an anti-climax for me." For me too, Champ. For me too.

Friday, March 02, 2007

This Week in No Mas



2/25
February 25, 1964
The 43rd anniversary of the night Clay/Liston I, with a best supporting superstar appearance by Sam Cooke.

Oscar Loves the Squared Circle
By no means an exhaustive list, No Mas takes you back through the years and the Academy Awards' longstanding love affair with the fight game in all its vicissitudes - from The Champ to The Hurricane, from Body and Soul to Fat City.

2/26
Hard to Kill starring Rulon Gardner
Another life-threatening night in spent lost in sub-zero temperatures, or what Rulon Gardner refers to as "some alone time." "Rulon laughs at Death like he's watching Chris Rock. For breakfast Rulon washes down his Death Flakes with a steaming hot cup of Death. When Death sees Rulon Gardner, it fears for its life. Sometimes Rulon Gardner thinks about how he will die, but then he just laughs, because he knows that actually he will never die."

K.O.W. - The Legend of Roy
It was inevitable that we got around to Roy Jones for a Knockout of the Week. And so it was written. Here Roy throws enough left hooks at Montell Griffin to KO a hippopotamus. "Personally, I rate Griffin's queer street struggle to stand up as more ridiculous than Trevor Berbick's Frankenstein walk after Tyson clobbered him. That should tell you all you need to know."

2/27
Buckeye Fever
Ohio State is the A.P. number one basketball team in the land for the first time since their heyday in the early 60's. Large goes back and takes a look at that Havlicek-and-Lucas-led era of the Buckeyes.

No, no... and no
For the third straight vote, the Veterans Committee inducts no new members into the Baseball Hall of Fame. So why is that a problem? "Santo's a career .277 hitter with 342 home runs. Here are some of the batters he's close to statistically according to Baseball Reference - Dale Murphy, Gary Gaetti, Graig Nettles. Nice players all, but not Hall-worthy by a longshot. Likewise for Hodges - .273, 370 HR's. They put Gil Hodges in the Hall, then they better put in Tino Martinez. Christ they might as well throw in Lee May."

2/28
Is Bobby "The Brain" Heenan somehow involved in all this?
Floyd Mayweathers Jr. and Sr. have joined forces once again to slay The Mighty Oscar. Shit is so WWE, it's not funny. Great comment from Kevin - "Floyd Fairweather Sr. will superkick Jr. before the 1st round and reveal a DLH shirt under his Jr. shirt."

The First Miracle
The anniversary of the oft-overlooked ice hockey gold medal won by the underdog Americans at the Squaw Valley Winter Games in 1960.

Scholar-Athlete
Large checks out a NY Times video conversation with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and wonders why he isn't running for president. Among the many great moments is him describing how he used to relax before a big game - he'd read Raymond Chandler and John Le Carre novels.

3/1
Sharpshootin' with The Franchise
'Chise is on fire. I'm telling you all week the kid's been running around the No Mas offices dropkicking people. Randy Couture and Matt Hughes stepping back inside the octagon? The mind-blowing Pride PPV from last Saturday night? Bobby Lashley and Umaga in the hair match? Nature Boy Ric Flair's birthday? Shit, man. You can see why he's all worked up.

Birthdays Everywhere
Lot of important birthdays to celebrate on the first of March, from Ralph Ellison to Pete Rozelle to King Booker to Burning Spear.

Barry Bonds says he's standoffish because of death threats
Barry seems to be courting our sympathies a la Henry Aaron. We here at No Mas are having absolutely none of that shit. "We worship Henry Aaron. We collect Henry Aaron baseball cards like they're gold bullion. We think Henry Aaron is one of the true unsung heroes of the civil rights movement and the entire 20th century... You, sir, are no Henry Aaron."


3/2
The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments
It's a Franchise thing so you got to understand. This post counts it down to #19. LT and Bam Bam make an early appearance. Let the debates begin.

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 3/2-3/4

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV
3/3
Miguel Cotto v. Oktay Urkal
HBO, 9:45 p.m.
The headliner is not the must-see angle here, although I always enjoy watching Cotto beat someone to a pulp, and Urkal is surely in for such a beating - his most significant result is a respectable loss to Kos Tszyu in 2001, but of late he seems to be on the way down. But the must-see fight is the undercard - Edison "Pantera" Miranda and Allan Green - two GIGUNDOUS punchers who are pissed at each other and need this fight to continue to work towards a beheading of King Jermain. This thing is guaranteed to be off the hizzle. Miranda himself has come out and warned children not to watch this fight. Classy. By the way, this card is in PR, which should make for a chaotic atmosphere. I sense that a good night is in store for all fans of ultraviolence.

UFC 68: Uprising
PPV, 10 p.m.
And if you prefer to get your ultraviolent viddies from the MMA side of things, Saturday night still has you covered with this big PPV card. Can Randy Couture become the first-ever three-time heavyweight champ? Was it a mistake for him to return to the UFC as a heavyweight in the first place? Is Matt Hughes going to be more focused coming off his loss to GSP in November? Will Rich Franklin ever be the same again? So many questions to be settled in the octagon.



BEST OF THE REST
3/2
Hoop Dreams

Sundance, 3:15 p.m.

A modern classic that I imagine every No Masian has seen, but it's one I like to watch every now and then just to keep it real.

Wonderful World of Golf - Jack Nicklaus v. Lee Trevino
Golf Channel, 6:30 p.m.
I confess that I always loved the Wonderful World of Golf matches when I was a kid. So... gentlemanly. I've never seen this one, but with the Bear and the Merry Mex trading jibes, it's got to be good.

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.

Two Money in the Bank qualifying matches tonight: Matt Hardy vs. Joey Mercury and Chris Benoit vs. Finlay vs. MVP.

Nate Campbell v. Ricky Quiles
ESPN2, 9 p.m.
A good boxer/brawler matchup on Friday Night Fights with the potential for excitement - Nate "The Galaxxy Warrior" Campbell has one-punch power even at the age of 34. Meanwhile, Quiles is trying to comeback from the pantsing he got at the hands of Julio Diaz last year. Whoever loses this fight should definitely retire.

Daytona 500 Memories
Speed, 10 p.m. & 2 a.m.

A one-hour doc about the history of the Great American Race. Should be a lot of Cale Yarborough and Richard Petty, which is just fine by me.

Lords of Dogtown
Starz, 12:10 a.m.

I never saw this, and having seen Dogtown and Z-Boys, I never thought there was much point. Then again, I like to watch androgynous blonde pubescents on skateboards as much as the next pervert, and there's a very good chance that I will have nothing to do tonight at 12:10 a.m. and that I may suddenly decide to subscribe to "Starz" whatever that is.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
CBS, 12:35 a.m.
Oscar de la Hoya is on the show. So is John Mellencamp. Presumably they will sing a duet. Then, right when they're about to hug, Mellencamp will take off his Mellencamp mask and he will actually be Floyd Mayweather Sr. and his guitar will morph into a machine gun.

The Legend of Drunken Master
Spike, 2 a.m.

The true sequel to Drunken Master, not nearly as good as the original, but the last fight scene is completely amazing and should be studied by everyone who has ever fought a drunken kung fu battle to the death in their mind.

3/3
When We Were Kings
Showtime, 5:15 a.m. & 3:45 p.m.
This is the VERY LAST TIME. It's not my job to tell you every time this is on. Figure it out for yourselves, or just go buy the DVD like everyone else.

Semi-Tough
Encore, 5:20 a.m.
Burt Reynolds and Kris Kristofferson in a football movie from back in the easygoing 70's when a movie didn't really need a plot or a point but just two good old boys with moustaches and bad attitudes. This thing is actually pretty funny, and it spun off one of the worst TV shows ever made.

Floyd Patterson's Greatest Hits
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.

I've seen this, and it doesn't really have the fights you'd want to see. The Bonavena fight is kind of cool just cause Floyd looks like he's 56 years old, and they have the Tom McNeely KO which is a killer. It's basically an excuse to watch the man for an hour, which is good enough for me.

Legendary Nights: Holmes v. Cooney
HBO, 5:30 a.m.

A classic, the heavyweight fight as race war, and in the middle of it all, two dudes just trying to get paid. Not enough footage of the fight in this one, unfortunately, but what you do see reminds you that, oh could Larry stick that one-two in your face.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 1 p.m.

It's a day of Big George on Classic, as they run Foreman's two Ringsides back-to-back, The Early Years and then The Comeback.

Any Given Sunday
FX, 8 p.m.
Look here people, this is Jim Brown talking to you so listen very closely to what I say. I AM IN THIS MOVIE. If you didn't already know that, you should be bitch-slapped nine ways to Sunday, but in that I just don't have time to be bitchslapping everyone of you sissies, I'm giving you fair warning. I'm in the damn movie, so start watching it now and don't stop until I say "stop."

Israel Vasquez v. Rafael Marquez
Showtime, 9 p.m.

Tough to watch this over the Miranda/Green, Cotto/Urkal card, but it's still a quality fight. I will be Tivo'ing. They replay it right afterwards at 11:30 on Showtime Too.

Aaron Pryor v. Alexis Arguello II, 1983
ESPN Classic, 10 p.m.
I can just never get enough of either of these fights. I wish Classic would show the first one sometime. They must not own the rights. I have it on DVD, but my copy is a little wack.

3/4
Classic Battle Lines - Conn/Louis I
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.

An hour show breaking down this infamous heavyweight title fight from 1941 where light heavyweight champ Billy Conn was ahead on points against Joe Louis but let hubris get the better of him, leading, as it so often does, to his getting his block knocked off.

Every Which Way But Loose
CMT, 8 p.m.

We don't no much here at No Mas, but we do know this - Every Which Way But Loose is the greatest movie ever made, period. Nothing else is even close. Right turn, Clyde.

Ali Triple Feature
ESPN Classic, 10:30 p.m.

Both Liston fights and then the Floyd Patterson fight from 1965. Even more so than the Liston bouts, the bout with Floyd really showcases what an untouchable fighter Ali was at that stage of his career.

The No Mas Top 23 Wrestlemania Moments

(The Super Bowl of Wrestling, Wrestlemania 23, is on the horizon, and so over the next couple Fridays The Franchise will count down the Top 23 moments in Wrestlemania history. This week #23 to #19. Feel free to agree or disagree, because the 'Chise don't give a eff. He's got an ego like Mr. Perfect himself. All right, wrestle...)


#23: Bad News for the Hitman
Wrestlemania IV
Trump Plaza, Atlantic City, NJ
March 27, 1988

The Match:
20-man over-the-top rope battle royal

The Moment: This was the opening match of WM IV. The final two men left standing were a young Bret “The Hitman” Hart and Bad News Brown. Hart and Brown seemed to have agreed to share the win, that is until Brown double-crossed the Hitman and kicked him in the back of the head and over the ropes. Why the hell did Hart trust him? I mean, look at the guy. While not the greatest moment in Hart’s career it was on this night that he started his babyface turn.
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#22: Tables and Ladders and Chairs, OH MY!
Wrestlemania X7
Astrodome, Houston, TX
April 1, 2001

The Match:
Edge & Christian vs. The Hardy Boyz vs. The Dudleys in a TLC match for the World Tag Team Championship

The Moment: This was a rematch of their classic Summerslam 2000 match. However, as good as that match was this one was even better. I dare you to watch this match and tell me that wrestling is “fake.”


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#21: Gridiron vs. Squared Circle
Wrestlemania 2
Nassau Coliseum/Rosemont Horizon/The Sports Arena
April 2, 1986

The Match:
WWF vs. NFL stars battle royal

The Moment: Vince McMahon pulled out all the stops to insure Wrestlemania would not be a one-trick-pony. Not only did he hold this event in three different arenas across the country he held the first-ever WWF vs. NFL battle royal. Check out some of the participants: Andre the Giant, Jimbo Covert (Chicago Bears), Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin (Dallas Cowboys), Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes (Pittsburgh Steelers), Big John Studd, B. Brian Blair, Jumpin’ Jim Brunzell, Bill Fralic (Atlanta Falcons), Bret “Hit Man” Hart, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Russ Francis (San Francisco 49ers), Bruno Sammartino and William “Refrigerator” Perry (Chicago Bears).

While the incomparable Andre “The Giant” was the last man standing, The Fridge was definitely the star of the match. His performance even got him elected to the WWE Hall of Fame last year.
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#20: Challenge Accepted
Wrestlemania IX
Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas, NV
April 4, 1993

The Match:
Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna (c)

The Moment: Yokozuna defeats Bret Hart to capture the WWE title. Hogan comes out to help the injured Hart. Yokozuna challenges Hogan to an impromptu match. Pandemonium ensues.


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#19: Godzilla makes his debut
Wrestlemania XI
Civic Center, Hartford, CT
April 2, 1995

The Match:
Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

The Moment: Many doubted Taylor could hold his own in a WWF match – let alone the main event of Wrestlemania. But LT shocked the world when he went toe-to-toe with the “Beast from the East” defeating him with a, you guessed it, NFL-style shoulder tackle.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Barry Bonds says he's standoffish because of death threats

"If I don't keep a level head, how's the next person going to handle it? If Hank didn't keep his head clear, how was I going to deal with it?" - Barry Bonds

Dear Barry,

Let us be very, VERY clear about this, lest you harbor any doubts. We worship Henry Aaron. We collect Henry Aaron baseball cards like they're gold bullion. We think Henry Aaron is one of the true unsung heroes of the civil rights movement and the entire 20th century.

You, sir, are no Henry Aaron. There is NO comparison between your pursuit of his all-time home run record and his pursuit of Babe Ruth's record. If you are expecting that this recent revelation about threats on your life will elicit such comparisons, and a concomitant sympathy and admiration, prepare yourself to be deeply disappointed. If you have received death threats, we are sincerely sorry. But let's face it - at this point your veracity is questionable, and the historical implication you're hinting at by even raising the issue and invoking Aaron's name is self-serving and preposterous. We have long made our peace with the fact that you, in all of your roided-up, churlish splendor, are going to surpass the record set by such a courageous, dignified American as Henry Aaron. But we still draw a distinction between the two achievements as clearly as we do those of Ben Johnson and Jesse Owens. We believe that history will do the same.

Sincerely,
No Mas

Birthdays Everywhere

Power doesn't have to show off. Power is confident, self-assuring, self-starting and self-stopping, self-warming and self-justifying. When you have it, you know it.
-Ralph Ellison



















































































Sharpshootin' with The Franchise

He’s Baaaack: One of the most anticipated matches in UFC history goes down this weekend at "UFC 68: Uprising" when 43-year-old MMA legend Randy Couture comes out of retirement to face UFC Heavyweight Champion, Tim “The Maine-iac” Sylvia. Couture, who retired last February after losing to Chuck Liddell, can make history by becoming the first three-time UFC heavyweight champ. And you know what? I like his chances. The UFC would be hard-pressed to find two fighters with such distinct fighting styles. Sylvia is a 6”8, 265 pound lanky fighter known for his striking. Couture, aka Captain America, is one of the best grappling/submission masters in UFC history. Despite the fact that Couture is 13-years Sylvia's senior, I think he will shock the world. I have never been impressed with Sylvia. He is simply a product of weak heavyweight division. I'm surprised that Couture came back as a heavyweight, but I guess he feels that he has more of shot at making things happen against the likes of Sylvia as opposed to a Liddell or Quinton Jackson. Can’t argue with that. But if he does win, how smart is he going to look defending the title against Cro Cop?

Matt Hughes also will be trying to get his career back on track at UFC 68. Fresh off his Welterweight title loss to Georges “Rush” St.Pierre in November, Hughes returns to the Octagon to face The Ultimate Fighter finalist, Chris Lytle. Lytle is no slouch but I expect Hughes to dominate early and often leading to a rematch with St. Pierre later this year. Also, Rich Franklin, coming off his shocking Middleweight title loss to Anderson Silva, faces the VERY dangerous Jason Macdonald. I can't quite figure out why Franklin would take this fight after losing the belt the way he did in October. The pride of Red Deer, Alberta, Canada, MacDonald is one of the best young fighters in the Middleweight division. Just ask Ed Herman and Chris Leben. I can definitely see Franklin going down in this one. All in all, it should be an amazing night culminating with one of the greatest MMA ambassadors returning to the Octagon for one more moment in the sun. I get goose bumps just thinking about it.

History in the Making: I hope you took my advice from last week and ordered the Pride FC PPV because it may go down as the greatest night in the history of Mixed-Martial-Arts. Remember when I called Wanderlei Silva the baddest Middleweight on the planet? Well, that no longer holds true as he was knocked out by American Dan Henderson in the third round of their title fight. Now, on any other night, just knocking out Silva would be historic enough, but the win made Dan Henderson, of all people, the first fighter to hold two titles at different weight classes simultaneously (Henderson was also the Welterweight champ going in). If that wasn’t enough, one of Pride's greatest fighters, Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, was knocked out by a Pride rookie, Sokodojou, in 23 seconds. On top of all that, Takanori Gomi and Nick Diaz engaged in an epic slugfest. I hate to throw these hyperboles around but to say this show was one of the best ever would be the understatement of the century. Below is video proof of the shocking Nogueira KO. The announcing makes it extra special.



Welcome to the Show, Bobby: The worst-kept secret in wrestling was announced this week when Donald Trump picked ECW champ, Bobby Lashley, to be his representative against Vince McMahon’s choice, Umaga, in their hair vs. hair match at Wrestlemania 23. Great start to the feud between both wrestlers as their melee on Monday had a lot of heat. Next, its time for them to announce the return of Stone Cold Steve Austin as special guest referee. It also seems as though they are planning on having Kane go up against the Great Khali. Good lord, I hope they keep that one short because it has the chance of being one of the worst matches in Wrestlemania history. Which got me to thinking... what is the worst match in Wrestlemania history? Right now, I am leaning towards Goldberg vs. Lesnar at WM XX simply because it had so much hype and fell so flat. But I'm open to other suggestions.

Speaking of ‘Mania, for the next month I will be counting down the top 23 moments in Wrestlemania history every Friday. I think everybody will enjoy reliving these amazing moments of yesteryear so look out for that tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Naitch: “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair, arguably the greatest wrestler to ever live, celebrated his 58th birthday this past Sunday. Flair was born on February 25, 1949. I mention his date-of-birth because just looking at it and realizing he is STILL wrestling is absolutely amazing. There will never be another Nature Boy and since its Wrestlemania time I thought we should pay tribute to “The dirtiest player in the game” by showing one of his greatest promos ever before his most memorable Wrestlemania match. So let’s set the mood: Wrestlemania VIII. Hoosier Dome. April 5, 1992. Flair, the WWE Champ, and Mr. Perfect had been teasing Macho Man Randy Savage for several months saying they had a sultry centerfold of his wife, the lovely Miss Elizabeth. They claimed that if Flair won their title match that they would show the centerfold on the big screen at the Hoosier Dome. Briliant. Right before heading out to the ring he spoke to former WWE interviewer Sean Mooney backstage. Here he is in all his Nature Boy glory.

No Mas TV Guide - 3/1

Mike Tyson's Greatest Hits II
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

Going back a few years, back before Iron Mike was a human punchline, back to when he was the athlete as pure, unbridled fury.

TNA Impact
Spike, 9 p.m.
Six-man-tag action featuring Jerry Lynn, Senshi and Jay Lethal taking on X-division Champion Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley and Austin Starr. Also, Samoa Joe vs. Tomko Plus, "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner returns to action.

Inside the UFC
Spike, 11 p.m.
Host Joe Rogan sits down with Matt Hughes before his return to the Octagon this Saturday. He also visits with Quinton "Rampage" Jackson following his UFC debut last month.