We all shot J.R.

Like most boys, I imagine, who were ten years old in 1980, J.R. Richard was fascinating to me. I loved his name, I loved that he was 6'8", and I loved the fact that he mowed motherfuckers down like it weren't no thing. He was the most exciting pitcher in the majors, and I, a young power pitcher myself, idolized him. Despite the fact that he was black and I was white, that he was a righty and I was a lefty, for about a year there I was always J.R. Richard in our backyard wiffle ball All-Star games. "J.R. Richard starting for the N.L.," I would proclaim, and only later would I morph into Steve Carlton, and that tells the story right there.

I remember getting teased by other kids when the Richard controversy began that summer, when he started leaving games early and complaining of exhaustion, when the rumors began that he was losing his marbles. "He's just a lazy nigger," I heard often from kids in the overwhelmingly racist white Philly suburb of my youth. Though I would never say such a thing myself, had been taught never to utter that word, I confess I started to think something along the same lines. I was embarrassed that I had liked him so much and now he was turning out to be a nutcase. I started to make fun of him too - I would take myself out of wiffle ball games as Richard and exagerratedly say, "Oh I'm too tired to pitch anymore, I need to go see the doctor..."

On July 30th, 1980, 26 years ago today, the world learned that J.R. Richard was not lazy, or crazy, but dangerously ill. He had a massive stroke due to an arterial blockage in his right shoulder and nearly died. His career was effectively over, and a downward spiral began in his life that would lead to homelessness and despair.

What happened to this man was an enormous tragedy, and what the public made of it was a heinous crime. I was only ten years old - what the fuck did I know - but nevertheless, J.R., I admit that I joined the cackling masses. You were my hero and I turned against you. This many years later, that makes me feel like a coward, and I apologize to you wherever you are.