Scholar-Athlete

There's a five-part video of a conversation with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the New York Times site right now that I recommend checking out. Aside from the fact that the interviewer, Calvin Sims, speaks in this exaggeratedly correct diction that makes him sound like a Muppet, he nevertheless gets us a real glimpse into the mind of Kareem. And what a mind it is. I can't think of another athlete of his caliber more intelligent or thoughtful. Or serious. My only complaint is that Sims didn't ask the one question everyone yearns to ask Kareem - if he'd wanted to, couldn't he have stomped on Bruce Lee in Game of Death like he was a rodent?

But oh well. I'll have to ask that one myself someday. In the meantime, here are a few gems:

-On what he did before big games: "I read. Raymond Chandler, John Le Carre..." (Funny but I think that's what Ron Artest does too).

-On why no one's beaten his scoring record: "“They’re making so much money now, nobody’s going to play for 20 years.”

-On his conversion the Islam: "I wanted to deal with real monotheism as it was explained to the prophets, and I could see clearly that up to a certain point monotheism was about one god, and then the Christians starting saying one was three and three was one, and then you had Muhammad who returned it to there being only one God. So I sort of went with what my instincts told me was the truth.”

-On his new book about the Harlem Renaissance: "I wrote the book so that people could understand me, because the Harlem Renaissance and the echoes of it really form who I am. I absorbed a lot of it through my father who was a jazz musician - he knew a lot of the jazz greats and played with them - so that music was in my household all the time on the turntable, Sarah Vaughan, Billy Eckstine, Count Basie, Dizzie Gillespie..."

-On the recent eclipse of U.S. basketball in international play: "It doesn’t surprise me very much because the game isn’t being taught very well in the USA, and in the other countries they’re teaching the game according to the fundamentals of the game, as five people working together. That’s something we’re losing sight of here in America."

The Conversation with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (nytimes.com)

The First Miracle

On this day in 1960, the U.S. hockey team won the first Olympic gold medal in American hockey history by defeating Czechoslovakia 9-4 at the Winter Games in Squaw Valley. Just a day before, the Americans had pulled off what is now referred to as The First Miracle, defeating the defending-champion Soviet Union in a taut 3-2 masterpiece, the first time a team from the United States ever beat the Soviets in ice hockey.

Much like their 1980 dopplegangers, however, the win over the USSR won the Americans nothing but pride in 1960. A gold medal hung in the balance with an 8 a.m. game the very next morning against the Czechs. Emotionally drained and physically exhausted, the Americans looked early on as if they were ripe for a major letdown. The Czechs scored their first goal in eight seconds, and proceeded to mount a furious attack, scoring four in the first period, and leading 4-3 at the end of two.

In the break between the second and third periods, the U.S. team got a highly unexpected visit from the captain of the Soviets, Nikolai Sologubov. Aware that the Americans were completely spent, and unable to speak any English, Sologubov mimicked repeatedly with a gesture to his face that after some confusion was eventually interpreted correctly - he thought the team should procure some oxygen. A tank was brought in, and the mask was passed. Revived, the U.S. side returned to the ice and promptly went bubonic, scoring six unanswered goals in the period to walk away with a most unexpected gold medal, an upset miracle at least as amazing as the more famous one that would come twenty years later. As for Sologubov, the motives for his locker room visit were far from pure. A Czech victory would have kept the Soviets out of the medals, while the American victory guaranteed them the bronze.

Is Bobby "The Brain" Heenan somehow involved in this?

Yesterday, Floyd Mayweather Sr, father of Floyd Jr. and former trainer of Oscar de la Hoya, had yet another tearful reunion with his son, immediately after which the two decided to work together for the big Floyd/ODLH rumble on May 5.

Daddy Floyd has played a big role in this drama from the start, and you get the feeling that he wouldn't have it any other way. Initially, ODLH said that his fighting Floyd Jr. was conditional on Floyd Sr. working his corner, something that daddy Floyd said he was unwilling to do. Then some hard words were exchanged between The Generations of Floyd, prompting Floyd Sr. to come out and say, sure, if my son is going to do me like that, I'll train another man to whup his ass. And the fight was on, with Daddy Floyd intimating that he was the only man in the world who actually knew how to beat his son, in that "I brought him in this world, I'll take him right out" kind of way.

Of course, Floyd Sr. wanted some serious bank to impart this secret knowledge to ODLH, two million dollars worth of bank, to which Oscar replied, "ninja please." He hired Freddie Roach about five seconds after that conversation. So much for his "I absolutely need Mayweather in my corner for this fight" bullshit. Suddenly, Big Daddy Floyd, the linchpin of the whole extravaganza, was out in the cold.

Which brings us to yesterday at a tour stop in Vegas, where the two Floyds evidently hugged it out - "Dad you crazy old crackhead, you're more evil than Idi Amin" "Thanks son, I was going to train that fake Mexican to knock your teeth out but he wouldn't pay me enough money so how about you give me some money" "Aw dad c'mere you big lug..."

In a final twist, at a post-reconciliation interview yesterday Mayweather Sr. described himself as a "former fighter and a poetry writer." I ask you people - who needs the WWE?

No Mas TV Guide - 2/28

Back in the Day
Speed, 1:30 p.m.
Half-hour show hosted by Dale Earnhardt Jr. that recaps Richard Petty's win at the 1974 Daytona. I'm the most dilettantish NASCAR fan in the entire world, but when it comes to The King, I usually tune in.

Whale Rider
Oxygen, 2 p.m.
I've never seen this, but I presume that it's about the highly dangerous sport of competitive whale riding, which means it must be good. What it's doing on Oxygen I couldn't say, but hey, I'm not complaining.

Simply Amazin
SNY, 4 p.m. & 12 a.m.
A documentary about the Mets' '86 season. Original title - "Blow."

Bulls v. Celtics, 1991
ESPN Classic, 5 p.m.
Michael vs. Larry, 2 OT's.

Jesse Owens Returns to Berlin
YES, 9 p.m.
A one-hour television show from 1964 that recaps Owens' phenomenal four-gold-medal achievement at the Berlin Olympics in 1936. Owens himself narrates most of it, and there's a lot of actual footage from the '36 Games.


UFC Fight Night 4
Spike, 9 p.m.
A replay of the event held April 6, 2006 in Vegas. Main matches to look out for are: Chris Leben vs. Luigi Fioravanti, Joe Stevenson vs. Josh Neer, Rashad Evans vs. Sam Hoger and Stephan Bonnar vs. "The Dean of Mean" Keith Jardine.

No, no... and no

The Baseball Hall of Fame Veterans Committee elected no one to the Hall for the third straight year, which evidently has some people pissed off. Why, I'm not sure. Of the names that topped this year's list in the voting, I would say that only Jim Kaat is on the bubble, and if it was up to me that's right where I would leave him. The fact that he won a record 16 Gold Gloves at pitcher (a record that Greg Maddux tied last year and could well break in 2007) is what makes it close in my book, because that is truly remarkable. And yes, he has 283 wins, 17 shy of the magic number, but that's over the course of a 25-year career. I am in favor of rewarding longevity, but I still say that the most important qualification for the Hall has to rest with this question - was there a definitive period in the player's career when they were utterly dominant, among the very best in baseball? In Kaat's case, the answer is decidedly no. He had one great year, 1966, and otherwise an exceptional, very long, but not all-time great career. No Hall for you, says Large.

As for Ron Santo and Gil Hodges, Jesus, come on. Santo's a career .277 hitter with 342 home runs. Here are some of the batters he's close to statistically according to Baseball Reference - Dale Murphy, Gary Gaetti, Graig Nettles. Nice players all, but not Hall-worthy by a longshot. Likewise for Hodges - .273, 370 HR's. They put Gil Hodges in the Hall, then they better put in Tino Martinez. Christ they might as well throw in Lee May.

Joe Morgan, who is an undeniable asshole, but nevertheless... in his capacity as vice chairman of the Veterans Committee he said this today - "We're being blamed because something hasn't happened. If you're asking me, "Do we lower our standards to get more people in?" - my answer would be no."

Hear hear.

Buckeye Fever

Ohio State is number one in the A.P. poll for the first time since their legendary teams of the early 60's, when John Havlicek and Jerry Lucas formed the core of the greatest basketball team in Buckeye history, one that went to three consecutive NCAA Finals and won the school's only national championship in 1960.

Despite being sophomores, Havlicek and Lucas were undoubtedly the stars of that 1960 team, but there was more than enough talent to go around on the court. Every one of the Buckeyes starting five was ultimately drafted to play in the NBA, a rarity back in the day. They lambasted Cal 75-55 to win the championship, after Cal unexpectedly had made the finals by upsetting Cincinnati and their all-world guard, Oscar Robertson.

Though Robertson would leave the Bearcats after that season for the NBA, Cincinnati would still manage to defeat the Buckeyes in the next two NCAA Finals with a team anchored by future Celtic, Ron Bonham, and future Knick, Paul Hogue. Havlicek, Lucas and stalwart guard Mel Nowell all graduated from Ohio State in 1962 and went on to the NBA, and the school would not attain the A.P. number one ranking again until Greg Oden and company did so this week.

Below are the starting lineups of the '60, '61 and '62 Buckeye squads:

1960 (25-3)
John Havlicek
Joe Roberts (CC)
Jerry Lucas
Larry Siegfried
Mel Nowell

1961 (27-1)
John Havlicek
Richie Hoyt
Jerry Lucas
Mel Nowell
Larry Siegfried (C)

1962 (26-2)
John Havlicek (C)
Doug McDonald
Jerry Lucas
Mel Nowell
Dick Reasbeck

No Mas TV Guide - 2/27

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV
Ivan Robinson v. Arturo Gatti I & II, 1998
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Classic whips out both of the Robinson/Gatti wars, the first of which was Ring's Fight of the Year for 1998. Central bouts to the Gatti as Warrior Loser mythology, and feral bloodbaths both. Just check out the first round of the first fight and you will not change the channel, I guarantee it.

BEST OF THE REST
Florence Griffith-Joyner SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4:30
Half-hour SC on Her Royal Fingernail-ness, a.k.a The Queen of the Drug Games. Did roid use play any part in Flo-Jo's death? Knowing the SC protocol, I bet they'll at least pose the question.

ECW Wrestling Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
There are only three words that can finally settle the Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly feud. STEEL. CAGE. MATCH.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
VH1, 12 a.m.
About the most idealized trip to the ballpark ever captured on film. Makes you want to go back in time just so you could ditch school and go to a baseball game. Wrigley Field should have won an Oscar for this movie.

The Pride of the Yankees
TCM, 2 a.m.
Today (today... today... today...) I consider myself (myself... myself... myself) the luckiest man (man... man... man) on the face of the earth...

K.O.W. - The Legend of Roy

I was watching this show over the weekend called "The Light Heavyweights," hosted by Curt Gowdy with the all-time No Mas Hall-of-Famer Don Dunphy as his guest. It was just a half-hour of the two of them shooting the shit and watching footage of those they deemed to be the greatest 175's in history. In the end, they arrived at a conclusion one would be be hard-pressed to argue with then or now - that Archie Moore was the greatest light heavyweight ever to lace up the gloves. Bob Foster they named in a respectably close second place, and they showed Foster's infamous one-punch first-round knockout of Dick Tiger, which I'd never seen, and which was some straight-up Tommy Hearns-like shit.

I wanted to feature that as the No Mas Knockout of the Week, but unfortunately I couldn't find the footage anywhere on the web. But the show also got me thinking that if ole Curt and Don were to revisit such a countdown of great 175's today, they would still place the Mongoose at the top of the heap, but they might have to think about putting Roy Jones Jr. above Foster in second place (surely some Irishman in Southie is reading this right now and screaming Billy Conn at the top of his drunken lungs - sorry Mick, not in Largeland).

As all fight fans who lived through the 90's know, there is no shortage of mind-blowing Jones knockouts to choose from. I went with this first-round beheading of Montell Griffin in their rematch of 1997. Earlier in the year, Jones had suffered the first loss of his pro career to Griffin due to a disqualification after clubbing Montell on the head twice when he was down in the 9th. In the rematch, Roy sought quick and painful revenge, and oh did he get it. A minute into the ring, he knocks Griffin all the way across the ring, and soon after he knocks him into tomorrow. Personally, I rate Griffin's queer street struggle to stand up as more ridiculous than Trevor Berbick's Frankenstein walk after Tyson clobbered him. That should tell you all you need to know.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/26

David Cone's Perfect Game, 7/18/99
YES, 7 p.m.
YES takes us back to Coney's perfecto against the Expos. I vividly remember this game for a few reasons. I won tickets to it at Teddy's and gave them to my main man Eddie Morris for his birthday (Ed was also with me at Dwight Gooden's no-hitter - holms sees a no-no every other time he goes to the park). Also, the final innings took place at the exact same time that Jean Van De Velde was having a nervous breakdown on the 72nd hole of the British Open at Carnoustie. Large got himself a blister on his clicker thumb that day, let me tell you.

WWE Raw
USA, 9 p.m.
Rated RKO (Edge & Randy Orton) get their rematch against the World Tag Team Champions, Shawn Michaels & John Cena. Also, the Donald should announce his representative in his match against Vince McMahon. And rumors are swirling that a certain "Rattlesnake" will return.

Hard to Kill starring Rulon Gardner

Note: If you're thinking of trying to kill Rulon Gardner, forget about it. You will most certainly die before he will, because he is superior to death. To wit...

2000 - He wrestles King Kong.
The moment that brought this Wisconsin farm boy to the attention of the world, and maybe the most dangerous of his stunts - his defeat of Alexander Karelin, a.k.a. King Kong, The Experiment, The Siberian Bear, in the gold medal match of the super heavyweight division of Greco-Roman wrestling at the Sydney Olympics. Karelin was known for his mercilessness and superhuman strength, which allowed him to fling around 300-pound foes as if they were rag dolls. He was undefeated in international competition for 13 years before Gardner beat him in Sydney, an upset that belongs with the greats of all time.

2002 - He gets lost, costs him a toe, but it's cool because he never used that toe anyway.
In February of 2002, Gardner went snowmobiling with friends in the mountains surrounding Star Valley, Wyoming. After becoming separated from the group, Gardner tried desperately to work his way back to familiar terrain. Unfortunately, he twice plunged into the icy Salt River on his snowmobile. Too cold, and becoming disoriented, Gardner found a resting place and remained stranded all night. After 17 hours in temperatures that dropped to around -10 degrees, he was rescued at 9 a.m. the following morning. A saw had to be used to remove his boots. The result was severe frostbite on all of his toes, one of which had to be amputated.

2004 - Stay out of the lane when Rulon's driving.
In a pickup basketball game, RG goes hard to the cup and lands on his hand. The ensuing dislocated wrist keeps him out of the national championships and jeopardizes his shot at defending his title in Athens.

2004 - Motorcycle accident, flips over the handlebars, whatever.
Just another day in the life of Farm Brother Number One. A quick trip to the E.R., lot of blood, nothing broken, yeah cheers. Gardner flipped over the handlebars when his Harley Davidson collided with a moving car in Colorado Springs, Colo. Rulon said his training as a wrestler helped him land safely and avoid serious injury. It might also have had something to do with the fact that he is bad as fuck.

2007 - Freaking Plane Crash, or Just Rulon Being Rulon, or Dude What the Fuck?
Rulon, his brother, and a pilot went down in a crash near Good Hope Bay on Saturday, and weren't rescued until earlier today. Evidently the three men swam for more than an hour in 44-degree water before reaching shore and then spent the night without shelter, but of course, none suffered life-threatening injuries. You think something like this is going to rattle Rulon's cage? Come on. Rulon laughs at Death like he's watching Chris Rock. For breakfast Rulon washes down his Death Flakes with a steaming hot cup of Death. When Death sees Rulon Gardner, it fears for its life. Sometimes Rulon Gardner thinks about how he will die, but then he just laughs, because he knows that actually he will never die.

Oscar Loves the Squared Circle

(By no means an exhaustive list, No Mas takes you back through the years and the Academy Awards' longstanding love affair with the fight game in all its vicissitudes.)

The Champ (1931)
Best Picture Nominee
King Vidor - Best Director Nominee
Wallace Beery - Best Actor Winner
Beery stars (appropriately) as a drunken ex-heavyweight champion who takes one last fight for the sake of his son. The original of the '79 Jon Voight/Ricky Schroeder tearjerker. Beery tied with Frederic March (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) for Best Actor.

Here Comes Mr. Jordan (1941)
Best Picture Nominee
Alexander Hall - Best Director Nominee
Robert Montgomery - Best Actor Nominee
James Gleason - Best Supporting Actor Nominee
The original of Warren Beatty's 1978 Heaven Can Wait in which all of the names are the same (Joe Pendleton, Max Corcoran, Mr. Jordan the Angel, of course) but Joe is a boxer, not the quarterback of the Rams.

Body and Soul (1947)
John Garfield - Best Actor Nominee
A quintessential Hollywood depiction of the boxing universe. Young and naive fighter Charley Davis, played by John Garfield, is increasingly led down a corrupt path by his crooked manager against the wishes of his loving mother.

Champion (1949)
Kirk Douglas - Best Actor Nominee
Arthur Kennedy - Best Supporting Actor Nominee
Based on a short story by Ring Lardner. Kirk Douglas playes "Midge" Kelly, a heavyweight with a wild streak.

The Quiet Man (1952)
Best Picture Winner
John Ford - Best Director Winner
Victor McLaglen - Best Supporting Actor Nominee
A John Wayne/John Ford classic about an ex-fighter who has accidentally killed a man in a bout. He moves to Ireland and takes over his family farm and falls in love, etc.

On the Waterfront (1954)
Best Picture Winner
Elia Kazan - Best Director Winner
Marlon Brando - Best Actor Winner
Lee J. Cobb - Best Supporting Actor Nominee
Karl Malden - Best Supporting Actor Nominee
Rod Steiger - Best Supporting Actor Nominee
Eva Marie Saint - Best Supporting Actress Nominee
You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody. Instead of a bum, which is what I am.

The Great White Hope (1970)
James Earl Jones - Best Actor Nominee
Jane Alexander - Best Actress Nominee
James Earl Jones as Jack Johnson in an adaption from the famous play. Great movie.


Fat City (1973)
Susan Tyrell - Best Supporting Actress Nominee
John Huston directs this underrated movie based on Leonard Gardner's famous boxing/noir novel.

Rocky (1976)
Best Picture Winner
John G. Avildsen - Best Director Winner
Sylvester Stallone - Best Actor Nominee
Talia Shire - Best Actress Nominee
Burgess Meredith - Best Supporting Actor Nominee
Burt Young - Best Supporting Actor Nominee

Raging Bull (1980)
Best Picture Nominee
Martin Scorsese - Best Director Nominee
Robert Deniro - Best Actor Winner
Joe Pesci - Best Supporting Actor Nominee
Cathy Moriarty - Best Supporting Actress Nominee

Pulp Fiction (1994)
Best Picture Nominee
Best Director Nominee
John Travolta - Best Actor Nominee
Samuel L. Jackson - Best Supporting Actor Nominee
Uma Thurman - Best Supporting Actress Nominee
No, it's not a boxing movie, per se, but a crucial plot twist hinges on Bruce Willis's turn as a stubborn pug who refuses to take a dive.

The Hurricane (1999)
Denzel Washington - Best Actor Nominee

Ali (2001)
Will Smith - Best Actor Nominee

Million Dollar Baby (2004)
Best Picture Winner
Clint Eastwood - Best Director Winner
Clint Eastwood - Best Actor Nominee
Hilary Swank - Best Actress Winner
Morgan Freeman - Best Supporting Actor Nominee

Cinderella Man (2005)
Paul Giamatti - Best Supporting Actor Nominee

February 25, 1964

"I'm so great I don't have a mark on my face, and I upset Sonny Liston, and I just turned 22 years old. I MUST be the Greatest. I told the world I talk to God every day. If God's with me can't nobody be against me. I shook up the WORLD. I KNOW God, I know the REAL god!"

(At around 7:15 of the clip below, Cassius brings Sam Cooke into the ring - "that man's the greatest rock and roll singer in the world... and we both pretty." Also, one thing I'd never noticed before - Robert Deniro reffed this fight.)

DJ: 1954-2007

Growing up in the Philly area, I had my fill of Dennis Johnson, or, as we referred to him, Dennis the Menace. People talk about the greatness of the 80's in the NBA and they talk about two teams, the Celtics and the Lakers, forgetting that there was a third squad in the equation, the Sixers, who in the 1982-83 season were in my (possibly biased) opinion the greatest basketball team to ever take the court.

The dominance of the Sixers that season was what brought Dennis Johnson to the Celtics. A myth has grown up in retrospect that Red went out and got DJ to guard Magic Johnson, which is preposterous. When the Celtics brought in DJ, it was unclear whether they'd actually ever meet up with Magic in the playoffs, because the Moses-led Sixers looked like the team to beat for the next decade.

No, Boston got Dennis Johnson for one reason - to get the Boston Strangler's hands off an entire city's throat. The Boston Strangler was, of course, the Sixers' combustible shooting guard Andrew Toney, who had his finest seasons in '82 and '83, making it to two All-Star Games, and more importantly, carving the Celtics a new one on a game-by-game basis.

Ironically, Johnson never really did that great a job with Toney after arriving in Boston, but it didn't turn out to matter much. The Sixers imploded without his help, meeting up with the Celtics in the playoffs just one more time in the 80's, the '85 conference finals, when Boston embarrassed us 4-1. But Andrew Toney aside, DJ was undoubtedly the final piece of the puzzle for the Celtics dynasty of the decade. Without him, I seriously doubt if they would have won another championship in the 80's, and we might be talking today about the Sidney Moncrief Bucks and their incredible rivalry with the Lakers. If you think that's overstating the case, just refer to Larry Legend himself. "He's the greatest player I ever played with," Bird has said many times of DJ. Take that Kevin McHale.

Below is a short video of Johnson talking about his playground days in Compton and some of the greats he played with there. If you haven't heard, Johnson died on Thursday, collapsed at a practice with his D-League team, the Austin Toros. DJ - R.I.P.

This Week in No Mas

2/18
The Final Lap
The day of the 2007 Daytona 500 was also the anniversary of two seminal events in the race's history - the fight between Cale Yarborough and the Allison brothers at the 1979 Daytona, and the tragic crash that killed Dale Earnhardt in 2001.

Letdown
Large wasn't happy with what he saw on Saturday's Boxing After Dark card - you know when the thing that impressed him most was Paulie Malignaggi's humility, it was not a night to remember. Norberto Bravo took one look at the horrifying specter of Andre Berto's jab and thought better of making an evening of it. Berto thrice knocked Bravo off his feet in the first round as if he were tumbling an old dog from his hind legs.

2/19
K.O.W. - Uncle Rog
With Floyd Mayweather's birthday coming up (it's tomorrow actually, hope you got your shopping done), we turn to Floyd's uncle and trainer Roger Mayweather for our No Mas Knockout of the Week, taking you back to the night that the Black Mamba got tamed by a young Julio Cesar Chavez. Mayweather looks lethal at first, dominating the action with his rattlesnake jab. Of course, as we would all learn over time, you had to hit Chavez about a thousand times with a telephone pole to hurt the guy.

2/20
Two Moments on Ice
Two Olympic anniversaries of note - Boitano facing down Orser in the Battle of the Brians at the Calgary Games, and Tara Lipinski once again ruining Michelle Kwan's life by stealing the gold at Nagano.

It's all George Forman's fault
Tommy "Gunn" Morrison is on the comeback trail after deciding he doesn't have AIDS anymore. He won by knockout last night in West Virginia over a truck driver who thought he'd signed up for an arm-wrestling tournament. Morrison says he's going to be better than George Foreman in his comeback. We have our doubts.

2/21
Deal or Shit Deal
With the NBA trade deadline coming around this week, we recall some famous and infamous deadline moves of the past to play a little Deal or Shit Deal. Neek for Danny Manning anyone?

2/22
Sharpshootin' with The Franchise
Oh the Franchise's heart was heavy this week, due to the passing of Mike Alfonso, a.k.a Mike Awesome. The 'Chise also throws some mad love to Mr. Perfect and previews Wrestlemania 23 and this weekend's Pride PPV.

2/23
Cuba Libre
The forty-ninth anniversary of the kidnapping of Formula One legend Juan Manuel Fangio by the 26th of July Movement in Cuba. On the evening of the 23rd, Fangio left his room at the Hotel Lincoln in Havana and went downstairs, where he was seized in the lobby by Cuban rebels. The kidnapping was immediately front-page news around the world, bringing Castro's cause more publicity than it had yet achieved in two years of guerrilla warfare.

Cuba Libre

On this day in 1958, Fidel Castro's 26th of July Movement staged one of its most widely publicized acts of terrorism against the Batista government, kidnapping Argentina's great Formula One racer, Juan Manuel Fangio.

The larger-than-life Fangio was in Havana to participate in the Batista-sponsored Cuban Grand Prix. The 1950's was the first decade of Formula One, and Fangio dominated it, winning 24 Grand Prix races and five World Championships, a record which lasted nearly a half-century until Michael Schumacher won his sixth in 2003.

On the evening of the 23rd, Fangio left his room at the Hotel Lincoln in Havana and went downstairs, where he was seized in the lobby by Cuban rebels. The kidnapping was immediately front-page news around the world, bringing Castro's cause more publicity than it had yet achieved in two years of guerilla warfare. Two days later the race went off without Fangio, and turned quickly into a tragic boondoggle as a Cuban driver, Armando Garcia Cifuentes, lost control of his car less than 15 minutes into the race and ploughed into the throng of spectators lining the Malecon. Forty were injured and seven killed. In a fit of rage after the disaster, Batista ordered Cifuentes arrested and charged with manslaughter.

Fangio was released unharmed that night at midnight. He claimed to have been treated with great care and civility by the rebels and to bear them no ill will. Likewise, they announced that the Argentinian driver was a man of immense charm and dignity who they found to be a natural ally in their cause.

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 2/23 - 2/25

2/23
Champions League Highlights
ESPN2, 3 p.m.
Been missing the action, 'ave ya? Well bloody 'ell mate, ere's your ticket.

Junior Jones v. Tracy Harris-Patterson, 1999
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m. & 12 a.m.
Jones was a year removed from a bitchslapping from El Terrible, and only six bouts removed from his last fight. Still, it's good to see a Poison fight on Classic, taking on Little Caeser no less, who was likewise near the end of his career.

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.
Rey Mysterio, who hasn't been seen on WWE television in over four months due to knee surgery, returns tonight to San Diego (his hometown). Also, look out for King Booker vs. Kane in a Money in the Bank Qualifying match for Wrestlemania 23.

International Fight League
FOX Sports Net, 11 p.m.
The IFL settles into their new weekly timeslot on FSN with a battle between the Chicago Red Bears and the New York Pitbulls. Also on tap are the Toronto Dragons going up against the Oregon Wolfpack.

Karate Bullfighter
IFC, 12 a.m. & 3 a.m.
Maybe not the best Sonny Chiba movie, but as I heard Joe Tessitore saying the other night about Pernell Whitaker, "his B minus beat most people's A plus." Chiba plays karate pioneer Masutatsu Oyama in the first in a trilogy of films.

2/24
Archie Moore v. Yvon Durelle, 1958
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.
The fight that Moore called his finest achievement in the ring and a testament to the iron will of the Mongoose. Down three times in the first round, ole Arch comes back to KO the Fighting Fisherman in the 11th. Read more of what I had to say about this bout in my obituary of Durelle from last month.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
The Ringside series takes on the career of Evander Holyfield.

Pride FC 33: The Second Coming
PPV, 9 p.m.
Pride returns to PPV and to Las Vegas. Main televised fights are: Mauricio Shogun vs. Alistair Overeem, Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs,. Sokoudjou, Takanori Gomi vs. Nick Diaz and Middleweight champ, Wanderlei Silva, defending his title against Dan Henderson.

2/25
NLL Lacrosse - Portland v. Colorado
VS., 2:30 p.m.
Pro lacrosse at 2:30 in the afternoon on a Sunday - strictly for the violently hungover.

Downhill Racer
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Robert Redford as a brash young skier who battles with his coach, played by Gene Hackman. From 1969 - a bizarre movie worth watching just for its preposterousness.

Floyd Patterson v. George Chuvalo, 1965
ESPN Classic, 12 a.m.
A straight-up bloodbath, probably the most brutal fight of Floyd's career, not counting the two homicides he suffered at the hands of the Big Bear.

Sharpshootin' with The Franchise

Simply Awesome: Just as wrestling fans were beginning to get over the untimely passing of Bam Bam Bigelow, we’re hit with the shocking suicide death of former ECW Champion, Mike Alfonso, a.k.a Mike Awesome. Alfonso was found dead in his apartment this past Saturday night.

When are all these young wrestlers going to stop dying? Awesome had just recently retired from wrestling and was only 42 years old. He was on top of the wrestling world just seven years ago when he won the ECW World Heavyweight Title for the second time. I always admired him because he never wrestled the typical big man match, flying around the ring with an agility impressive for a man of his size. While he was one of the top foreign stars in the FMW promotion in Japan. it wasn't until the late 90's that he really made a name for himself in Extreme Championship Wrestling. In April of 2000, he was involved in one of the most unusual matches in wrestling history when he showed up unannounced on WCW Monday Nitro despite the fact that he was the current ECW Champion. Awesome always maintained that he never had a contract with ECW and could jump to the competition whenever he felt like it. He later agreed to return to ECW for one night only to drop the belt against WWE wrestler, and former ECW alum, Tazz. It was an unprecedented match, a WCW wrestler against a WWE wrestler in an ECW ring. When Awesome returned to WCW full-time, he had a good run as a member of Team Canada (despite not being Canadian). After WCW was bought by WWE in March 2001 he faded away, but did return to steal the show in the ECW One Night Stand PPV in June 2005 in his match against Masato Tanaka. Rest in Peace, Mike.

Hall of Fame Bound: Speaking of wrestlers who passed away at a very young age, WWE announced this week that they would be inducting Mr. Perfect, Curt Hennig, to the WWE Hall of Fame during Wrestlemania weekend. Hennig will join Dusty Rhodes (and a few more unannounced wrestlers) in this year’s class. As I’ve mentioned before, Hennig’s death in 2003 was so shocking to me because he was one of my favorites growing up. I would even argue that he was the most technically-sound wrestler of his era. Needless to say, this induction is way overdue.

The Road Begins: WWE presented its No Way Out PPV this past Sunday and things went as planned leading up to Wrestlemania 23. Now all the focus will go on hyping the “granddaddy of ‘em all” which goes down April 1st from Ford Field in Motown. WWE is doing a fantastic job building to their version of the Super Bowl by announcing most of the big matches early on and allowing people to get excited about them. One of the major problems in this current wrestling scene is that there are way too many PPVs. There are so many shows now, every angle and feud has to be rushed and there is no time to get the fans emotionally involved. This year, however, they seem to have realized that the earlier the matches are announced, the more time there is for momentum to build. They've already announced the two main events featuring Cena vs. Michaels and Batista vs. Undertaker. Not to mention Trump vs. McMahon in their hair vs. hair match. Also announced are the first two competitors in this year’s Money in the Bank ladder match - Edge and CM Punk. Look for them to announce the return of Stone Cold Steve Austin as special guest referee in the Trump vs. McMahon showdown.

Second Coming: Pride Fighting Championships, the number one MMA promotion in Japan, is holding its second-ever PPV event on US soil this Saturday night. The rise and fall of Pride FC is fascinating because just two years ago they were the worldwide leader in Mixed-Martial-Arts with UFC a distant second. Now the tables have turned dramatically with many people predicting Pride will either fold or merge with UFC by the end of 2007. Coming to the United States is part of their plan to broaden their appeal and save their sinking ship. If you’ve never watched a Pride show before, tune in this Saturday night. They always put on amazing PPVs. Fights to look out for on are: Mauricio Shogun vs. Alistair Overeem, Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs,. Sokoudjou, Takanori Gomi vs. Nick Diaz and, in the main event, the baddest Middleweight on the planet, Wanderlei Silva, defending his title against Dan Henderson.

Looking Back: I thought for a trip down memory lane this week, we could enjoy the Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect I-C title showdown from Summerslam 1991. Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper and Bobby Heenan on the call. Oh, how I miss these old matches.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/22

Daytona 500
Speed, 3 p.m.
A replay of this past Sunday's race, so if you're curious to see what all the fuss was about, this is your chance. I may just tune in myself. For like, the last five minutes.

Hank Aaron SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
I don't think there is a better SportsCentury to watch during Black History month than this one to get a sense of the level of hatred black people have endured in this country even when their talents brought them to the heights of success.

When We Were Kings
Sundance, 7:30 p.m.
I sincerely doubt that you are reading No Mas and have not seen this movie. But in the off chance that this is possible, here is your chance to make things right.

TNA Impact
Spike, 9 p.m.
An interesting episode of Impact tonight with an "NYC Belting Pot" match between LAX and Team 3D with Sopranos star Steve Schirripa in their corner. Yes, you read that correctly. Also, look out for an X Division ladder match to crown a number one contender for next month's PPV. And if that's not enough, Andre "Bad Moon" Rison makes an appearance.

UFC Unleashed
Spike, 11 p.m.
A best of UFC show featuring some good matches: Randy Couture vs. Mike Van Arsdale, Tank Abbott vs. Frank Mir and Chuck Liddell vs. Jeremy Horn.

Hoosiers
AMC, 1 a.m.
Look, mister, there's two kinds of dumb... a guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and a guy who does the same thing in my living room. First one don't matter, the second one you're kinda forced to deal with.

Deal or Shit Deal

With the NBA trading deadline almost upon us, and with a lot of big talk floating around the rumor mills, we thought we'd go back and play a little "deal or shit deal" with some great trade deadline moves of the past. We'll break it down wherever possible with cards, because that always seems to clarify the matter in stark detail. I always feel like GM's would avoid making a lot of bad moves if they'd just lay out the trading cards on their desks and use their inner greedy collector to assess the situation. Anyway, deal or shit deal, you make the call...

1989
Kiki Vandeweigh from the Blazers to the Knicks for a first-round draft pick that eventually became... Byron Irvin.












1994
Neek from the Hawks to the Clips for Danny Manning and a draft pick.
















1996
Tim Hardaway and Chris Gatling from Golden State to Miami for Kevin Willis and Bimbo Coles.
























1999
Milwaukee sends Terrell Brandon to Minnesota, and Eliott Perry to New Jersey. The Nets send Sam Cassell and Chris Gatling to Milwaukee and Brian Evans and future draft considerations to Minnesota. Minnesota sends Stephon Marbury, Bill Curley and Chris Carr to New Jersey and Pula Grant to Milwaukee.



































2001
The Sixers send Theo Ratliff, Toni Kukoc, Nazr Muhammad and Pepe Sanchez to the Hawks for Dikembe Mutombo and Roshown McLeod.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/21

Chelsea v. Porto
ESPN2, 2:30
Live Champions League match from Portugal featuring the English champions against the Champions League titlist from 2004.

Evander Holyfield SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
Real Deal, solid SC. He get his props for being a warrior, and yet it's made clear that it's the warrior in Evander that just won't let him stop. One thing's for sure - you definitely come away feeling like Evander was THE heavyweight of the 90's.

Liverpool v. Barcelona
ESPN Classic, 5 p.m.
The Champions League champions of the past two years face off in their first match of the knockout stage. The Liverpool lads evidently have been acting up a bit while training in Portugal. The plot thickens.

UFC Fight Night 3
Spike TV, 9 p.m.
This card is from January 16, 2006. Fights to look out for are: Chris Leben vs. Jorge Rivera, Josh Burkman vs. Drew Fickett, Stephan Bonnar vs. James Irvin and, in the main event, Tim Sylvia vs. Assuerio Sylvia. This is also the event where they shockingly announced the historic Gracie vs. Hughes.

It's all George Foreman's fault

Tommy Gunn (a.k.a. Morrison) is back. After an eleven-year absence from the ring due to a positive HIV test in 1996, Morrison has been cleared to box in West Virginia. He fights a four-rounder against the mighty John Castle (4-2 with two ko'ed by's in his last two bouts) this Thursday night.

Apparently, Morrison's initial HIV test way-back-when was a false-positive. He's taken several tests over the last few years and they all have come back negative. And if that's not good enough for you, his fiancee says she doesn't have AIDS and they're banging like rabbits so he must be clean (talk about reassuring). So now, 38 years old, he's on the comeback trail. First Dr. Vitali and now the Duke. "This thing is going to be big," Morrison is quoted as saying, "and I am going to be a better fighter than I was before, like George Foreman was like when he came back."

We here at No Mas are very happy that Tommy Gunn doesn't have AIDS. As for the whole "like George Foreman" business, we have our doubts. It's reminds us of the old joke about the man who breaks his hand and then asks the doctor if he'll be able to play the violin after it heals. "Sure," the doctor says. And the man says, "wow, that's great, because I couldn't play it before."

Morrison medically cleared to fight Thursday (ESPN.com)

Two Moments on Ice

2/20/88
What would Brian Boitano do? Just win baby...
It was the Battle of the Brians, Orser and Boitano, and Boitano bodyslammed his Canadian doppleganger. BB had won the Worlds in '86, and then Orser barnstormed them in '87, making for their legendary showdown at the Calgary Games. With Boitano holding a miniscule lead going into his long program, he put on the skate of his life, nailing eight triple jumps that included two true triple axels. It won him the gold medal and earned him an SI cover, the only time a male figure skater has ever graced the cover of that magazine. If you don't dig skating, watch the below video to hear Jim McKay in his last year as Olympics anchor - just the sound of his voice takes me back to a time when the Games seemed like such a more... substantial event than they have become in the NBC era.



2/20/98
The Wrath of Kwan
One year after shocking the world and Michelle Kwan by becoming the youngest world champion in history, Tara Lipinski pulled off that same difecta at the Nagano Games, stealing what seemed a certain gold medal for the Kwan-anator with the exuberant long program below. Just fifteen years old, Lipinski became the youngest ever winner of an individual event at the Winter Olympics. The version below is from Australian TV, and we all know what that means - no Scott Hamilton. You're welcome.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/20

Wildcats
MOMAXe, 2 p.m.
Goldie Hawn as an inter-city football coach. The best scene is when she earns their respect by showing them what a good long-distance runner she is, which of course is always guaranteed to get you props in the hood. The other best scene is when you see her tits in the bathtub for absolutely no reason - the most gratuitous tit-shot in the history of crappy movies and desperate actresses. The other best scene is all the ones that Nipsey Russell is in, God rest his soul.

Arsenal v. PSV Eindhoven
ESPN2, 2:30 p.m.
Champions League is in the round of 16, and ESPN2 has live action from the Netherlands. Arsenal hasn't lost a match yet this year, and haven't lost to their Dutch counterparts in four Champions League meetings in the last five years.

Marvin Hagler SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
Tivo alert. This is a great SC, takes you deep into the vicissitudes of Marvelous and his many discontents. Lots of the Petronelli's talking about how Marvin got screwed and how paranoid he is on the whole. With special treatment given, of course, to the Ray Leonard debacle.

Bayern Munich v. Real Madrid
ESPN Classic, 5 p.m.
More Champions League on Classic. These two eternal rivals clash for the sixth time in eight seasons when they face each other at the Santiago Bernabéu.

Jose Luis Ramirez v. Pernell Whitaker, 1988
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
It's just been a Sweet Pea-fest lately on Classic, and today they bring you a genuine classic, his 1988 bout with Jose Luis Ramirez. It was Pernell's first shot at a title, and his first rob-job in a decision. Until Oscar, this was his only loss.

Pernell Whitaker v. Santos Cardona, 1994
ESPN Classic, 9 p.m.
All Pernell, all the time. This one is a pure Pernell exhibition - about the most interesting thing about this fight is that it was Pea's tuneup before the second Buddy McGirt fight.

ECW Wrestling
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
A little triple threat action between ECW champ Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Mr. Kennedy. Is it me or does Ken Kennedy look exactly like Bob Holly circa 1997? Anyways, expect both to go down tonight.

K.O.W. - Uncle Rog

This coming Saturday is Floyd Mayweather's birthday. To help the Pretty Boy celebrate (Lord knows Floyd needs help in the endeavor of celebrating himself) I thought I'd throw him a little K.O.W. love. But there's just not much to go with in terms of beautiful knockouts with Floyd. I thought of putting up the last two rounds of the Jesus Chavez fight, because it's an interesting war and there's a lot of give and take, but in that the Chavez corner stops it in between rounds, it's really not Knockout of the Week material.

But that got me thinking about another fight against a man named Chavez, this one involving The Black Mamba - a.k.a. Roger Mayweather, Floyd's uncle and trainer. Back in '85, he took on a 22-year-old budding Mexican star named Julio Cesar Chavez, who despite his age was already a veteran of 46 professional fights. The fight was for Chavez's WBC super featherweight belt. Mayweather looks lethal at first, dominating the action with his rattlesnake jab. Of course, as we would all learn over time, you had to hit Chavez about a thousand times with a telephone pole to hurt the guy. Uncle Rog gets caught with a couple of lunging rights in the second and the inevitable mosey down queer street ensues.

As a side note, check out the Mamba's legs. It's amazing the man can even hold himself upright.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/19

Joe Louis SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
Never seen this one myself, but hey, it's gotta be good.

WWE RAW
USA, 9 p.m.
OK, the No Way Out PPV is finally out of the way... so let the road to Wrestlemania 23 officially begin.

Late Show with David Letterman
CBS, 11:35 p.m.
Dave's got Kevin Harvick, the winner of the Daytona 500. Is it me, or does Kevin Harvick winning that race feel a little like the Jaguars winning the Super Bowl?

Tonight Show with Jay Leno
NBC, 11:35 p.m.
Tiki Barber, the newest Today show correspondent, joins Jay to start to hint about his return to the NFL.

Letdown

I had high hopes for a revealing trio of fights last night on Boxing After Dark and I came away disappointed. None of the three bouts gave me what I wanted. In the opening fight, Norberto Bravo took one look at the horrifying specter of Andre Berto's jab and thought better of making an evening of it. Berto thrice knocked Bravo off his feet in the first round as if he were tumbling an old dog from his hind legs. Score one for the three-knockdown rule, I suppose. It saved Bravo a good brain-scrambling. This Berto, I'm telling you - they're going to have a tough time getting work for this kid. The Tyson comparison grows with every bout.

The biggest disappointment of the night was the second fight, Sechew Powell v. Ishe Smith. I hoped for an impressive outing from Sechew, but I think last night was a major setback for his plans. It looked as though he should have been able to dominate Smith, who spent large portions of every round posturing and fishing for the perfect counterpunch. Instead, Sechew was frequently off-balance and threw a lot of soft, purposeless punches. For all his talk of wanting to punish the mouthy Smith, he seemed all too enthused by his lackluster unanimous decision, one I'm not even sure he deserved, certainly not by the margins he was granted on the scorecards. It's tough to tell from just one fight, but even Buddy McGirt seemed exasperated with him last night, and I found myself questioning whether he has what it takes to go to the next level.

In the featured bout of the evening, Paulie Malignaggi put on a veritable clinic against Edner Cherry, and yet the affair was ultimately unsatisfying - one, because I expected Cherry to be a more substantial opponent, and two, because we saw that even at his best Malignaggi is a points-fighter, all fancy footwork and accurate jab and absolutely no potential for finality. It's a bind he's in, and one that I'm hard-pressed to imagine him escaping. The best thing about his night to me was his post-bout interview, where he was surprisingly humble and forthright for a guy with a blue mohwak. "I'm not ready for Ricky Hatton," he said, "I need to do a little more than I did tonight." A fair assessment, delivered with panache. He has something, that kid, a spark, something unique. And after the Cotto battle, we know he has heart to spare. I just don't know if he has the raw materials to be a major force in the ring.

The Final Lap

1. The Fight - 2/18/79
For all of us No Mas-types, NASCAR doesn't get any better than this. In the first live flag-to-flag televised coverage of a 500-mile race, the shit got all Dukes of Hazzard and Wrestlemania at the same time with an infield fight between Cale Yarborough and the Allison brothers (sounds like something Fonzie should have been involved in). Cale and Donnie Allison took each other out going for the lead in the final lap, leaving Richard Petty to steal the win. Donnie's brother Bobby stopped to survey the damage, and it was on. Fists flew, helmets were swung. It was a thing of beauty. I mean, look at that karate kick Cale is coming in with - he's like Evel Knievel crossed with Elvis. The feud rages to this day. We here at No Mas officially call for a rematch.

2. The Crash - 2/18/2001
Dale Earnhardt, the Intimidator, #3, dies after a multi-car crash on the final lap of the 2001 Daytona 500, an event which pretty much shuts down the South for about two months. I don't pretend to understand the significance of Earnhardt to his fans, but you'd have to have been living on another planet at the time not to have grasped that for NASCAR nation the man was only slightly less important than Jesus.

A Message from Jim Brown on Jim Brown's Birthday

Look here people, this is Jim Brown talking to you so pay close attention. Today is my birthday. I know what you're thinking - it should be a national holiday and the fact that it isn't is bullshit. President's Day my ass. You tell me the last time you seen a president bust through the line like Jim Brown bust through the line. Anyway. The thing I want to tell you is - Jim Brown don't like it when other motherfuckers celebrate their birthdays on Jim Brown's birthday. February 17th is JIM BROWN'S BIRTHDAY, ya hear? The rest of you sissies get another day. Only one other man Jim Brown lets celebrate a birthday on Jim Brown's birthday and that's Michael Jordan, cause he's my little buddy and he's got a funny-looking head. Now that don't change the fact that it's officially Jim Brown's birthday and Jim Brown's birthday alone, but nevertheless, by the special clemency of Jim Brown, M.J. is allowed to have a cake and shit. Anyone else I catch with a cake on Jim Brown's birthday, I'll bitchslap the fool. That includes all these candyass nobodies below, and any of the rest of you clowns out there think you can celebrate your birthday on Jim Brown's birthday. You have been warned.

This Week in No Mas

2/11
No Mas Birthday Grab-Bag
A crazy list of Birthdarians, Eddie Shack, Ginger, and the Wizard of Menlo Park included.

2/12
K.O.W. - The Razor Smash
Our No Mas Knockout of the Week goes back to Razor Ruddock's destruction of Michael Dynamite Dokes back in 1991. Three Razor Smashes, each uglier than the last.

Sugar Alone
Large ponders the fate of Sugar Shane Mosley after his impressive performance last Saturday against Luis Collazo. "Certainly this fight gives us one reference point among elite boxers right now - Ricky Hatton is not in Sugar Shane's league... Collazo ruined Hatton's whole plan for conquering America, and meanwhile for Mosley he provided little more than a respectable chess problem, one that Shane solved in about three rounds."

2/13
Rats
The anniversary of the appearance of the very last Peanuts comic strip, which tragically ran the morning after the death of Charles Schulz.

The Cuban Hawk
A remembrance of Cuban legend Kid Gavilan four years to the day after his death. "The flashy Cuban welterweight is probably best known for three things - 1. Beating Ike Williams twice, 2. A great 15-round loss to sugar Ray Robinson in 1949, and 3. The invention of the "bolo" punch, a mixture of hook and uppercut that he said was the product of years spent cutting sugar cane with a machete in Cuba."

2/14
Torvill and Dean Are For Lovers
A straight-up lovefest. Large, a closet figure skating fanatic, takes us back to Valentine's Day 1984, and the most beautiful pairs long program he's ever seen before or since. Hug it out.

Tyson and Givens Are Not For Lovers
Valentine's Day, 1989 - Robin Givens is granted a divorce from Iron Mike. "It was a full-on war, Lady MacBeth and Kid Dynamite, and after a legendary tussle, the Baddest Man on the Planet damn near came out in a bodybag."

Ray Robinson and Jake LaMotta were not lovers
Nothing says "I don't love you" like the Valentine's Day Massacre. "Sugar Ray is merciless once he smells blood, whipping those jack-knife bolos off LaMotta's defenseless head three and four at a time. The beginning of the end occurs with a vicious flurry about two minutes into the eleventh. In the space of ten seconds, the bull goes from hunter to hunted, and the matador reaches for the sword."

2/15
Sharpshootin' with the Franchise
Franchise is all over the debut of Elite XC on Showtime (he personally calls out Krazy Horse Bennett to a fight - anywhere, anytime). He's also hot for Gina Carano, throws some love to Bruno Sammartino, and takes us back to another Valentine's Day Massacre - Stone Cold and Vince McMahon, 2/14/99.

Being and Nothingness
Large is unenthused, to put it mildly, about the upcoming Bernard/Winky showdown in July. Quite a debate ensues in the comments, one that Large is having a hard time convincing himself that he won.

2/16
B.A.D. Indeed
A breakdown of this Saturday's Boxing After Dark card, which features three fights that all have definite appeal and consequence, including the return of the Magic Man, Paulie Malignaggi. "Count me among the many who went into the Malignaggi/Cotto fight wanting to see Paulie Walnuts get sand-blasted, and then after it happened (and oh, did it happen), found myself a newly converted fan of the Magic Man. He took one hell of a beating, and he took it like a man, a very VERY tough man."

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 2/16 - 2/18

MUST-SEE
NO MAS TV
2/17
Carmen Basilio v. Johnny Saxton II
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.
The Ring Fight of the Year in 1956. Saxton had beaten Basilio earlier in the year in a unanimous decision to take the welterweight crown that Basilio had won from Tony Demarco one fight prior. In his rematch with Saxton, the Canastota Onion Farmer didn't let the judges get involved, earning a stoppage in the 9th after nearly decapitating Saxton with a leaping right hook. (Only time I ever met Carmen, I asked for his autograph, handed him a pad and pen. He scribbled, handed it back to me. "Fuck you" it read. He played it off for like a minute and then laughed his ass off.)

Paulie Malignaggi v. Edner Cherry
Sechew Powell v. Ishe Smith
Andre Berto v. Ben Tackie HBO, 9:45 p.m.
You can read my thoughts on tomorrow night's card in this post below.

BEST OF THE REST
2/16
Zina Garrison SportCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
I must say, I didn't know Zina Garrison had her own SportsCentury, and I'm a little surprised. The biggest thing I remember her doing is beating Steffi in the semis at Wimbledon, only to get spanked by Martina in the finals. Does Conchita Martinez have a SportsCentury? If not, she must be pissed. See, she actually beat Martina in the Wimbledon finals.

NBA's Greatest Games: Bulls v. Hawks, 1989
ESPN Classic, 5 p.m.
MJ goes bubonic while Neek is merely ill. A freakin slam-fest all around.

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.
Two pretty large tag-team matches on the final show before this Sunday's No Way Out PPV - John Cena & HBK vs. MVP & Mr. Kennedy followed by Batista & The Undertaker vs. Rated RKO (Edge & Randy Orton).

Gary Stark Jr. v. Mike Oliver
Showtime, 11 p.m.
A battle of two undefeateds, as Staten Island's Stark takes on Oliver, a Hartford kid. Oliver has a super-bantamweight belt from the USBA that I believe is on the line.

Jimmy Kimmel Live
ABC, 12:05 a.m.
Sir Charles in the chair.

2/17
Rocky III
TNT, 4 a.m., 12:30 p.m.
Hey, Woman. Listen here. Since your old man ain't got no heart, maybe you like to see a real man. I bet you stay up late every night dreamin' you had a real man, don't you? I'll tell you what. Bring your pretty little self over to my apartment tonight, and I'll show you a real man.

Rocky
TNT, 7:30 A.M.
Adrian, it's true. I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.

Rocky II
TNT, 10 a.m.
Well the first thing I gotta do is I gotta pay the rent. And then I made this list on our way over here. I'd like to buy a couple hats, a motorcycle, a couple quarts of perfume for Adrian cause she likes to smell good. And some muppet toys you know, Ernie, Big Bird. And the frog... what's his name? Kermit?

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
The Ringside series turns out an episode called "Little Big Men" - among the boxers featured are Sugar Ray Robinson, Willie Pep, Carmen Basilio, Alexis Arguello and Roberto Duran. Quite a list. (That picture over there is Arguello fighting Schoolboy Bobby Chacon, a classic.)

2/18
Daytona 500
NBC, 2 p.m.
NASCAR Super Bowl. We won't be watching, but we'll repsect you if you do. In fact, I'll put it to you right now - anybody wants to write us a recap post, we'll print the most interesting one we get. Remember, we like fighting and dudes on drugs.

An Officer and a Gentleman
Cinemax, 1:35 p.m.
Speaking of fighting, the best parts of this otherwise sappy crapfest are the karate showdowns between Richard Gere and Louis Gossett. They look really real too. Gossett seems like he could probably fight anyway, but Captain Buddha Gere has definitely got some moves on him too.

Sugar Ray Robinson: Bright Lights and Dark Shadows
HBO2, 3:15
I haven't seen this thing yet. I can't wait. It looks great. Two-hour profile, the full HBO treatment. Definite Tivo alert.

Bring It On
USA, 5 p.m.
You know you want it you tramp. It'll take you almost up to the All-Star Game, at which point you'll be all cheerlicious and horny and ready to rock.

WWE No Way Out
PPV, 8 p.m.
The final PPV stop on the road to Wrestlemania is this Sunday. This show is traditionally quite predictable but I like this year's main event, Cena & HBK vs. Batista & 'Taker, because it can go either way. Also on the card: Finlay vs. Boogeyman, Kane vs. King Booker & World Tag Champs London & Kendrick defending their gold against Deuce & Domino.

B.A.D. Indeed

Very nice card tomorrow night on Boxing After Dark, featuring two of Brooklyn's finest and a Haitian on the verge of storming the nation. Three bouts I'm very excited to see - Large is all a twitter:


Andre Berto v. Norberto Bravo
Don't come to this card late, because arguably the biggest name on it is fighting first. Yeah, Paulie Walnuts has some legit name value these days, but Andre Berto is a potential star on a level that I don't think the Magic Man will ever quite aspire to. Though he was born in Miami, Berto fought in the 2004 Olympics for Haiti. Despite the fact that he didn't win a medal, he was one of the most courted boxers by promoters coming out of those Games. When you see him fight, you'll know why. He has the whole package - speed, power, charisma. He was last seen on HBO on the undercard of the Ouma/Jermain fight pulverizing an overmatched Miguel Figueroa (check out what I had to say about that fight here) and is back again in primetime, matched up against Norberto Bravo from season two of The Contender. Trust me, you don't want to miss this kid. He's 16-0 with 14 KO's and for me he's already generating a little of that Tyson-like excitement - I want to see all of his fights, no matter how lopsided, because he decimates motherfuckers.

Sechew Powell v. Ishe Smith
Speaking of Kassim Ouma, speaking of The Contender, and speaking of Tyson... Brownsville's own Sechew Powell is back in action tomorrow night for the first time since he got caught up in the human threshing machine that is Kassim the Dream (click here for my original post on that fight). It was the first loss for Sechew (pronounced seh-Q) and not one that truly diminished anyone's expectations of him. Ouma is a difficult chess problem in the ring - how do you compete with a guy with a chin of steel who throws 100 punches a round and never gets tired? Sechew was baffled by that situation early, but late in the fight he seemed to be working it out, which bodes well for him moving forward. Tomorrow night he fights Ishe Smith from the first season of The Contender. As is his wont, Smith has been trash-talking the shit out of Powell. In general he seems to be trying to make a name for himself with his mouth. Unfortunately, he doesn't quite have the fists to back it up. Mark my words - Sechew will knock his ass out.

Paulie Malignaggi v. Edner Cherry
Count me among the many who went into the Malignaggi/Cotto fight wanting to see Paulie Walnuts get sand-blasted, and then after it happened (and oh, did it happen), found myself a newly converted fan of the Magic Man. He took one hell of a beating, and he took it like a man, a very VERY tough man. The fact that his comeback bout from that Cotto smackdown is Edner Cherry (Bomb) and not some washed-up punching bag only furthers my newfound respect for the kid - you have to believe that other fighters getting back into the ring after a fight that basically destroyed their entire face would take an easy warm-up bout first. Not Paulie. This I-talian Scallion truly believes he is destined for greatness. I'm not sure I believe that myself, but I'm rooting for him now, and I definitely don't want to miss any of his fights.

Being and Nothingness

Can someone out there in No Mas land please help me make some sense of this?

Let me start by saying I love both of these guys. I love their styles, I love their attitudes, I think they are both throwbacks to a bygone era and both have been great for boxing in very different ways. But to have Bernard Hopkins and Winky Wright fight at this point in their careers, at 170 pounds no less, just doesn't add up for me.

I like big fights that have consequences - I like fights that are taking their combatants somewhere. I want a victory to make a point, to say "now I am this, now you must reckon with me in a new way," and I want a loss to say the same thing. Most of all, I like a big fight to answer a question about two fighters that has long existed in my mind. Bernard vs. Winky meets absolutely none of these qualifications. Have any of us been wondering in, oh, the last three years what would happen if Bernard and Winky met up? Two defensively-minded fighters with cagey ring skills and almost no knockout power? I mean, Christ, you thought Bernard/Jermain was a chess match. These two might actually play chess in there for as much clean scoring as we'll see in of this thing.

And don't get me wrong - I love the technicians. I'm not one of these guys who needs a fight to be a bloodbath to be interested. In fact, I'm the opposite of that. The point I'm trying to make is that stylistically there is no compelling reason for this fight. It will not capture anyone's imagination because nothing is at stake. Whoever wins will rise only slightly in our estimation, and whoever loses will fall not one iota. No belts are on the line and to my knowledge these guys have no personal beef. There's nothing going on here besides economics, although not exactly shrewd economics. Bernard needs to fight again and wants a bout he could conceivably win. He's run through all the available options and Winky is what he came out with. Myself, I would have hoped that, presented with a Winky or nothing situation, he would have gone the nothing route. But no way.

In conclusion, I remember when it first emerged that Ex was thinking about coming back to fight Maskaev. I was horrified. Now... I'm telling you I would actually prefer that fight to this one. At least against Maskaev, there would seem to be some purpose to it at all, no matter how preposterous. This just feels like an exhibition. An expensive one, to boot.

Sharpshootin' with The Franchise

Mixed bag: Elite XC’s inaugural show came and went last week and I am guessing that Showtime would love to have a do-over. There was some good, some bad and some really ugly. Let’s break it down:

• The ugly: Quite simply - Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett. I will be happy if I never have to watch this joker fight again. I can’t imagine anyone thought it would be a good idea to walk out talking on cell phone and strolling to the cage like he was going to get his morning coffee. Then, in the ultimate sign of disrespect, he refuses to touch gloves with his opponent, KJ Noons. Look, I get showmanship, but this was pure bush league. Unfortunately, he won his bout but I would love to see him pull that crap against true 155-pounders like Sean Sherk or Jens Pulver.
• The bad: Frank Shamrock vs. Renzo Gracie. Elite XC dodged a major bullet when Shamrock struck Gracie twice in the back of the head with his knee. Shamrock was rightfully disqualified for his actions even though he claimed his blows weren’t illegal. This was the worst possible outcome for their inaugural show where they're trying to promote the brand to the general public who probably aren’t that familiar with MMA. No one seemed to know how to handle the stoppage including the referee and the announcers. Hopefully, things turn out a little better when they meet up again sometime this fall.
• The good: Gina Carano defeating Julie Kedzie. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a big fan of women fighting. That being said, this clearly was the fight of the night. Carano has all the makings of being a huge star. I predict that she will do more for her sport than Danica Patrick or Laila Ali will ever do for theirs. Not only is she extremely attractive but she is damn talented too.
  

Showtime has to be happy with the fact that approximately 365,000 viewers tuned in last Saturday night. Especially, considering they were going up against the Mosley fight on HBO. The true test, though, will come with show #2 when they have to come up with new fighters and not the same handful of established guys (and girls) they used this past week. The next show is tentatively scheduled for May 5th. If you think that date sounds familiar, you’re right. Some guys named Mayweather and De La Hoya are fighting that night. Stay tuned.

Across the pond: The UFC officially announced this week that on April 21st they will be holding their first show in Great Britain since 2002. It's going to be in Manchester. No word yet if it's PPV or not but the UK’s own Michael “The Count” Bisping as well as Mirko CroCop will be on the card.

The end of the road?: As I have mentioned here before, Hulk Hogan was supposed to return to WWE action at Wrestlemania 23. The plan was for him to represent Donald Trump in his “billionaire battle” against Vince McMahon. However, those plans have been scrapped after Hogan went on the “Bubba The Love Sponge” radio show and revealed the list of wrestlers being considered for this year’s WWE Hall of Fame class. Once Vince McMahon got hold of the fact that Hogan released confidential information he decided against using him at ‘Mania. His decision was a little surprising since this angle had been in the works for a while. Yes, I know McMahon and Hogan have had more than their fare share of issues (Hogan even testified against him in Federal Court during McMahon’s 1991 steroid trial) so I don’t expect this break-up to last all that long. I actually think this will turn into a positive for the company because it seems like they will be aligning ECW Heavyweight Champion, Bobby Lashley, with Donald Trump, and Lashley could use the press. By the way, Trump challenged McMahon to a hair vs. hair match meaning the losing billionaire will have to shave his head.

Return of a Legend: Ring of Honor announced that WWF legend, Bruno Sammartino, will appear at their March 30th show in Detroit, MI which just so happens to be the same weekend and city as Wrestlemania 23. I love the fact that one of the greatest performers in the history of wrestling will be appearing for an upstart promotion and not for World Wrestling Entertainment in Motown. WWE has invited him back several times, including offering him a place in their Hall of Fame, but Sammartino has never been shy in sharing his feelings that McMahon has bastardized the business he helped create.

Welcome Back: Speaking of legends returning, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper made a surprise appearance on RAW this week. This was his first public appearance since being diagnosed with Lymphoma Cancer a few months ago. From all of us at No Mas - good luck Hot Rod.

Love Hurts: This week in wrestling history brings us back to February 14, 1999. The feud between WWE CEO Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin reached its breaking point when the employee met his boss in a cage match at the “St. Valentine’s Day Massacre” PPV in Memphis. This was by far one of the greatest angles in WWF/E history and I thought McMahon more than held his own considering he was around 55-years-old at the time of the match. Great ending too - check it out:

No Mas TV Guide - 2/15

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV
Marvin Hagler v. Vito Antuofermo, 1979
VS., 9 p.m.
A crucial fight towards understanding the outsider complex of His Marvelousness, as he was held up at gunpoint in the decision of this middleweight title fight in '79. He softened Vito up for one Alan Minter, however, which led to some measure of redemption for Hagler. Read more of what I have to say on the matter in this post from last September.

WWE Monday Night Raw
USA, 9 p.m.
Yes, we know its Thursday night, but this week's episode of Raw was bumped for the Westminster Dog Show. To make up for it, WWE pulls out all the stops by showcasing one of the biggest eight-man tag matches in recent memory: John Cena, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker & Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy, MVP, Randy Orton & Edge.

BEST OF THE REST
TNA Impact!
Spike, 9 p.m.
On the heels of last Sunday's "Against All Odds" PPV, this week's main event is a Gauntlet match to crown the #1 contender for the NWA Heavyweight Title. What's a Gauntlet match, you ask? Well, two wrestlers start out in the ring. Then, every two minutes another wrestler joins the fray. The way to eliminate your opponent is by throwing him OVER the top rope and onto the floor. The last man standing is your winner. Got it? Just tune in. It will all make sense.

Fresh
FLIXe, 11:40
Look, I don't know what FLIXe is either, but if you got it, this here is a good movie. A young hustler in the projects is using his chess skills to try and get himself and his sister out of the ghetto. It's a dangerous game. Samuel Jackson plays the vagabond chess genius dad, who among other things disses the skills of Bobby Fischer. "Put him on the clock," he says, "and I'll smoke his ass."

Inside the UFC
Spike, 12 a.m.
Host Joe Rogan welcomes UFC Heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia to the studio.

Last Call with Carson Daly
NBC, 1:35 a.m.
Ben Roethlisberger makes an appearance, presumably to announce a new line of Fatheads.

Ray Robinson and Jake LaMotta were not lovers...

...as the video below will attest, the last three rounds of the fight known as the Valentine's Day Massacre, February 14th, 1951. It's just inconceivable the amount of punishment that Lamotta takes in these rounds, and it's a shame too, because the beating he withstood in those nine minutes led history to deem this fight a massacre, when in fact he gave a lot more than he got for at least the first eight rounds of the fight. Certainly, if you've never seen this entire bout, you should do so - it runs regularly on Classic.

Sugar Ray is merciless once he smells blood, whipping those jack-knife bolos off LaMotta's defenseless head three and four at a time. The beginning of the end occurs with a vicious flurry about two minutes into the eleventh. In the space of ten seconds, the bull goes from hunter to hunted, and the matador reaches for the sword. The bout could have been stopped in the 11th, most definitely should have been stopped in the 12th, and by the 13th, well, it feels like we're witnessing capital punishment.

Excepting LaMotta's infamous dive job to Billy Fox in 1947, this was the first time in his career that he was stopped. It's not hard to see why.

Tyson and Givens Are Not For Lovers

On this day in 1989, Robin Givens was officially granted a divorce from Iron Mike Tyson, ending their eight-month made-for-TV marriage which Givens described as "pure hell." She also likened it to a PG-13 movie, "too much violence and not enough sex," (if she thought that one up by herself, I tip my cap to her). Tyson would later refer to Givens as a snake, which she undoubtedly was, and her mother... if you've ever read anything about this affair, you know that Robin Givens' mother is the straight-up Godzilla, Lawrence Taylor, entire Wu Tang Clan showing up in your doorway strapped to the nines of mother-in-laws. Robin Givens brought her mother to her first date with Tyson. It's amazing she didn't have a lawyer and an accountant on hand as well. And a bailiff.

Below is a great Ebony article breaking down the eight-month heavyweight bout that was Givens v. Tyson - The Love Brawl. It was a full-on war, Lady MacBeth and Kid Dynamite, and after a legendary tussle, the Baddest Man on the Planet damn near came out in a bodybag.

Mike Tyson vs. Robin Givens: The Champ's Biggest Fight (Ebony)

Torvill and Dean Are For Lovers

Cuddle up sweeties, and get your Valentine's on with the good ole T & D. Bolero - puts you in the mood innit. This one's the gold medal performance from the Sarajevo Games, skated 23 years ago today, when you were young and the loving was easy.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/14

Yankees v. Red Sox, 1978
ESPN Classic, 3 p.m.
Bucky Fucking Dent, Yankees fans. Go back and live in the good old days, when the Red Sox were the ones who were cursed.

Diamondbacks v. Yankees, 2001
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
Mariano. Craig Counsell. Luis Gonzalez. The day the music died.

Miguel Cotto v. Paulie Malignaggi, 2006
VS., 8 p.m. & 1 a.m.
The fight from last summer at the Garden where Miguel Cotto shut Paulie Malignaggi up for good, broke his jaw in fact. Nevertheless, it was a good showing for the Magic Man. Before this fight, I wasn't a fan, but he gave more than a good account of himself in this thing. As for Cotto, man he hits hard. Check it out.

UFC Fight Night 2
Spike, 9 p.m.
A replay of the October 3, 2005 event that showcased Evan Tanner vs. David "The Crow" Loiseau, Chris Leben vs. Edwin Dewees, Brandon Vera vs. Fabiano Scherner & Drew Fickett vs. Josh Koscheck. If you are into fights that don't go the distance this is the card for you.

The Tonight Show
NBC, 11:35 p.m.
Jay's got Charles Barkley and the cover model from the new SI swimsuit edition, hopefully together. I'm sure they have a lot to talk about, the three of them.

The Cuban Hawk

The great Cuban boxer Kid Gavilan died on this day in 2003 of a heart attack in Miami. He was 77 years old.

Born Gerardo Gonzalez in the Cuban sity of Camaguey, Gavilan was the second Cuban world champion after Eligio Sardinas, better known as the great Kid Chocolate. In 1951, Gavilan won the world welterweight crown from Johnny Bratton, and then he went on to defend it six times, including a win over Carmen Basilio in Syracuse, before losing the belt to Bobo Olson in 1954.

Despite the title, the flashy Cuban welterweight is probably best known for three things - 1. Beating Ike Williams twice, 2. A great 15-round loss to sugar Ray Robinson in 1949, and 3. The invention of the "bolo" punch, a mixture of hook and uppercut that he said was the product of years spent cutting sugar cane with a machete in Cuba.

Perhaps the most amazing thing about Gavilan is that in over 140 fights spanning 15 years, he never once was stopped, quite a feat. With a final record of 108-30-5, he was inducted into the IBHOF in 1966.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/13

George Foreman SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
This is one of the best of this series I think - you get a very full portrait of George, see a lot of of good fight footage. Definitely worth an hour of DVR space. You'll get to it.

Back to School
Comedy Central, 4:30 p.m.
A neglected classic of modern cinema. Any movie in which Rodney Dangerfield stars as a former star of his college diving team who saves the day with his insanely difficult patented secret dive, the Triple Lindy... well, what else needs to be said?

Legendary Nights: Lewis/Tyson
HBO2, 5 p.m.
The Tyson freakshow, the "I wanna eat his children", the whole circus in full effect right down to the inevitable conclusion.

Pernell Whitaker v. Buddy McGirt, 1993
ESPN Classic, 8 & 10 p.m.
Lot of Sweet Pea on Classic lately, and here's a real treat - we get to see Buddy McGirt, known to most of today's fight fans as Arturo Gatti and Antonio Tarver's trainer, back in his fighting days in his first of two fights with Pernell.

ECW
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
Get ready for Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly in an Extreme Rules match for the ECW Heavyweight Championship. The Franchise wantd to have a serious talk with whomever thinks that Hardcore Holly is a legitimate main-eventer.

Late Show with David Letterman
CBS, 11:30
Dave's got Peyton Manning. I guess I care about that.

Antonio Margarito v. Sebastien Lujan, 2005
ESPN Classic, 12 a.m.
If you've never seen Margarito, here's a good opportunity. If you really, really dig blood, that is. Seriously, Lujan gets his freakin ear knocked off. It's Freddy Krueger-type shit.

Rats

On this day seven years ago, we were visited for the last time by the worst baseball pitcher, biggest Willie McCovey fan, and least-likely-to-ever-actually-kick-the-ball field-goal kicker of his generation, not to mention a certain shortstop-playing, World War II fighter-piloting, world famous hockey player of a dog.

In one of the saddest coincidences imaginable, Peanuts' beloved creator, Charles Schulz, died of a heart attack at 9:45 p.m. on February 12, 2000, the night before his final strip appeared in newspapers across the country. Schulz had reluctantly announced his retirement the previous December due to the fact that he had cancer and his chemotherapy had made it impossible for him to continue. In the end, Peanuts ran for nearly 50 years without interruption and appeared in over 2,600 newspapers in 75 countries.

Sugar Alone

I must say, No Masians, I don't know quite what to make of Sugar Shane Mosley's win over Luis Collazo this past Saturday night. On one hand, I was impressed - Collazo is a top-tier fighter, tough as a Brooklyn bulldog, and Shane dominated him. He didn't get the KO, but due to his speed and wherewithal, Collazo is a very difficult knockout. He did knock Collazo down in the 11th with a short right hook. Backing up, off balance, he saw an opening and caught Luis C. leaning, a beautiful punch, indicative that despite his age and overall wear and tear Mosley still has phenomenal reflexes.

Certainly this fight gives us one reference point among elite boxers right now - Ricky Hatton is not in Sugar Shane's league. I'm not sure that I knew that before this fight, but I do now. In my mind, Hatton/Collazo was a draw, and had it been a 15-round bout, Luis might have won it. Basically, Collazo ruined Hatton's whole plan for conquering America, and meanwhile for Mosley he provided little more than a respectable chess problem, one that Shane solved in about three rounds.

Now Sugar Shane is talking big, calling out the winner of Oscar/Floyd. For myself, I'm only slightly more interested in a third De la Hoya/Mosley fight than I was in Mosley/Vargas II. Oscar and Shane are good friends and business partners now, and they fought twice in their primes. Shane was the better fighter then by a few hairs. End of story. I can't believe the fight would ever get made.

As for Floyd, he himself said it best in a post-bout interview with Lampley - Mosley had his chance with Floyd for years and ducked him, even to the tune of 8 mill after the second Vargas fight. Why he wants him now is a mystery. Floyd is still sticking to his retirement story, although his recent comments about Hatton make it seem like he might be eying an easy payday across the Atlantic. That's a believable scenario - a bout with Shane is not. Provided that Floyd beats Oscar, what would Floyd stand to gain in taking less money to face an arguably more dangerous but far less famous fighter?

So where does that leave Sugar Shane? As far as I can see, it leaves him without a big-name dance partner. Cotto is about the best he could do for a high-profile bout, an interesting fight definitely, and yet something tells me that if Cotto gets past Margarito, he'll have bigger fish to fry than Shane Mosley.

(p.s. - How about that pre-fight piece on Shane and his wife? Jesus... it was like a video documentary of a marital squabble. And Shane, how about sticking up for yourself for chrissake? Yeah she's taking care of the kids, but fuckin-a man, you're going in there and getting your face mashed in and then bringing home 4 mill for it. Tell your harpie of a wife to rub her own feet.)

No Mas TV Guide - 2/12

This is TNA
Spike, 9 p.m.

TNA is capitalizing on the Westminster Dog Show pre-empting WWE Monday Night Raw on USA this week by airing this two-hour special showcasing the best they have to offer. In addition to counting down some of their best matches ever, they'll also be counting down the top five moments in TNA history.

K.O.W. - The Razor Smash

Sometime ago when we started the No Mas Knockout of the Week, we had a call for Razor Ruddock and the Razor Smash. So here you go, a Razor Smash for the ages that put Michael Dynamite Dokes into a deep deep sleep in the fourth round of their bout in 1990. Watching this, I'm amazed that - 1. the ref couldn't get in there to prevent the THIRD Razor Smash, when the second already had Dokes completely unconscious, and 2. that the ref actually bothered to count Dokes out. I mean, yo, open your eyes ref. The man is borderline dead. How about dispensing with the ten-count and getting a doctor up in there?

No Mas Birthday Grab-Bag

2/10/90

This Week in No Mas

2/4
Super Birthday Sunday
A birthday bonanza on Super Sunday that includes the Golden Boy, The Lone Eagle, and Godzilla.

Intimations of Immortality and the Problem of the Super Bowl
Large hates the Super Bowl. He explains why, at length. "It’s the pinnacle of the advertising age – the summation of all of our efforts to make a science of selling things to each other. How thorough and inescapable that science has become, the ways in which it seems to have colonized literature and art and music and sports and every single thing that we say or do or need in our lives… this is the source of an immense anxiety in our culture today, and yes, the source of a gnawing nostalgia, one that No Mas trades in as much as anyone else."

2/5
K.O.W. - Pour Some Sugar on Me
With Sugar Shane fighting Collazo tomorrow night, we take you back to his prime for the Knockout of the Week - his devastating KO of Manuel Gomez in 1997. "It's amazing how Gomez just crumples forward over Shane's shoulder - "like a sack of potatoes," the announcer says, which sums it up quite nicely."

The Greatest Poetess of All Time
On the 25th anniversary of the death of great poet and sports-fan Marianne Moore, we recount the day that George Plimpton arranged for her to have tea with Ali at Toots Shor's, a meeting that resulted in a collaborative effort called "A Poem on the Annihilation of Ernie Terrell." "Ali announced that if she was the greatest poetess in the country, the two of them should produce something together - "I am a poet too," he said - a joint-effort sonnet, it was to be, with each of them doing alternate lines."

2/6
What's My Name?"
The 40th anniversary of the infamous Ali/Terrell bout, and Ali's legendary taunting in the ring. "Boxing writers eviscerated Ali in the media, saying that the beating he dished out to Terrell was cruel and unusual, a bizarre claim in a sport such as boxing. In retrospect, it's a claim that seems far more motivated by a presiding distaste for Ali than it was a legitimate concern for the well-being and dignity of Ernie Terrell."

2/7
A record even Gretzky couldn't break
We take you back to February 7, 1976, when the Maple Leafs' Darryl Sittler managed ten points - six goals and four assists - in a single game.

Oh Ricky you're so fat...
Why is Floyd Mayweather taunting Ricky Hatton? Why does Sugar Ray Leonard think anyone cares what he has to day about the matter? Why is Ricky Hatton so fat? Does Ricky Hatton even know about any of this? What the hell is going on here?

2/8
Sharpshootin' with the Franchise
Franchise had a lot on his mind this week - Travis Lutter's two-pound Waterloo, Undertaker v. Batista, the fate of Rob Van Dam, MMA on Showtime, and last but not least, Randy Savage v. Tito Santana.

A good walk spoiled
The thirteen-year anniversary of Jack Nicholson's famous bout of road rage/highway golf. "He shot a solid 40 going out, and then fell into a funk after the turn and brought it in with a 52, including a miserable quadruple bogey on the rear tail-lights. On the whole, not his finest hour, but not a terrible outing given the circumstances."

2/9
At last
On this day 36 years ago, Baseball Commissioner Bowie Kuhn announced that Satchel Paige would be the first black player inducted into Baseball's Hall of Fame.

At last

On this day 36 years ago, Baseball Commissioner Bowie Kuhn announced that Satchel Paige would be the first black player inducted into Baseball's Hall of Fame. The fact of Paige's greatness had actually determined this historic date - he had pitched his last game in 1966 and so was not eligible for the Hall until '71, and the Hall of Fame was unanimous in its feeling that Satchel Paige had to be the first black Hall-of-Famer.

Originally, Paige was supposed to be the first inductee into a special Negro wing of the Hall, but as the year wore on, that idea rightfully met with a shitstorm of criticism for its overtones of a "separate but equal" Hall of Fame. Eventually, Kuhn announced that there would be no Negro wing, that the black players elected would have their plaques amongst the rest of the Hall of Fame plaques.

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 2/9 - 2/11

2/9
WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.
It's Royal Rumble rematch time when Mr. Kennedy challenges Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship. And for all you MTV Real World fans out there look out for Mike "The Miz" Mizanin going up against The Undertaker.

2/10
Richard Pryor: Live in Concert
Cinemax, 2 a.m.
The first Richard Pryor concert movie ever released in theaters, and just about the funniest move ever made. Contains a hilarious routine on Leon Spinks' cocaine arrest, and also has the riff on Ali and boxing that I wrote about in this post.

George Foreman: The Early Years
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.
See the young, feral George wallop the shit out of Don Waldheim (his first pro bout), Gregorio Peralta, and George Chuvalo (the only man in history to fight Foreman, Ali and Frazier).

Blue Crush
USA, 10 a.m.
Chick surfers who are incredibly hot surf their brains out. I saw it in the theater. There's a plot, I just can't remember it. Surf-porn.

Jerry Maguire
TBS, 2:50 p.m.
Help him help you. Help HIM help YOU.

Best of UFC Marathon
Spike, 7 p.m.
If you think its a coincidence that the UFC will be airing on Spike at the
same time as EliteXC's inaugural show, you are sorely mistaken. Start your
Saturday night off right with this four-hour extravaganza.

Rocky IV
VS., 7 p.m.
I have in the past been known to suggest that Rocky IV is worse than Rocky V, although I think I was either drunk or just being provocative or some predictable mishmash of both. It is a terrible movie, but it has Apollo in it, and James Brown doing his thing. The first 20 minutes are passable. Once it gets into the pure "Rocky as cold warrior" shit, I tune out.

Ringside - Mike Tyson as Champion
ESPN Classic - 8 p.m.
A new Ringside on Classic featuring Tyson's reign as heavyweight champ, fall from heavyweight grace, and his myriad subsequent personal problems. Appetite for ear. Appetite for rape. Appetite for destruction. Etc.

Shane Mosley v. Luis Collazo
HBO, 10 p.m.
It's Sugar Shane on non-PPV, first of all, and this has the makings of a pretty good fight. As Luis C. showed us in his Ricky Hatton bout, he's no pushover. You have to wonder where Shane thinks he's headed with fights like this, but whatever. I'm curious.

Elite XC: Destiny
Showtime, 10 p.m.
The first ever Elite Xtreme Combat event goes down from Southaven,
Mississippi. The Franchise previewed the show yesterday but the main bouts
are Gracie Vs. Shamrock, Loiseau vs. Villasenor, and Noons vs. Bennett. UFC,
meet your newest competitor.

2/11
Third and a Mile: The History of the Black Quarterback
ESPN2, 12 p.m.
Based on a book by William Rhoden of the New York Times, an hour-long show examining the struggles of black QB's in the NFL, featuring Doug Williams and Warren Moon.

Holyfield v. Foreman, 1991
ESPN Classic, 12:30 p.m.
The bout that announced to the world that George Foreman's comeback was no joke, and the bout that taught us something we would subsequently learn time and again - Holyfield has some serious heart in him.

Holyfield, v. Mercer, 1995
ESPN Classic, 2:30
That serious heart turned into a serious heart condition, one that kept the Real Deal out of the ring for 13 months. This is his first fight back, after claiming that his heart was healed by God.

Pernell Whitaker v. Azumah Nelson, 1990
ESPN Classic, 3:30
Sweet Pea defends his lightweight titles against the Professor. Two Hall of Fame technicians in a classic bout - Azumah's a little past his prime, but it's still a beautiful fight to watch.

Riddick Bowe v. Evander Holyfield III, 1995
ESPN Classic, 4:30 p.m.
The third part of one of the great heavyweight trilogies of our time - certainly the weakest of the three fights, but some brawling takes place and it's enjoyable just for the atmosphere of import.

The Thrilla in Manila, 1975
ESPN Classic, 10:30 p.m.
The third part of the GREATEST heavyweight trilogy of ALL TIME. What can I say that hasn't already been said? For my feelings on repeated Thrilla viewings, check out this post.

A good walk spoiled

On this day in 1994, His Royal Jackness was cruising along the streets of his Hollywood fiefdom enjoying the fact that he was Jack and we were not... when some serf in a regular old dealer-purchased Benz cut him off. That's how he saw it anyway. Fenders were bent. Jack, a little irked but also seeing a good chance to work on his ailing swing, broke out a nine iron from his bag in the trunk and proceeded to lean into the Benz a little. He shot a solid 40 going out, and then fell into a funk after the turn and brought it in with a 52, including a miserable quadruple bogey on the rear tail-lights. On the whole, not his finest hour, but not a terrible outing given the circumstances. The Benz, and the driver of the Benz, were in pretty sad shape afterwards, but look - when King Jack needs a practice round, King Jack needs a practice round. They settled out of court for a couple of million dollars, which Jack happened to have in his wallet that day, so everything worked out for the best.

Sharpshootin' with The Franchise

Two Pounds?: The big shocker from this past weekend’s UFC 67 PPV had nothing to do with knockouts, title changes or upsets. No, the 2007 “idiot move of the year” already goes to Travis Lutter for weighing in two pounds overweight and thus turning his five-round middleweight title fight against Anderson Silva into a three-round non-title affair. Here’s a guy whose career was going virtually nowhere, went on a reality show for six weeks, had no contact with the outside world, and had to fight three times just to get to UFC 67. Then, after all that, when he finally earns his first-ever title shot, he weighs in TWO POUNDS over the limit?!?!?! Travis, I know we all make mistakes but man... this might be one you’ll never live down. The interesting thing about this whole saga was that Silva was personally offended by Lutter’s transgression and vowed to make him pay. Did he ever. Silva turned the tables on the submission master by choking him out in the second round.

As for the rest of the card, I must say that I was uninspired with Rampage and Cro Cop’s debuts. They both beat men who probably shouldn’t have ever stepped into the Octagon with them. That being said, I was expecting them to come out guns blazing but it seemed as though they were a little nervous going into their first-ever UFC matches (Rampage admitted this after his fight). Not to worry though, I think both of these men will be holding gold this time next year.

Mat Rats: UFC President Dana White announced last week that in addition to the Matt Serra vs. Georges St. Pierre welterweight title bout at UFC 69: Shootout, Josh Koshceck will challenge Ultimate Fighter 1 winner Diego Sanchez April 7th in Houston. If you want to see a wrestling clinic watch this fight – it should be amazing. Expect to also see: Pete Sell vs. Thales Leites, Mike Swick vs. Yushin Okami and Luke Cummo vs. Josh Haynes.

The Road to Wrestlemania: This week on RAW, WWE announced the top two main events for Wrestlemania 23: Undertaker will challenge Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship and Shawn Michaels will go up against John Cena for his WWE title. ‘Taker vs. Batista, which on paper doesn’t excite me all that much, is intriguing since ‘Taker is 14-0 at Wrestlemania. So it’s gonna be a good ol’ fashioned streak vs. title match. Cena vs. HBK should tear down the house and here’s hoping they finally pull the trigger on the Cena heel turn come April.

Heading South?: Rob Van Dam apparently gave his notice last week to WWE that he will not be re-signing with them when his contract expires this summer. After the way he's been booked in ECW, who can blame the guy. But RVD is so popular with the fans I don’t even think this latest string of losses will ruin his career. Case in point, a couple of weeks ago on TNA Impact! the entire Impact Zone was chanting his name during the Christian Cage vs. Kurt Angle confrontation. Therein lies the solution: RVD needs to sign with TNA the moment his contract expires. Both parties would benefit greatly. Then maybe Chris Jericho will follow him to Orlando and this wrestling war can really get started.

New Kid on the Block: Showtime’s foray into the world of Mixed-Martial-Arts begins this weekend with EliteXC: Destiny (horrible name). Boxing promoter Gary Shaw heads Elite Xtreme Combat and it was his close ties with Showtime that got the deal done. New promotions come and go all the time but this one might be here to stay. Getting on Showtime is HUGE, and this Saturday's card is loaded. The main event pits two members of the most famous families in MMA history - Renzo Gracie vs. Frank Shamrock. Also, Montreal’s own David “The Crow” Loiseau vs. Joey Villasenor and Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett vs. KJ Noons. Gina Carano also will be in action, an extremely attractive woman fighter who kicks serious ass. The announcers for the event are Mario Lopez (aka AC Slater) and former WCW Heavyweight Champion Bill Goldberg (dah... who made those choices?). Fight fans should have a fun Saturday night as EXC airs live this Saturday night on Showtime at 10 - the same time as Mosley vs. Collazo on HBO.

Turn back the Clock: To appease the hearts of all you old school wrestling fans out there, here's a little “This Week in Wrestling History.” Today’s entry comes from the old Boston Garden on February 8, 1986. A young “Macho Man” Randy Savage challenges Tito Santana for the Intercontinental Title. Ariba!

No Mas TV Guide - 2/8 addendum

Two further entries from the Franchise:

TNA Impact
Spike TV, 9 p.m.
On tonight's episode:
-Six-man-tag: Rhino, Jerry Lynn & Senshi VS. James Storm, Chris Sabin & Austin Starr
-NWA World Heavyweight Champion Christian Cage & AJ Styles VS. Kurt Angle & Samoa Joe

Inside the UFC
Spike TV, 11 p.m.
UFC prez Dana White takes us on a behind-the-scenes tour of UFC 67.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/8

MUST SEE NO MAS TV
Caribbean World Series
SNY, 3 p.m.
D.R. vs. P.R. What else needs to be said? Shit makes Red Sox/Yankees look like Peter/Toney.

BEST OF THE REST
Hector Velazquez v. Bobby Pacquaio
2006 VS., 9 p.m.
A replay of a super featherweight bout from last November, an ignominious evening for Manny Pacquaio's little brother Bobby. He failed to make weight before the fight, and thus was stripped of his WBC Continental Americas Super Featherweight belt. Then he lost the fight in the eleventh round after being disqualified for low blows. Trust me - this one is out of control for the first bell.

Floyd Mayweather v. Arturo Gatti
2005 ESPN2, 11 p.m.
NOT for the faint of heart. This is the complete annihilation of a man, physically, emotionally, spiritually. If you have the stomach for it, you will get to see the best boxer of his generation stringing together like, 19-punch combinations without being answered. I mean, Floyd should have been arrested after this thing.

Highlights from the 1998 Masters
Golf Channel, 12:30 a.m.
O'Meara birdies 17 and 18, holing a 20-footer on the 72nd hole to finish a stroke ahead of Duval and Couples. Meanwhile, the mighty Jack makes his last run at a major, shooting a 4-under 68 on the day and at one point early in his round sitting just two strokes off the lead. The galleries roared accordingly. It was a hell of a Sunday at Augusta, one of the best, certainly worth revisiting.

Late Night with Conan O'Brien
NBC, 12:35 a.m.
Costas is on with the Conanator. Watch the entrance - it'll be like when Earl Boykins goes into the game and stands beside Camby.

Oh Ricky you're so fat...

This past Monday, Floyd Mayweather, evidently not occupied enough with his upcoming bout, took some time away from his busy schedule of loving himself to trash-talk Ricky Hatton to BBC Sport. Mayweather was ringside for Hatton's January 20th fight against Juan Urango, and according to Floyd, he looked "like garbage."

Hinting that Hatton is on his radar screen, Mayweather let loose with this diatribe - "'Ricky Hatton ain't nothing but a fat man. I'm going to punch him in his beer belly... He ain't good enough to be my sparring partner... I'm retiring in America, that don't mean I'm retiring in the UK... When I retire, I'll get Ricky Hatton to wash my clothes and cut my lawn and buckle my shoes."

This bit of oddly-timed publicity prompted none other than Sugar Ray Leonard to step up and decide that his opinion on the matter was relevant. BBC Sport yesterday quoted Sugar Ray as saying that Hatton has what it takes to beat Mayweather, but it would have to be the version of Ricky Hatton that beat Kos Tszyu and not the latest edition of drastic weight fluctuations and lack of focus.

So far, nothing from Ricky Hatton on any of this. Reckon he's probably too busy at the pub, innit? I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't even heard the news.

"Ay Ricky, Floyd May-wevver says you're fucking fat!"
"Oh yeah, well cheers innit. Anuvver round for all me mates..."

Mayweather savages "fat" Hatton (BBC Sport)
Sugar tips Hatton over Mayweather (BBC Sport)

A record even Gretzky couldn't break

On this day 31 years ago, Maple Leafs' captain Darryl Sittler scored six goals and was credited with four assists in an 11-4 Toronto win over the Bruins. Ten points in a game set a record that still stands today, miraculously surviving the Gretzky/Lemieux years. The '75-'76 season was a breakthrough year for Sittler - it was his first year as team captain, he became the first Maple Leaf to reach 100 points in a season, and later that summer he scored the winning goal in overtime to lead Team Canada over the Czechs in the final of the inaugural Canada Cup.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/7

Caribbean World Series
SNY, 3 p.m.
Coverage of the CWS continues on Sportsnet New York with Venezuela squaring off against Mexico.

UFC Ultimate Fight Night
Spike, 9 p.m.
Replay of the first ever UFN on Spike from August 6th, 2005 which showcased a bunch of former Ultimate Fighter 1 cast members. Some really exciting fights on the card including - Chris Leben vs. Patrick Cote, Josh Koscheck vs. Pete Spratt, and the birth of the legend that is Mike "Quick" Swick.

U.S.A. v. Mexico
ESPN2, 9 p.m.
A friendly between U.S. and Mexico, if such a match can ever qualify as "friendly." The game is in Glendale, AZ, so most likely the Americans will feel like their playing an away game.

What's My Name?

Today is the 40th anniversary of the infamous Ali/Ernie Terrell fight, source of much controversy for the Champ and now an essential chapter of his hagiography. In a nutshell, Terrell had refused to call Ali by his Muslim name, instead calling him Clay. Ali vowed to punish Terrell in the ring for his disrespect, and proceeded to do exactly that, dismantling him over the course of a brutal 15 rounds, continually taunting him with the line that has since become a mantra of vengeful righteousness - "What's my name? What's my name?"

Boxing writers eviscerated Ali in the media, saying that the beating he dished out to Terrell was cruel and unusual, a bizarre claim in a sport such as boxing. In retrospect, it's a claim that seems far more motivated by a presiding distaste for Ali than it was a legitimate concern for the well-being and dignity of Ernie Terrell.

In this clip on YouTube (embedding is unfortunately disabled) you can watch some of the Howard Cosell Wide World of Sports interview with Ali a few days after the fight. I've written about this interview a lot here on No Mas - that Cosell, a supposed "friend" of the Champ, jumped on this Terrell bandwagon is to me stark evidence of just how deep the sports media disdained Ali at the time.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/6

Caribbean World Series
SNY, 3 p.m., 7 p.m.
SportsNet New York continues its coverage of the CWS with two games today, Mexico v. Dominican Republic at 3, and Puerto Rico v. Venezuela at 6.

Dakar Rally
Vs., 3 p.m., 4 p.m., 5 p.m.
Vs. covers the Dakar Rally, the off-road race in Senegal known as the most dangerous sporting event in the world to participants and spectators alike. Today's three hours recap stages 1-15.

Connie Hawkins SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
This show overdoes the tragedy angle a little bit, with a non-stop barrage of treacly music and artsy shots of Connie looking sad. Nevertheless, it's a tragic tale, Hawkins losing the best years of his career due to his innocent involvement with point-shaving gambler Jack Molinas. Another problem here is a paucity of footage, but what they do have makes it clear that everything they always said about the Hawk is true - he was Julius before Julius, Magic before Magic.

Deliverance
AMC, 8 p.m.
Squeal like a pig. This horrifying tale of four men on a white-water rafting trip is a little man vs. nature, a little man vs. man, and of course, primarily man vs. himself. It's also, in Large's estimation, one of the best movies ever made. Look for James Dickey's chilling cameo at the end as the local sherriff.

ECW Wrestling
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
It looks as though they are heading towards an ECW originals vs. New School
angle. Should be interesting. Just please promise us that there will be no
more Lashley vs. Test matches.

Wrestling Society X
MTV, 10:30 p.m.
It's 6-Pac vs. Vampiro for the inaugural WSX title. On top of that,
everyone's favorite Grammy winners, Three-6 Mafia, will be performing on the show and sitting in the commentary booth.

Calvin Brock v. Jameel McCline, 2005
ESPN Classic, 12 a.m.
I know, I know, enough with the Calvin Brock already. But this is a great fight, primarily for the eighth round, which in any other year which did not include the first Corrales/Castillo fight would have been a sure-shot for Round of the Year.

The Greatest Poetess of All Time

On this day 25 years ago, poet Marianne Moore died at the age of 84. Among the things discovered in her small Brooklyn apartment after her passing was a baseball signed by Mickey Mantle. Moore was a renowned sports fan, baseball in particular. She threw out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium's Opening Day in 1968, and wrote a famous poem called "Baseball and Writing" which begins

Fanaticism? No. Writing is exciting
and baseball is like writing

and goes on to elaborate on that comparison while enumerating the virtues of a parade of Yankees, including Elston Howard, Mantle, and her favorite, Yogi Berra ("Assign Yogi Berra to Cape Canaveral; he could handle any missile.")

George Plimpton, as of course he would have to, formed a relationship with Marianne Moore in her dotage that began when he took her to Yankee Stadium for the second game of the 1963 World Series. Robert Lowell tagged along. It was that kind of afternoon. What I wouldn't pay to go back in time and make it a foursome. Eight innings of shutout ball from Johnny Podres and some fine conversation to boot.

My favorite Plimpton story about Marianne Moore concerns his arranging for her to have tea with Ali at Toots Shor's (yet another showdown I would trade a kidney for a time-travel-ticket to). It was four o'clock in the afternoon, and no one was at the place except for the principals and Toots himself, who kept his distance ("He did not approve of Ali then, or perhaps ever," Plimpton wrote, "and he sat at the opposite end of the room, studiously ignoring us.")

After some predictable Ali clowning and Marianne Moore deadpanning, the two set about writing a poem together. I'll let Plimp himself set that scene:

Ali announced that if she was the greatest poetess in the country, the two of them should produce something together - "I am a poet too," he said - a joint-effort sonnet, it was to be, with each of them doing alternate lines. Miss Moore nodded vaguely. Ali was much more the decisive of the pair, picking not only the form but also the topic: "Mrs. Moore and I are going to write a sonnet about my upcoming fight in Houston with Ernie Terrell," he proclaimed to the table. "Mrs. Moore and I will show the world with this great poem who is who and what is what and who is going to win."
"We will call it 'A Poem on the Annihilation of Ernie Terrell'," Miss Moore announced. "Let us be serious but not grim."
"She's cute," Ali commented.

The poem they came up with is below. According to Plimpton, the whole composition took about a minute's time. See if you can guess who wrote what. I'll give you a clue - don't overthink it:

After we defeat Ernie Terrell
He will get nothing, nothing but hell,
Terrell was big and ugly and tall
But when he fights me he is sure to fall.
If he criticize this poem by me and Miss Moore
To prove he is not the champ she will stop him in four,
He is claiming to be the real heavyweight champ
But when the fight starts he will look like a tramp
He has been talking so much about me and making me sore
After I am through with him he will not be able to challenge Miss Moore.

K.O.W. - Pour Some Sugar on Me

Sugar Shane Mosley is back in action this Saturday for the first time since he finished off Ferocious Fernando Vargas last July. Sugar Shane will be stepping into the ring with Queens-born, Brooklyn-trained Luis Collazo, a product of the famed Starrett City Boxing Club. Collazo's most notable fight was a dubious loss to Ricky Hatton in May of last year, where he gave the Hit Man the fight of his life and sent him scurrying back to 140 with his tail between his legs.

Don's be surprised if Collazo serves similar notice to the aging Mosley, who is riding a possibly unwarranted high right now - unwarranted because the big wins that got him there came at the expense of a beloved but truly shot fighter, Vargas. There's no doubt that Sugar Shane is nowhere near the force he once was. That said, for the No Mas Knockout of the Week, I thought we'd go back and take a look at just how dangerous that force could be. This Sugar Shane knockout of Manuel Gomez from 1997 is sublime, a pure assassination of a punch. It's amazing how Gomez just crumples forward over Shane's shoulder - "like a sack of potatoes," the announcer says, which sums it up quite nicely.

No Mas TV Guide - 2/5

Joe Frazier v. Oscar Bonavena, 1966
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m., 12 a.m.
This was only Smokin Joe's eleventh professional bout, and the first ten he'd won by stoppages. He had his hands full with Ringo, though, who put him on the canvas for the first and second times of his pro career in the second round. Frazier would fight Bonavena again two years later, and again it would go to the scorecards. He was a tough bastard, Ringo, awkward as hell and with the power of a rhino. Loved the good life, too, right up until he was killed in 1976 outside the legendary Mustang Ranch in Reno, murdered because he was shtupping the Mustang's owner's wife.

WWE Monday Night RAW
USA, 9 p.m.
The Undertaker makes a rare appearance on RAW to finally announce his
Wrestlemania 23 plans. Also, Cena & HBK: By far one of the unlikeliest WWE
Tag Champs ever - can they co-exist? Finally, how will Mr. McMahon react to
getting trumped by The Donald last week?

Intimations of Immortality and the Problem of the Super Bowl

In general, I am opposed to nostalgia. As an impulse, it usually strikes me as weak-minded, to be avoided at all costs. When we are young, the world appears to us to have great hidden meaning and an almost magical power to enchant. As we get older, we begin to see into the workings of things and discover how much of what we once took for magic and meaning is in fact a confidence trick animated by commerce. It’s a melancholy but natural evolution, fertile ground for the poets, from Virgil to Wordsworth to Proust and Joyce. To ignore the ancestry of this process, to say “no, the world of my youth WAS magical, and now the world has gone to shit,” is to willfully close one’s eyes to the human condition.

With that as a preface, I confront The Problem of the Super Bowl.

For me, the Super Bowl represents everything that is diseased in America, everything that threatens to consume us and reduce our spirits. It’s the pinnacle of the advertising age – the summation of all of our efforts to make a science of selling things to each other. How thorough and inescapable that science has become, the ways in which it seems to have colonized literature and art and music and sports and every single thing that we say or do or need in our lives… this is the source of an immense anxiety in our culture today, and yes, the source of a gnawing nostalgia, one that No Mas trades in as much as anyone else.

This nostalgia yearns backwards to a time when that science was in its infancy, when its algorithms were flawed, when it was stumbling forward blindly to the ultimate realization of its power. When you look back at sports in the media in the 60’s and 70’s, you see just the dawning of an awareness, equations being frantically drawn on a blackboard and just as quickly erased before your eyes. No one knew quite yet what they were holding in their hands, and that ignorance frequently led to wildness, chaos, absurdity, all of which in retrospect is enormously pleasing.

William Carlos Williams famously wrote, “It is the anarchy of poverty that delights me,” a line that has proven controversial, in that Williams, who himself was not poor, is seen to have been literarily slumming it, idealizing poverty from a safe distance. It’s hard to argue with some essential truth of that criticism, but as I read it the point of this line is a question of aesthetics only - because poor people cannot afford to control every aspect of their environment, Williams says, that environment takes on a shape of its own, a shape that ironically almost always proves to be richer and more nourishing than those manicured spaces of wealth and design.

Which brings me to the Super Bowl, the most manicured space of them all, nine or eleven or however many hours of television pomp and circumstance in which not a single second is unaccounted for, not a single moment unplanned, nothing left to chance except for the game itself, and yet somehow that minor offering to the gods feels miniscule in the midst of the unforgiving physics that govern the proceedings at large.

What blandness that physics yields, what stultifying absence. I can’t decide how much of my disgust is a product of the small-mindedness of nostalgia, and how much is a genuine awareness of something that has been lost and is seemingly unrecoverable. But I do know that if any one thing can be said to guide our obsessions here at No Mas, it’s the search for and celebration of those sports and athletes and characters, past and present, that manage to exist outside the military industrial complex of the Super Bowl and all of its bastard children. We celebrate them as we celebrate the glaciers or the rainforests or the beauty of an endangered species – sadly, because soon we fear they all will be gone.

Bad Bad Chad

Bad Chad Dawson pulled quite an upset last night, lifting the WBC light heavyweight belt from Tomasz Adamek and in the process earning widespread comparisons to Roy Jones in his prime. Despite being knocked down in the 10th, Dawson won a unanimous decision with the closest margin on the cards reading 116-110. Evidently, Chad's speed was overwhelming and the skill differential in the fight enormous - it seems he's leapt light years forward in his training under the guidance of Floyd Sr.

A scan of the boxing websites this morning brought multiple Roy Jones comparisons for Dawson as well as one writer saying that this fight reminded him of Joe Calzaghe's utter domination of Jeff Lacy last March. It seems like a new star is born at 175, and already Dawson is talking about traveling to England to unify the belts against IBF light heavy champ Clinton Woods. Of course, the recognized lineal champ at 175 is still Bernard Hopkins, but even if ole Ex does return to the ring it sounds like the light heavyweight division is not in his plans.

A final thought - all of this has to make you wonder if we'll ever hear the name Antonio Tarver again in a conversation about top light heavyweights. It seems doubtful. Now let's just hope the Rocky curse next sets its sights on Lou Dibella.

Super Birthday Sunday

Cocaine Cowboy

The announcement today that Michael Irvin has finally been elected for induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame made me think of this Colin Quinn routine from back when he was the anchor of the Saturday Night News. This one's from 1998. Read it to yourselves in a thick Brooklyn accent:

"The Dallas Cowboys are apparently trying to clean up their image, hiring Chan Gailey to be their new head coach. Gailey is a devout Christian, and plans to be very strict with the Cowboys, so strict in fact that he says that he's going to outlaw swearing in training camp. We contacted Cowboys' wide receiver Michael Irvin about this and asked him what he thought about Gailey's prnouncement. He said, "okay, I mean, you know, I'll try my best, but look, it's kind of hard not to swear when some clumsy hooker spills your blow."

Deal or Shit Deal

On February 3, 1979, 28 years ago today, the Minnesota Twins dealt Rod Carew to the Angels for four players, Ken Landreaux, Dave Engle, Paul Hartzell and Brad Havens.

Carew had demanded the trade, wanting to go to a winner. Still, the deal is remarkable for how crappy it is. Rod Carew was one of the best players in baseball at the time, just a season removed from his MVP year in '77 when he hit .388, and coming off a year where he won his second consecutive batting title. A pure hitter, his production would diminish only slightly over the next seven seasons in Anaheim.

Meanwhile, of the four players the Twins got for him, only Landreaux is worth mentioning. He became a serviceable major league outfielder, put up good numbers for Minnesota in '79. The other three guys were pretty much worthless. It's a shit deal any way you slice it, one that can be easily assessed once you look at their baseball cards. I mean, Jesus - would you ever consider trading the Carew card above for the four cards below? You could give me every Kenny Landreaux card ever run in mint triplicate I wouldn't make that deal. Christ, you could just offer me Kenny Landreaux in the flesh as an indentured servant, I'm still not turning over a '71 Carew.

No Mas Weekend TV Guide

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV
Carribean World Series
SNY - games all weekend
SportsNet New York is carrying the entire Carribean World Series, start to finish, which I must say is a great get for this channel that has otherwise seemed unbearably Busch League since its debut last year. Mexico v. Puerto Rico is tonight at 7:30. Click here for a complete listing of gametimes and dates.

UFC 67: All or Nothing
PPV, Saturday night, 10 p.m.
Lutter vs. Silva. Cro Cop vs. Sanchez. Rampage vs. Eastman. Hope they have
some long undercard fights planned because we are expecting a lot of
first-round knockouts.

BEST OF THE REST
2/2
The Millrose Games
ESPN2, 7 p.m.
Two hours of coverage of the Millrose Games tonight on ESPN2, presumably to include the Wanamaker Mile, which will be run tonight. The race features an all-star lineup that includes Alan Webb, Aussie Craig Mottram, and four-time Wanamaker champion Bernard Lagat.

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.
'Taker makes his first appearance on Smackdown since winning the Rumble last week. Will he continue his mind games with World Heavyweight Champion Batista or will he announce his Wrestlemania intentions immediately?

Friday Night Fights
ESPN2, 9 p.m.
Tonight's card features Brownsville's own Curtis "Showtime" Stevens, who has f'real knockout power, but who got rope-a-doped last July at the Hammerstein by cagey veteran Marcos Primera (click here for CI's fine reportage of that bout). Stevens subsequently decisioned Primera in a rematch and tonight he fights Yusaf Mack, a highly-considered super-middleweight out of Philly.

Urban Cowboy
HBO-S, 12:55 a.m.
Tony Manero moves from Brooklyn to Bumfuck, Texas, marries Debra Winger, and gets obsessed with riding mechanical bulls in bars. And all's I have to say to that is... "Sassy! Git me a beer!"

2/3
Freddy vs. Jason
SciFi, 1 p.m.
I don't think that I'm ruining anything when I tell you that Jason wins, and that my money was on Freddy. A rematch once seemed imminent, but four years later the bout hasn't been made. Promoters...

Tomasz Adamek v. Chad Dawson
Showtime, 9 p.m.
If styles make fights, this one has some definite aesthetic potential - Adamek the Polish brawler up against "Bad" Chad Dawson, a slick boxer. For Adamek's WBC light heavy belt.

Walter Payton SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 12 a.m.
Never seen it - Large has it all Tivo'ed up.

Legendary Nights: The Tale of Leonard/Hearns
HBO-E, 3:15 a.m.
One throws around a lot of superlatives concerning big fights of the past, but really this one has GOT to be top five all-time, without qualification. This is a great doc, too, and it was produced by a true friend of No Mas, Little Stephen Palgon.

2/4
Highlights from the U.S. Figure Skating Championships
ABC, 1 p.m.
It's Super Bowl Sunday, yes. But you know you want it.

Super Bowl XLI
CBS, 6:30 p.m.
a. A good excuse to start drinking at eleven o'clock in the morning without anyone hitting you with any "I think you have a problem" bullshit.
b. A good excuse to get your girlfriend/wife/fashion-industry-roommate out of the house for about nine hours.
c. A good excuse to make chili (not that you need a good excuse for that, but you know).
d. A good excuse to pretend that you're a real man, and not the Golden Globes-pool-entering ponce that you are.
e. All of the above.

Bobby Deerfield
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Al Pacino as a Grand Prix driver in Europe who breaks through the hard shell of his own self-absorption by falling in love with a dying woman. It's like Love Story meets Days of Thunder and yet somehow it's still pretty awesome.

Caddyshack
Cinemax, 10 p.m.
It's 10 p.m. on Super Bowl Sunday, you've had nine beers and some Maker's Mark, the Colts won by like 78 points and you can't even remember the second half. You're full of chili and booze and party mix and weed and you feel about half a Hot Pocket away from barfing in the popcorn bowl. So look, don't do anything drastic, kimosabe. Just put on Caddyshack and sit there quietly until the despair passes. That's just your life you feel slipping slowly out of your hands. Nothing Carl Spackler can't cure.

This Week in No Mas

1/28
Dominance
Large looks back at the Aussie Open - the unspeakable greatness of Moby Fed, and the implacable will of The Serena. "I would say right now that the Federer/Sampras debate is about over. Never was Sampras at this level. If Fed retires tomorrow and does not eclipse Pete's 14 Slams, then Sampras must be said to have had the better career, but as for the "who's the better player" argument, Elvis has left the building, and his name is Roger Federer."

If you want to rope a dope, eventually you must come off the ropes
A recap of the Jorge Arce/Julio Ler fight on Boxing After dark, where Ler reinvented the concept of the rope-a-dope. "More often than not, he would take ten or twelve shots and then suddenly scoot off the ropes about ten paces away from Arce, adjust his trunks, and get a baffling look of macho accomplishment on his face that seemed to say, "you see, I did it again."

1/29
K.O.W. - The Banker Cashes Out
The No Mas Knockout of the Week takes you back to last February, when The Boxing Banker, Calvin Brock, laid a left hook on Zuri Lawrence that straight up comatosed his ass.

Super Bowl of the Day - The Worst... Super Bowl... EVER
San Francisco/San Diego. As far as we know, the Niners are still scoring touchdowns. "It's a little known fact that the game got so boring for the Niners that in the fourth quarter, no member of the team actually played in the game. They sent their wives and sons on to the field disguised in their uniforms. At this point in the game, Steve Young's son threw eight touchdown passes to Jerry Rice's wife."

1/30
One down, 87 to go
The 36th anniversary of UCLA's 74-61 win over UC-Santa Barbara, the first of 88 consecutive wins for the Bruins.

Just forget about Oscar/Floyd entirely
Tyson checks into the Hohan-ator's rehab clinic, a clear sign that they are finally going to fight once and for all. "We hear the Ho-inator has wanted a piece of Tyson for years, and vice versa. We hear she's the nastiest bitch on two heels and that even though she's in rehab she's still smoking a ton of crack, which would have to be in her favor."

Super Bowl of the Day - Riggins run left, Riggins run right
Super Bowl XVII. Diesel. KaleidoSUPERscope. Leslie Easterbrook. The A-Team. Good times.

1/31
January 31 - Birthday of Champions
Whoo boy lot of big birthdays on Wednesday, Johnny Rotten, Norman Mailer and Jackie Robinson among them.

2/1
Sharpshootin' with the Franchise
The debut of our new Thursday column featuring our wrestling/MMA expert, The Franchise. He dips into his special vault for some footage of CroCop kicking Wanderlei Silva into oblivion. In short, the smacketh is layeth downeth.

The Tit Heard Round the World

2/1/04

New England - 32
Carolina - 29
Tit? Priceless.

Sharpshootin' with The Franchise

(This is the inaugural edition of a new column on No Mas, a look at the week that was and the week to come in the world of Professional Wrestling and Mixed-Martial-Arts. It's brought to you by The Franchise, aka Ariel Helwani. Look for him right here every Thursday.)

Here to stay: Originally considered a pretty weak card, last week's UFC Fight Night Live turned out to be both entertaining and unpredictable. Ed Herman proved, at least for the time being, that he belongs in the UFC, while Heath Herring and Spencer Fisher suffered pretty big upsets to “Irish” Jake O’Brien and Hermes Franca respectively. Fisher took the loss like a man but Herring’s post-fight complaint that he didn’t come to the UFC to sit on his back and wrestle was lame. After the win, Franca took a page out of Georges St. Pierre’s book by getting on his knees and begging UFC President Dana White to grant him a Lightweight title shot against champion Sean Sherk. It worked – look for that match in July. However, Ultimate Fighter 2 winner, Rashad Evans, definitely stole the show with a 2nd round KO over Sean Salmon. By far one of the most devastating right-kicks I have ever seen. At 205, Evans is definitely the real deal and should be contending for Chuck Liddell’s Light Heavyweight title sooner rather than later.

Drug Bust: The Nevada State Athletic Commission announced that WEC fighter, Kit Cope, tested positive for the steroid boldenon before his 1/20 fight against “Razor” Rob McCullough. Cope is not the first MMA fighter to be caught using this steroid. Former UFC heavyweight Josh Barnett tested positive for it in 2002 as did Stephan Bonnar last summer.

Been there done that: Wrestling Society X finally made its debut on MTV to very mixed reviews. In my opinion you just can’t put on a proper wrestling show in 30 minutes. The show felt rushed and the jump-cut bombardment was annoying. Plus, the announcers never stopped SCREAMING. They definitely have great wrestlers to build around - Jack Evans, Matt Sydal and Teddy Hart - but the hokey backyard wrestling genre is played.

Rumble Dead Man Rumble: The Undertaker won his first ever Royal Rumble last Sunday, outlasting 29 other men to get a title shot at Wrestlemania. While ‘Taker has certainly been around for a while, the victory was somewhat surprising. Unless plans change, he will now challenge Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania 23 in April. Cena vs. Umaga was the bloodbath everyone expected to be but I think with every match he wrestles John Cena is proving that he really can carry this promotion on his back.

Raw is Trump: Donald Trump finally made an appearance on the WWE’s flagship show to call out his billionaire buddy Vince McMahon. The angle between the two will lead to a Wrestlemania 23 where a wrestler of McMahon’s choosing will go up against a wrestler of Trump’s choosing.

End of an era: Samoa Joe announced yesterday that, effective March, he will be leaving Ring of Honor. Details are a bit unclear as to why he is leaving but it appears as though he wants to focus solely on TNA. Joe owes everything to ROH - they made him into the star that he is. Hopefully TNA doesn't mess this one up (HINT: Stop making him lose!!!).

All or Nothing: UFC 67 goes down this Saturday with some very interesting matches. Some will make the case that Travis Lutter has a fighter's chance of making Middleweight champion Anderson Silva tap out but I don’t see that happening. I am looking for a first round KO for "The Spider". Obviously, the reason I will be ordering this PPV is to witness the much-anticipated UFC debuts of Mirko CroCop and Quentin “Rampage” Jackson. These two former Pride fighters will breathe some much-needed fresh air in the Heavyweight and Light Heavyweight divisions. And speaking of the “Croatian Cop Killer” check out The Franchise’s Vault below for one of his greatest finishes. This one’s from September 10, 2006 against Wanderlei Silva at Pride’s Final Conflict Absolute. Anyone know how to say "go to sleep" in Croatian?

No Mas TV Guide: 2/1

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV
St. John's v. Georgetown, 1984

ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.

Get your Hoya paranoia on people - throwing it back to the championship '83-'84 season, and they got to televise a loss? The St. John's rivalry wouldn't completely blow up until the next season, but the seeds of it were planted right here as Mullin goes ballistic.

Iran Barkley v. Thomas Hearns I & II

VS., 9 p.m.

At the Golden Gloves opener at the Copa last week, Bill Gallo introduced Iran Barkley by saying, "And here's a man who beat Tommy Hearns twice." I thought to myself, man, what a way to get introduced for the rest of your life. Versus is showing both fights tonight - the second is some straight-up brain-damaging shit. It's definitely a must-TIVo situation.

BEST OF THE REST

TNA Wrestling

Spike TV, 9 p.m.

One of the greatest rivalries in TNA's short history is renewed when "The Phenomenal" AJ Styles locks up with "The Samoan Submission Machine" Samoa Joe.

Late Show with David Letterman

CBS, 11:35

Dave's got LeBron.

Inside the UFC

Spike TV, 12:00 a.m.

The final countdown to UFC 67: All or Nothing which airs on pay-per-view this Saturday night. Travis Lutter, who will challenge Anderson Silva for the Middleweight crown, sits down with host Joe Rogan (yes, Mr. Fear Factor himself). The Franchise tells us this is a must-watch for UFC initiates. We believe him.