Thursday, May 31, 2007

Circa


If I had a nickel for every time I've been asked where I get my vintage Champion sweatshirts, I'd have at least $7.50 in my pocket right now. No surprise then that I have kept my vintage sources a closely guarded trade secret. Today, however, in the interest of supporting our man in Canada, J.R. Ewing (who we have personally seen rock a game-worn Ralph Sampson Jersey with Ralph Sampson Pumas at a rodeo themed bar in Las Vegas), we would like to direct you to his one day vintage sale this coming Saturday.

The flyer makes it look heavy on the Coogi sweaters and Troop jackets, but, sportsmen, do not despair. If what you are really trying to hear about is a Sports Specialties,corduruy UCLA Bruins hat or a deadstock pair of Ewing's, you will be taken care of. And, a word to the wise, if you want a starter jacket in XL, bring the brass knuckles because I will be there, and I will be ready.

Saturday June 2
12PM-8PM
204 Elizabeth Street
btw Prince and Spring
(more info on the flyer)

Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor


For a U.S. tennis fan, Paris represents a mirror universe—kind of like that Star Trek where Kirk and Scotty travel through the looking glass and meet a version of Spock who has a goatee. My first experience in this alternate world came in 1998, during a fourth-round classic match between a clean-cut rookie named Marat Safin and the local favorite, Cedric Pioline.

It was my first trip to Paris, as well as Roland Garros. I thought of the city as the flip side of the same scuzzy coin as New York. The cabbies were from different parts of the Third World and they listened to Thelonious Monk rather than talk radio, but they still drove like maniacs. Instead of buses and SUVs barreling down four-lane avenues, Paris was clogged with itty-bitty green things on wheels that snaked through narrow streets. Manhattan’s sound was—and is—a roar; Paris’ center city seemed to grind.

The differences were more obvious—more concentrated—in a tennis stadium. There was the clay, of course. Not only was it a color you almost never saw in the U.S., it seemed to extend the game well beyond the lines. Court Centrale (now called Chatrier) is an ocean of orange. The players not only have more time to track balls down, they have much more room to do it than you or me. In that stadium, the game expands. Even now when I play on courts at my home club, I can’t believe they’re the same size as the one in Chatrier. If Centre Court at Wimbledon is tennis’ most historic site, and Ashe Stadium at night its glitziest, Chatrier is its grandest arena.

When a French player steps on this court, it also becomes the sport’s tensest setting as well. Doom seems to hang in the air. As Pioline warmed up with Safin, the seats behind the Frenchman filled with dark suits and gray-haired eminences. As far as I can tell, no other Slam features its own federation members as prominently as Roland Garros. The French Tennis Federation has until very recently controlled the development of virtually all of the country’s best juniors; seeing them arrayed behind a French player at Chatrier, you don’t get the feeling they’re rooting for the young person in front of them. You get the feeling they’re judging him. No wonder there’s been just one homegrown champion at Roland Garros in the Open era.

On the other side of the net—and the federation bigwigs—was an 18-year-old I quickly came to think of as the Future of Tennis. Marat Safin had already upset the defending champion, Gustavo Kuerten, and tuned Andre Agassi 3, 3, and 3 to get here. I had yet to see the Russian play, but he even in the warm-up he looked like something new—a huge guy who also had sparkling-clean strokes. I didn’t think there had ever been a taller pure baseliner. Safin looked like the game’s next logical progression.

That still didn’t prepare me for the way he hit the ball. I was sitting fairly close to the court and felt knocked back by his strokes—I was almost frightened for Pioline. I know this sounds hard to believe now; it’s a measure of how the game has continued to evolve that Safin’s strokes are not out of the ordinary anymore. It also helps that he doesn’t hit them with anywhere near the same abandon and desire.

Pioline, first-class athlete that he was, adjusted more quickly than I thought possible. He was reacting rather than dictating; in many rallies he seemed to be hanging on by a thread. But Pioline had a talent and athleticism equal to Safin’s. He was bigger than most French players, but he had their creativity. My friend Kamakshi Tandon says that Roger Federer has always reminded her of Pioline, and he’s at the top of most people’s lists among greatest players never to win a major. Buoyed by the crowd on this day, he weathered the opening Safin storm and won the first set 7-5.

The Russian wasn’t going anywhere, though. While Safin’s deep negative streak and penchant for drama were already well-developed—I can remember him pleading, futilely, with the clouds and the sky even then—he was not yet the lumbering zombie of squandered potential and self-loathing you see before you today. The most obvious new element of his game was his backhand. There had been two-handed weapons before, but Safin’s went beyond most of those. It was every bit the equal of his forehand, something almost never seen on the men’s side up to that point.

One of the more important and somewhat unheralded ways in which the game has changed in the last 20 years has been on the backhand side. Ivan Lendl and Jim Courier were able to dominate for a time with their inside-out forehands, but the days of winning with that shot alone ended when other players learned to knock off the backhand down the line. You can see the effects in the decline of Courier and the way that Agassi stopped relying on his slashing forehand and learned to grind from both sides with relentless ball movement.

Today most pros use their backhands as weapons. Gasquet, Ljubicic, Djokovic, Davydenko, Nalbandian, the list goes on. The ones who don’t—Moya and Roddick, say—suffer mightily from that weakness. Even at 18, Safin could rifle the down-the-line backhand well enough to neutralize an inside-out forehand. Against Pioline, he did it well enough to win the second set and take the third to a tiebreaker. By this point, the match had become a spectacular display of shotmaking, as well as a seesaw battle.

It was also my first live exposure to the phenomenon of the French tennis audience. I had heard about how fickle they were, but as far as I could tell they were different from U.S. fans in two major ways: (1) The French were united in everything they did, and (2) They did not tolerate what they considered unsporting behavior. At all.

A decade later, I can still hear the chants of “Ced-REEK! (clap-clap-clap), Ced-REEK! (clap-clap-clap), Ced-REEK! (clap-clap-clap).” There was a marching cadence to these words that made them infinitely more powerful and catchy than the half-hearted “Let’s go Pete” chant you might have heard at Flushing Meadows around the same time. Chatrier was rocking.

In the fourth set, as the sun came out and the sense of doom in the air temporarily lifted, someone very famous snuck into the French Federation seats. So famous that most of the crowd began to stand and applaud. Pioline and Safin even acknowledged him with smiles. Finally, this person stood up and waved. It was an athlete, but that’s all I knew. Later I learned that it was none other than Ronaldo, in Paris for no less than the World Cup (which his Brazilian team would eventually lose to the French). A couple minutes later, another famous person snuck in to join him. I recognized her: Anna Kournikova. Rather than applause, a giant whisper swept across the arena.

The day’s foreign quality continued. In the fifth set, Marat (already being Marat), slammed his racquet into the clay after an error. The crowd booed mercilessly; the sound was deafening and vicious, like something you could only imagine hearing in Veteran's Stadium in Philly on a very bad day for the Eagles. (The phrase The Death of Marat came into my head.) Safin picked up his racquet and held his hands in the air, clearly apologizing. That was all it took. The crowd immediately went from a lusty boo to a rousing cheer and began clapping respectfully. All was forgiven. Safin had somehow disrespected a behavioral code, hence the booing, and then come back and showed his respect again. This, needless, to say, was not how I had seen athletes and fans interact in the U.S.

Marat, already being Marat, lost torturously that day, 6-4 in the fifth. “Ced-REEK! (clap-clap-clap)” followed me out of the stadium, but as far as I was concerned, I’d seen the future, and it’s name was not Ced-reek. It was Ma-rat. All of which makes the sight of that Lost Future harder to watch today. I saw Safin lose in Rome two weeks ago in his usual painful fashion. He lumbered again under the weight of the world. The stadium was packed and everyone was clearly there to see him, not his opponent, Nikolay Davydenko. Safin looks doubly troubled these days, and for good reason. He must live up to his extraordinary talent on the one hand—talent that I thought would change tennis—and also live with the nonstop attention his looks and personality bring. The audience always wants more, and he plays for them without joy or fire, but obligation. Watching in Rome, I wanted him to do what he had done in Paris way back in 1998—throw his arms in the air and shake off the world. But he doesn’t have that kind of will anymore.

Or maybe it’s only the French who understand him. The last time I saw Safin play in Paris—three years ago, in another long five-setter, against Felix Mantilla—he dropped his pants instead. The crowd loved it.
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Steve Tignor is the executive editor of Tennis magazine - for more of his writing, check out his weekly column, The Wrap, on the Tennis website.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/31

There's Something about Mary
FX, 10:30 p.m.
Brett Fav-ruh.

Antonio Margarito v. Sebastien Lujan, 2005

ESPN Classic, 12 a.m.
If you've never seen Margarito, here's a good opportunity before what promises to be his rock 'em sock 'em showdown with Paul Williams in July. If you really, really dig blood, that is. Seriously, Lujan gets his freakin ear knocked off. It's Freddy Krueger-type shit.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

No Mas TV Guide - 5/30

NBA's Greatest Games
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
The second game of the 1993 Eastern Conference Finals between the Knicks and the Bulls, and the last game that Knicks team would win all season. They went up two on MJ and co. and then folded like cheap hookers in a twelve-dollar motel. If you're feeling nostalgic for that Knicks era, by the way, you should check out the Spring of '94 doc running on MSG right now, which was produced by a true friend of No Mas, Stephen Palgon, and written by yours truly.

Youngblood
VS., 5:30 p.m.

Versus just loves this movie. I really think it's the only movie they have the rights to on this channel. And hey, they could have done worse.

Annapolis
Starz, 6 p.m.

Here's the TV Guide description on this one - "Predictable yarn about a working-class man who is accepted to the U.S. Naval Academy and trains for its annual boxing match." Sounds pretty good, and yet in that I have never heard of this thing, it seems like it must be some straight-to-video type shit. Please, somebody, give me a full report.

Marcos Ramirez v. Adailton De Jesus
ESPN 2, 10 p.m.

A battle of undefeated featherweights on Wednesday Night Fights tonight should be worth a look. De Jesus is a hard-hitting Brazilian fighting only his fourth fight in the States.

Jimmy Kimmel Live
ABC, 12:05 a.m.

To give you an idea of how with it I am these days, I noticed this morning that Apolo Anton Ohno was on Kimmel tonight and that it was a repeat, so I figured maybe it had something to do with a short track event that he won this winter. Turns out it's because he won "Dancing with the Stars." And so I says to myself, I says... "What the fuck is 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

Legends
TVG, 12:30 a.m.

An interview with horse trainer Jack Van Berg, most famously the trainer of Gate Dancer and Alysheba, the winner of the '87 Derby and Preakness.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

No Mas TV Guide - 5/29

The Outsiders
MoMaxe, 1:15 p.m.

You can't win. You know that, don't you? It doesn't matter if you whip us, you'll still be where you were before, at the bottom. And we'll still be the lucky ones at the top with all the breaks. It doesn't matter. Greasers will still be Greasers and Socs will still be Socs. It doesn't matter. (As I have pointed out before - Darry was a star football player and Ponyboy dabbled in track, lest you think I'm getting off message here).

NBA Finals Films
ESPN Classic, 4:30 p.m.

Quick, who was in the Rockets starting five in 1981? Yeah yeah, Moses, bien sur, but who else? This show recaps the '81 finals between the Rockets and Celtics.

NBA Finals Films
ESPN Classic, 5:30 p.m.

And speaking of Moses, if you were feeling a need to refresh your memory as to who was the greatest basketball team in NBA history, this half hour should turn the trick nicely by taking you back to the '83 finals.

Evander Holyfield v. Dwight Qawi
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

When I wrote my greatest fights of my lifetime post back in March, I expected to take a lot of guff for leaving out Hagler/Hearns. But instead, all I heard about was Holyfield/Qawi. "Chacon/Limon over Holyfield/Qawi," they'd say. "You're retahded." Well, I'm not going to get back into it now - suffice it to say that I love me some Dwight Qawi, I'm a huge fan of this fight and it is undoubtedly in my top 20. (Note - tonight they're showing the rematch immediately after the fight, in which Holyfield dominates and stops Qawi in the fourth round.)

U.S. Open Highlights
Golf Channel, 8 p.m.

A recap show of last year's Open at Winged Foot, where the big story wasn't so much Geoff Ogilvy's improbable win as it was Phil Mickelson's Van de Veldean loss.

ECW
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
Rob Van Dam & CM Punk face Elijah Burke & Marcus Cor Von in a No DQ match.

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
CBS, 12:35 a.m.

Mortal enemy of The Franchise, a.k.a. Matt Serra, takes the couch with the Scotsman in a repeart from right after he beat Georges St. Pierre.

Monday, May 28, 2007

The Fascination of What's Difficult

An aging ex-champion has the audacity to go into the ring in clearly addled condition and take people's PPV money to get knocked out in a matter of seconds? In a big hyped rematch no less? Man this is just further indication that the UFC is all about money and hype. This sport is slowly dying.

I can't help but feel that, had it been a boxing match, I would have seen a lot more criticism of Saturday night's Liddell/Jackson UFC debacle along the lines of the above paragraph. A disappointing high-profile fight in the boxing arena is always immediate cause for a spirited round of the standard, embittered elegies that seem to pop up everywhere in the media whenever the topic of boxing comes up.

For the time being, it seems the MMA universe is spared such scrutiny, no doubt a function of its relative youth. Boxing carries with it the burden of its history - it's hard to argue that the sport has diminished considerably as a cultural force when you look back and see that once upon a time a big prizefight could draw, oh, 140,000 people or so to a stadium (Dempsey/Tunney II), among them senators, former Presidents, robber barons and just about every other boldface name in existence.

Of course, the UFC has no such glorious past to be juxtaposed against its comparatively tawdry present. It's a young sport on the rise, unhampered by the burden of expectations, because people don't even quite know what to expect from it yet. But I warn you - all too soon it will face much of the same kind of criticism that boxing does. Soon it will fact the hard facts about fighting as entertainment. I haven't watched quite enough UFC fights to know this for sure, but I have in my life watched countless boxing fights, not to mention an equal number of judo and taekwondo matches. So I feel like I'm qualified to make this generalization about the combat arts - a great fight, whatever the form, is an exceedingly rare thing, and you can't hype it into existence or make it happen merely by putting it on PPV.

As expectations rise and hype gathers around these UFC events, disappointment is inevitable. Then I suspect that the sport, just like boxing, will be left with its cadre of genuinely devoted fans, those of us who understand that the fact that great fights are so rare and mercurial is exactly what makes them so truly great. It all comes down to what a grizzled old fight fan of another era termed "the fascination of what's difficult," the pursuit of which has driven much greater men than us completely out of their gourds.

The fascination of what's difficult
Has dried the sap out of my veins, and rent
Spontaneous joy and natural content
Out of my heart. There's something ails our colt
That must, as if it had not holy blood
Nor on Olympus leaped from cloud to cloud,
Shiver under the lash, strain, sweat and jolt
As though it dragged road-metal. My curse on plays
That have to be set up in fifty ways,
On the day's war with every knave and dolt,
Theatre business, management of men.
I swear before the dawn comes round again
I'll find the stable and pull out the bolt.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/28

NCAA Men's Lacrosse Championship
ESPN2, 2 p.m.

Wouldn't it just be something if the Duke lacrosse team won the national championship after all that bullshit? They square off against Hopkins in the final today. You know what Tolstoy said - God sees the truth, but waits. In this case, He certainly didn't wait all that long.

Wonderful World of Golf
Golf Channel, 2:30 p.m.

I've done a good job of not mentioning these things lately, but this one just forced my hand. It's Nicklaus and Watson playing an 18-hole exhibition at Pebble Beach in 1995.

WWE Raw
USA, 9 p.m.

It's Memorial Day Mayhem as John Cena & Bobby Lashley team up to take on Shane McMahon, Umaga and The Great Khali.

Friday, May 25, 2007

This Week in No Mas



5/20
Panther Sees a Ghost
Large recaps the beatdown Kelly Pavlik laid on Edison Miranda on Saturday night, an early candidate for Fight of the Year. "Pavlik must have hit him with at least thirty shots that were worthy of knockouts. By the end of the fight, Miranda's face was a swollen mess, a combination of Gatti after the Floyd fight and Malignaggi after the Cotto fight."

5/22
Bring Back George
Stefan Fatsis steps into the No Mas batting order with this lament for the lost days of Billy, Reggie, and the madness of King George. "There was an urgency to those championship years, and not because the Bronx was burning or because winning was predictable. Steinbrenner was irrational, impulsive and irredeemable, but damn if he didn't make you care. George performed the neat trick of allowing New York to say fuck you to the rest of baseball while also saying fuck you to him."

K.O.W. - A Righteous Right
Our No Mas Knockout of the Week features the beloved Canastota Onion Farmer, Carmen Basilio, in his 1956 revenge demolition of Johnny Saxton.

5/23
Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor
This week, Steve gives us a veritable history of the iconic rackets in tennis past and present, from Laver's Dunlop Maxply to Roddick's Babolat.

5/24
Sharpshootin' with The Franchise
Think Liddell is going to get his revenge on Rampage? Chise doesn't. "Liddell is known to be one of the best takedown defenders in MMA but once Jackson finally brought him down there was no turning back for the Iceman. Trust me when I say that no one has ever manhandled Liddell like this before and Jackson is probably the only MMA fighter out there who could do it again."

5/25
Cruel Summer
We begin a truly No Masian celebration for the thirtieth anniversary of the summer of '77. To kick off the festivities, Large investigates the book, and upcoming mini-series, Ladies and Gentleman... The Bronx is Burning. "It’s amazing in retrospect that the city actually survived that summer, and yet it’s even more amazing that New Yorkers today manage to have a nostalgia for the summer of ’77. In the post-Friends/Sex and the City era of New York as yuppie paradise of Jimmy Choo skankatroids, hipster restaurants and Disneyland in Times Square, it seems like everyone who lived in the Big Apple in the 70’s (and many, it must be admitted, who did not) have come to yearn for the lawless days of disco."

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 5/25 - 5/27

5/25
Texas v. Texas A&M;, 1998
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
Long before the weed, before the yoga and the personality disorders and the ridiculous beard, Ricky Williams was straight-up bubonic, a fact for which this game serves nicely as Exhibit A.

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.
Finlay, Batista, Mark Henry and Kane battle in a fatal-fourway match to determine the #1 contender to Edge's Heavyweight title.

Anthony Peterson v. Luis Ernesto Jose
ESPN2, 9 p.m.
Friday Night Fights brings us a double bill of the fast-rising Peterson brothers, Anthony and Lamont. These two are D.C. kids who primarily have fought out of Memphis, and tonight they return home to the D.C. Armory (afterparty at the Unsilent Mansion). Both brothers are undefeated - Lamont (on the right in the picture) fights at 140, and will be going up against another record-padding tomato can tonight, but Anthony (on the left), at 135, is making a step up in competition against Jose, a.k.a. the Dominican Butcher.

UFC Fight Night
Spike 9 p.m.

Featured bouts include: A 2006 Match of the year candidate between Diego Sanchez and Karo Parisyan. Plus, Josh Koscheck vs. Jonathan Goulet and Chris Leben vs. Jorge Santiago.

60 Minutes on Classic
ESPN Classic, 10 p.m.

One of the segments here is a profile of Mr. Awesome himself, Tony Hawk.

Evander Holyfield v. Carlos De Leon
ESPN Classic, 11 p.m.
Taking us back to when the Real Deal was the real deal. In only his seventeenth professional fight, Evander unified the cruiserweight belts by stopping De Leon in the eighth. Carlos was no slouch, either, although he was a little past his best years in this one.

International Fight League
Fox Sports Net, 11 p.m.

Renzo Gracie's New York Pit Bulls take on Matt Lindland's Portland Wolfpack.

5/26
Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight
TMC, 4:30 a.m.
Man, it sucks when you're just FORCED to fight. Of course, when you're Don "The Dragon" Wilson, once they actually force you to fight, well, then you just start wrecking motherfuckers. Especially when you got freakin Shaft on your side.

Rocky Marciano v. Roland LaStarza, 1953
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.

Here's one from the Classic vault, one that I've never seen on this channel before. LaStarza is one of four men to ever fight Marciano twice (the other three are Walcott, Charles, and Gino Buonvino) and in their first bout, in 1950, he nearly beat the Rock - the ref had to turn to the supplemental scoring system to award Marciano the victory. In the rematch in '53, with the heavyweight crown on the line, LaStarza once again held his own until about the eighth, at which point Rock started rocking. Ends with an 11th-round TKO - very entertaining fight well worth checking Tivo-ing.

The Bullfighters
FMC, 10:30 a.m.
Laurel and Hardy are working as detectives in Mexico (of course). But Laurel happens to look exactly like a famous matador who has suddenly disappeared, so he is enlisted to step into the ring. If that doesn't sound funny to you, you wouldn't know funny if it ate your ass.

The Harder They Fall
TCM, Noon

Personally, I am a huge fan of this film, Bogey's last, the movie of Budd Schulberg's essential novel of boxing and corruption. Both Jersey Joe Walcott and Max Baer make appearances, and believe me, Jersey Joe wins that heavyweight acting belt by more than a few rounds.

NCAA Lacrosse Semi-Finals
ESPN2, Noon

Duke plays Cornell and surprise semi-finalist Delaware meets perennial powerhouse Hopkins.

NBA's Greatest Games
ESPN Classic, 1 p.m.

Celtcis/Pistons - game five of the '87 Eastern Conference Finals. As far as great 80's rivalries go, you don't hear too much about it anymore but the Celtics/Pistons smackdowns were some serious shit. This is the famous one where Bird steals Isiah's inbounds pass in the last seconds and dishes to D.J. for the win. Only time in my life I probably ever rooted for the Celts was during that period. I loathed Laimbeer.

A.J. Foyt SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 3 p.m.

Arguably the greatest IndyCar racer in history, a winner of four Indy 500's.

Air Bud
Animal Planet, 7 & 11 p.m.

Our fascination with movies about animals that suddenly, magically, become superstar athletes has never ceased to amaze me. Here's a piece of work central to that canon, a film about a basketball-playing golden retriever. This conceit managed to spawn five - FIVE - sequels.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
This episode of Ringside promises to investigate boxing's greatest rivalries. Sounds to me like they'll just be re-cutting all the past Ringsides into a "new" show. But whattya gonna do? This series was bound to run out of steam pretty quickly.

UFC 71
PPV, 10 p.m.

Chuck Liddell goes after the only loss on his resume that he has yet to avenge when he defends his Light Heavyweight title against Quinton "Rampage" Jackson. Plus, Josh Burkman vs. Karo Parisyan and Keith Jardine vs. Houston Alexander.

5/27
American Ninja III: Blood Hunt
MOMAXe, 4 a.m.

Here's the TV Guide description - "A martial arts champ tries to prevent germ warfare." I actually think that Franchise wrote the script for this thing.

French Open
ESPN2, Noon

First round gets under way at Roland Garros.

Play it to the Bone
ESPN Classic, 1 p.m.

Look, it ain't Fat City by any means, but I actually think this boxing/road picture is a little underrated. Hey - it's a Ron Shelton joint.

Indy 500
ABC, 2 p.m.
91st edition of the big race. Helio Castoneves has the pole, and three women are in the race - the most ever - with Danica Patrick of course being one of them after qualifying eigth.

Ali: Duke It Out
ESPN Classic, 12 a.m.

Oh man this is a must-watch No Mas nugget, an hour-long doc from 1971 right before the first Ali-Frazier fight in which Ali spends pretty much the entire show shooting the shit with Cus D'Amato and vamping for the camera. This one really takes you back to that precious time in the sports-media when the powers that be knew they had something, but they just didn't know what to do with it. And so you ended up with shows like this, ones that were gloriously ill-conceived and all the more entertaining for it.

Cruel Summer


A bankrupt city on the verge of collapse, a blackout, a looter’s paradise, a serial killer, a never-ending heat wave, a million fires… good times.

With Stefan's recent piece here on No Mas ruing the lost madness of King George, I thought that, as May dwindles to a close and the temperature rises, it's time we begin to celebrate a truly No Masian anniversary. It’s thirty years since the summer of 1977, a season in New York that was anything but a summer of love. There was the blackout and the devastating riot of looting that ensued in the outer boroughs. There was the Son of Sam wreaking havoc on the city’s already frayed psyche. There was a bitter mayoral campaign involving Ed Koch, Mario Cuomo, Bella Abzug and incumbent Abe Beame that made it patently clear that, other than insulting each other and courting the city's power brokers and influential lobbies, none of them had any idea how to solve the city’s problems. There was a daily maelstrom of gossip and ill will surrounding the Yankees that apexed with a dugout fight at Fenway Park, captured on national television, between Reggie Jackson and Billy Martin. There was a heat wave that wouldn’t quit, there was punk rock being born in the Bowery and hip hop in the South Bronx, there was rampant poverty and crime and filth and graffiti.

It’s amazing in retrospect that the city actually survived that summer, and yet it’s even more amazing that New Yorkers today manage to have a nostalgia for the summer of ’77. In the post-Friends/Sex and the City era of New York as yuppie paradise of Jimmy Choo skankatroids, hipster restaurants and Disneyland in Times Square, it seems like everyone who lived in the Big Apple in the 70’s (and many, it must be admitted, who did not) have come to yearn for the lawless days of disco.

I remember during the blackout of 2003 driving out to the Hamptons with my girlfriend at the time, and picking up one of her friends in Chelsea, some sort of artist/contractor/philosopher with the requisite bitterness of a middle-aged pothead whose station in life had never quite equaled his own self-regard. My girlfriend pointed out how quiet the streets were in Manhattan in the eerie blackout darkness, and this guy nodded and said, “yeah, it’s not like the last blackout… the city had a little more spirit to it back then.” This from a Chelsea-to-the-Hamptons-type Manhattan snot who knew as much about such “spirit” as he did about brain surgery, who was too stupid really to consider himself lucky never to have endured the ravages of this so-called “spirit”, that spirit in truth having been nothing more than a Molotov cocktail of poverty, desperation, and rage.

For him and for anyone out there waxing nostalgic for the Spirit of ’77, it's worth reading, or re-reading, Jonathan Mahler’s 2005 book, Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bronx is Burning - which, as you are all probably aware, has been transformed into an eight-part ESPN original mini-series that will air this July (with John Turturro of all people playing Billy Martin).

As Mahler explains in his introduction, the project began as the story of the ’77 Yankees and ended up growing into a panoramic story of New York in that fateful year. The book is organized around two central narratives - the ongoing Billy Martin/Reggie Jackson war in the Bronx, and the mayoral campaign (it seems that the ESPN mini-series will be ignoring the mayoral plot altogether). With those stories forming the book's skeleton, he runs through the events of the year, giving long and due consideration to the blackout and its aftermath, the Son of Sam manhunt, and the fiscal crisis that threatened to consume a city already halfway gone towards consuming itself.

By the end of the book, I was amazed at how in just 350 or so pages Mahler had managed to paint compelling portraits of so many of the city’s luminary personalities from that period. Reggie, Billy, Thurman and George, Cuomo, Koch, Beame and Abzug, Rupert Murdoch, Jimmy Breslin – they all come startlingly, viscerally alive in The Bronx is Burning. You’d think that a book with such a broad palette might suffer from a lack of focus, and the fact that it doesn’t in the least is a testament to the author's mastery of the narrative and what I imagine was a tireless amount of hard work in making it all come together as a single entity.

I'm looking forward to the ESPN treatment, but I can't say that I don't have grave misgivings. I'll leave it at that for now and close with two of my favorite quotes in the book, with the caveat that there are countless more where these came from.

-Marty Noble, who covered the Yankees for Newsweek, on the vicissitudes of Mr. Jackson: “There was a schizo part of Reggie that he could control and there was a schizo part that he couldn’t control. That made him like four different people."

-After Steve Dunleavy, one of Rupert Murdoch’s smut-spewing “journalists” at the Post, had his foot run over by a snowplow while drunkenly shagging a Norwegian heiress in the wee-hour streets of Manhattan, Pete Hamill quipped, “I hope it wasn’t his writing foot.”

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Sharpshootin' With The Franchise

Rampage Cometh?: If you would have asked me a couple of months ago to predict the outcome of this Saturday’s UFC Light Heavyweight fight between Chuck Liddell and Quinton Jackson I probably would have picked the Iceman. But two days before the fight, I have a weird feeling that Jackson just might pull off the upset (I use the word upset loosely because lord knows Jackson is no slouch). Does this have anything to do with the fact that there has been a slew of upsets in the UFC throughout the last few months? Maybe…but I am smart enough to know that one fight has nothing to do with the other. Basically, I have two reasons as to why I am favoring Rampage come Saturday night:

The first lies within the video below. Liddell, who had a cameo in the film “300,” recently appeared on a local Dallas morning show in pretty bad shape. Now, I should mention that his camp has repeatedly said that he was very sick and took too much medicine the night before this interview but I just don’t buy it. I fear he may be covering something up and the controversy surrounding this incident as well as the time he took off to promote the movie leads me to believe he hasn’t dedicated himself enough to winning this fight. Take a look at the clip and judge for yourself. Once he started talking about challenging Tommy Morrison to a fight I knew the man was out of it.



Now that you’re done watching that train wreck take a look at Liddell vs. Jackson I from 2003 in Japan. Remember, Liddell is 7-0 since losing that fight but you can’t ignore the fact that Rampage completely dominated him in all facets of the bout. Some will say that Liddell was out of his element fighting in a ring as opposed to the Octagon (just ask Mirko Cro Cop how strange that transition can be) but that’s no excuse. Impressively, Jackson was the more dominant striker throughout the fight. Liddell is known to be one of the best takedown defenders in MMA but once Jackson finally brought him down there was no turning back for the Iceman. Trust me when I say that no one has ever manhandled Liddell like this before and Jackson is probably the only MMA fighter out there who could do it again.



So, there you have it. Liddell is arguably the most dominant fighter in the world and there are plenty of reasons as to why he will avenge his loss to Jackson but, simply put, I have my doubts.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/24

Urban Cowboy
CMT, 8 p.m.
Here it is - the Texas edition of Saturday Night Fever that made mechanical bull riding a nationwide phenomenon for, oh, maybe a minute back in the early 80's. The only quote I remember from this movie is some chick asking John Travolta if he's a real cowboy and him replying, in his terrible Texan accent, "Depending on what you think a real cowboy is." Got all philosophical on her and shit.

TNA iMPACT!
Spike, 9 p.m.

Remember the Steiner Brothers? Well, they're back to challenge Team 3D for their TNA tag titles. Plus, Sting battles Samoa Joe in a qualifying bout for entry into the King of the Mountain match at the next PPV.

The Ultimate Fighter 5
Spike, 10 p.m.

The quarterfinals get underway with Joe Lauzon taking on Cole Miller. On top of that, Franchise warns us that if you want to see an insane street fight between two eliminated fighters you must tune in tonight.

Bull Durham
WE, 1 a.m.

The fact that this is movie is so frequently shown on WE forces me to face a fact that I think I've always known but until now I have suppressed - Bull Durham is a nothing more than a glorified chick flick.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor

Steve - Growing up as a tennis fan, there were three essential racquets in my mind – Borg’s black Donnay, Mac’s Dunlop, and Connors’ metal Wilson atrocity. Also, as the racket I truly despised, I was aware that Lendl (as he would) used an utterly characterless Adidas piece of crap. So my question is, aside from those, what are the iconic rackets, either before or since the Borg and Mac era? Did Laver or Newcombe or any of those dudes have a certain racquet that everyone just knew was "their racquet?" Has a certain racquet defined a single player in the Borg/Donnay fashion in, say, the last 15 years of tennis?

In tennis’ days of yore, a few high-quality racquets were enough to serve generations of champions. Two in particular stood out: The thin-beamed Dunlop Maxply used by, among many other champions, Rod Laver when he won the Grand Slam; and the Wilson Jack Kramer Autograph, known by its distinctive white throat and crown logo and wielded by more major-title winners than any other, including Chris Evert and Arthur Ashe. The Kramer was still the stick into the 1980s; it’s what Pete Sampras first took to the court.

It was the onset of the professional era that changed the racquet landscape forever. There was more money at stake for players and manufacturers, and innovations began to flow. New materials were introduced in the late 1960s, most prominently in Jimmy Connors’ Wilson T2000 and the Slazenger Smasher, which were both made of metal; in 1976, the first oversize frame, the Prince Classic, made its debut; Pam Shriver put it on the map when she used it to reach the final of the 1978 U.S. Open as a 16-year-old.

By the early 1980s wood was on its last legs, as the top pros were switching en masse to midsize graphite frames. The last major holdout was McEnroe, naturally; his switch from the Maxply to the green-and-black graphite Dunlop Max 300G in 1983 officially spelled the end of the wood-racquet era.

The next few years were a golden age for tennis sticks. A couple modern classics were introduced, and the basic technology, despite today’s promotions for “liquidmetal” and “aerogel” and “nanotechnology,” hasn’t been altered much since. The Wilson K-Factor racquet (not to be confused with the NCode from two years ago) that Roger Federer currently plays with is a near-replica of the Wilson Pro Staff that Pete Sampras made famous.

The Pro Staff is one of two iconic sticks from the 1980s that have never gone out of fashion. The other, the Prince Graphite, was used by Andre Agassi and Michael Chang. The simple excellence of those racquets! The names were minimalist, the colors were dark and basic—orange and black for the Pro Staff; green and black for the Graphite—and the frames were substantial and not-too-springy. You brought the power, the racquet helped you put the ball where you wanted it to go. Neither stick was for novices; the Pro Staff in particular had a sweet spot the size of a dime.

But there was no feeling quite like hitting it. In college I put down my McEnroe 200G (I’ve pretty much always played with the racquet of the No. 1 men’s player, moving from Borg’s Donnay to Mac’s 200G to Sampras’ Pro Staff and now to Federer’s K-Factor) one day, picked up a Pro Staff, and won the first match I played. It was that user-friendly. Over the years, I moved onto other racquets (there’s not much else you can do when a racquet company stops producing your frame; Sampras himself bought the last batch that Wilson manufactured) but every time I went back to the old Pro Staff I said to myself, “Yeah, that’s what hitting a tennis is supposed to feel like.”

The same was true for the Prince Graphite. I used it exactly once, in college, after breaking strings in two other racquets. But like the Pro Staff, it was such a universal frame that my doubles partner and I went out and played what might have been the best match in our three years together, upsetting the No. 1 team in Division III that year (I never used the Graphite again and we never beat them again.)

There wasn’t much you could improve on with these racquets. Despite the widespread belief that new racquets get more and more powerful and are at least partly responsible for ruining the sport, the pros still use basic, control-oriented frames. These guys have the power already. (There’s no doubt, however, that increased head size and lighter weights have allowed for the heavy topspin and huge swings that the pros employ today.) Sampras stuck with the Pro Staff until the end, and even while Agassi changed to Head later in his career, the racquets he used later in his career were not markedly different from the good old Prince Graphite.

What are the iconic racquets of today? With Wilson, Prince, and Head churning out new models and discontinuing old ones every couple years, it’s hard for any one racquet to gain traction. Not to mention that names like NCode, K-Factor, AeroGel 300, and O3 Speedport Red have none of the simple, memorable gravitas of “Pro Staff” and “Graphite.”

The one stick that has made its mark this decade is Big Blue, the Babolat Pure Drive, which is used by many pros, most famously Andy Roddick. It’s bright and attractive, has a distinctive two-line stencil on its strings, and does a good job of blending heft with light weight—it’s the icon of the widebody age. Just as important, Babolat, a French company known mostly for producing excellent guy strings for the last century, has also given it a chance to become a signature stick by keeping it in production and introducing very few other ones around it. Whether it will match the staying power of the Autograph or the Graphite is yet to be seen, but these days, any racquet that’s around long enough to actually be recognized qualifies as a classic.
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Steve Tignor is the executive editor of Tennis magazine - for more of his writing, check out his weekly column, The Wrap, on the Tennis website.

The Revenge


Two years ago in Istanbul, in what will definitely remain for some time the biggest upset in the history of the Champions League final, Liverpool overcame a three-goal defecit in less than six minutes and then won 3-2 in the penalties. Everybody’s still talking about how the Italian’s “catenaccio” strategy was dominated by the famous English “fighting spirit”. Liverpool triumphed that evening but it seems very unlikely that history can repeat itself tonight in Athens with two of the most titled franchises in football history (Milan has won the trophy six times and Liverpool five). Tonight, Milan will seek revenge while Liverpool will be continuing its quest of European titles since they haven’t been able to win anything in the kingdom lately. Two highly experienced teams, two brilliant collectives and diametrically opposed football philosophies will face off tonight. The confrontation is sumptuous but there’s no way to top the dramatic intensity of two years back. Unless…

The Outsider

Liverpool enjoys being the underdog. There hasn’t been a megastar on this team in a really long time, yet they remain one of the most beloved team in Europe and still continue to rake in trophies at a more regular pace than, say, Arsenal. But Liverpool loves that role. They love to be the champions of the people, the working-class team with no stars built on morals and values. They place their whole communication on that particular image and, now that they have been sold to American investors too, they’re living their last days of feeling superior and of playing the humble card. Because this team has no reason to be humble. You don’t become European champions by chance, you don’t reach your second Champions League final in three years by a misunderstanding. Just like their Italian counterpart, Liverpool has built this team on stability - out of the 22 players on the European champion side from two years ago, seventeen will be reporting for duty tonight (Luis Garcia still out for the season). They've only gotten stronger and will cause more problems to Milan then Manchester did some weeks ago. Rafael Benitez and his medical staff will not sleep tonight, everybody working and praying that Zenden will be ready to take his place on the left side of the attack after hurting his ankle last Thursday in Spain. Jermaine Pennant will be ready to replace him even though it seems Momo Sissoko is definitely not going to play, his position being filled in by Mascherano. With a filled infirmary, a team with no name players and a less than impressive course, people are quick to dismiss Benitez’s boys. Regardless of what anybody says though, Liverpool is far from dead and should not be underestimated tomorrow. Last time that happened, Steven Gerrard was the captain that ended up lifting the trophy.

The Favorite

Milan has nothing to prove. They’re definitely the best football team of the last twenty years. They possess in their midfield alone four contenders for European player of the year and if football had a hall of fame, seven of the players entering the pitch for Milan tonight would already have been inducted. They have legends still holding it down and someone who seems to be destined for many more years of world domination. The bookmakers didn’t make a mystery of it and nobody seems to even fathom the notion that they could lose this game. Any other game, but not this one. Clarence Seedorf is going to play his fifth Champions League final and has already won three with three different teams before. He has never seemed this light on the field and Marco van Basten better be watching tomorrow if he wants the Netherlands to win something next summer. BUT the biggest celebrity of this team this year has no doubt been Kaka. Coming from a World Cup where he was the only Brazilian playing like a Brazilian, he showed Manchester’s Cristiàno Ronàldo how to dominate a world-class game and in a strong demonstration of both skill and power, singlehandedly eliminated what seemed like the best team out this year. The other big focal point for Milan is Paolo Maldini’s left knee. The knee that has been playing for 24 years at the highest level, the knee that helped him win the Champions league four times in seven finals, the knee that will be operated on next Sunday and the knee that will be infiltrated all night and most of the day. That knee is the only key to tomorrow’s lineup. The medical staff will give Carlo Ancellotti their diagnosis two hours before the kick off and Maldini will do anything in his ability to play. Two years ago, he scored in the first minute of what many believed would be his last game. But then he woke up still hungry and continued. He is the last of the greats. Baresi stopped, Albertini stopped, Costacurta gave his goodbyes to San-Siro on Sunday at 41 and Maldini is ready for one last go-round at 38, no matter what happens tonight. Hopefully, his knee will be ready also.

Personally, like two years ago, I’ll be watching the game from inside the British embassy's pub where I know the very Liverpudlian Martin will have champagne bottles ready. But I can’t see him drinking from them out of joy like last time. Gennarino won’t let this happen.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/23

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV

AC Milan v. Liverpool
ESPN2, 2 p.m.

Oh shit. Supersize me. An epic rematch for all the marbles in this year's Champions League final, with pregame starting at 2 and kickoff around 2:30. Replays are on the deuce at 7 and Classic at 11. Check Madsear's preview above to whet your whistle lads.

BEST OF THE REST

WWE Classics
MSG, 8 p.m.

The old-school wrestling Gods are smiling upon us. Witness two-hours of classic MSG wrestling featuring: Ron Garvin vs. Mr. Perfect, Hulk Hogan vs. Big Bossman in a Steel Cage match, The Rockers vs. Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard, Tony Garea vs. Mr. Fuji, Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Ray Stevens and Bob Backlund vs. Don Muraco for the WWF title.

Legends
TVG, 12:30 a.m.

An interview with Hall-of-Fame jockey Chris McCarron, who won all three of the Triple Crown races twice and the Breeders' Cup Classic five times.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

K.O.W. - A Righteous Right

If you've seen the Sugar Ray Robinson Ringside on Classic, you know that Carmen Basilio, in his terse, no-bullshit, crusty old man kind of a way, steals the show. Watching the Basilio fights that they show during his segment, I was reminded of what a hard-as-nails badass he was and I realized that he was long overdue as a subject for the No Mas Knockout of the Week.

I wanted to put up Carmen's twelfth-round TKO of Tony Demarco, when he first won the welterweight crown in an all-out battle that was named Ring's Fight of the Year in 1955. Unfortunately, the video is not available. The Ring Fight of the Year for 1956 is available though, and it also features Basilio, avenging his loss to Johnny Saxton from earlier in the year with a vicious ninth-round TKO.

This bout was especially sweet for Basilio as it redressed one of the most infamous mob fixes of the mafia's heyday of boxing control. Saxton was a known favorite of the mob, while Carmen had always refused to play ball - the result of that disparity was a ridiculous decision for Saxton in their first fight. In the second, Basilio wised up and made sure the judges didn't get involved, punishing Saxton early and often, splitting his lip into a bloody mess that caused Saxton problems the rest of the fight. When we pick up the action below, Saxton is already several paces down queer street, clearly staying away from Basilio in the hope that he'll get his wits back. With a roundhouse leaping right in the ninth, however, Carmen puts those wits on permanent vacation. After that, the end comes quickly.

Bring Back George

As the Yankees were drifting over the weekend toward the magical 14 games they fell behind the Red Sox in 1978, for a moment I couldn't remember who managed the team during its epic comeback that season. I knew it wasn't Billy Martin, who had resigned in midsummer around the nadir. But was it Dick Howser? Bob Lemon? Was it possible I had forgotten someone?

That summer, I was 15 and at the peak of a Yankees infatuation that had begun during the Horace Clarke Era. Two autumns earlier, I cried in front of the TV as Chris Chambliss hit the bottom-of-the-ninth home run off of Kansas City's Mark Littell for the 7-6 win and first pennant of my sentient life. My immigrant father, smoking a cigar in his white imitation-leather chair, didn't understand. A few days later, from a mezzanine box in the Bronx, I witnessed the only Yankees home run—the hitter: Jim Mason—in the dismal World Series sweep by Cincinnati. The next October, I was present for Reggie's three homers against the Dodgers. Present for the first one, that is. In the tunnel beneath the third-base stands for the second. In a River Avenue parking garage for the third. The family friend who took me to the game wanted to beat the traffic back to Westchester. My 25-year-old brother didn't think to have me stay overnight with him in Manhattan. I'm still pissed.

My memory lapse—the manager was Lemon, of course—is less about the fog of years than the glorious turbulence of those times. Who could keep track? Reggie fighting Billy in the dugout. Billy suspending Reggie for ignoring a sign. Billy ``quitting. " George announcing five days later that Billy would be back. Billy punching the marshmallow salesman. George calling Dave Winfield ``Mr. May.'' I looked up the rotation of managers under Steinbrenner from the skipper of my preadolescence, Ralph Houk, the old baseball man George inherited when he bought the team in 1973, through Martin's final Bronx exit, in 1988. (His earthly exit followed shortly thereafter.) It's a staggering list: Houk, Bill Virdon, Martin, Howser, Lemon, Martin (2), Howser (2), Gene Michael, Lemon (2), Michael (2), Clyde King, Martin (3), Yogi Berra, Martin (4), Lou Piniella, Martin (5).

The chaos could be embarrassing and infuriating, and players described it as maddening. But there was a vitality to Steinbrenner's autocracy. He spent money in ways that not only began redressing the players' 100 years of servitude but transformed the backward, parsimonious lords of baseball—plantation owners before the Civil War isn't a terrible analogy—into progressive, if not judicious, freespenders. George was batshit, yes, and his codependent relationship with Martin was perverse. But his look-at-me behavior, coupled with his determination to assemble the talent that produced the first winning Yankees team in a generation—and not by ``buying'' pennants; the free-agent imbalances of today's baseball marketplace didn't exist in the late '70s and early '80s—made baseball in New York essential. There was an urgency to those championship years, and not because the Bronx was burning or because winning was predictable. Steinbrenner was irrational, impulsive and irredeemable, but damn if he didn't make you care. George performed the neat trick of allowing New York to say fuck you to the rest of baseball while also saying fuck you to him.

Steinbrenner began losing it, and many of us, with his absurdist signings and paranoiac behavior of the '80s. When he was banned from baseball, supposedly for life, it was a relief. When he returned, baseball was changing. Success was determined, mostly, by the size of your cable contract. George hired recidivist managing failure Joe Torre, the Yankees inevitably won and the team became fashionable. But the winning, regular season and otherwise, has not only become anticipated but uncompelling. In the years between Mickey Rivers and Johnny Damon—how's that for a contrast of eras—all sports have been corporatized, homogenized and overtelevised. But it's been sad to watch the Bombers become (as in the similarly unmeritocratic 1950s) another drab megabusiness. The all-id Yankees of George, Billy and Reggie defined my childhood. What defines my middle age? The empty press releases of Howard Rubenstein. The forced march of ``God Bless America.'' The lame, scripted, earnest announcement that a pitcher older than I will return to play part-time. As if.

This doesn't mean I'd like to see Torre fired if the Yanks lose to Boston tonight and tomorrow night just because George can fire him, the way he fired Billy because he could. This isn't about nostalgia. It's about living in a sports world in which, I, fan, am made to care. It's about making sports, especially New York sports, indispensable. To win and make money, the 21st century Yankees don't need to be spontaneous or dramatic. But it was a lot more fun when they were. It would be comforting to know that, 30 years from now, some kid won't be able to remember whether it was Joe Torre or Don Mattingly or Joe Girardi who led the Yankees back from double digits down in the summer of 2007. At the very least, let's hope Steinbrenner is dictating his memoirs now, and plans to go out with a bang.

***********************************************
When he isn't hanging out with Sparky Lyle or imitating the swings of Horace Clarke and Bobby Murcer, Stefan Fatsis is writing a book about his Plimptonesque summer as a kicker for the Denver Broncos, which will be published next year by Houghton Mifflin. He's also the author of the bestselling Word Freak: Heartbreak, Triumph, Genius, and Obsession in the World of Competitive Scrabble Players, a staff writer for The Wall Street Journal and a sports commentator for National Public Radio's ``All Things Considered.'' We are extremely proud to have him on No Mas.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/22

AC Milan v. Liverpool
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
As all football fans are aware, tomorrow's Champions League final is a replay of the 2005 edition, which was also one of the most improbable soccer matches you'll ever want to see. Just in case there are some No Masians out there who haven't seen this, I'm not going to spoil the outcome. But it will blow your tiny little heads off.

Kelly Pavlik v. Lenord Pierre
VS., 7 p.m.

Versus getting on the Kelly Pavlik bandwagon by showing this one-sided bout from last November. I saw this thing - the Ghost makes short, surgical work of his Haitian opponent. The fight was held in Youngstown, Pavlik's hometown.

U.S. Open Highlights
Golf Channel, 8 p.m.

Remember when Corey Pavin was supposed to be the next Jack Nicklaus? This show takes you back to the height of that short-lived furor, after Pavin won the Open at Shinnecock in '95 over perpetual bridesmaid Greg Norman.




Marlon Starling v. Mark Breland
ESPN Classic, 9 p.m.

Mark Breland remains the eternal cautionary tale to any "can't miss" prospect. Never was there more of a "can't miss" fighter than Breland, the five-time Golden Gloves king and Olympic champion. And yet, he never quite lived up to the hype in the pro ranks. In this fight Breland tries to avenge his first pro loss and regain his briefly held WBA welterweight crown.

ECW
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
Rob Van Dam & C.M. Punk vs. Marcus Cor Von & Elijah Burke. This might be RVD's final match in WWE/ECW so get the TIVOs ready. Don't worry, though, Franchise keeps telling us he expects to see him in TNA by the end of the summer.

Monday, May 21, 2007

No Mas TV Guide - 5/21: The Franchise Edition

(I turned over the guide to Franchise for today. The results, listed below, are predictably combat-oriented. - Large)

IFL Battleground
My Network TV, 8 p.m.

Ken Shamrock's Nevada Lions take on Pat Miletich's Quad Cities Silverbacks.

Countdown to Dynamite
USA
Showtime, 8:30
Part two of the six-part series counting down the huge MMA show on 6/2 from the Los Angeles Coliseum featuring Brock Lesnar vs. Choi Hong-Man and Royce Gracie vs. Kazushi Sakuraba.

WWE Raw USA, 9 p.m.
The fallout and carnage from last night's Judgement Day PPV.

Countdown to UFC 71
Spike, 10 p.m.

One-hour preview show for this Saturday's Light Heavyweight title fight between Chuck Liddell and Quinton Jackson.

UFC All-Access Spike, 11 p.m.
A behind-the-scenes look at Quinton Jackson's training for his title fight against the Iceman.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Panther Sees a Ghost


In an early candidate for Fight of the Year, Youngstown, Ohio's Kelly Pavlik outslugged and outboxed the much ballyhooed Edison Miranda last night to earn a seventh-round TKO. This was a middleweight eliminator bout - Pavlik, a.k.a. the Ghost, is now the number one WBC contender at 160. And after his performance last night, anybody who's paying attention has to be licking their chops at the prospect of a Pavlik/Jermain Taylor smackdown.

As for Edison Miranda, somebody, SOMEBODY, needs to teach that pantera how to fight a little. We know he has the power, and after last night, we also know that he has the chin and the heart. Pavlik must have hit him with at least thirty shots that were worthy of knockouts. By the end of the fight, Miranda's face was a swollen mess, a combination of Gatti after the Floyd fight and Malignaggi after the Cotto fight. He took one hell of a beating, so bad that by the end I was starting to worry that he was going to die in there before he went down. The point is - he has all the raw materials of greatness (including an obnoxious cockiness and self-aggrandizing impulse), but he is an incompetent fighter. He doesn't move his feet right, he doesn't throw his punches right, he doesn't keep his hands up, he doesn't know how to move backwards or forwards, let alone come in at angles... he's a disaster, the most technically unsound fighter I've ever seen competing at this level. Freddie Roach, Buddy McGirt, Dan Goossen - some trainer with a proven track record for molding fighters needs to get a hold of this kid, because he has the potential to be an immortal and right now it's going to waste.

On the other hand, what Kelly Pavlik has right now is the potential to become the undsiputed middleweight champ and become a huge star in the process. In his postfight interview, Pavlik displayed all the aw-shucks decency and down-to-earth charm of his famous Youngstown predecessor, Ray Mancini. And his style in the ring last night was certainly reminiscent of Boom Boom in his heyday - come straight ahead relentlessly and throw bombs like your life depends on it. You can't say enough about the courage of Kelly Pavlik today, because as incompetent as Miranda is, he is equally ferocious, known for his devastating knockouts. Pavlik walked right into that fire and took the fight to Miranda all night, eating some big shots along the way. I'm not going to waste any words on the debacle of the Spinks/Taylor bout last night, other than to say that it gave me the impression that Jermain, for all of his physical gifts, still doesn't have much of an idea of what he's doing in the ring. He is ripe for the taking by someone as savvy and focused as Kelly Pavlik. Sadly, I imagine that Lou Dibella is hip to that as well, and in that Pavlik/Taylor is nowhere near a PPV-level fight, don't be surprised if it never happens, if Jermain jumps the middleweight ship to fight Calzaghe at 168 for a bigger payday. I hope it doesn't play out this way, but I can't see Jermain's people sending him into a fight where he doesn't stand to make much money but does have a strong chance of his ass kicked.

Friday, May 18, 2007

This Week in No Mas



5/13
The Scrapple in the Apple
The fifteenth anniversary of one of the biggest fights of our time - Geraldo Rivera v. Frank Stallone, courtesy of genius promoter Howard Stern. Geraldo got hisself a beatdizzle.

5/14
FIGJAM Is On Top of the World
Unsilent recaps Lefty's big win at the Players Championship and predicts great things for him in the near future. "The idea that a player as volatile as Mickelson could overhaul his swing just months before Sawgrass and come out as a champion is a testament to his phenomenal skills."

England über alles
On this day 69 years ago, during the ill-fated appeasement period of England's approach to Nazi Germany, the English football team raised the Nazi salute before a friendly with Germany at the Olympic Stadium in Berlin.

5/16
Symphony for the Dodgers in D
Noted composer and arranger Robert Russell Bennett wrote a symphony for his beloved Brooklyn Dodgers, and debuted it on May 16, 1941. "...it began with a rousing andante - "The Dodgers Win" - followed by a mournful dirge - "The Dodgers Lose." The scherzo opened with a bassoon exchange that was supposed to symbolize Dodgers' president Larry MacPhail's famous offer of the Brooklyn Bridge and Prospect Park to Cleveland for Bob Feller."

K.O.W. - La Pantera
Our No Mas Knockout of the Week features a key figure in Saturday night's double-headed Hydra of a fight card on HBO - Edison Miranda, La Pantera. "One wild punch - on the top of Gibbs' head no less - and Willie was crosseyed. Ridiculous ending, too, as Gibbs waits till the ten-count and then stands up, baffled as to what's going on. The vacancy in his eyes tells the tale nicely. He'd been read the Miranda rights, with a couple of lefts thrown in for good measure."

5/17
Mo Rocca v. Renzo Gracie
In a feeble attempt to make up for the absence of this week's Sharpshootin' with The Franchise, Large burdens us with some of the AOL noodling he's been doing with Mo Rocca. This one takes place in Renzo Gracie's gym at least, and does feature a terrible Paris Hilton wig.

I looked at my watch... I looked at my wrist... I punched myself in the face with my fist
A New Yorker piece tells the tale of Norman Mailer's search for the perfect punch-sound. "He hit himself at least twenty times - in the face and in the chest - until we finally got it right. I saved that sound effect, and I've used it in about twenty movies since. I always tell other directors, 'You hear that? That's Norman Mailer punching himself. He's in your movie.'"

5/18
Birthday Smackdown
A full roster of No Masian birthdays today, including Tina Fey, a snooker champion, two British footballers and a Pope.

Mr. Crazy... meet Mr. Crazier
Greg LeMond... what else is there to say? Evidently the fact that he was sexually abused as a child caused Floyd Landis to test positive for steroids. At least that's how I understand it.

The No Mas Friday Caption Contest
Congratulations to Kevin, our winner of last week's Barry Bonds contest. This week's event features - who else? - Greg LeMond, with a "Darryl - Say No to Drugs" jammie on the line.

The No Mas Friday Caption Contest

First let's begin with the winner of last week's contest, which comes to us courtesy of Kevin:

I did not eat Bobby Bonilla, next
question please.


Kevin, you made us laugh, you clever son of a Barry you, and thus you are the proud owner of a brand new BALCO shirt in Giants black and orange. Send me or I-berg your address so we can send along the goods.

And now, onto this week's contest. We hate to have to continue on the same theme as last week, but... how can we pass this one up? For a prize, how about a "Darryl - Just Say No to Drugs" special? It's appropriate in reference to a steroid case where increasingly it seems that everyone involved is out of their minds on crack.

So get cracking, No Masians. Win yourself the aformentioned Darryl shirt by providing us with the best caption for the picture below. Send your entries to me ([email protected]) and I-berg ([email protected]). And lest you be uncertain, yes... it's Greg LeMond.


Mr. Crazy... meet Mr Crazier













What... what... just WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

The Roid Landis case took another crazy turn yesterday, when Ole Supercrazy himself, a.k.a. Greg LeMond, testified that he had been sexually abused as a child (evidently he had not been informed that this case was about steroid use in cycling) and that Landis's manager had called him to threaten to expose that information if he took the stand.

The amazing thing is that it seems like LeMond had nothing really to add to the proceedings, other than the fact of his sexual abuse. As to Roid Landis, all he did was report that he gave Landis advice after the first positive test came through last summer, which began (as does seemingly every sentence out of Greg LeMond's mouth) by telling him that he had been sexual abused, and then boiled down to "look, if you're guilty, you should come clean."

Obviously, this is advice that Landis was not and will never be interested in hearing. Something tells me that five years from now, he'll be out in Central Park with a bullhorn accosting people as to the details of how his "B" sample of urine was tampered with. With people walking by thinking - "Hey, isn't that the guy who sexually abused Greg LeMond?"

Stay tuned for tomorrow's testimony, when Lance Armstrong admits to the courtroom that he has genital warts.

LeMond says he was threatened not to testify (ESPN.com)

Birthday Smackdown

A lot of top-notch No Masian birthdays to celebrate today. Here's the rundown - four footballers (including an gap-toothed English legend) and a football enthusiast who happened to be Pope, four baseballers (including two Hall-of-Famers, one of whom is a No Masian linchpin), two tennis players (both of whom are icons of style and substance), a Chinese martial-arts hero and a Japanese golfer, a member of the 1996 national champion Kentucky Wildcats, the reigning world-champion in snooker, the first Finn to be elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame, the best quarterback to ever come out of Texas and an acid-tongued comedienne from Upper Darby who makes Large all doe-eyed and shit.






















































































































No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 5/18 - 5/20

MUST-SEE NO MAS TV - ANOTHER SATURDAY DIFECTA


Preakness Stakes
NBC, 5 p.m.







Jermain Taylor v. Cory Spinks
Edison Miranda v. Kelly Pavlik
HBO, 10:15 p.m.




No, it's not the Derby and then Oscar/Floyd, but it's still a pretty damn good day. You got the Preakness Rematch of Street Sense and Hard Spun, and then two exciting middleweight bouts on HBO in which the undercard is actually the more interesting fight, but the main event is no slouch either. So enjoy your Saturday, No Masians, and let's hope these halcyon days of fightin' and the ponies continue.



BEST OF THE REST

5/18
Friday Night Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.
Edge holds a big World Championship celebration. Surprisingly, a surprise guest shows up.

Zahir Raheem v. Cristobal Cruz
ESPN2, 9 p.m.

All right look, obviously this is no Miranda/Pavlik we're talking about here, but Zahir is Philly-born and so I give him love. He hasn't actually won a bout since he shocked Erik Morales in September of 2005. Cruz, meanwhile, has been around the block many times, and lost about once every four trips.

60 Minutes on Classic
ESPN Classic, 10 p.m.

A must-see interview of Lawrence Taylor. If you've never caught this one, you're in for a treat. He laughs, he cries, he talks about strippers and blow. It's vintage material.

5/19
Jockey
HBO, 10 a.m.

A doc that gets inside the lives of three jockeys - Shane Sellers, Randy Romero and Chris Rosier - and shows that, well, basically, they starve themselves worse than freakin ballerinas.

Play It As It Lays
Sundance, 12 p.m.
The TV Guide description of this movie reads thusly - "Tuesday Weld stars in this stylish adaptation of Joan Didion's caustic novel about a disillusioned and self-destructive actress whose career and marriage are falling apart." So yeah, I know what you're thinking - man can I give that one a miss. But see, the title makes it seem like it's about golf. So I'm curious. Does the actress golf? Is that what's going on? I may have to Tivo this.

Aaron Pryor v. Alexis Arguello II
ESPN Classic, 1 p.m.

A fight that one can't watch too many times. Not quite the brilliance of the epic first bout, but still a lot of excitement. It was definitely Hawk Time in this one.

Meldrick Taylor v. Buddy McGirt
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m. & 10 p.m.

Hopefully they'll actually show it this time. They had this on the schedule last week and showed something else. Meldrick wins this one with a 12th round TKO.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

The Sugar Ray Robinson edition of Ringside that originally ran last year. Lots of Bert Sugar for Sugar Ray, but whattya gonna do? There's a lot of Lamotta as well, and a good dose of Gene Fullmer too.

5/20
Back in the Day
Speed, 7:30 a.m.

This one goes back to the 1968 Atlanta 500 (remember it well...) which was won by Cale Yarborough. Man, they love ole Cale on this show.

Million Dollar Baby
CBS, 8 p.m.
Hillary Schwank and Co. make their CBS debut. To Baggiesboy's Two Pressing Questions about this movie (why isn't Maggie immediately named champion on a disqualification? how does Eastwood just walk into the hospital, kill Maggie, and then walk out without seeing another soul?), I would like to add my own - why, instead of the preposterous "she breaks her neck on the stool freak accident" plot, didn't they just have her get fatally injured in the ring, as often happens to fighters? I guess that would have been... what? Not tragic enough?

Searching for Bobby Fischer
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

It's not exactly a crowded genre, but this is undoubtedly the best movie ever made about chess (yes, I take it over The Seventh Seal - I've always thought Death was overrated as far as chess goes).

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I looked at my watch... I looked at my wrist... I punched myself in the face with my fist

There's a great "Talk of the Town" piece in the May 21st New Yorker about a reunion for the cast and crew of Norman Mailer's admittedly awful movie Tough Guys Don't Dance (awful book, too, just awful). Evidently, despite the prevalent awfulness of everything to do with the film, the people who made it had the times of their lives together, which was largely a function of the magnanimity of the director, Mr. Mailer himself.

So they recently had a twentieth anniversary party at Mailer's place in Brooklyn Heights. It sounded like a good time, but the one detail about it that caught my eye was the last one, concerning Mailer's obsessive search for the perfect sound of an actual punch, as opposed to the very fake, dramatic whaps! and whams! that we are used to hearing in the average Rocky or Steven Seagal movie.

Leslie Shatz, the sound director of Tough Guys, told the story at the party:

"Norman said, 'The sounds of punches in movies are all phony...' He wanted me to record his own punches. He was a boxer, of course. So we were in my cutting room with a portable digital recorder, and I remember thinking at the time, I'm watching Norman Mailer hit himself and I'm not stopping him. He hit himself at least twenty times - in the face and in the chest - until we finally got it right. I saved that sound effect, and I've used it in about twenty movies since. I always tell other directors, 'You hear that? That's Norman Mailer punching himself. He's in your movie.'"

Tough Guy (newyorker.com)

Mo Rocca v. Renzo Gracie

Lately, I've been moonlighting a little on my No Masian duties and producing some web shorts for Mo Rocca's 180 blog on AOL. But as you can see from the video below, I've brought a little of the No Mas flavor to the task. For this skit about self-defense tips for Paris Hilton in jail, I took Mo to the great Renzo Gracie's gym on West 30th Street in Manhattan. Renzo himself wasn't there, but we did work with Leo Leite, who is a former world champion in both judo and Brazilian jiu-jitsu. We also worked with a very kind (and very violent) woman named Rosie, who really tore Mo a new one. I gotta hand it to ole Mo on that score - she roughed him up good and he took it like a man.

There is no Sharpshootin this week - Franchise is off doing whatever it is he does (I think he might actually be an ultimate fighter by now) so this is going to have to serve as our dose of MMA for the week. You hear that Franchise? This is what we get when you take an unscheduled vacation - Mo Rocca fighting chicks in a bad wig.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/17

Washington v. Michigan
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.
The legendary 1978 Rose Bowl, which features a miraculous but failed comeback effort by Schembechler's finest and some heroics by one Warren Moon, who was Washington's QB at the time and also, as the picture on the right attests, was sporting himself quite a righteous fro.

Any Which Way You Can
AMC, 3:30 p.m.
Maybe it's overkill, but I don't know - I just feel like I have to point out whenever this movie is on national television. Read my review/love letter here.

TNA iMPACT!
Spike, 9 p.m.
Who is the NWA Heavyweight title? Is it Kurt Angle? Is it Sting? Does Christian deserve to retain the title? Sunday's PPV left us with more questions than answers but everything should be resolved tonight. We hope.

Varsity Blues
Showtime, 9:05 p.m.
If we go out and half-ass it 'cause we're scared, then we'll always wonder if we were really good enough. But if we go out there and give it all we've got... that's heroic. You guys wanna be heroes?

The Ultimate Fighter 5,
Spike, 10 p.m.
The final two matches of the quarterfinals are featured. BJ Penn desperately needs his team to sweep these fights to avoid looking like the worse coach in TUF history.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

K.O.W. - La Pantera

Big fights this weekend, and freebies no less, as Saturday night's HBO card features two noteworthy middleweight battles - Edison Miranda v. Kelly Pavlik and the undisputed middleweight champ Jermain Taylor v. Cory Spinks.

I can't say I have very high hopes for Cory Spinks against Jermain - Cory probably could still make 147 comfortably, while Jermain is a freaking light heavyweight in there. We've already seen what a smaller man with heart - Kassim Ouma - can do against a giant 160 like Jermain, and that's not a whole hell of a lot. I predict Spinks goes down for the count, possibly in the first four rounds.

Miranda/Pavlik, on the other hand, is just the kind of fight that gets fight fans licking their chops. The nicknames alone hearken to a showdown of consequence - The Ghost versus The Panther. It's some like Legion of Doom-type shit. Not to mention that both of these guys have power, both are legitimate threats to Jermain's title, and only one man will come out of this bout with a shot at it. Oh I love it when something is actually at stake in a fight - all the questions surrounding it become infinitely more interesting. Will Pavlik be able to handle Miranda's pressure? Will Miranda's clumsiness and inexperience finally prove his downfall?

To whet your appetite, our No Mas Knockout of the Week revisits La Pantera's one-round destruction of Willie Gibbs this past December. One wild punch - on the top of Gibbs' head no less - and Willie was crosseyed. Ridiculous ending, too, as Gibbs waits till the ten-count and then stands up, baffled as to what's going on. The vacancy in his eyes tells the tale nicely. He'd been read the Miranda rights, with a couple of lefts thrown in for good measure.

Symphony for the Dodgers in D

On this day in 1941, famed composer and arranger Robert Russell Bennett debuted a new symphony on his radio show, Russell Bennett's Notebook. It was titled "Symphony for the Dodgers in D." Bennett was born and raised in Kansas City but he moved to New York in 1916 at the age of 22. He had always been a baseball enthusiast and he found immediate kinship with the Bums in Brooklyn.

Based on my research, there is no existing recording of this symphony, which is quite a shame (if anyone out there has any information about this, please send it along). Evidently, it began with a rousing andante - "The Dodgers Win" - followed by a mournful dirge - "The Dodgers Lose." The scherzo opened with a bassoon exchange that was supposed to symbolize Dodgers' president Larry MacPhail's famous offer of the Brooklyn Bridge and Prospect Park to Cleveland for Bob Feller. The whole thing ended with Red Barber, the team's radio announcer, doing a mock radio call of a ninth-inning walkoff home-run victory over the Giants.

In retrospect, it seems like this piece of music may have had magical powers. In 1941, Brooklyn won its first pennant in 21 years and its first since taking the name "Dodgers" in 1932. Unfortunately for Brooklynites, even a rousing symphony couldn't address what would be one of the borough's main problems for many Octobers to come - the damn Yankees. The Bums lost the '41 World Series to the Yanks, four games to one.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/16

NBA's Greatest Games
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
The nostalgia for the Knicks/Bulls era among basketball fans in NYC rivals that of the teenagers on the Bowery for the days of the Dead Boys. So all you high-top fades out there who are lost in the past, today Classic has a treat for you - Knicks/Bulls, Game 6, 1989 Eastern Conference semis.

Glen Johnson v. Montell Griffin
ESPN2, 9 p.m.

Oh man, Wednesday Night Fights breaking out the dinosaurs. Obviously the hook here is that both of these guys beat Roy Jones, although Montell was the beneficiary of a disqualification after Jones hit him while he was down (after having hit him many, many times while he was up). Jones avenged the sham loss by knocking Montell out in the first round of the rematch. Glencoffe Johnson, meanwhile, did not get no sham victory from Roy - he just beat his ass - the first man ever to knock Roy out. Johnson is trying to rebound from his loss to Clinton Woods last September.

Youngblood
VS., 10 p.m.

All right, one period left. One period away from winning it all or losing to these miserable hackers with their shit-eating grins and their Saturday night wrestling tactics. One period away from remembering something for the rest of your life or something you wanna forget.

Wind Tunnel with Dave Despain
Speed, 11 p.m.

The subtitle of this show is - Wonderboy or The Intimidator? It's a retrospective that compares the careers of Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt. I already think I know who wins.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

No Mas TV Guide - 5/15

Roller Boogie
FlixE, 2:30 p.m.

The Exorcist chick in a roller-disco mafia romance/drama. Bring it on? Oh we're bringing it.

Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel
HBO, 7 p.m.

I'm not much of a fan of this show, but this episode contains a profile of just about the craziest sumbitch you'd ever want to know about - Mr. Mi Vida Loca himself, Johnny Tapia.

Pernell Whitaker v. Rafael Pineda
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

Pure perfect Pernell. After reigning supreme at 135 for four years, P won his first belt at 140 from Pineda in this 1992 shutout.

Arturo Gatti v. Wilson Rodriguez
ESPN Classic, 9 p.m.
Had it not been for Evander's epic performance against Iron Mike in their first fight, this probably would have been Ring's Fight of the Year in 1996.


ECW
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.
Another 3-on-1 main event on ECW. This time it's Bobby Lashley vs. Matt Striker & Elijah Burke & Marcus Cor Von.

Monday, May 14, 2007

England über alles


Sixty-nine years ago today, an infamous football match took place in which the English side easily disposed of Germany 6-3 in an international friendly played at the Olympic stadium in Berlin. Stalwarts Cliff Bastin, Lee Goulden, Frank Broome and the immortal Stanley Matthews all contributed goals, and Jackie Robinson added two to pace the Brits to an easy victory over their sworn rivals on the pitch.

Of course in 1938, what was happening off the football pitch was of chief concern to the world at large, and this match in retrospect had great symbolic political importance. Before the kickoff, the English team lined up at midfield with the Germans and gave the Nazi salute to the crowd. It was a gesture demanded of them by their Nazi hosts, and one they had been ordered to comply with by the British home office.

This was only two months after the Anchluss, the Nazi annexation of Austria. The brutality of this annexation left no doubts as to Hitler's grander intentions in Europe, and yet Neville Chamberlain, the British Prime Minister, was in deep appeasement mode, wanting no part of a potentially ugly war with Hitler over the future of Austria.

Today, the Nazi salute that the English soccer team raised sixty-nine years ago on a football pitch in Berlin is seen as part and parcel of a whole national policy to accommodate Hitler. In September of 1938, Chamberlain would sign the Munich Agreement, selling out Czechoslovakia to the Third Reich. Upon his return to England, he delivered his now famous, and famously ironic, "peace for our time" speech. A year later, Germany invaded Poland, and World War II was under way.

FIGJAM Is On Top of the World

I don't want to alarm you, but right now Phil Mickelson is the best golfer on the planet. Whether you call him Phil, Lefty, Mick, Tits, or FIGJAM, today he's the Player's Champion, the one tournament I thought he'd never conquer. The Players features the most competitive field in the sport and one of the most challenging courses in the country. The Tournament Players Club at Sawgrass is not to be fucked with. It is 18 holes of golf designed to mentally destroy the best players the world has to offer.

From it's inception Pete Dye's diabolical creation has been dynamic in nature. After it's 1982 debut, Ben Crenshaw famously quipped, "It's Star Wars golf designed by Darth Vader." Now I don't know a whole lot about sci-fi movies but I'm told that Darth Vader is a fairly notorious douchebag. Consequently Dye was forced to pull back the reigns on his creation. From that point on he's grown the course into the true masterpiece we saw this weekend. Over the years it's maintained a reputation as the ultimate ball-strikers event on the PGA Tour. The minuscule landing areas and punishing hazards have ensured that the tournament's champion must be accurate above all else (see Funk, Fred). Although Dye orchestrated several significant changes before this year's event the emphasis remained on precise shot-making.

Given these circumstances FIGJAM's weekend seemed entirely improbable. This is the same guy whose career was once defined by his reckless disregard. Just when we began to think of him as a perpetual threat he encountered the 72nd hole at Winged Foot. In the wake of that fatal collapse he fired his coach and moved into the famed camp of swing doctor Butch Harmon. The idea that a player as volatile as Mickelson could overhaul his swing just months before Sawgrass and come out as a champion is a testament to his phenomenal skills.

Both Dye and Harmon spent the off-season cultivating crucial, yet subtle alterations on two proven entities. Their efforts helped to produce the most impressive victory of Phil Mickelson's already decorated career. Sure his major victories were a bigger deal, but none of the three left me with the feeling that Phil was worthy of challenging Tiger as an equal (wow, typing that actually hurt a little bit). But this was not the same old FIGJAM. If his old swing was the thrill-seeking uppercut of Ken Griffey Jr. then this new version conjures up the fluid perfection of a seasoned Will Clark. Yet the old Phil was still alive and well; that became evident whenever he was confronted by a new challenge from Dye.

Saturday's round saw Phil's old confidence backing up his newfound consistency. After a rare errant drive he found himself with a relatively impossible shot through a gap in the trees so narrow that the commentators could hardly believe where he was aiming.Phil stepped up and blasted one through the porthole leaving himself two putts for his par. Afterwards he admitted to Bones, his longtime caddy, that he took the shot so quickly because he didn't want to be talked out of the ballsy play. Vintage Phil (the good kind, not the kind that makes you feel kind of queasy).

Some fans might debate the importance of this win in terms of Phil's future but there's no question in my mind that he'll continue to improve and head into the US Open at Oakmont playing better golf than anybody in the field. Does Phil know it? Of course. Does Tiger know it? I bet he's thinking more about Phil than he is about Elin's belly fruit. Do I like answering my own questions? Absolutely.

Mark your calendars now, because June 14th at Oakmont could be something special. Let's just hope Amy keeps the kids at home again.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/14

Virginia v. Florida State, 1995
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.
Oddly, I have vivid memories of this famous upset, but only because I happened to watch it with Stephen Malkmus, who was then the lead singer of Pavement (who were then, like, THE indie rock gods of NYC). He came into the bar where I was watching the game and sat next to me. He went to Virginia. I pretended not to know who he was and we started talking. Before I knew it, I was explaining the sport of football to him, which was not something he understood very well. He got insanely drunk and stood on his chair when the Cavs pulled the upset (what a finish too, Warrick Dunn at the goal line, unreal). The main thing I remember is that a bunch of chicks came in and saw him and went crazy. Because I was sitting there with him, they seemed to think that I was in Pavement too, and for about the only time in my life, I felt what it feels like to be an actual rock star. My impression is that it makes it very easy to meet girls.

All-Star Spotlight
Speed, 7:30 p.m. & 11:30 p.m.
A half-hour recap of NASCAR's 1987 All-Star Race and Dale Earnhardt's infamous "pass in the grass."

Oscar Larios v. Israel Vasquez
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
This is an all-out action fight, and finishes with a jaw-dropping TKO. They used to show this one a lot on Classic but I haven't seen it in a while. Trust me - it does not disappoint.

WWE Raw
USA, 9 p,m.
Bobby Lashley gets to exact some revenge on Mr. McMahon's Executive Assistant, Jonathan Coachman. Also, new World Heavyweight Champ, Edge, says goodbye to Raw before moving to Smackdown.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

The Scrapple in the Apple















You thought Oscar/Floyd was big. On this day fifteen years ago, one of the biggest and most heavily hyped fights of the 90's went down, as Frank Stallone defeated Geraldo Rivera on points at the Kingsway Fitness Center in NYC. The bout was promoted by legendary fight promoter Howard Stern, who had originally run into Geraldo training at his gym in Manhattan. Surprised that Rivera was such an avid boxer, he asked him if he'd be interested in fighting another celebrity. Geraldo said shit yeah, and the hunt for an opponent was on.

Stallone was the third choice, behind Robert Conrad, who backed out, and G. Gordon Liddy, who prompted Rivera to back out because of Liddy's age. A few weeks after the Liddy bout was scrapped, Frank Stallone was on Howard's radio show and they were talking about Frank's boxing career (he had 24 amateur fights). Howard brought up the Geraldo situation and Frank said that he'd fight him anytime. They got Geraldo on the line, and the bout was made.

They fought three two-minute rounds, and wore headgear and 16 oz. gloves. Len Berman called the action for Howard's radio audience, and the action went almost unanimously Frank's way. In short, he beat the bejesus out of Geraldo, especially in the first round, when he turned Rivera's face tomato red with a recurrent left hook that the tele-journalist had no answer for. In the second round, Stallone slipped throwing a punch and the ref called it a knockdown, the biggest controversy of the bout. The third round was even more lopsided than the first, except for the fact that neither guy had anything left at the end, and when the final bell sounded, they were basically slow-dancing.

The fight raised about ten grand for Geraldo's charity (whatever the hell that is) and also turned Stallone into a huge Geraldo fan. "He's got more heart and more balls than anybody I know," he said of Rivera. "I hit this guy with hard shots and he came back and he didn't give up for a second. He's a man because it takes a lot of balls to get into this ring and I take my hat off to him."

Hear hear, not that anyone has ever accused Geraldo Rivera of being short on balls. Brains, I think, is the standard accusation. But whatever. I'm still waiting on the rematch.

Friday, May 11, 2007

This Week in No Mas



5/6
Pretty, Not Golden
Large's early thoughts on the Oscar/Floyd fight, and a hearty No Mas thank you to the Mendez Boxing Club for hosting a great fight-watching experience.

5/7
Ich Bin Ein Bronx
Nicole Asquith's review of the breakdancing movie Planet B-Boy, which premiered at this year's Tribeca Film Festival.

Every Which Way But Dikembe
After the Warriors upset of the Mavs, we take you back to the first time an eight-seed ousted a one from the NBA Playoffs, when the Nuggets sent the Sonics home thirteen years ago today.

K.O.W. - "Hurry home early..."
This edition of the No Mas Knockout of the Week finds Large, in the aftermath of Oscar/Floyd, feeling nostalgic for the fights of his childhood, not to mention Warren Zevon. "It was just easier to be a fight fan back then, it made more sense. You didn't feel like you were doing anything crazy or exhibiting fringe behavior. It was as natural as rooting for your baseball team or playing wiffleball or tackle football in the mud, just one of things you did if you were a red-blooded American male with more combative energy that you knew what to do with."

5/8
Chico
No Mas bids farewell to Diego Corrales with the most compassion we can summon for an electrifying athlete who thrilled us many times in the ring but also once did jail time for beating the hell out of his pregnant wife.

Bust a move
A hip hop tribute to the 80's in sports with KRS, Kool Moe Dee and Young MC on the mike? Yo, we're on that shit like stickum on Lester Hayes.

5/9
Where Have You Gone, Joe Frazier?
Large's breakdown of the Oscar/Floyd fight in all its underwhelming vicissitudes. "The big problem with this fight stylistically was that it was a two-matadors-and-no-bull kind of affair... Oscar was in a tough position in this one - a matador his entire career, faced with a much speedier and elusive matador, he was forced to turn bull to have a chance. He proved remarkably unsuited for that role..."

Birthday Fever
A veritable birthday bonanza, including Sergei Fedorov, Ion Tiriac, and the hottest shot of Rosario Dawson licking the No Mas Frank 151 you'll ever want to see.

5/10
Sharpshootin' with The Franchise
Chise gets all classic on the wrestling tip this week, and I know you love that. He's talking Kerry Von Erich/Ric Flair, Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho, Bastion Booger... he's even talking XFL.

The Flying Defenseman
The anniversary of Bobby Orr's legendary game four overtime goal to win the 1970 Stanley Cup. "The famous photograph of the goal made it seem like he'd actually flown through the crease to score the goal, which admittedly at that point did not seem too far beyond his celestial powers."

5/11
Old and in the Way
Two big-name New York baseball trades went down on this day in history, both involving legends at the tailend of their careers - the Mets got Willie Mays from the Giants in 1972, and the Yankees sent Dave Winfield to the Angels in 1990.

No Mas Caption Contest
We're going to start running a caption contest every Friday here on No Mas, and this week's it's the Barry Bonds/steroids edition. Just send in a caption for the photograph for a chance to win a No Mas BALCO t-shirt in Giants colors.

No Mas Caption Contest


We're going to start running a caption contest every Friday here on No Mas to win one of our coveted t-shirts (and when I say coveted, I mean coveted). This week, what with the home run chase reaching the endgame phase and the roids issue back in the headlines, we're presenting a Barry Bonds affair. To win yourself our beloved BALCO shirt in Giants black and orange, all you must do is provide the best caption for the picture above. That's best as decided by us here at No Mas, and judging by the entries in our "Chavez" contest, the shit better be pretty good if you're expecting to win. Send your entries to me and I-berg at [email protected] and [email protected]. A note - any caption deemed to have been written under the influence of steroids will be assigned an asterisk. All right, get crackin.

Old and in the Way

Two baseball legends and future first-ballot Hall-of-Famers were involved in big New York trades on this day in history - one came to town and one left.

May 11, 1972













Twenty-five years ago today, the Giants traded Willie Mays to the Mets for Charlie Williams and $50,000. Mays' production had dropped precipitously over the past four years, although he was still far from washed up - in 1971 he put up .271, 61, and 18 numbers, a serviceable season in that pitching-dominated era. With the Mets, however, Mays declined quickly, and for most people the image of the Say Hey Kid in New York is a sad one, particularly his famous stumble in the outfield in '73 World Series. Mays retired after the 1973 season, and was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1979.

May 11, 1990













In 1990
On this day,
George got rid
Of Mr. May...

He sent Winfield to the Angels for starter Mike Witt, a deal that worked out like most of George's deals in that era - Winfield had a few more dangerous seasons left in him and won a World Series in Toronto, while Witt proved to be completely finished. Winfield was really the first A-Rod in New York, plagued by the expectations of his massive contract and something in his personality that just never jibed with the city's fans. Of course, there also was the fact that George was deep into his heavy sociopathic madman days and made Winfield his whipping boy almost from day one, beginning with the Mr. May remark after the '81 World Series. There was the killed seagull incident (and Billy Martin's perfect line - "only time in his career he ever hit the cutoff man"), the lawsuit against George about his charity, and then the whole thing about George with the private investigator. Really, there haven't been a many more bizarre tenures in a sporting city than Dave Winfield's in the Bronx. He must have been thrilled to get the hell out of here.

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 5/11 - 5/13

5/11
The Players Championship
Golf Channel, 1 p.m.

Personally I'm rooting for Sabbatini, although I'd say his first-round challenge of Tiger is a certain kiss of death. Anyone who comes out with the big "I'm not afraid of Tiger" Black Bart speech always collapses ignominiously. For good reason, too. You see, the gods have smiled on Tiger like they did on brave Ulysses, and they rain misfortune upon his mortal enemies.

Arturo Gatti v. Joe Hutchinson
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

Presuming that Classic actually shows the above fight, and not some other random bout (as they have been doing lately) this is a fun one to check out, another centerpiece to the Gatti As Modern Warrior myth. Cut deeply from headbutts in the second round, Gatti nevertheless soldiered forth through a river of faceblood to beat Hutchinson in front of an adoring Montreal crowd.

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.

World Champ, The Undertaker, battles Batista in a steel cage match. This was taped on Tuesday but Franchise is only telling us that neither man will win and there will be a NEW champion by the end of the show.

UFC Fight Night Friday
Spike, 10 p.m.

This is a replay of the December 13, 2006 card which had Diego Sanchez vs. Joe Riggs, Karo Parisyan vs. Drew Fickett and Josh Koscheck vs. Jeff Joslin.

60 Minutes on Classic
ESPN Classic, 10 p.m.

This episode of Classic's 60 Minutes capsule is called the "Bum of the Month Club" and focuses on boxers who are chosen to lose fights to inflate a prospect's record. An interesting subject for sure, and yet one of their chosen interviews is Ron Lyle. Now Ron Lyle definitely weren't no Earnie Shavers, but Christ, he wasn't exactly a bum either. You seen that Foreman fight? Sheesh. Man held his own with Ali too, didn't exactly trouble the champ, but didn't embarrass himself either. To call him a bum is going too far.

Zab Judah v. Micky Ward
ESPN Classic, 2:30 a.m.

Yes, Zab fought Micky Ward, back before either of them were household names (or at least No Mas household names). It's worth a look, but far less interesting than it sounds.

5/12
Jack Johnson: The Early Years
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.

I can't remember, but I think this show takes you up to Johnson winning the title from Tommy Burns in Australia.

Swimfan
FX, 11 a.m.

For all you prospective swimmers out there, this is a good cautionary tale about how completely insane swimfans are. It's good to know what you're getting yourselves into.

The Players Championship
NBC, 2 p.m

Third-round action.

Tiger
The Golf Channel, 3 p.m.

Golf Channel should just get it over with and start calling themselves The Tiger Channel. This is part one of a THREE-part doc about the man, the myth, the space alien - Tiger Woods. (After this doc they're showing recaps of the '99, '00, and '06 PGA Championships, all won by... you know).

The Squid and the Whale
Starz, 2:40 p.m.

None other than our own Mr, Deep Tennis, Steve Tignor, called this one of the best portrayals of tennis on the screen in this post about, well, tennis on the screen.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

The Ringside series devotes an entire episode to the Bowe/Holyfield trilogy, which is certainly one of the great trilogies in history of the sport, but... well, I'm a little sick of it by now. They've been showing these fights every weekend for the past two months. Now I'm supposed to watch this to hear Bert Sugar tell me how great they were? Well, anyway, if you haven't seen the fights, they'll probably show them almost in their entirety here.

Shooting Gallery
TMCe, 12 a.m.

Somebody sent me a recommendation for this for our Best Sports Movies You've Never Seen series, and so I rented it one afternoon to check it out. It's so hilariously awful that if you are home at midnight on Saturday and all high and all, I recommend watching at least a half hour of this just to see how much stylized wannabe Tarantion bullshit sound and fury can add up to the most abominable crap imaginable. Plot - Freddie Prinze Jr. plays a pool hustler - he's really good.

11/13
Shaun of the Dead
Comedy Central, 10 a.m.

Killing zombies with a cricket bat? Oh this movie is bloody hilarious. Pour us a pint then will ya mate?

The Players Championship
NBC, 2 p.m.

I guess I should forecast a winner here, in that I did (in one of the great feats of golf swami-hood in golf swami history) nail the winner of the Masters. I'm saying DiMarco. Guy's gotta win something big eventually.

College Basketball's Ten Greatest Shooters
CBS, 2 p.m.

If I'm not mistaken, this is the time slot in which CBS ran their great memorial tribute to the great, and not dead, Gary Player last week. I just don't know who the hell is programming that channel over there, but I'll take it. Next week - The 40 Worst Deaths by Pirhana Swarm. Or Hollywood Henderson - Words to Live By.

TNA Sacrifice
PPV, 8 p.m.
Christian Cage defends the NWA Heavyweight title against Kurt Angle and Sting in a triple-threat match.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 10 p.m.

A look at Tyson's first two years as a pro, including an interview with the late great Cus D'Amato. This is some essential No Mas viewing right here.


Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Flying Defenseman


On this night thirty-seven years ago, one of the most famous goals in hockey history was scored in Boston, as the Bruins won the Stanley Cup on an overtime goal from Bobby Orr. Twenty-two years old at the time, Orr was in his fourth season in the NHL, and it was the season in which he went from promising to absolutely stratoshperic. He led the league in points, the first time a defenseman had ever done so, and set a new single-season record for assists with 87 (a record he would break the following season with 102, which would stand until it was broken by Wayne Gretzky in 1981). Basically, in 1970, Orr redefined what a defenseman was capable of on the ice, and in doing so won the league's four major awards - the Norris Trophy, the Ross Trophy, the Conn Smythe Trophy and the Hart Trophy. He remains today the only man to ever win all four of these honors in a single season.

In the 1970 playoffs, the Orr-led Bruins were indomitable. They disposed of the Rangers 4-2 in the first round, and then swept the league-leading Black Hawks in four games. The St. Louis Blues awaited them in the finals, and the Blues were no match for the Boston juggernaut, particularly after their starting goaltender, the legendary Jacques Plante (41 years young at the time) was knocked out of the series in game one. The Bruins won the first three games of the series easily, but the fourth was a nailbiter that went into overtime tied at three apiece. There Bobby Orr dashed through the crease and finished a pass from Derek Sanderson into the back of the St. Louis net for the victory. En route, he was tripped by Noel Picard, and flew through the air with his hands raised in triumph. The famous photograph of the goal made it seem like he'd actually flown through the crease to score the goal, which admittedly at that point did not seem too far beyond his celestial powers.

Sharpshootin' With The Franchise

This week is a pretty historical one in the world of professional wrestling so I thought it would be interesting to “walk that aisle” down memory lane… Let’s take a look:

May 6, 1984: Kerry Von Erich defeats Ric Flair for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title

One can best compare the sad story of the Von Erich family to that of the Kennedys. To understand the importance of this particular match you must look to February 10, 1984, the day David Von Erich, aged 27, was found dead in his Tokyo hotel room. Three months later, David’s brother, Kerry, wrestled NWA Heavyweight Champion, Ric Flair, in front of 43,000 fans in Texas Stadium on World-Class Championship Wrestling’s Parade of Champions show. In one of the most emotional matches in wrestling history, Von Erich would capture the title in his late brother’s memory. Nine years later, Kerry would take his own life. Sadly enough, he is one of four Von Erich children to die a tragic death.

May 7, 2000: Jeff Jarrett defeats David Arquette (C) and Diamond Dallas Page to capture the WCW Heavyweight title.

I know what you’re thinking and, yes, THAT David Arquette was indeed the WCW Heavyweight Champion. And people wonder why WCW is no longer around. Let us never speak of this moment again.

May 8, 2000: Chris Benoit defeats Chris Jericho to retain the WWF Intercontinental title

No matter how many times these two Canadian legends face-off, their matches simply never get old. The same held true when they faced off in a Submission Match at the Judgment Day PPV. Listen, Jericho: the Fozzy band thing was cute for a year but it’s time to come back. Your Jerichoholics turn their lonely eyes to you.



05/09/57: Bastion Booger is born

There really isn’t much I can add about this oft-forgotten legend of the squared-circle that the following video doesn’t already describe:



05/10/01: R.I.P XFL

Remember last week when I said that WWE is just getting back into their 2000-01 groove? Well, the XFL was one of the major reasons why they got out of that aforementioned groove in the first place. But I am not here to bash the XFL because hindsight is always 20-20. Sure, I watched the games every week and even bought myself a Chicago Enforcers t-shirt and I am ashamed to say that I actually took a road trip to see one of these putrid games. The kool-aid tasted mighty good for a week or two and then, well….

No Mas TV Guide - 5/10

Hoosiers
AMC, 1 p.m.

We had a few interesting posts on Hoosiers during the Tribeca Film Festival (click here and here) borne of Jeffrey Lane's new book "Under the Boards: The Cultural Revolution in Basketball." So now you can watch the movie yet again in a new light. A warning, though - the white guys still win. All the books in the world can't change that.

The Players Championship
Golf Channel, 1 p.m.
First-round coverage of the fifth major.

Back in the Day
Speed, 2:30 p.m.

Host Junior takes us back to the 1971 World 600, notable for being NASCAR's first restrictor plate race.

The Year of the Yao
Sundance, 1:45 p.m.
A 90-minute doc from 2004 on Yao's first season in the NBA. I haven't seen it - I hear it's so-so but has its moments.

Juwanna Mann
Comedy Central, 5 p.m.

Oh no he di'nt.

TNA iMPACT!
Spike, 9 p.m.

The last stop before this Sunday's Sacrifice PPV. We get a triple threat preview of Sunday's Tag Team title match with Brother Devon vs. Homicide vs. Scott Steiner. Plus, Samoa Joe, Rhino & Chris Harris take on AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels & James Storm.

The Ultimate Fighter 5
Spike, 10 p.m.

After last week's debacle, in which Gabe Ruediger was kicked off the show for failing to make weight, we're getting two, count 'em TWO, fights tonight. First up, it's Joe Lauzon (Franchise's pick to win the show) vs. Brian Geraghty and then Corey Hill vs. Rob Emerson.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Birthday Fever

We haven't done one of these mass birthday celebrations in a while, but today was definitely the day to get back into it. In the May 9th edition of Birthday Fever we have five gold-medal-winning Olympians, two guards who ran the two, one tennis player turned Olympic power-broker and one simply great tennis player, one male and one female defender on the football pitch, one young Cy Young-winner and one young potential Cy Young-winner, two celebrated batsman (one who hit for average and another who hits for power), one Stanley Cup-winning superstar, one supersmokin siren of the screen, one pompous but prolific journalist, one prominent perspectivist philosopher, one plucky, Pulitzer-winning poet, and one populist poet of the projects.



































































































































Where have you gone, Joe Frazier?

Maybe it's too late to be topical anymore (man in this web-driven universe shit is here today, gone TODAY), but I think I'm finally ready to offer my thoughts on Oscar/Floyd. I needed some time to digest the whole thing and listen to what people were saying about it.

The overall response has been a mixed bag, although leaning towards the "it sucked" camp, with a heavy majority dwelling in the "it sucked but it had its moments" middle ground. For myself, I wouldn't say it sucked, although I have to admit, the enormity of the event made it more gripping than it might have been otherwise. Or let me put it another way - I haven't watched it in a while, but in my memory, there was more action in Bernard/Jermain I. That fight was roundly criticized for being a cautious load of crap, with most of that criticism falling on Bernard's shoulders. This bout had a lot of similarities to that one, and largely the same outcome (at least in my eyes - I think Bernard won the first Jermain fight cleanly).

I have almost nothing bad to say about Floyd (other than damn he looked funny in that sombrero). He was so much smaller than Oscar in there. I was shocked by the size difference between them. Floyd looked like a natural 140 wearing some fake body armor, and meanwhile Oscar looked like a big middleweight. Early in the fight, the first three rounds, I saw a look in Floyd's eyes that I have rarely seen there - not fear exactly, but a definite unease. Oscar was diving in with those wild toro charges and the expression I saw on Floyd's face was along the lines of "holy shit this guy is big." Baldomir was also a few weight classes above Floyd in their fight, but Baldomir is so slow compared to Floyd as to be almost stationary. Oscar is not Floyd-fast by any means, but he had more than enough speed to make his size an intimidating factor.

In the first three rounds, by far the most dramatic of the fight, I felt like ironically the potential for real drama went out the window. Oscar made his size advantage so patently clear that the idea that Floyd might decide to stand and trade with him became preposterous. I think there are circumstances in which Floyd might have opened up to try and finish Oscar - this was my great hope going into the bout - but those first three rounds seemed to leave enough of an impression in his mind to say to himself, "you know what? if someone's getting carried out of here tonight, it's gonna be me... and so it ain't gonna be me."

After that, he just went on to win with all the skill and guile that was available to him. I think he did that conclusively. Floyd is a natural 140 and he's never been a knockout puncher. Pernell didn't knock people out either. Pernell was a little more entertaining in going about his business, granted, but the fact remains that the name of the game is to win, and Floyd did just that - to my eyes, he did it without the shadow of a doubt.

The big problem with this fight stylistically was that it was a two-matadors-and-no-bull kind of affair (and for more of the same, tune in to Bernard/Winky). Oscar was in a tough position in this one - a matador his entire career, faced with a much speedier and elusive matador, he was forced to turn bull to have a chance. He proved remarkably unsuited for that role on two counts. On one of them, I think it's hard to fault him. Being the bull in the boxing ring is not just about stomping your foot and charging. It's a whole different style of ring generalship - different footwork, different timing, different lead punches, different approaches. Closing spaces on a much faster man with pinpoint accuracy is a lifelong occupation to learn, not a four-week starter course from Freddie Roach on using your forearms.

People get all sanctimonious when Floyd draws the Ali and Sugar Ray Robinson comparisons, but there is one way in which I think he firmly belongs in that rarified company - along with those two fighters (and Ray Leonard, I guess), Floyd fights more accurately and more comfortably moving backwards than anyone in the history of the sport (probably Willie Pep belongs in this discussion also). For Oscar to win this fight against such a talent, he had absolutely no choice but to get all Joe Frazier on Floyd in there, and he just didn't have the skills.

But, of course, he didn't have the heart either. In the end, we should have seen it coming, because the battle lines were clear before they even stepped in the ring. The fight looked exactly like I thought it would - Floyd sticking, moving, sharpshooting, Oscar barreling forward and trying to get inside to wreak havoc. It's an exhausting, dispiriting, brutal enterprise being the bull in the boxing shop, a job for men like Frazier and Mancini and Chavez and Marciano. And that right there is some rarified company that will never include the name Oscar De La Hoya. Around the eighth round, you saw the wind go out of Oscar's sails, not physically I thought so much as mentally. He was tired of chasing Floyd's sneaky ass around the ring, and tired of eating all those breakneck jabs and right-hand leads. He basically stopped fighting and starting going through the motions, diving on him every so often with those ineffectual wide-armed flurries that he knew as well as Floyd weren't doing jackshit but gettting Jack Nicholson's dick hard. At the very moment that he should have doubled his efforts if he wanted to win, at the very point at which Joe Frazier used to SERIOUSLY start to stalk his prey, Oscar effectively gave up.

And that's what hurts, that's what has us walking away shaking our heads. We ask a lot of our fighters, we ask them routinely to risk their lives in a way that we don't ask of many other athletes, and that might be too much to ask sometimes. But I don't think it was death standing in between Oscar and victory this past Saturday night. I think it was just a little more aggro than his golden billionaire self was willing to put up with. I was dearly hoping that this fight was going to look like Leonard/Duran I, but in the end it was much more like the second Leonard/Duran fight. Because somewhere around the eighth round, Oscar said no mas.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/9

Penn State v. Miami, 1987
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.

Suddenly Classic is showing great college football games every day at 2, and today's is one of the greatest of them all. What else is there to say other than it was the ultimate war between good and evil, and good triumphed.

U.S. Open Highlights, 2000, 2002
The Golf Channel, 4 p.m.

Golf Channel starts with the first leg of the Tiger Slam, and an emphatic one at that. Besting the field at Pebble Beach by 15 strokes in 2000, Tiger broke Old Tom Morris's record for margin of victory at a major, a record that had stood since 1862. His 12-under-par was also a record in relation to par for the U.S Open, breaking the previous record by eight strokes. After an hour recap of Pebble, the second hour recaps his U.S. Open win at Bethpage in 2002.

Evander Holyfield v. Dwight Qawi
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

When I wrote my greatest fights of my lifetime post back in March, I expected to take a lot of guff for leaving out Hagler/Hearns. But instead, all I heard about was Holyfield/Qawi. "Chacon/Limon over Holyfield/Qawi," they'd say. "You're retahded." Well, I'm not going to get back into it now - suffice it to say that I love me some Dwight Qawi, I'm a huge fan of this fight and it is undoubtedly in my top 20.

Legends
TVG, 12:30 a.m.

A half-hour interview with jockey Laffit Pincay, who among many other great victories won the Kentucky Derby in 1984 aboard Swale.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Bust a move



Oh man, how ill is this? I'm not going to comment too much, other than to say that KRS still has no flow, Kool Moe Dee is still steady mobbin, and yo yo, goddamn Young MC needs to make a comeback cause he TEARS up that mike.

Chico

I woke up this morning to the red light on my Blackberry flashing away, carrying messages from just about everyone I knew, including Unsilent and Madsear, informing me of the death of Diego "Chico" Corrales last night from a motorcycle accident.

Like most No Masians I imagine, I was greatly enamored of Chico Corrales the boxer, and I had a hard time squaring my image of him in the ring - and not just as a fighter, but as a man - with the image of someone who once did 14 months of jail-time for beating his pregnant wife. This was no "he said, she said" bullshit slap-session either - the sentence alone speaks to that. You don't get 14 months inside for a drunken Cops segment-type encounter. Maria Corrales, his wife at the time, suffered a broken collarbone, jaw, and broken ribs in the incident. She was a small woman, 98 pounds, and was pregnant at the time.

Corrales denied the charges till the very end, but ultimately plead guilty in a plea-bargain deal (he was up for a bunch of other charges as well) and took the time. And, well, look... I wasn't there. But it never seemed like any genuine excuse was offered for why the police showed up on the scene to find Maria Corrales in such battered condition other than the sad and obvious explanation - Diego beat the holy hell out of her.

I hate, the day after his death, to have to dwell on something like this, but I can't just pretend that it didn't forever taint the man in my eyes, and taint my enjoyment of even his greatest moment (and the greatest fight of the last 15 years), Corrales/Castillo I. He was a tremendous athlete, a warrior of the highest order, and he gave us many memorable performances, and one fight so great that we'll still be talking about it 50 years from now the way the cigar-chompers talk about Graziano/Zale. For that, I thank him. For the rest, I don't know what to say.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/8

Wonderful World of Golf
Golf Channel, 2:30 p.m.

Even though this was just a television exhibition, and it was held in Scotland, Greg Norman somehow managed during the course of this round to choke and lose the Masters.

Meldrick Taylor v. Buddy McGirt
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

It's funny - seems like all anyone ever remembers anymore about Meldrick is the Chavez fight. This one should remind you what a force of nature this man was before the Chavez disaster used him up. First time they've shown this on Classic to my knowledge.

John Johnson v. Junior Jones
ESPN Classic, 9 p.m.

Poison got Bam Bammed in this one and lost his bantamweight title to Johnson by tenth-round TKO. That Bam Bam Johnson could bang.

UFC Unleashed
Spike, 9 p.m.

A bunch of fights featured: Karo Parisyan vs. Nick Thompson, Scott Smith vs. David Terrell, Rick Davis vs. Melvin Guillar, Evan Tanner vs. Justin Levens, and Spencer Fisher vs. Matt Wiman.

ECW
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.

ECW Champion, Vince McMahon, along with Shane McMahon and Umaga go up against Rob Van Dam. Franchise is reporting that Rob Van Dam's days in WWE/ECW are numbered so that might give you a good idea as to how this bout will turn out.

Monday, May 07, 2007

K.O.W. - "Hurry home early..."



"...hurry on home
Boom Boom Mancini's
fighting Bobby Chacon..."


I've come out on this site many times as an opponent of the nostalgic attitude, and yet I'd be lying to you if I didn't admit that this past weekend's big fight filled me with nostalgia. I'd be hard-pressed to say what it was exactly, other than a yearning for a time when it didn't take so much exhaustive effort to make boxing meaningful in the public eye, when it was understood as part of our sporting and cultural fabric and not just a circus sideshow that required many many millions and the presence of multi-millionaires, both in the ring and ringside, to make a single fight seem like something worth talking about.

So for today's No Mas Knockout of the Week, I chose Boom Boom Mancini's dismantling of Bobby Chacon from 1984, a bout that speaks to my nostalgia greatly, both because I was a big fan of each of these fighters, and because it figures in the chorus of Warren Zevon's classic rocker, "Boom Boom Mancini." That song, with it's refrain of "Hurry home early, hurry on home..." somehow captures this nostalgia of mine that I can't quite put into words otherwise. It was just easier to be a fight fan back then, it made more sense. You didn't feel like you were doing anything crazy or exhibiting fringe behavior. It was as natural as rooting for your baseball team or playing wiffleball or tackle football in the mud, just one of things you did if you were a red-blooded American male with more combative energy that you knew what to do with. For the life of me I can't begin to explain why that's not the case anymore. I know everyone wants to say that it's the fault of the sport itself, but I'm not buying it. As far as I can see, we're the ones who have changed. For better or worse then I suppose is really the question, and I imagine you can wager a guess as to where I stand on that one.

Every Which Way But Dikembe

With the Warriors shocking dismissal of the Mavericks still rattling in our minds, today we take you back to May 7, 1994, when the Denver Nuggets became the first eight seed in NBA playoffs history to dispense with a one-seed in the first round of the playoffs.

The Sonics were at the beginning of their 90's heyday, with the Glove and Shawn Kemp anchoring the starting five, and Sam Perkins, Detlef Schrempf and Kendall Gill in their first full seasons with the team. They were coming off a trip to the Western Conference finals, which they had lost in seven games to Sir Charles and the Suns.

Meanwhile Denver had a team very reminiscent of this year's Warriors - a lot of young, aggressive talent that melded as a unit at just the right moment to knock off a team that was loaded with stars but too cocky and complacent. These were the Nuggets of Dikembe and the young Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, a.k.a. Chris Jackson. Thirteen years ago today, they finished off the Sonics in five games behind a great effort from Ricky Pierce. It is a bittersweet memory for Nuggets' fans, a great upset that remains today their last victory in a playoff series.

Ich Bin Ein Bronx





Planet B-Boy (2007)
Director: Benson Lee

Mondo Paradiso Films, 101 minutes





As I watched the opening sequence of Planet B-Boy – we see cuts of Flashdance, a guy tells me hip-hop is not just rap, etc.– I thought, O.K., maybe this film will do for breakdancing what, say, Scratch did for djing or Style Wars did for graffiti – convince us it’s a worthy cultural form on its own. There’s some of that, but what it really does is more interesting: it shows us what hip-hop looks like as a global phenomenon.

The documentary focuses on The 2006 Battle of the Year, the international b-boy competition that takes place in Braunschweig, Germany (you know, that great center of popping, locking and windmills). It’s classic sports doc material – the personal stories of a handful of promising crews (from France, Japan, South Korea, and, bizarrely, Las Vegas) leading up to a veritable B-Boy Olympics.

This is how it works: each country has its own competition and sends its best crew to Germany where they present a choreographed piece. Then, the best crews battle it out for third and first place. And these b-boys, I have to say, are pretty damned impressive. The personal stories – the Korean boy who has a strained relationship with his father who raised him as a single parent; the blond French kid whose mother is overcoming her racism – are corny at times, but they make sense in the context of the broader story of why hip-hop works as a global culture. The film shows how breakdancing gives these kids a vocabulary for figuring out who they are, often in pretty bleak contexts. You see the French crew, for example, breaking in the middle of the suburban projects where they live, a big concrete desert where France has forgotten them. Or the Korean kids performing in the middle of a grimy shopping mall, ignored by the businessmen and shoppers that squeeze by.

The part I liked the best were the final battles. The film lays it on a bit thick by cutting between the interviews and the competition – yes, we get it, the b-boys are working out their personal dramas. But the idea isn’t totally farfetched. And I loved the pantomime – the virtual street fights, the preening, prancing adolescents. I felt like I understood why they don’t actually have to hit each other to fight (“it’s a gesture of a fight without actually touching someone, but with the same intensity of a battle,” we’re told in the beginning of the film). Just the presence of their bodies and the way they communicate with them is enough – like when the South Korean team performs a group “suicide,” all collapsing on the ground simultaneously – it’s a disturbing but oddly effective gesture of defiance.

My only complaint about the film is that I would have like to watch some of the breakdancing sequences uninterrupted – the editing makes it hard to get a sense of their rhythm. I’m hoping the DVD will have some as outtakes.
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This post comes to us from Nicole Asquith, Assistant Professor of French at U.C. Davis. Nicole has taught courses on French hip-hop, among many other things, and written extensively on French rap and graffiti. She was our correspondent in France during the last year's World Cup, and to the great great delight of Large, she is also Large's fiancée.
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This is our last post post for our ongoing partnership with The Tribeca/ESPN Sports Film Festival which finished up yesterday. We'd like to thank the people over at the festival for giving us a chance to participate. We enjoyed it immensely and we hope everyone out there did as well.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/7

Karate Bear Fighter
IFC, 5:30 p.m.

After you've fought a bull with your bare hands and defeated him solely on the basis of your mastery of karate... well, there's nothing left for you to do but go fuck with a bear. If your name is Sonny Chiba, that is.

Alexis Arguello v. Ray Mancini
VS., 7 p.m.

An all-time great, shown in full on Versus, who I must say have cleared the rights to quite an impressive array of fights in the last year or so. This one, if you haven't yet seen it, is can't miss No Mas material.

1994 U.S. Amateur
The Golf Channel, 8 p.m.

If you don't know who won this tournament, and you can't guess who it might have been if the Golf Channel thinks it's worth it to run a full two hours of it in primetime, well, you obviously don't inhabit planet earth. I'll give you a clue - he won the next two U.S. Amateurs as well.

IFL Battleground
MYNetworkTV, 8 p.m.
MMA legend, Renzo Gracie, leads his first place New York Pitbulls against the Portland Wolfpack.

WWE Raw
USA, 9 p.m
It's the FU vs. the RKO as WWE champ, John Cena, defends his title against Randy Orton.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Pretty, not Golden

People people people... oh Lord so much to say. I'm sitting here at 3 a.m., still digesting what I witnessed tonight, still juggling the what-ifs and the coulda-shouldas and wondering... wondering what, if anything, it means to be truly great. I'm too tired to give you my full breakdown right now, but let me just say this - the fight tonight left me feeling that, on this question of true greatness, Floyd may have it, and Oscar certainly does not. I'll leave it at that for now.

I do want to throw a hearty thank you out to our man Jon Bier, a new friend of No Mas who turned us on to the place where we watched the fight - the Mendez Boxing Club in Manhattan. It was a great experience for the whole No Mas family, just a great place to watch boxing and hang out on the whole. Much of the No Mas A-list was on hand for the festivities - Franchise, A.C., Morty Bravo, Paul Lukas from Uni Watch, I-Berg and his lady Zoe, and myself with my fiancé, Nicole. We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly, and if we came away disappointed, it was a disappointment infused with the glow of a night's worth of heavy fun.

I'm going down to PA tomorrow for some family business, and will not be able to deliver my full analysis (which may, I warn you, be a long affair) until tomorrow night, or possibly Monday. But fear not - we're on the case. In the meantime, I'd love to hear what everyone thought. So let your hands go out there.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Derby Day


“The rain fell steadily on my old Kentucky home” is the line we should be singing during the anthem for the Kentucky Derby today at Churchill Downs. But the rain that fell at home only made the grass grow taller. At the Downs, the oval of pinkish-brown clay and sand turned into a slick and glistening sea of mud that honestly seemed better suited for sliding than for racing horses.

Not every horse likes running in the mud at Churchill Downs. Some of them will not run their best race on the surface, but the rain fell Friday during the day and night. What will the track be like for the Derby today? As of post time before the Derby, the track was wet and gummy. But despite the weather, attendance at Kentucky’s premier race is immense. Estimated annually at more than 100,000 to prevent menacing headline writers from saying “Derby attendance declines,” the crowd is a bloated testament to American ego, populist consumption and sheer excitement.

Every owner of a racehorse wants, hopes, dreams of having a horse to run in the Derby. Some of those who succeed can hardly contain themselves, as they are close to bursting with confidence. Yet, in a field of 20 racers, there have to be 19 losers. As a result, someone in a racing operation has to have a sense of humility or at least a sense of perspective, and oftentimes, this is the trainer. Larry Jones, the trainer of Hard Spun, is frequently characterized as brash and outspoken. But at the Kentucky Derby trainers' dinner on Tuesday night, he spoke to the crowd of owners and observers with a mixture of humor at finding himself at the Kentucky Derby with one of the legitimate prospects for the big race. Jones said that Hard Spun (pictured right) is “here in spite of his trainer. I’m told that I worked him too slow at Keeneland and too fast here at Churchill Downs. It’s a good thing he’s an athlete.”

Trainers realize that their horses are not machines; they do not perform the same every day and on every surface. So, whether by using humor or by taking a look at the big picture, trainers and owners who are involved in racing for many years have to gain perspective on their participation in a sport where the great moments come once in a lifetime and maybe never again.

Trainer John Shirreffs trained Giacomo, the winner of the 2005 Kentucky Derby, and trains Tiago, who is in the Derby today (that's Tiago on the left, winning the Santa Anita Derby). “It is very special to be back here to run in the Derby again. The Derby is what racing is all about. It is a celebration of the horse. It is the focal point of our sport. It is a rite of passage for young horses becoming men. It is full of symbols. It is very special indeed. It is race that requires a horse to give everything he has. Horses will do that for you – give you all they have – and this race demands it.”

That special time has come, and by the end of today, we will know who found the mixture of speed, luck, courage, and inner composure to succeed.
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Frank Mitchell lives on a farm where he writes and raises horses about 30 minutes from Keeneland. He's written two books on horse-racing and writes a regular column on Thoroughbred bloodlines for Daily Racing Form that can be found at drf.com. He's been in Louisville all week covering the build-up to the big race.

Oscar/Floyd - The CI Edition

I once spent a few hours with Oscar in the course of writing a feature which ultimately appeared in Details Magazine in November of 2001. Even though he had redeemed himself from "Escape From Trinidad" with the "ennobling" loss to Sugar Shane, we were still smack in the middle of the "Chicken De La Hoya" era. Because everyone was hating on him, his camp had become very guarded and it was extremely difficult to get access to Oscar. During my negotiations with Golden Boy Enterprises, they were trying to insist that if they gave up the interview, it had to be for a cover story, which at that moment was a reach for him (it ended up as a short feature in a music issue with Bono on the cover, which is a mark of how low Oscar's mainstream media star had temporarily fallen).

Ultimately I prevailed on his handlers to set up a meeting by convincing them that I felt that the same old negative story about De La Hoya had been told too many times and that I wanted to tell the true story of the real De La Hoya. This story would be built around what was then scheduled to be his December fight with Vargas, and would detail his quest to win back the respect of the portion of Latino fight fans who had decided that Oscar, in Vargas' words, had become a "coconut", brown on the outside white on the inside.

After getting to see De La Hoya - Castillo and De La Hoya Gatti in Vegas on Detail's dime, I flew out to Los Angeles in August for my visit with Oscar. In service of the image reclamation project, we got into S.U.V's and drove through Oscar's old neighborhood in East LA. We took pictures of him in a wife beater and Dickeys (to be fair this was outfit was our stylist's idea, but he did go along with it).

In the course of our photohoot, his old neighbors were not as adoring as the native son might have hoped, and the highlight of this venture and the only moment of reality reality as opposed to Golden Boy controlled reality was when a slightly, drunken ex-fighter rolled up on Oscar from out of nowhere and criticized him for running from Trinidad. Oscar received him with all the hollow politeness in his extensive arsenal, smiled his way through it, basically pretending it was not happening.

In this tour of the barrio and subsequent lunch at a very authentic Mexican restaurant, this one moment was the only real window I got into what it actually might be like to be Oscar. In the few scenes my no-cable-having-ass has seen of 24/7 on youtube--Oscar pumping gas and golfing with his buddy--the impression of Oscar that I had that day returned. It's as if he's an alien, who has disguised himself as a tough Mexican-American fighter, and he can't quite get the act right. Large's line about Oscar playing himself in his own bio-pic is right on, and he was playing that self he was trying to create very badly. In the golf scene in 24/7, where he tries to create this guy's guy story of him and his buddy shooting puts for beers and his friend always ending up drunk, I was reminded of the constant suspicion I had on the day that I met him, that all his little colorful life experience stories were not just canned, but completely invented. And this even though none of them were at all far-fetched. For whatever reason, even now that he has escaped from Chicken De La Hoya and taken on the mantle of the aging warrior, he still has zero capaciy to be genuine. It may even be that he suffers from a mild form of autism.



When De La Hoya Vargas was postponed in December '01, I was left with nothing to pin my story on, and not much besides this short run-in with the old fighter to go with. I wrote a story about the gap between how Oscar was trying to present himself and who really was and how the only way to make up the difference was in the ring. Five and a half years later, I have to give it to him, he has made up a lot of ground. On this level, the Mayorga fight was a stroke of genius. Very low risk, high image reward.

And in Mayweather I think that Oscar has chosen his opponent wisely again. The risk of embarassment is there, but not, I think the risk of grave bodily damage, and the reward is kingly.

I hope Oscar has been watching a lot of Castillo Mayweather 1. That is the only blueprint for beating Mayweather, and it seems to me that Oscar is eminently capable of fighting that fight. He may not have a personality, but he's got a beard, a perfect left hook and probably a fifteen pound weight advantage. He's six years older than Castillo was, but he's bigger and stronger. If the fight looks anything like the rounds below, it's gonna be interesting, and if it's anywhere close, I think Oscar will, like Floyd did, get some Vegas love and a close or even not so close decision. There's a lot of money for everybody in a rematch, and I think it only happens if Oscar wins or it's a draw.



Prediction: De La Hoya SD 12

Hoop Dreams at the Racetrack

First Saturday in May, 2007
Directed and Produced by The Hennegan Brothers

Independent, 96 minutes



This past Thursday night I went to a Tribeca Film Fesitval screening of the Hennegan Brothers' First Saturday in May, a documentary that follows six horses on the road to last year's Kentucky Derby. In the Q&A; after the film, John Hennegan said that when they set out on this project they wanted to make something akin to "Hoop Dreams at the racetrack." My feeling on that count is - mission accomplished.

First Saturday in May takes the standard sports doc approach - chart progress towards the championship game/race/match, get involved with the personalities along the way, and hopefully create a lot of insider drama for the big finale, when the viewer is heavily invested in the outcome because of the intimate access to the chosen event's backstory.

This approach lives and dies with two key elements - the editing of the footage, and the quality of the characters that are being dramatized. In this film, both of these elements are excellent, and it makes for a thoroughly engaging experience. Six horses' journey to the Derby (one of which doesn't make it) is a whole lot of content to cover in a 96-minute film, and though there are choppy moments in the early-going, by about ten minutes in a smooth narrative emerges that takes us effortlessly back and forth between the various camps as we also follow a timeline of the major stakes races that lead to the Derby.

As for the characters involved, the Hennegans really hit paydirt with their reality cast. They have a New York trainer, Frank Amonte, who seems like he's straight off the set of The Sopranos, they have smacktalking grooms who boast and laugh and, at one point, box with a goat, they have a mellowed-out trainer with M.S., Kiaran McLaughlin, who works for a mysterious shiek in Dubai, and most hilariously, they have the team behind Sharp Humour - laid-back trainer Dale Romans, his 12-year-old burgeoning bookie of a son, Jake, and his Jack Daniels-swilling good-old-boy of a cousin, Paul, clearly horse-racing's answer to Billy Carter.

Of course, they also have Barbaro, which makes this film doubly intense. The Barbaro story posed the Hennegans with a tough problem, in that this was a movie about the 2006 Kentucky Derby, and then one of the biggest stories in the history of horse-racing ensued soon afterwards. They chose to deal with the Barbaro tragedy in a short coda to the film that is artfully done, much like most of went before. As sports docs go, The First Saturday in May, deserves to be horse-racing's Hoop Dreams, deserves that kind of crossover success out of the documentary-film universe. It's informative, funny, at times very moving, and on the whole, exciting as hell. Hopefully, it will soon be at a theater near you, but until then, check out the website at www.thefirstsaturdayinmay.com.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Oscar/Floyd - The Large Edition


From what I've gleaned in our Oscar/Floyd series this week, the smart money is on Floyd, and the dreamers are spinning Golden dreams. Looks like Oscar's good cop routine has done its work. He has always been a main attraction, but only in this recent trend - Mayorga and now Floyd - does he find himself in that made-for-Hollywood role of The Dignified Wise Elder and Family Man Slaying the Evil Bigmouth in the Cause of His Honor. For those of us who have followed this game a while, it's a little tough to swallow.

Then again, so too is Floyd a bitter pill. Somehow, though, I like him more than I like Oscar. The Golden Boy has his golden shtick down so pat that on 24-7 I felt like I was watching him playing himself in a bio-pic. About the only time in the whole series that you saw something genuine in him was when he was all giddy about being on Leno, and that tells the golden story right there. Starfucker of starfuckers.

Floyd - I think there is something truly wrong with this kid. Look at the people who have raised him and been his main confidantes - Daddy Floyd, and then Uncle Rog, the Wrinkly Black Mamba. After their supporting turns on 24-7, I'm telling you these two cats need to make the HBO jump over to Marlo's crew on The Wire, because they are straight-up gangsta. I do not mean that as a compliment. These are bad bad men, and they have fostered an irresponsible, childish, exuberant, emotional, needy, fragile, borderline schizophrenic man-boy in Lil Floyd who happens, like many a sociopath before him, to make for excellent television.

But I left out perhaps the most important qualifier in that list above - highly dangerous - which brings me to the matter at hand.

The speed, the speed... all you hear from the cigar-chompers and amateur handicappers lately is one dirge after another on the perils of Floyd's flamboyant speed. Oscar couldn't handle Sugar Shane four years ago, they say, so how on earth is he going to deal with Floyd now?

This Sugar Shane question is a difficult one to answer if you want to make a case for Oscar's chances, and I am going to have to sidestep it myself to make my own. I build my case for Oscar on the simple fact of the enormity of this bout, and my suspicion that Floyd will not content himself with another of his run-of-the-mill "I'm faster than you, I'm faster than the Concorde, so gimme that decision good night" brand of victory. 24-7 has brought this bout an unprecedented amount of coverage, and Floyd has filled those programs with one epic boast of his Achillean manhood after another. After all of that self-mythologizing on national TV, an in-and-out, shoeshine UD will be unconvincing to say the least, and I sense that for Floyd, unconvincing will be unacceptable.

And that's my case for Oscar in a nutshell. Which is not to say that he will win, only to say that he has a strong chance if Floyd fights as, say, Sugar Ray Leonard in the first Duran fight and not as Sugar Ray in the Marvelous fight. In one episode of 24-7 Freddie Roach talks about setting traps for Floyd. It's not hard at all to see how that might play out. Oscar will be able to eat a lot of Floyd's combinations before he goes down - that's not Chavez, or Vargas, or Tito-level shots he'll be taking in there. It's easy to imagine Oscar rope-a-doping a little, letting Floyd find his comfort zone and luring him into carelessness, a sense of "He can't hit me, he's too slow, I can do whatever I want, showtime..." and then, WHAM, left hook, and the playing field is leveled. Floyd has never set a single foot on queer street. One wonders how far he can walk the walk down that lonely avenue.

Is this scenario wishful thinking? Of course. I'm not a diehard fan of either of these guys, but I am literally dying with anticipation to see them get it on, and I want to see the unexpected, the spectacular. It's much too painful to think that all of this pomp and circumstance is going to end in an all-too-predictable coronation of the God-given glory of lightning-quick reflexes. And yet, I see clearly how it could go the other way, see it so clearly that... screw it... here goes: Oscar TKO10 Floyd. I have glimpsed the future people. Tomorrow's longshot comes in long after the Derby's been run.

Oscar/Floyd - The Kurt Edition

The first time I met Oscar De La Hoya, it was like meeting Santa Claus. It was at a weigh-in on a show that his promotional company, Golden Boy, Inc. of course, was promoting for HBO's now defunct HBO-Latino series. I managed a prospect who was fighting in the main event against one of Golden Boy's fighters. Nevertheless, to get to Oscar, I had to stand in line and watch everybody in front of me shake his hand, say a few words and then get their picture taken with him.

I was there strictly for business, however. At the time, not only did I have a fighter in the main event of their show, but I also represented Cory Spinks, who was then the undisputed welterweight champion of the world. I wanted to appeal directly to the Golden Boy himself to try to get my man Spinks in the ring with him. When I finally got to Oscar, he was as you see him in every interview, very pleasant, but calculatingly pleasant, saying all the right things about Spinks - he's a great fighter, good bloodlines, etc. Bottom line, Spinks never got the fight - too much risk for too little reward.

That won't be the case for Floyd Mayweather on Saturday night. He's got the fight and for both he and Oscar, there will be some risk but a huge pile of money as the reward. Time Warner/HBO has put the their full weight behind marketing this fight and though the pretentious title of the promotion "The World Awaits" has been ridiculed - the fight has made the cover of Sports Illustrated, ESPN the Magazine and even the Wall Street Journal.

The most fun part of seeing the main stream media cover this is just how ignorant they've become about the sport. As Matthew Aguilar of Boxingtalk.com astutely points out, in the ESPN the Mag article, they tapped a non-boxing writer to do it and he consistently referred to venerable trainer Emanuel Steward as Emanuel "Stewart". Aguilar rightly points out that this is akin to referring to the Super Bowl champion Colts' coach Tony Dungy as "Tom" Dungy (or worse Tony Dung). The article in the WSJ was also amusing as they gave a very academic breakdown of the fight - "Mr. Mayweather's success is due to his defensive style in which he endeavors to put his right glove next to his right ear . . ."

Regardless, I'm just happy to see boxing grab the spotlight once again, no matter how poorly the mainstream shmoes are at writing about it. As an insider in the sport, I'm just hoping against hope that we don't get one of the following:

a) A boring fight - this is a definite possibility as Oscar's best chance to win is to box and make Floyd lead and reach for him. If Oscar chooses to come forward, Floyd will more than likely stink it out and potshot him to death. Lord please let a slugfest break out at some point;

b) A controversial decision that goes the wrong way - nothing makes people lose faith in the sport more than a bad decision. All of the conspiracy theories have about the sport, that fights are fixed, the mob is involved, Don King influences everything (lol he's not even involved) will all be floated should the decision suck; or

c) Another Roger Mayweather ring bum rush - please keep this fool away from the ring during rounds. The last thing boxing needs is another crazy incident to ruin a big event (please no fanman, ear biting or even a wardrobe malfunction).

As far as a prediction goes, it's hard to imagine Oscar overcoming Floyd's speed when he couldn't overcome Shane Mosley's speed in two tries (though I thought he did win the second one). Like most people, I see Oscar having some moments early when he's fresh and Floyd's tight. I see Floyd making the necessary adjustments in the middle rounds and controlling it to the final bell. I think it will be an interesting fight though not anywhere near the league of Leonard-Hearns or Leonard-Duran I. Pretty Boy WU12 Golden Boy.

Kurt Emhoff is a true friend of No Mas, a boxing manager and aficionado. He's represented some of the best in the biz, including the aformentioned Cory Spinks, Winky Wright, Peter Manfredo, and a favorite of ours here in No Mas, Dmitriy Salita.

Oscar/Floyd - The Morty Bravo Edition

"Always, always bet with your heart..."

Not that I needed another reason to wish egregious injury on the hubristic twat that is Floyd Mayweather Jr: but his Namath-like proclamation of a decisive victory now has me beeseching the boxing gods for a Golden Boy miracle. It's pretty difficult to conjure up a scenario where Oscar can escape being throughly dominated, let alone win. Floyd's talents are undeniable. But to me, his perfect record and the mention of his name in the same breath as Ali and Robinson should be heavily scrutinized. He beat Zab Judah. Big deal. He disembowled Gatti. Arturo's next fight is against one of the chicks from Flavor of Love. Has Floyd ever been in trouble, been truly put to the test? Oscar, on the other hand, has been in countless wars, certainly doesn't need the money and knows how to deal with the pressure and the consequences of a fight of this magnitude. Does this give me enough confidence that at 34, and with considerable ring-rust no less, De La Hoya can pull this off? Probably not. Then again, none other than Teddy Atlas believes that he possesses the motivation and could put together a game-plan that, if executed, coud lead to victory. Oscar needs to stay outside to neturalize the dizzying hand-speed of Floyd and eventually frustrate him, force him to come inside where he can use his size to do some damage. Sucker that I am, I'm going with Oscar in a split-decision.

Oscar/Floyd - The AC Edition

I just don’t trust him.

Believe me, I want to, but I just can’t.

Like a girl who’s been spurned by her boyfriend one too many times, I’m just not going to put my faith in Oscar De La Hoya. Though it isn’t going to be easy. You see, De La Hoya-Mayweather has the potential for my favorite sports storyline: The aging veteran turning in one more legendary showing. Jimmy Connors at the ’91 Open is my third greatest tennis memory, but that’s only because it’s behind McEnroe’s semifinal runs at the Open in ’90 and Wimbledon in ‘92. I look back on the Knicks’ run to the conference finals in 2000 – with an aging and gimpy Patrick Ewing dunking on Alonzo Mourning to ice a win in Game 7 of the semis against the Heat – with as much fondness as I do the New York runs of the mid ‘90’s. Nothing excites me more than the potential of Pedro Martinez returning to Shea this summer and showing that he’s got a few bullets left. In other words, I love the old guys, the favorites-turned-underdogs, the heroes who trot themselves out for one more night of glory.

But this De La Hoya; I just don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and wiser myself, and I’m realizing that sports just ain’t that simple, especially when, like Oscar, you’re looking at a 20 million dollar payday whether you warrior through 12 rounds or pull a Hopkins and drop with the first good body shot the Pretty Boy gets to your liver. It could be because of 24/7 – I worked on the show as a writer for HBO, and had to spend a lot of time watching playbacks of Oscar drinking capuccino and playing, as Floyd Mayweather later put it, “with his punk ass dogs.” As much as Mayweather played up his bad guy angle, Oscar took the good guy role and turned it into some sort of boxing fairy persona. In the end, after watching two hours worth of “Oscar Reality,” does anyone really think this guy can turn on a switch and show up on Saturday night with the venom he’ll need to get to Floyd?

Again, nobody would love to wake up on Sunday morning and read the following rotten lead from the AP: “In a performance that may serve as the final act of a legendary career, Oscar De La Hoya battled Floyd Mayweather, Jr. to a standstill for nine rounds, and then, with a forceful left hook, dropped Mayweather to the canvas for a 10th round knockout and a most unlikely victory last night in Las Vegas.”

But right now, I just don’t know if Oscar is planning to do that. He’s made his money. He’s brought back boxing to the back pages (or the top of the websites; whatever it is these days). I just don’t know that a third objective is in his gameplan. I don’t trust him.

Mayweather by unanimous, and sadly, boringly one-sided, decision.

AC, Aaron Cohen, as he alluded to in the above piece, was the writer for "De La Hoya/Mayweather 24-7." For that fact alone, we bow before him with a humble "we're not worthy."

Oscar/Floyd - The Uni Watch Edition

There have always been great fighters who, in addition to their physical gifts, have had the benefit of intellect. I'm not talking about IQ tests or "What's the last great book you read?" I'm talking about fighters who knew, every time they climbed into the ring, that they were smarter than the other guy. The other guy usually knew it, too.

Smarts alone can't win a fight, of course. Muhammad Ali, probably the smartest fighter ever, thought he could beat Joe Frazier on sheer intellect back in 1971, and he paid dearly for that supposition. But Ali definitely outsmarted some of his opponents, and so did fighters like Ray Robinson and Ray Leonard. And just as Ali had a nemesis who played animalistic bull to his more cerebral matator (Frazier), Robinson had Jake LaMotta and Leonard had Roberto Durán. Of such mind-vs.-muscle pairings has pugilistic lore been made.

All of which brings us to Oscar De La Hoya, a guy who's almost always smarter than the guy standing across from him. Like most fighters who also happen to be articulate, sophisticated human beings, he's been accused of being a pretty boy, too highbrow, not gritty enough, a wuss. I used to think these things about him myself. I see now that these critiques are essentially the same thing as saying, "He's not a big enough asshole," which is ultimately no critique at all. And I think we've all seen by now that De La Hoya is plenty tough, plenty gritty. It's just hard sometimes to remember that when he's flashing that annoyingly perfect smile and talking like a cross between a broadcaster and a politician.

Anyway: Floyd Mayweather isn't quite the brute to be cast in the Frazier/LaMotta/Durán role, but there's no doubt in my mind that he's more physically gifted than De La Hoya, especially at this stage of their respective careers. There's also no doubt that De La Hoya is the smarter fighter (although I bet Mayweather doesn't think so), and I suspect he's devised a game plan that can win the fight -- if his 34-year-old body is capable of executing it. Personally, I doubt it can. But if De La Hoya somehow pulls out a win, I expect the victory will owe as much to his head as to his heart.
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Paul Lukas is a columnist for ESPN.com, where his "Uni Watch" column -- an obsessive look at the most excruciatingly minute details of sports uniform design -- has run since 2004. He also edits the Uni Watch blog. His latest ESPN column, titled "It's a numbers game", is Pulitzer Prize-winning material, or some such other award reserved for utter awesomeness. Trust us on this one - you don't want to miss it.

No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 5/4 - 5/6

MUST SEE NO MAS TV - THE GREAT SATURDAY DIFECTA



The Kentucky Derby
NBC, 4:30 p.m.








Oscar De La Hoya v. Floyd Mayweather Jr.

PPV, 9:45 p.m.




Oh man, what a day for sports fans, what a day for No Masians, what a day for America. And what a day for GAMBLING. Just remember people, don't get too drunk for the Derby, because there's a lot of work left to be done after the race tomorrow, on this Cinco de Mayo that is also an impromptu national holiday for all of us retro-sezchuan sports fans who regularly yearn backwards to a time when boxing and horse racing were the nation's two favorite sports.

BEST OF THE REST

5/4
Champions League Highlights
ESPN2, 2 p.m.

An hour-long recap of the week's Champions League action, two semi-final matches that saw Liverpool break Unsilent's heart, and AC Milan make a very impressive statement.

Enter the Dragon
AMC, 8 p.m.
Bruce Lee's last complete movie, and definitely his best, which means that it's the best kung fu movie ever made. A piece of trivia - Bruce Lee was bitten by a cobra during filming of this movie. The cobra promptly died, but not before sending word back to all his brother cobras to never, EVER bite Bruce Lee.

Floyd Mayweather Jr. v. Bob Apodaca
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

Because they own few Oscar fights, Classic is skewing heavily toward the Floyd camp, and tomorrow night they're really breaking out a nugget, Lil Floyd's pro debut from back in '96. Uh... don't blink - shit goes quick.

De La Hoya/Mayweather 24-7
HBO, 8 p.m.

All four episodes of this excellent series that had the whole sports world talking. I'm talking Oedipal tragedy, triumph over adversity, several billion punches, blood sweat and tears and bling diddy bling bling and 50 Goddamn Cent (who has announced that he will lead Floyd into the ring while rapping his new single "Straight to the Bank.")

UFC Friday Night Fight Night
Spike, 8 p.m.

A replay of last month's card which featured the explosively quick-ending lightweight contest between Melvin Guillard and "Baby" Joe Stevenson.

WWE Smackdown CW, 8 p.m.
Catch the amazing finish to the Last Man Standing match from Sunday's PPV between World Champ, The Undertaker, and Batista. Plus, Matt Hardy takes on Mr. Kennedy and MVP vs. Kane.

Oscar De La Hoya v. Paris Alexander
ESPN Classic, 9 p.m.
Oscar's third pro fight, and his first professional trip out of the first round. Alexander (who lost to such other luminaries as Jorge Paez, Gabriel Ruelas and Carlos Hernandez) takes him all the way into the second.

Oscar De La Hoya SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 10:30 p.m.

There's not much you'll learn here that hasn't been hit on in 24-7, but it's still worth watching, just to chart the dizzying procession of hairstyles.

Eddie Chambers v. Dominick Guinn
Showtime, 11 p.m.

You want a little fight-night appetizer, check out my man Eddie Chambers, straight-up Philly. He's an undefeated heavyweight who many people think could make the jump to the next level. He's definitely making a jump up in competition in this bout against the veteran journeyman Guinn.

5/5
Handicapping the Derby
ESPN2, 5:30 a.m.
You know what they say - the early bird hits the trifecta. This hour-long show handicaps the Derby field.

Jose Luis Castillo v. Stevie Johnston
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.
Oh I loved me some Stevie J back in the day, and his fights with Castillo were epic. This is the rematch - the first fight really made Castillo's name as a lightweight and was the Ring Upset of the Year in 2000. This fight has a truly bizarre ending, which I won't give away here in case you don't know what happened. Poor Steve is all's I can say.

Antonio Margarito v. Sebastien Lujan
ESPN Classic, 6 p.m.

This freakin fight is so ugly that it almost seems like it should be NC-17. Margarito literally takes Lujan's ear off, and not with his teeth. The claret flows freely, bloodfreaks.

5/6
60 Minutes on Classic
ESPN Classic, 8:30 a.m.

Jesus are you hungover. Or maybe you haven't even been to bed yet. Anyway, this edition of Classic's 60 Minutes has an interview with Oscar. If he beat up on Lil Floyd, you might be in the mood to watch this thing. Hell, if you're awake at this hour on Sunday morning, you're probably in the mood to watch anything.

The Outsiders
MoMaxe, 9:30 a.m.

So hungover. So much tequila. Stupid Cinco de Mayo. Well, look Ponyboy, just pull on the comforter, drink some mint tea, and check out this epic steelcage mud-and-rain match between the Greasers and the Socs (Darry was a star football player, by the way, and Ponyboy dabbled in track, in case you thought I was getting off message).

Good Guys Wear Black: The Gary Player Story
CBS, 2 p.m.

Why the HELL is CBS showing a one-hour Gary Player doc at 2 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon? Did I miss something? Did he die? Does he have a reality show? Sheesh. Maybe next week we'll get that Tony Jacklin biopic I been waiting on.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor - When in Rome


Next week the men’s tour makes its annual stop in the Eternal City, for what used to be called the Italian Open. Years ago this was considered the “fifth Grand Slam,” but the tournament’s star has waned a bit over the decades. It’s now known, as far as I can tell, as Masters Series-Roma. Doesn’t have quite the same ring of prestige as the old name, does it?

One of the beauties of the international scope of tennis is that even countries right next to each other have developed their own very specific styles of play, right down to the technique they use on their ground strokes. Russian men tend to hit a similar two-handed backhand, Dutch guys exaggerate the extension on their one-handers, the Spanish base their games on whipped topspin forehands. In the amateur days of the 1950s and 60s, Italians were famous for being clay-court backboards with loosely strung racquets, terrific tough and placement, but little power. They were specialists on the surface and developed careful, consistent baseline games that drove net-rushing Americans and Australians nuts on dirt.

With the advent of power-baseline tennis, the Italians are no longer the world’s clay specialists; that designation now belongs to the bigger-hitting Spaniards. The gentle, careful Italian style survives in its active players, though. Veteran Davide Sanguinetti uses an abbreviated backswing on both sides and caresses the ball around the court; on the women’ side, Mara Santangelo does an even more extreme version of the same thing. Journeyman Daniele Bracchiali is sort of the updated edition of classic Italian for the power era: He takes virtually no backswing whatsoever, but he snaps through the hitting zone so quickly he can rocket the ball as hard as anyone if he times it right. I think the hardest-hit ball I’ve ever seen was a return of serve Bracchiali cracked off an Andy Roddick first serve at Wimbledon two years ago. He basically hit it down the middle of the court, but Roddick still had absolutely no shot at the ball; he’d barely finished his serving motion by the time it passed him

Italy’s fans have also made their imprint on the sport over years. They were at their best and worst in the wild 1970s, when the Italian Open had a soccer-style hooligan element. The site of the event is the Foro Italico, a sporting complex built by Mussolini (it’s original name, I believe, was Foro Mussolini) and used for the 1960 Olympics. By the late 70s it may have been the tennis world’s most notorious arena. I can remember watching and being scared for anyone who played an Italian; the wild-haired fans who were throwing things on the court meant business. At least one player and umpire walked off and refused to ever come back to Rome.

Now, of course, we look back on those as the good old days, when the sport was exciting and people weren’t so damn polite. (Will we eventually chuckle over the Pacers-Pistons brawl from last year? Probably). With the disappearance of Italian players from the top of the sport, the crowds have calmed down at the Foro Italico. But the tournament itself is enjoying a Renaissance with the rise of Rafael Nadal, who won two epic five-set, five-hour finals there in 2005 and 2006. Here are a few other highlights from the last 30 years of tennis in Rome.

1976 Davis Cup
Aussie legend John Newcombe’s final Davis Cup tie came at the Foro Italico against Italian hero Adriano Panatta. It’s part of the lore of the Cup now. Below is Newk's description of the scene in his memoir. Panatta has just leveled the match at one-set each (that's him with the cup over there on the right):

Few tennis crowds overdo it like the Italians. In terms of noise, style, enjoyment and wildly partisan behavior they have few equals. When they are the home crowd at a Davis Cup match, they have no equals.

In 1976 I had to play the deciding match in Rome against Adriano Panatta. It was my last appearance on Davis Cup tennis... “Adri-aaano,” sang 20 tournament voices. “Adri-aaano.” The noise swelled and faded all round the great bowl of the stadium. Down at the bottom of the bowl I waited helplessly to continue the match. The chanting of 'Adri-aaano' was succeeded by a shorter, sharper war cry: 'Pa-na-tta! Pa-na-tta! Pa-na-tta!'... Unable to resume play, I began to see the humour in the situation. There were all these Italians having the time of their lives just because their man had managed to level the score at 1-1...

I waited until the umpire at last had brought the crowd under control. Now their eyes turned to me as I prepared to serve. I gave them a few moments longer, then, as absolute silence took over in the stadium, I threw down my racquet and glared up at the crowd. ‘Eh!’ I shouted, ‘what about me?’ I gave them an operatic Italian shrug. ‘What about me, then? Don’t I play pretty good?’

They loved it. There was an immediate roar of recognition from the massed ranks of drama-loving Romans. One opera singer was on his feet, competing with a new tribal chant: ‘New-combe! New-combe!’ It was a full minute before the poor beleaguered umpire at last took charge again and was able to order the third set to begin.

Later in the afternoon I did something – quite unintentionally – that endeared me still more to the Italian crowd. In fact, I became instantly popular through the whole of Italy. I lost the match.


1978
This Italian Open was the high—or low—point of the country’s tennis insanity, depending on your point of view. Panatta was at it again, pulling off one of his famous comebacks after going down 0-6, 1-5 to Jose Higueras in the semifinals. The crowd was busy booing the Spaniard and trying to distract him at all times. Higueras finally gestured angrily at them. Which, naturally, made everything 10 times worse. Coins and cans rained down on the court. The chair umpire, an Englishman, tried to award Higueras a let because of the distractions, but he was overruled by the Italian tournament referee. Appalled, the umpire walked off the court, as did Higueras after losing the set. They both vowed never to return.

In the final, Bjorn Borg got the same treatment—coins, distractions, the works; it didn’t matter that he was the reigning God of tennis. It was so bad that Borg actually stopped to complain three times! Of course, Borg being Borg, he still beat Panatta in a fifth set. It may have been his most underrated achievement.

1994
These were calmer times in Rome. So calm that the quiet American, Pete Sampras, could claim his biggest clay-court title. With former Italian champ Vitas Gerulaitis schooling him on how to balance offense and defense on clay, Sampras routed Boris Becker in the final 6-1, 6-2, 6-2.

2005
First, Andre Agassi made his farewell run to the semifinals in Rome. He had won the tournament once, a few years before (in keeping with his general style of winning everything one time). This time the fans embraced him, as he played some inspired tennis through the week. Agassi later said that the send-off he received as he walked off the court for the last time was one of the most memorable moments of his career (the Italians really have mellowed!)

In the final that year, Nadal beat Guillermo Coria in a titanic match that lasted five hours and ended in a fifth-set tiebreaker. It was clay-court tennis at its absolute finest—to win a point, each of them seemed to have to cover every last inch of the court, from the net to the backstop.

2006
Nadal somehow managed to top his 2005 win by beating Roger Federer in another fifth-set tiebreaker. Their rivalry was the story of the season, but this was the only time it reached the mountaintop. The match was close and well-played throughout. In the fourth and fifth sets, Federer threw caution to the wind and blew by Nadal. Down 1-4 in the fifth, the Spaniard won a point and pumped his fist. Somehow that was enough for him to regroup. He held off two match points and won 7-5 in the tiebreaker. Like the Rome final the year before, it was the best match of the year, and it helped reestablish the Foro Italico as a major pro-tennis destination. Thankfully, now the insanity is all on the court.

Thankfully, "Deep Tennis with Steve Tignor" is back here on No Mas after a brief absence. Steve is the executive editor of Tennis magazine - for more of his writing, check out his weekly column, The Wrap, on the Tennis website.

Oscar/Floyd - The Madsear Edition


Could someone please tell me who won this year's Belgian championship?... Does somebody care? Didn't think so... Well, it saddens me to say that most people here in France won't know and won't care about this fight either.

This doesn't speak of the magnitude of the fight itself but of the tough competition it will face this weekend even in the hearts of the most dedicated of French boxing enthusiasts.

Indeed, it is hard not to notice from our standpoint the irony of the fact that this match and our presidential election are taking place this weekend. It seems unlikely for people to stay up until 4.00 am at the very best to watch the fight, so it is safe to say that what could become one of the great fights in boxing history will go unnoticed in France. This is yet another case of the "Mauresmo Syndrome" (Amélie Mauresmo was the first French athlete to win Wimbledon in ages last summer but nobody cared because France was headed to the FIFA World Cup Final the very next day).

But these two events - the fight and the election - seem much closer than meets the eye, a connection that mostly resides with the personalities competing for both prizes.

First the favorites, Floyd Mayweather and Nicolas Sarkozy, are both extremely skilled in their domains and have been promised the victory this weekend since their participation was assured. They are both quite short and seem to be overcompensating with a fighting spirit and swagger that either forces admiration or irates populations, but never leaves them indifferent. It's strange how both Sarko and Pretty Boy Floyd have had this great deal of success and therefore command a great amount of respect but at the same time manage, with their incediary declarations, to alienate half the population, including people in their respective camps.

The challengers, Oscar de la Hoya and Ségolène Royale, share a disarmingly charming personality that hasn't been dented by athletic nor political failures. They're both examples of great willpower yet people still question their toughness and...masculinity (there!) and their personal backgrounds and peccadilloes are being scrutinized to help find some clues as to whether or not they'll be able to stomach the big moment.

For myself, I'll watch the fight till the wee hours of the morning then I'll go vote before hitting the sack. In both bouts I'll be rooting for the challenger. I just think the reign of the confident asshole should end in politics as much as in sports.

Sharpshootin' With The Franchise

I think it's safe to say that the wrestling/MMA world knows that this weekend is all about one gigantic sporting event (and, no, I am not talking about the Kentucky Derby). No sense in putting on any big shows when people will be spending up to 55(!!!) dollars on Saturday night’s fight. Therefore, I thought it would be interesting to take a look at where the major wrestling and MMA promotions currently stand and what’s in their futures. Away we go…

TNA: Sometimes watching TNA makes me want to dropkick my TV. They have every opportunity to carve their own place within the wrestling world but they keep messing it up with elaborate storylines that never make any sense. They need to learn from the UFC and the WWE’s recent resurgence by giving fight fans what they want: less BS talk and more action. It’s not like they don’t have a talented roster of wrestlers. One can even make the case that their roster is younger, athletic and more exciting than the WWE’s. But until they stop saddling their young stars with idiotic gimmicks, TNA will forever be stuck in neutral. And one more thing, what would you think if De La Hoya vs. Mayweather would have been offered on HBO for free? Good for us but kind of dumb for the promoters since we all know that everyone would have gladly dropped some cash to watch it, right? Given that line of thinking, someone please explain to me why TNA offered the dream match wrestling fans never thought they would ever see - Kurt Angle v. Sting - for free? It makes absolutely zero sense. Unfortunately, decisions like that have become way too commonplace in TNA.

UFC: Most UFC critics were looking to 2007 as the year this promotion would finally come back to earth. At some point, they thought, the meteoric rise in popularity would have to simmer. However, if the last four months are any indication, 2007 will be the UFC’s best year yet. I am still trying to make sense of all the insanity of the last few months. First, 43-year-old Randy Couture shocks the world by becoming the oldest UFC champion in history. Then, Matt Serra breaks my heart by snatching away Georges St. Pierre’s Welterweight title. And then - the cherry on top - Gabriel Gonzaga kicks Mirko Cro Cop’s head off in one of the most insane KOs I have ever seen. I am not sure which upset was bigger, but one has to wonder if Chuck Liddell is next. Liddell gets to avenge his 2003 loss to Quentin “Rampage” Jackson on May 26th and anything less than a Liddell win would be pretty shocking considering Liddell’s been unstoppable (7-0) since the two last met four years ago in the Tokyo Dome. Another fight to look forward to takes place on June 23rd when The Ultimate Fighter 5 coaches, BJ Penn and Jens Pulver, face off on the same card as the finals of the show. If you haven’t been watching TUF 5 (Thursdays @ 10 p.m. on Spike) do yourself a favor and check it out. The fights have been amazing and the hatred between these two fighters has been brewing since day one. I’m thinking Penn will outlast Pulver in one of the great fights of the year. Given the roll the UFC is on lately, I’m expecting no less.

WWE: Simply put, WWE is blazing hot right now. It seems as though they have finally found that 2000-01 groove they’ve been searching for the last few years. Last Sunday’s Backlash PPV was one of their best shows in over a year. As I’ve pleaded for them to do so in this very column, they’ve finally gone back to giving the fans what they want: WRESTLING. Imaging that, eh? Wrestling fans tuning into Raw and Smackdown to watch wrestling and not cheesy storylines more suited for afternoon viewing on CBS. Last week, we got one of the longest main events in Raw history when HBK defeated John Cena in a 45-minute non-title match. Then, the Fatal-Four Way and the Last Man Standing matches on the PPV were by far a notch above any gimmick matches in a long time. Sure, a 61-year-old geezer won the ECW title but, you know what, I am not totally against the idea of Vince McMahon holding that title for a while. The new incarnation of ECW is stale. They need some sort of shot in the arm and maybe this will help make this (once again) dying brand a little more interesting to watch. Moreover, whether the wrestling world wants to accept it or not, Vince McMahon is one of the top three heels in the business. He knows how to get people to hate him. Basically he just has to act like himself and – voila - pure heat. I am also absolutely loving the new Intercontinental Champion, Santino Marella. For those that missed it, McMahon called out Marella from the crowd when Raw was in Italy to challenge Umaga for his I-C title. The story was that Marella was simply a fan sitting in the front row (remember this is wrestling we are talking about so he is really a contracted WWE wrestler that had yet to debut on television). Anyhow, with the help of Bobby Lashley, Marella actually won the title! The unpredictability of the moment in a promotion that had become way too stale was really pleasing. Here’s hoping they don’t mess this one up like they did with the 1-2-3 Kid all those years ago.

So, there you have it. TNA needs to get its act together quickly, UFC continues to show no signs of letting up and WWE, like Stella, has finally got its groove back.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/3

Karate Bullfighter
IFC, 2:40 p.m.

Look, it has Sonny Chiba in it, and it's called Karate Bullfighter. What else do you need to know? (If you're wondering, yes he absolutely kills a mad rabid bull using only karate, and yes it is awesome.)

Pernell Whitaker v. Azumah Nelson
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

They've shown this one a lot in the last six months or so, but it doesn't get old for the Large-inator. P and the Professor, both looking hot. This is one of Pernell's most impressive performances in my book, because Azumah was no freakin joke.

TNA iMPACT!
Spike, 9 p.m.

NWA Tag Team Champs, Team 3D, take on Samoa Joe & Rhino. While, Kurt Angle & Sting take on Christian Cage & AJ Styles.

De La Hoya/Mayweather 24-7
HBO2, 7:30 p.m.

The show that is singlehandedly bringing boxing back to center stage, and there's a good reason for that - it's the illy-dilly. This is the final episode, so watch, throw a lot of imaginary punches at imaginary foes, and generally get yourselves all worked up. Cause shit is on.

The Ultimate Fighter 5
Spike, 10 p.m.

Finally, Gabe Ruediger, who is 20-pounds over the 155 weight-limit, is called out by Corey Hill. Ruediger needs to win this fight to save his image as a serious UFC fighter and to score Team Penn's first victory in five weeks.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Red Carpet No Mas

(We sent our crack correspondent, Baggiesboy, to last week's opening night of the Tribeca Film Festival, at which he caught a double bill of sporting filmography - "The Hammer" and "Chavez." Here is his report...)

My night at The Tribeca Film Festival featured a double-bill of boxing world premieres: Adam Corolla’s loosely-autobiographical comedy, “The Hammer,” and Diego Luna’s highly anticipated documentary, “Chavez.” I was hoping for the celluloid equivalent of the 1979 Marvin Hagler-Vito Antuofermo/Sugar Ray Leonard-Wilfred Benitez Caesar’s Palace card. That was not to be. Like that long ago evening in the desert, it was not a marvelous evening but it did feature a memorable ending.

Both movies began with the red carpet treatment: Howard Stern, Camryn Manheim and Tiki Barker chatted to NY1 at “The Hammer,” but as ABC’s pre-Oscar perp walk host Chris Connelly was standing guard at “Chavez,” clearly THAT was the main event. And cinematically that proved the case as well.

“The Hammer” is a potentially excellent TV sitcom pilot waiting to happen. Corolla, who also wrote the screenplay, plays Jerry Ferro, a genial loser who is spared wallowing in self-pity by a crucial dash of self-loathing. A one-time knockout artist with Olympic ambitions, Ferro self-destructed to avoid discovering if he could handle success. Upon turning 40, Ferro decides its time to take stock of his wasted life (hates his construction job, dumped by his girlfriend.) Through a series of comic conceits, (and vicious lefts), Ferro finds himself training for the U.S. Olympic Trials and a shot at golden Beijing glory (the movie pulls no punches in stating that its as likely Adam Corolla will win an Olympic gold next year as any other American boxer.)

Corolla can deliver a comic line, as well as write them, (and he knows his way around Home Depot and the ring – Ferro’s back story, as Corolla acknowledged in the Q&A; session afterwards reflects his own experiences as a carpenter and boxing instructor), but director Charles Herman-Wurmfeld asks too much of his star with a smattering of Bill Murray-style close-ups throughout the movie that never pay off.

The pay-off in “Chavez” is a long time coming. Not final round, last 5 seconds late coming ala Chavez-Meldrick Taylor, but like that epic finale the closing reel of Luna’s loving tribute to his hero will linger in the consciousness.

In his post-movie comments director Luna stated that he wanted to tell the story of a national hero, a great champion and a father. That is on the screen, but it helps to know the magnitude of the Chavez story going into the theater, as Luna jumps around a lot which will leave the non-boxing fan more than a little puzzled. (It would have been interesting to get Chavez’s ex-wife’s opinion on all this, but Luna decided against using her interview in his film, an indication that hero-worship can get the better of even the most talented artists.)

The square-circle is a lonely place. The fall from grace is even more solitary. And that is where the power of this movie lies: Adios Chavez to paraphrase Bob Arum. Ultimately Luna’s lens is trained on a great champion faced with an opponent he cannot beat: age. Chavez knows it before anyone else, and yet never shoos the camera away. We watch a skeptical doctor accept the champion’s claim that his damaged hand doesn’t hurt too much, wonder if the trademark red headband is really a crown of thorns, see a beaten fighter sag into his stool before the long, long walk back to the losing locker room. The camera never sways from its mission, and neither does Julio Caesar Chavez.

Play ball

Eighty-seven years ago today, the Negro Leagues officially began play, as the Indianapolis ABC's beat the Chicago American Giants at their home park in Indianapolis. The league was the brainchild of the great Rube Foster, a pitcher who had also owned and managed the American Giants dating back to 1910. Under Foster's leadership, a meeting was held in Kansas City on February 13, 1920, a meeting that led to the formation of the Negro National League, which initially included eight teams:

-Chicago American Giants
-Chicago Giants
-Cuban Stars
-Dayton Marcos
-Detroit Stars
-Indianapolis ABC's
-Kansas City Monarchs
-St. Louis Giants

In 1923 the Eastern Colored League was formed, and in the following year the inaugural Negro World Series was played, in which the Monarchs bested the Hilldale Club, five games to four.

Rube Foster, the legendary pitcher and magnanimous force behind the Negro Leagues formation, came to a tragic end, nearly asphyxiating due to a gas leak in 1925, an accident that caused his health to deteriorate rapidly in the ensuing years. He died of a heart attack in 1930 after several stints in mental hospitals. In 1981, he was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Oscar/Floyd - The Unsilent Edition

There's no question about it, I haven't been this excited to watch a guy get his ass kicked in almost three years. It's not that I don't like the Golden Boy, I just happen to enjoy watching people punch him. I'm confident that Pretty Boy is the perfect man for the job.

Just about everything about this fight intrigues me, including Oscar de la Hoya. I've never been his biggest fan but I've found so much to like about the smiley bastard. I always knew he was a nice enough guy but HBO's 24/7 has shown so much of his personality that it's impossible to dislike him. Or perhaps he's just basking in the second-hand glow of my love for Freddie Roach.

But fuck all of that nonsense! I love me some Pretty Boy like Pretty Boy loves him some money (alright, not that much). What makes Mayweather/De La Hoya the most intriguing match-up in the world of boxing (except Mourinho/Abramovich) is the former rather than the latter. His personality is reflective of his style like so many of the great champions of the past. There's really no reason that Pretty Boy shouldn't be just as popular as his pound-for-pound predecessor, Roy Jones Jr.

Floyd has dominated the ranks to such an extent as to be considered the best in the business. If the country hasn't already taken notice then Saturday night will be their best opportunity. Oscar De La Hoya may be on the downside of his career (in the ring) but he remains the most recognizable fighter in the nation's consciousness. When Mayweather breaks down the face of boxing he'll deserve to be one of the most popular athletes in America. And if some people don't care... fuck 'em.

Now let's just pray he doesn't retire.

Madsear's Guide to the Champions League

It kept us waiting later than any other game this year but the outcome of the semi finals between Chelsea and Liverpool was the perfect illustration of the mindgames that have been taking place in both camps for weeks now. It was a very strategic game that Large the chess-afficionado should have enjoyed. Benitez and Mourinho played with their weapons and the Portuguese manager seemed to be coming out on top since he was visibly more able to deal with the different absences in his team. But his Iberic counterpart knew how to take advantage of his public and the fans at Anfield once more played a very important role in the outcome of a match. The penalties are a lottery and Unsilent's boys failed at this stage of the competition for the second year in a row because Pepe Reina offered the performance of his lifetime. The last time Liverpool had a goalkeeper this denounced, Jerzy Dudek, they went all the way.

Now, let's move on to the other game.

Milan AC v. Manchester United

The first-leg is definitely a contender for "Match of the Year" and tomorrow's game is unlikely to be of the same cloth. First of, San Siro is not as wide as Old Trafford and the Mancunians won't be able to stretch the Italian defense the way they did Tuesday. Second, Sir Alex Fergusson is not exactly known to be good at preserving a score and he has never been able to coach that way. That would be fine with most teams but Milan AC have in Carlo Ancellotti one of the most cold-blooded coaches in Serie A since Lippi, perhaps even Trappatoni. One thing's for sure, the Italians won't start the game with a rhythm that could fit Giggs or Ronaldo and they will be fine with letting the Red Devils create plays. They'll endure a lot since they're more experienced and it will take a goal or more to have tham panicked.

The good news for Fergusson is that he'll be travelling with Vidic AND Ferdiand in his luggages, still unsure if they'll make the line-up - tomorrow afternoon's practice will decide the issue. If they're still not fit, Patrice Evra's suspension will be even more prejudicial for their side. On Milan's squad, Kakha Kaladzé and Gennarino Gattuso will be back but Maldini will be missing what might turn out to be the last game of his European career.

The odds aren't good for Manchester (24% chances of going through) but some teams can beat the Italians at their own game - soon we'll know if the Red Devils are one of those.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/2

Manchester United v. AC Milan
ESPN2, 2:30 p.m.

Oh woe, woe is Unsilent. His Blues went down to the Reds yesterday on pk's, and now Liverpool awaits the result of today's match for who they will face in the Champions League final. Check above for Madsear's preview. (Replay on Classic at 5).

Floyd Mayweather Jr. v. Tony Pep
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.

Can't get enough Oscar/Floyd hype? Well check out the 21-year-old Floyd giving the 6'1" Pep a clinic. This earned Lil Floyd his first title shot, for Genaro Hernandez's super featherweight belt.

Yory Boy Campas v. Eromesele Albert
ESPN2, 9 p.m.

Yory Boy Campas on Wednesday Night Fights? Count me in. I'll watch ole Yory Boy any night of the week, and if you saw his bout with John Duddy last year, then I know you feel me. Albert is a two-time Nigerian Olympian.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Oscar/Floyd - The Baggiesboy Edition


Does the world await the much hyped Oscar De La Hoya-Floyd Mayweather Jr. bout? Jaded by master spinners from “Slam Dunk” to “Mission Accomplished,” I thought it best this particular week to turn elsewhere for perspective on the MGM Grand showdown.

Jim Lampley, for me THE voice of boxing, assesses the fight this way: “a rare moment in that it matches the sport’s acknowledged best fighter against its best-known and most-loved.”

Former Showtime boxing honcho Jay Larkin says: “this fight has all the markings of the “Superfights” of the 80's and 90's… Oscar is a cross over phenom, perhaps the only one of this magnitude since Tyson." An opinion shared by the oracle of the sweet science Burt Randolph Sugar: “It’s the most ballyhooed fight in 20 years… it sold out in three hours… and ballyhooed fights pay off.”

As you may have noticed HBO is covering every angle: including a record 20 cameras for the fight itself. So, does the world really await? Sure boxing is traveling through a “valley of dearth,” and perhaps “neither of these fighters could lace gloves with Leonard, Hagler, Hearns or Benitez,” but it is what it is: the undefeated best pound-for-pound fighter versus the biggest name in the pugilism profession. Whatever the era, the publicity machine knows it can’t overplay the hype. The world always waits on this fight.
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Mark Young, Baggiesboy forever, is a veteran writer and producer in sports television who has covered the last four Olympics with NBC, the last two World Cups, and written for two essential No Masian programs, "Ringside" and "Reel Classics" on ESPN Classic.

Oscar/Floyd - The Franchise Edition

(For the rest of the week, we're going to be bringing you thoughts on this Saturday's super-showdown from all corners of the No Mas universe. Everyone's going to weigh in with their particular take, and we hope you'll get into the action as well. In that he's the uncontested king of the No Mas combat zone, Franchise kicks us off. Take it Chise...)


"UFC's champions can't handle boxing. That's why they are in UFC. Put one of our guys in UFC and he'd be the champion. Any good fighter, he'd straight knock them out…Take Chuck Liddell, put him in the ring with a (boxer) who is just 10-0 and Chuck Liddell would get punished."

-Floyd Mayweather Jr.
April 2007

Oh no he didn’t. Please tell me “Pretty Boy” Floyd didn’t just rip on my UFC. Truth be told, up until a couple of weeks ago, I was pulling for De La Hoya to finally dethrone Mayweather. I believed that would be the best outcome for boxing. But after Mayweather’s ill-advised knock on MMA, a sport that is obviously near and dear to my heart, my feelings on this weekend’s fight completely changed. Now, I am all about the Benjamins...I mean Mayweathers. You see, after Mayweather crapped on MMA, UFC president Dana White offered him 2 million dollars to fight UFC Lightweight champ, Sean Sherk. Obviously, Mayweather has other business to attend to before he considers that offer but here’s hoping he remains unbeaten come Sunday morning and then accepts White’s offer.

I know what you’re thinking: How can the Franchise pick the UFC-hater to win? It’s simple, really. If Mayweather retains the title, we’re one step closer to the first-ever bout between a boxing champ and an MMA champ. Forget about the world, that’s the fight I’m waiting for. So, give me a Floyd TKO in the sixth followed by a Sherk tapout in the 2nd in the war to settle the score between the squared circle and the octagon. And if I can’t get that at least give me Mrs. De La Hoya vs. 50 Cent in the first-ever motorized segway match at Wrestlemania 24 and we’ll call it even. (You had to know I would find a way to get MMA and wrestling into this discussion.)

Madsear's Guide to the Champions League

It seemed obvious when the final whistle blew at Stamford Bridge last Wednesday that the second leg of the semi-finals of the Champions League between Chelsea and Liverpool would be a totally different ballgame.

Liverpool v. Chelsea

The first-leg was reassuring for many Blues fans seeing that even without three of their more prominent players (Essien, Ballack and Robben), Mourinho's boys could still hold their own against a highly motivated Liverpool squad. But the outcome of the bout was satisfactory to them for more than one reason, namely the return of the "Bionic Man".

It seemed necessary for Momo Sissokho to mention it during the aftermatch press conference and Franck Lampard rejoiced with the perspective that one of the most important players in the defensive organization of his team would be back. Michael Essien has been "monstruous" according to Sir Bobby Charlton since he returned from a knee injury and even assured his team's qualification for the semis by scoring against Valencia less than a month ago. We know that he'll be fired up to help his team to the promised land for the first time in the club's history.

Chelski will be playing without Ballack and Shevchenko who'll be replaced by the very skilled Salomon Kalou, giving Chelsea's front the aspect of Cote d'Ivoire's attack in next year's African Cup of Nations. Ricardo Carvalho will not be fit to play and Michael Essien will then have to slide back and play alongside John Terry at the back with John Obi-Mikel playing with Claude Makelele starting the game between Lampard and Cole.

But even if Chelsea's victory gives them an edge, it's hard to forget that the last time the two teams met at Anfield, Liverpool won 2-0 with an incredible afternoon from Peter Crouch. The reds have many reasons to be optimistic knowing how their fans have helped them overcome more difficult situations than this one. Plus they are aware that the pressure will be on the Blues.

Not fighting for the title anymore, Liverpool were able to put most of their players to rest on Saturday and subsequently lost against Portsmouth. This will be a huge factor considering the fact that tomorrow will be Didier Drogba's 63rd official game (not counting national team officials and friendlies) this season. Rafaël Benitez announced that both Kuyt and Crouch would start the game. The Liverpudlians will definitely have the twelfth man playing on their squad.

K.O.D. - A Puncher's Chance

Most of the talk these days about the De La Hoya/Mayweather fight is about Floyd's speed. All it seems like you hear concerning Oscar's chances is, here and there, a muttered "watch out for that left hook."

To that, with a resounding shit yeah, I take you back to the demise of Ferocious Fernando Vargas at Oscar's hands... hand... in 2002. The left hook that puts Vargas down is one of my favorite punches of my fight-watching lifetime. If you haven't seen it, stick around for the replays, because it happens so fast that in real time it almost doesn't look like much. But slowed down, you see the pure perfection of it. It was so fast, so precise, delivered with such gorgeous, effortless technique. It was a goddamn work of art is what it was. And yes, it was five years ago, but still... take one look at that thing and tell me that Oscar doesn't have a very VERY good shot at putting Floyd on his ass at some point on Saturday night. Floyd is fast as Carl Lewis on crack, no doubt, but it ain't like Oscar's slow.

No Mas TV Guide - 5/1

Chelsea v. Liverpool
ESPN2, 2:30 p.m.

Big day for Unsilent and the Blues, very big day, as the result of this match will decide which of these venerable squads advances to the Champions League final. Scroll above for Madsear's preview.

Sugar Ray Robinson v. Gene Fullmer II
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m.
What a fight, ending with perhaps the most perfect left hook ever thrown. Four months prior, Fullmer had taken Robinson's middleweight title. Oh did the Sugar man have his revenge. In four bouts, this was Robinson's only defeat of Fullmer.


Arturo Gatti v. Tracy Harris Patterson I & II
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Thunder's two bouts with the adoptive son of Floyd Patterson, a hell of a fighter in his own right. Gatti took his Patterson's IBF belt in '95 and then beat him again two years later. Both fights are, shall we say, Gatti-esque.

UFC Unleashed
Spike, 9 p.m.

The featured bout of the night is Forrest Griffin vs. Tito Ortiz from April 2006. We won't spoil the ending for those who haven't seen it, only tell you that it's a great Light Heavyweight battle with a fairly controversial ending.

ECW
Sci-Fi, 10 p.m.

It's time to formally meet your new ECW Heavyweight Champion: Vincent Kennedy McMahon Jr. Lord have mercy.