No Mas Weekend TV Guide: 5/4 - 5/6
MUST SEE NO MAS TV - THE GREAT SATURDAY DIFECTA
The Kentucky Derby
NBC, 4:30 p.m.
Oscar De La Hoya v. Floyd Mayweather Jr.
PPV, 9:45 p.m.
Oh man, what a day for sports fans, what a day for No Masians, what a day for America. And what a day for GAMBLING. Just remember people, don't get too drunk for the Derby, because there's a lot of work left to be done after the race tomorrow, on this Cinco de Mayo that is also an impromptu national holiday for all of us retro-sezchuan sports fans who regularly yearn backwards to a time when boxing and horse racing were the nation's two favorite sports.
BEST OF THE REST
5/4
Champions League Highlights
ESPN2, 2 p.m.
An hour-long recap of the week's Champions League action, two semi-final matches that saw Liverpool break Unsilent's heart, and AC Milan make a very impressive statement.
Enter the Dragon
AMC, 8 p.m.
Bruce Lee's last complete movie, and definitely his best, which means that it's the best kung fu movie ever made. A piece of trivia - Bruce Lee was bitten by a cobra during filming of this movie. The cobra promptly died, but not before sending word back to all his brother cobras to never, EVER bite Bruce Lee.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. v. Bob Apodaca
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Because they own few Oscar fights, Classic is skewing heavily toward the Floyd camp, and tomorrow night they're really breaking out a nugget, Lil Floyd's pro debut from back in '96. Uh... don't blink - shit goes quick.
De La Hoya/Mayweather 24-7
HBO, 8 p.m.
All four episodes of this excellent series that had the whole sports world talking. I'm talking Oedipal tragedy, triumph over adversity, several billion punches, blood sweat and tears and bling diddy bling bling and 50 Goddamn Cent (who has announced that he will lead Floyd into the ring while rapping his new single "Straight to the Bank.")
UFC Friday Night Fight Night
Spike, 8 p.m.
A replay of last month's card which featured the explosively quick-ending lightweight contest between Melvin Guillard and "Baby" Joe Stevenson.
WWE Smackdown CW, 8 p.m.
Catch the amazing finish to the Last Man Standing match from Sunday's PPV between World Champ, The Undertaker, and Batista. Plus, Matt Hardy takes on Mr. Kennedy and MVP vs. Kane.
Oscar De La Hoya v. Paris Alexander
ESPN Classic, 9 p.m.
Oscar's third pro fight, and his first professional trip out of the first round. Alexander (who lost to such other luminaries as Jorge Paez, Gabriel Ruelas and Carlos Hernandez) takes him all the way into the second.
Oscar De La Hoya SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 10:30 p.m.
There's not much you'll learn here that hasn't been hit on in 24-7, but it's still worth watching, just to chart the dizzying procession of hairstyles.
Eddie Chambers v. Dominick Guinn
Showtime, 11 p.m.
You want a little fight-night appetizer, check out my man Eddie Chambers, straight-up Philly. He's an undefeated heavyweight who many people think could make the jump to the next level. He's definitely making a jump up in competition in this bout against the veteran journeyman Guinn.
5/5
Handicapping the Derby
ESPN2, 5:30 a.m.
You know what they say - the early bird hits the trifecta. This hour-long show handicaps the Derby field.
Jose Luis Castillo v. Stevie Johnston
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.
Oh I loved me some Stevie J back in the day, and his fights with Castillo were epic. This is the rematch - the first fight really made Castillo's name as a lightweight and was the Ring Upset of the Year in 2000. This fight has a truly bizarre ending, which I won't give away here in case you don't know what happened. Poor Steve is all's I can say.
Antonio Margarito v. Sebastien Lujan
ESPN Classic, 6 p.m.
This freakin fight is so ugly that it almost seems like it should be NC-17. Margarito literally takes Lujan's ear off, and not with his teeth. The claret flows freely, bloodfreaks.
5/6
60 Minutes on Classic
ESPN Classic, 8:30 a.m.
Jesus are you hungover. Or maybe you haven't even been to bed yet. Anyway, this edition of Classic's 60 Minutes has an interview with Oscar. If he beat up on Lil Floyd, you might be in the mood to watch this thing. Hell, if you're awake at this hour on Sunday morning, you're probably in the mood to watch anything.
The Outsiders
MoMaxe, 9:30 a.m.
So hungover. So much tequila. Stupid Cinco de Mayo. Well, look Ponyboy, just pull on the comforter, drink some mint tea, and check out this epic steelcage mud-and-rain match between the Greasers and the Socs (Darry was a star football player, by the way, and Ponyboy dabbled in track, in case you thought I was getting off message).
Good Guys Wear Black: The Gary Player Story
CBS, 2 p.m.
Why the HELL is CBS showing a one-hour Gary Player doc at 2 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon? Did I miss something? Did he die? Does he have a reality show? Sheesh. Maybe next week we'll get that Tony Jacklin biopic I been waiting on.
The Kentucky Derby
NBC, 4:30 p.m.
Oscar De La Hoya v. Floyd Mayweather Jr.
PPV, 9:45 p.m.
Oh man, what a day for sports fans, what a day for No Masians, what a day for America. And what a day for GAMBLING. Just remember people, don't get too drunk for the Derby, because there's a lot of work left to be done after the race tomorrow, on this Cinco de Mayo that is also an impromptu national holiday for all of us retro-sezchuan sports fans who regularly yearn backwards to a time when boxing and horse racing were the nation's two favorite sports.
BEST OF THE REST
5/4
Champions League Highlights
ESPN2, 2 p.m.
An hour-long recap of the week's Champions League action, two semi-final matches that saw Liverpool break Unsilent's heart, and AC Milan make a very impressive statement.
Enter the DragonAMC, 8 p.m.
Bruce Lee's last complete movie, and definitely his best, which means that it's the best kung fu movie ever made. A piece of trivia - Bruce Lee was bitten by a cobra during filming of this movie. The cobra promptly died, but not before sending word back to all his brother cobras to never, EVER bite Bruce Lee.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. v. Bob Apodaca
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Because they own few Oscar fights, Classic is skewing heavily toward the Floyd camp, and tomorrow night they're really breaking out a nugget, Lil Floyd's pro debut from back in '96. Uh... don't blink - shit goes quick.
De La Hoya/Mayweather 24-7 HBO, 8 p.m.
All four episodes of this excellent series that had the whole sports world talking. I'm talking Oedipal tragedy, triumph over adversity, several billion punches, blood sweat and tears and bling diddy bling bling and 50 Goddamn Cent (who has announced that he will lead Floyd into the ring while rapping his new single "Straight to the Bank.")
UFC Friday Night Fight Night
Spike, 8 p.m.
A replay of last month's card which featured the explosively quick-ending lightweight contest between Melvin Guillard and "Baby" Joe Stevenson.
WWE Smackdown CW, 8 p.m.
Catch the amazing finish to the Last Man Standing match from Sunday's PPV between World Champ, The Undertaker, and Batista. Plus, Matt Hardy takes on Mr. Kennedy and MVP vs. Kane.
Oscar De La Hoya v. Paris Alexander
ESPN Classic, 9 p.m.
Oscar's third pro fight, and his first professional trip out of the first round. Alexander (who lost to such other luminaries as Jorge Paez, Gabriel Ruelas and Carlos Hernandez) takes him all the way into the second.
Oscar De La Hoya SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 10:30 p.m.
There's not much you'll learn here that hasn't been hit on in 24-7, but it's still worth watching, just to chart the dizzying procession of hairstyles.
Eddie Chambers v. Dominick Guinn
Showtime, 11 p.m.
You want a little fight-night appetizer, check out my man Eddie Chambers, straight-up Philly. He's an undefeated heavyweight who many people think could make the jump to the next level. He's definitely making a jump up in competition in this bout against the veteran journeyman Guinn.
5/5
Handicapping the Derby
ESPN2, 5:30 a.m.
You know what they say - the early bird hits the trifecta. This hour-long show handicaps the Derby field.
Jose Luis Castillo v. Stevie Johnston
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.
Oh I loved me some Stevie J back in the day, and his fights with Castillo were epic. This is the rematch - the first fight really made Castillo's name as a lightweight and was the Ring Upset of the Year in 2000. This fight has a truly bizarre ending, which I won't give away here in case you don't know what happened. Poor Steve is all's I can say.
Antonio Margarito v. Sebastien Lujan
ESPN Classic, 6 p.m.
This freakin fight is so ugly that it almost seems like it should be NC-17. Margarito literally takes Lujan's ear off, and not with his teeth. The claret flows freely, bloodfreaks.
5/6
60 Minutes on Classic
ESPN Classic, 8:30 a.m.
Jesus are you hungover. Or maybe you haven't even been to bed yet. Anyway, this edition of Classic's 60 Minutes has an interview with Oscar. If he beat up on Lil Floyd, you might be in the mood to watch this thing. Hell, if you're awake at this hour on Sunday morning, you're probably in the mood to watch anything.
The Outsiders MoMaxe, 9:30 a.m.
So hungover. So much tequila. Stupid Cinco de Mayo. Well, look Ponyboy, just pull on the comforter, drink some mint tea, and check out this epic steelcage mud-and-rain match between the Greasers and the Socs (Darry was a star football player, by the way, and Ponyboy dabbled in track, in case you thought I was getting off message).
Good Guys Wear Black: The Gary Player Story
CBS, 2 p.m.
Why the HELL is CBS showing a one-hour Gary Player doc at 2 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon? Did I miss something? Did he die? Does he have a reality show? Sheesh. Maybe next week we'll get that Tony Jacklin biopic I been waiting on.
5 Comments:
De La Hoya was on George Lopez last night
and you were watching George Lopez because...?
Dude, fucking George Lopez is on in FRANCE? No wonder they hate us so much over there.
No, Actually I was at this girl's house in the middle of the night and we were tired of studying. I wanted to watch some basketball and that just kinda happened. So it was live american T.V.
and by the way, That show is torture
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