This Week in No Mas

5/13
The Scrapple in the Apple
The fifteenth anniversary of one of the biggest fights of our time - Geraldo Rivera v. Frank Stallone, courtesy of genius promoter Howard Stern. Geraldo got hisself a beatdizzle.

5/14
FIGJAM Is On Top of the World
Unsilent recaps Lefty's big win at the Players Championship and predicts great things for him in the near future. "The idea that a player as volatile as Mickelson could overhaul his swing just months before Sawgrass and come out as a champion is a testament to his phenomenal skills."

England über alles
On this day 69 years ago, during the ill-fated appeasement period of England's approach to Nazi Germany, the English football team raised the Nazi salute before a friendly with Germany at the Olympic Stadium in Berlin.

5/16
Symphony for the Dodgers in D
Noted composer and arranger Robert Russell Bennett wrote a symphony for his beloved Brooklyn Dodgers, and debuted it on May 16, 1941. "...it began with a rousing andante - "The Dodgers Win" - followed by a mournful dirge - "The Dodgers Lose." The scherzo opened with a bassoon exchange that was supposed to symbolize Dodgers' president Larry MacPhail's famous offer of the Brooklyn Bridge and Prospect Park to Cleveland for Bob Feller."

K.O.W. - La Pantera
Our No Mas Knockout of the Week features a key figure in Saturday night's double-headed Hydra of a fight card on HBO - Edison Miranda, La Pantera. "One wild punch - on the top of Gibbs' head no less - and Willie was crosseyed. Ridiculous ending, too, as Gibbs waits till the ten-count and then stands up, baffled as to what's going on. The vacancy in his eyes tells the tale nicely. He'd been read the Miranda rights, with a couple of lefts thrown in for good measure."

5/17
Mo Rocca v. Renzo Gracie
In a feeble attempt to make up for the absence of this week's Sharpshootin' with The Franchise, Large burdens us with some of the AOL noodling he's been doing with Mo Rocca. This one takes place in Renzo Gracie's gym at least, and does feature a terrible Paris Hilton wig.

I looked at my watch... I looked at my wrist... I punched myself in the face with my fist
A New Yorker piece tells the tale of Norman Mailer's search for the perfect punch-sound. "He hit himself at least twenty times - in the face and in the chest - until we finally got it right. I saved that sound effect, and I've used it in about twenty movies since. I always tell other directors, 'You hear that? That's Norman Mailer punching himself. He's in your movie.'"

5/18
Birthday Smackdown
A full roster of No Masian birthdays today, including Tina Fey, a snooker champion, two British footballers and a Pope.

Mr. Crazy... meet Mr. Crazier
Greg LeMond... what else is there to say? Evidently the fact that he was sexually abused as a child caused Floyd Landis to test positive for steroids. At least that's how I understand it.

The No Mas Friday Caption Contest
Congratulations to Kevin, our winner of last week's Barry Bonds contest. This week's event features - who else? - Greg LeMond, with a "Darryl - Say No to Drugs" jammie on the line.