No Mas Weekend TV Guide

3/30
1987 NCAA Final
ESPN Classic, 2 p.m.
Keith Smart. Steve Alford, Daryl Thomas. Sherman Douglas, Rony Seikaly. Derrick Coleman, freshman.

Heaven Can Wait
HBOSGe, 2:45 p.m.
God doesn't have a football team, Max, so he couldn't make me first string.

Pedro Martinez SportsCentury
ESPN Classic, 4 p.m
Hopefully a significant portion of this program is devoted to explaining why Pedro needs a midget in his entourage like he's Slim Thug or some shit.

Days of Thunder
WGN, 8 p.m.
No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you... he rubbed you. And rubbin, son, is racin'.

WWE Smackdown
CW, 8 p.m.
Stone Cold makes a special appearance on the final Smackdown before 'Mania. Plus, Finlay vs. Kennedy and King Booker vs. CM Punk.

Late Show with David Letterman
CBS, 11:35 p.m.
With his hair on the line at Wrestlemania 23 on Sunday, Donald Trump visits Letterman in perhaps the days of the infamous Trump comb-over.

3/31
Archie Moore v. Joey Maxim, 1952
ESPN Classic, 7 a.m.
At the age of 36, and a veteran of 161 fights, Archie Moore got his first shot at world title in 1952 against light heavyweight champ, Joey Maxim. The Old Mongoose made good on the opportunity, succeeding where Sugar Ray Robinson had failed just sixth months prior.

Legendary Nights - Hearns/Leonard
HBO2, 7 a.m.
My favorite of the Legendary Nights series, including Manny Steward talking about how he stayed in his basement for days after Tommy lost this fight, and how he still to this day doesn't like to talk about it.

The Final Four
CBS, 6 p.m
Georgetown/Ohio State followed by UCLA/Florida. Click here for Unsilent's rundown.

Ringside
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Tivo alert. While you're watching basketball, you're going to want to record this shit, because the Ringside series is taking on The Brown Bomber. The only Louis fights I ever see on Classic are Abe Simon and then the Marciano tragedy, so presumably they'll be busting out some new material in this one.

Deliverance
AMC, 8 & 10:30 p.m.
Now you listen, Ed. Damn it, we can get out of this thing, without any questions asked. We get connected up with that body, and the law, this thing's gonna be hangin' over us the rest of our lives. We've gotta bury that guy.

2007 WWE Hall-of-Fame Induction Ceremony
USA, 12 a.m.
They won't be showing the entire ceremony due to time constraints so look for the Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Dusty Rhodes and Curt Hennig inductions. Always a nice trip down wrestling memory lane.

Fight Club
Spike, 12 a.m.
We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

4/1
The Bullfighters
FMC, 6 a.m.
Laurel and Hardy are working as detectives in Mexico (of course). But Laurel happens to look exactly like a famous matador who has suddenly disappeared, so he is enlisted to step into the ring. If that doesn't sound funny to you, you wouldn't know funny if it ate your ass.

Wrestlemania 23
PPV, 7 p.m.
The grandaddy of 'em all, the Super Bowl of wrestling...whatever you want to call it, just know that it's finally going down tonight from Ford Field in front of some 80,000 crazed people. Oh yeah, some billionaire is supposedly getting his head shaved too.

Jim Thorpe, All-American
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
Burt Lancaster plays Jim Thorpe in this 1951 classic. Burt Lancaster - now there was a goddamn movie star. Just thinking about Burt Lancaster makes me wish that Colin Farrell would go drown in a tub of tartar sauce. Another tip - Pop Warner is actually in this movie.

Muhammad Ali: Young Champion
ESPN Classic, 10 p.m.
Ali in his prime, the mid-60's, against Henry Cooper, George Chuvalo and Floyd Patterson. Followed by those portraits of the artist as a young rumbler, Cassius Clay's Greatest Hits Vols I & II.