Everything else is for pussies

According to the New York Times, an FDA release today is warning that commonly prescribed sleeping pills like Ambien and Lunesta (Lunesta... what a name... I don't think it ever occurred to me how funny that is until right now) can cause "complex sleep-related behaviors" including gorging on food, making phone calls, and, of course, sleep-driving.

The release went so far as to offer a definition of sleep-driving - "driving while not fully awake after ingestion of a sedative hypnotic, with no memory of the event.”

Look... we KNOW what sleep-driving is - the finest, purest, most exhilirating contact sport known to man. We here at No Mas were sleep-driving back when the FDA was sucking on its mama's teat. As far as their lameass definition goes, if booze counts as a "sedative hypnotic" we're prepared to let that bit stand. We would like to point out that having "no memory of the event" is not in fact required for an official sleep-drive, but it is generally the way the deal goes down, and thank Christ for that. But our real bone of contention with the FDA's definition is its lack of clarity concerning an issue that has long been controversial among sleep-driving enthusiasts - sleep-driving is NOT "driving while not fully awake." Sleep-driving is driving while completely unconscious. Nothing else counts. If "driving while not fully awake" is the best you can manage out there, then why don't you just go back to your yoga and your houseplants and leave the tough stuff to those of us who can handle it, okay Drowsy?

F.D.A. Issues Warning on Sleeping Pills (nytimes.com)