No Mas Presents - The Best Sports Movies You've Never Seen
As part of our ongoing coverage of the Tribeca/ESPN Sports Film Festival, we're going to be bringing you a series of pieces called "The Best Sports Movies You've Never Seen," as we turn to our regular roster of writers and some new voices to ferret out the best unheralded sports films of all time. Today, Paul Lukas of Uni Watch fame gets us started with an all-out brawl of a movie called "Hard Times".
Hard Times (1975)
Director: Walter Hill
Starring: Charles Bronson, James Coburn, Jill Ireland
Sony Pictures, 94 minutes
Set in Depression-era New Orleans, Hard Times chronicles the now-forgotten world of bare-knuckle street fighting, where the bouts take place in alleys, warehouses, and shipyards, and the prize money comes exclusively from bets. No Marquis of Queensbury rules here -- every bout starts with the fighters showing each other their open palms, to prove that they're not packing brass knuckles or small pipes, but pretty much anything goes after that: kicks, rabbit punches, kidney punches, shoving your opponent into a stairway. In other words, it's basically human cockfighting, and it makes UFC look quaint. Despite these rough trappings, the film has an honesty and stylishness that set it apart from most fight films.
The basics: Charles Bronson (in a rare non-gunslinger role) plays Chaney, a drifter who resorts to fighting to make money. His promoter is Speed (a spectacular James Coburn), a low-grade hustler with a mouth too big for his wallet, and his cutman is Poe (Strother Martin), a medical school dropout with a dope habit and a very lyrical manner of self-expression ("I assume you realize that the blood of the fabled Edgar Allan courses through my veins"). The three of them look to make a big score by taking on the city's reigning street fighting champ, Jim Henry (Robert Tessier), who's promoted by a local power broker named Chick Gandil (Michael McGuire).
Although Chaney is the nominal protagonist, the film really belongs to the characters surrounding him, most of whom rattle off one classic quote after another. Speed borrows cash from one loan shark to pay off another while lamenting the parade of would-be fighters who expect him to bankroll their careers ("Every town's got a bar, and every bar's got a guy who thinks he's tough as a nickel steak"). Jim Henry's so confident that he looks around before his fights and says, "I wanna have a long talk with anyone betting against me." And Poe is probably the most loquacious fistic figure this side of Don King. "Reasonably thick skin," he says while examining Chaney's face. "I'd say there's a good chance you're not what Speed so unfortunately refers to as a bleeder."
Such colorful chatter notwithstanding, this fight game is the same as any other: Everyone's in it solely for the money, there's not a trustworthy character in the bunch, and the fighters are ultimately little more than disposable pieces of meat (after Chaney beats Jim Henry, the latter is reduced to being the valet for Gandil's next star fighter). Then, as now, two guys punching each other made for a pretty grim way of doing business -- grim but mighty evocative, thanks to the snappy script and the New Orleans backdrop.
The directorial debut of Walter Hill (later to become better known for 48 Hrs.), Hard Times is certainly no Raging Bull or Rocky. But it easily ranks among such well-regarded contenders as Fat City, Right Cross, or The Set-Up. It deserves better than the cinematic undercard to which it has unjustly been relegated. Highly recommended.
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We're pretty sure that if you're reading No Mas, then you're also a big fan of Uni Watch, and if you are, you're very familiar with the writer of this piece. Paul Lukas is a columnist for ESPN.com, where his "Uni Watch" column -- an obsessive look at the most excruciatingly minute details of sports uniform design -- has run since 2004. He also edits the Uni Watch blog, and writes about food, design, business, and pop culture for a wide range of publications. Paul has been an honorary No Mas All-Star for a while now - we're thrilled to finally have him in the lineup. (Sparkler photo by Lori Baker)
Hard Times (1975)
Director: Walter Hill
Starring: Charles Bronson, James Coburn, Jill Ireland
Sony Pictures, 94 minutes
Set in Depression-era New Orleans, Hard Times chronicles the now-forgotten world of bare-knuckle street fighting, where the bouts take place in alleys, warehouses, and shipyards, and the prize money comes exclusively from bets. No Marquis of Queensbury rules here -- every bout starts with the fighters showing each other their open palms, to prove that they're not packing brass knuckles or small pipes, but pretty much anything goes after that: kicks, rabbit punches, kidney punches, shoving your opponent into a stairway. In other words, it's basically human cockfighting, and it makes UFC look quaint. Despite these rough trappings, the film has an honesty and stylishness that set it apart from most fight films.
The basics: Charles Bronson (in a rare non-gunslinger role) plays Chaney, a drifter who resorts to fighting to make money. His promoter is Speed (a spectacular James Coburn), a low-grade hustler with a mouth too big for his wallet, and his cutman is Poe (Strother Martin), a medical school dropout with a dope habit and a very lyrical manner of self-expression ("I assume you realize that the blood of the fabled Edgar Allan courses through my veins"). The three of them look to make a big score by taking on the city's reigning street fighting champ, Jim Henry (Robert Tessier), who's promoted by a local power broker named Chick Gandil (Michael McGuire).
Although Chaney is the nominal protagonist, the film really belongs to the characters surrounding him, most of whom rattle off one classic quote after another. Speed borrows cash from one loan shark to pay off another while lamenting the parade of would-be fighters who expect him to bankroll their careers ("Every town's got a bar, and every bar's got a guy who thinks he's tough as a nickel steak"). Jim Henry's so confident that he looks around before his fights and says, "I wanna have a long talk with anyone betting against me." And Poe is probably the most loquacious fistic figure this side of Don King. "Reasonably thick skin," he says while examining Chaney's face. "I'd say there's a good chance you're not what Speed so unfortunately refers to as a bleeder."Such colorful chatter notwithstanding, this fight game is the same as any other: Everyone's in it solely for the money, there's not a trustworthy character in the bunch, and the fighters are ultimately little more than disposable pieces of meat (after Chaney beats Jim Henry, the latter is reduced to being the valet for Gandil's next star fighter). Then, as now, two guys punching each other made for a pretty grim way of doing business -- grim but mighty evocative, thanks to the snappy script and the New Orleans backdrop.
The directorial debut of Walter Hill (later to become better known for 48 Hrs.), Hard Times is certainly no Raging Bull or Rocky. But it easily ranks among such well-regarded contenders as Fat City, Right Cross, or The Set-Up. It deserves better than the cinematic undercard to which it has unjustly been relegated. Highly recommended.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're pretty sure that if you're reading No Mas, then you're also a big fan of Uni Watch, and if you are, you're very familiar with the writer of this piece. Paul Lukas is a columnist for ESPN.com, where his "Uni Watch" column -- an obsessive look at the most excruciatingly minute details of sports uniform design -- has run since 2004. He also edits the Uni Watch blog, and writes about food, design, business, and pop culture for a wide range of publications. Paul has been an honorary No Mas All-Star for a while now - we're thrilled to finally have him in the lineup. (Sparkler photo by Lori Baker)
6 Comments:
uniwatch in the house!
When do I get to write my retrospective on Little Big League?
Anytime, Unsizzo, anytime.
as long as there's a review of "bingo long's traveling all stars and motor kings"
that movie is actually pretty funny. Lando Carlissyan and pryor are in it.
Don't you worry lads - it's on the list.
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