Flower Power

Here at No Mas we are dedicated to bringing you the absolute worst recordings that sports has ever offered the world, and lately we've been on a rampage. First, Monk One hits us with "Metsmerized" and now our boy Drew has dug deep to uncover a true disco gem, Guy LaFleur's "Scoring".

In this 1979 instructional classic, over a Kraftwerkian beat, LaFleur deadpans in his goofy Canadian accent tips on how to score a lot of goals. Of course, given the trashy disco vibe, it all seems to be a big tongue-in-cheek metaphor for bagging ho's, punctuated by a Donna Summer-like chorus urging all us mere mortals to go get laid - "Yes you can do it, you know you can do it... all you gotta do is try!"

But the level of detail Guy goes into makes you wonder if he was in on the joke. I get the feeling he actually thought the whole thing was about hockey. Take this, for instance -

"To keep a shot low, close the blade.
To shoot it high, all you have to do is open the blade.
Remember that backhand shots are more difficult because of the curved stick."

Maybe I'm not being imaginative enough, but I just don't see how this advice is going to help me get more pussy.