Kill your idols

Evander Holyfield, battered and well on his way to brain-dead, returns to the ring tonight for the first time in 21 months against Jeremy "The Beast" Bates. Despite the fact that his last fight was so pathetic that New York officials revoked his license, Holyfield believes that he will once again be the undisputed heavyweight champ, a feat he expects to achieve "by the time that Olympics comes," whatever the fuck that means.

He begins his journey back to the top against Bates, a 32-year-old meathead with a 21-12 record that includes being knocked out by every piece of lowlife crap that you can think of in the heavyweight ranks of the last ten years. Brian Minto? TKO in the 8th. Kirk Johnson? KO in the 2nd (Christ, even WBC champ Oleg Maskaev took KO Kirk to the 4th). When Evander called him to make the fight, Bates was retired and working as an insurance agent in West Virginia.

What else is there to say? Tune in tonight to The Best Damn Sports Show Period to see the Worst Damn Bullshit The Sport of Boxing Has to Offer the World. Period.