Women's tennis is some crazyass porn
ESPECIALLY if you dig leggy Russian blondes who are clearly very angry and could kick your fat ass. Look at that chick over there. Fangs bared. Letting loose with some guttural squall that would silence a Motorhead concert. It makes you hot, but the truth is, you don't want none of that. Lemmy himself don't want none of that. Sharapova, Vaidisova, Safina, Kuznetsova… all these grunting blonde Ina’s and Ova’s mean serious business. I don’t know exactly what Nick Bollateri is getting up to down there in Florida, but he definitely isn’t running any charm school. I’m starting to think he’s the Cus D’Amato of tennis.
I mean, that Safina/Sharapova match today was a heavyweight bout of pure feminine rage, probably the match of the tournament so far (unless it was the Monfils/Blake match, which was also today), two very fine ladies beating the living crap out of each other and making a godawful racket while they're at it. The shrieks, the grunts, the filthy mcnasty crosscourt stares. That was some straight-up Kill Bill shit going on out there. It was getting to the point where I was like, look, why don’t you two rageful bitches just get it over with and FIGHT.
If you missed the match (what the hell were you doing?), Safina (little, and by little I in no way mean less scary, sister of Marat Safin), down 5-1 in the third, staged the rally of a lifetime, won 18 of the last 21 points to win 7-5, 2-6, 7-5.
Meanwhile, Sharapova’s superhot mommy longlegs doppleganger, 17-year-old Nicole Vaidisova, was the beneficiary of the latest Amelie Mauresmo nervous breakdown, defeating the Frenchwoman 6-7, 6-1, 6-2. That’s her over there, Vaidisova. She stupid fine. She also mean mean mean with a gruntliciousness only a few decibels shy of Queen Sharp-arova.
All these big mean Russian tennis babes are definitely turning me on, but they’re making me nervous too. They're like a weird, beautiful race of aliens who have come to Earth to tantalize and destroy Earthlings and win lots of tennis tournaments. Kneel before Zod. Help us Venus Williams, you're our only hope.
I mean, that Safina/Sharapova match today was a heavyweight bout of pure feminine rage, probably the match of the tournament so far (unless it was the Monfils/Blake match, which was also today), two very fine ladies beating the living crap out of each other and making a godawful racket while they're at it. The shrieks, the grunts, the filthy mcnasty crosscourt stares. That was some straight-up Kill Bill shit going on out there. It was getting to the point where I was like, look, why don’t you two rageful bitches just get it over with and FIGHT.
If you missed the match (what the hell were you doing?), Safina (little, and by little I in no way mean less scary, sister of Marat Safin), down 5-1 in the third, staged the rally of a lifetime, won 18 of the last 21 points to win 7-5, 2-6, 7-5.
Meanwhile, Sharapova’s superhot mommy longlegs doppleganger, 17-year-old Nicole Vaidisova, was the beneficiary of the latest Amelie Mauresmo nervous breakdown, defeating the Frenchwoman 6-7, 6-1, 6-2. That’s her over there, Vaidisova. She stupid fine. She also mean mean mean with a gruntliciousness only a few decibels shy of Queen Sharp-arova.
All these big mean Russian tennis babes are definitely turning me on, but they’re making me nervous too. They're like a weird, beautiful race of aliens who have come to Earth to tantalize and destroy Earthlings and win lots of tennis tournaments. Kneel before Zod. Help us Venus Williams, you're our only hope.
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