Brain damage on the mike don't manage

Dear Evander,

We love you. You are one of the truly heroic warriors of the recent era. Your trilogy with Bowe will live forever in boxing lore, as well as your battles with Tyson, Foreman, and Lennox. You gave us many great nights and we are proud to have had you in the ring during our lifetime.

Please don't fight any more. Your recent bouts have been humiliating. You are showing early signs of pugilistic dementia, and more punishment at this stage will only severely hasten your demise. They suspended you for a reason, Evander - to save you from yourself. If no one in your inner circle will tell you the truth, listen to us, because we say this out of enormous respect for your accomplishments. Your claim that you want to be heavyweight champ again is preposterous. Fat James Toney made you look like a cheap sparring partner, and then you lost a decision to Larry Donald in one of the most unpleasant bouts we've seen in years.

If you really need to spar, call Heidi Klum again. That's just the kind of tete-a-tete we wish upon you. As for actual boxing, we beg you, throw in the towel. Your legacy is secure, and you're a righteous motherfucker. Give your brain a break.

Love,

No Mas