Melbourne comes earlier every year

Woke up this morning with a slight Ali hangover and realized that it's time to get back to the real world, and by the real world, I mean the Australian Open.

I'm just not ready for Grand Slam tennis in January. I'm flicking around channels looking for like the Boar's Head Salami Bowl and the next thing I know I'm watching Mario Ancic sweat his balls off in a hundred percent humidity and it's Wednesday but somehow it's already Thursday. They're talking about moving this tournament to later in the year and I endorse that. You hear that Melbourne? Large endorses that! Yeah yeah, it's too hot, but look, the real problem is it's just too early for us couch potatoes over here in the States.

All right. Now that I've got that off my chest, I can tell you that the tournament is finally worth paying attention to tonight, with a muscular third-round matchup between Marat Safin and Andy Roddick. Tough draw for A-Rod, but he's been a good sport about it. "Might as well get right into it," he said. Connors must have told him to say that. On the phone, though. Connors isn't down there. He's like, "look, I'll be your "coach" if you want, but I ain't flying all the way to freakin Australia for shit."

Also tonight - Serena, who's been looking pretty solid so far, plays five-seed Nadia Petrova, by far the best of the third-round women's matches. Number one in the galaxy, Roger Federer plays Russian Mikhail Youzhny, a dangerous and often exciting player who Fed could probably take in a five-setter with his left hand. Finally, the late match in Vodafone (sung, as always, to the tune of "Kodachrome") is The Battle for the Soul of France between eighteen-seed Richard Gasquet and Gael Monfils, a match that promises to be some merde serieuse.