Figureheads making empty gestures, vol. I

Five years ago tonight, President George Bush threw out the first pitch of Game 3 of the World Series at Yankee Stadium. Only seven weeks after the September 11th attacks, it was clearly meant as some kind of a defiant act, the sort of meaningless macho bravado that has since become W's calling card ("Mission accomplished..."). I do remember that he threw a strike from the regulation pitching rubber. THAT was defiant. Any terrorists watching that shit must have had second thoughts about winning a game 7 with W on the mound. Osama was like, "if Bush starts against us we're going to have to be patient at the plate and make him waste pitches, get to their bullpen..." And look, say what you will about the 2000 election, but you know Al Gore would have rolled that thing up to Posada.

That same night, another overblown international figure was making a grandiose and otherwise useless appearance in the Big Apple. Michael Jordan kicked off his second unretirement, opening his career with the Wizards in a game against the Knicks at the Garden. There was no double nickel. There was no miracle last-second dish to Bill Wennington for the win. MJ scored 19 on 7 for 21 shooting from the field as the Wizards lost 93-91. He looked old and slow and committed two key turnovers in the final minutes before missing a buzzer-beater three for the win. His farcical third act was under way. In other words, the terrorists had already won.