posted by Baggiesboy

(Breaking up the Cotto/Margo vigil that our site has become this week, I bring you a hilarious soccer interlude from the mysterious man of mystery, Lord Bag. As usual, I haven’t the foggiest idea what he’s going on about, but I had a bloody good laugh of it anyway, didn’t I? Yeah cheers, all hail the Bag – L)

Last night upon landing at La Guardia airport after a trip to Savannah, Georgia, my Cincinnati-based Delta flight attendant announced that she liked to leave her passengers with a thought for the day. In this case it was: ‘A smile is a facelift you can give yourself for free.” Which made me think of ‘The Two Ronnies.” No, not those entertaining daily headline makers: Messrs. Cristiano Ronaldo and Ronaldinho, but the supreme British comedy duo: Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett.

Ronnie Corbett: Good evening! It’s wonderful to be back with you again, isn’t it Ronnie?

Ronnie Barker: Indeed it is. And in a packed program tonight, I shall be having a word with a man who goes in for meditation, because he thinks it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.

A.C. Milan boss Carlo Ancelotti might pass this along to his new signing, Ronaldinho. The Brazilian magician has not been pulling too many rabbits out of the hat of late. Although judging from his waste line he’s not been sitting around doing nothing , he’s eating at least three square meals a day, if not more.

‘The King of YouTube soccer tricks” is off to the Olympics to get in shape for the new Serie A season with Ancelotti’s blessing. And let’s face it what better way is there to get healthy for a Scudetto campaign than a potential month-long sojourn in Green China?

Ronnie Barker: The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister’s question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

There is no truth to the rumor that the above was Sepp Blatter early for a meeting with Gordon Brown about England’s bid to host the 2018 World Cup (or about England being Plan B for the 2010 or 2014 World Cups). Das Super Blatt (DSB) is more likely to be found in a smoke-filled room, or even more likely in front of a microphone making idiotic pronouncements. His usual inane mutterings took a toxic turn though with his comments on Cristiano Ronaldo and soccer slavery. The Manchester United (as of this writing at least) Number 7 is the best player in the world. His talent is dazzling, and although I’m not a Red Devil I simply love to watch him play. Like my beloved ‘Two Ronnies,” he provides wonderful entertainment and endless happy memories. But it bugs me that his advisors (with the able assistance of Real Madrid) use Spanish and British tabloids to help generate discontent and potential mega-Euros fo r their bank accounts, by making demands on his behalf that go against freely signed, binding contracts.

But frankly, that’s the way of the world. If Large doesn’t ante up for my new parking pass at Gleason’s Gym soon, then I may have to spread stories about my dream of writing in iambic pentameter for ‘odetofootie.org.” Yes, I can be that ruthless, but I’m not in the Ramon Calderon class.

Ronnie Corbett: Latest on the bullion robbery: At Wansforth Police Station, a man who’s as deaf as a post, and doesn’t speak English, with a terrible stutter, bad breath and squeaky shoes, is not helping the police with their inquiries one little bit.

And all too often the joker otherwise called the FIFA president doesn’t help soccer one little bit either. I’d like to think the DSB was trying a little stand up action with his recent pronouncements on soccer slavery, but he only generated a frown that20I’ve found hard to turn upside-down. A quick trip to a Georgia town steeped in cotton trading history might make him think more carefully about slavery references.

Ronnie Barker: The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow.

Yes, it’s the silly season: The FIFA World Player of the Year in waiting wants out of Manchester, a recent 2-time FIFA World Player of the Year heads down the Silk Road to mend the hem of the fashion capital’s perennial powerhouse, and I got caught up in the entourage of Sarah Jessica Parker as I made my way to the hot dog vendor at the All-Star Game last week.

By the way, the price of hot dogs at the old ballpark: not funny.

But thankfully for me, there is always ‘The Two Ronnies.”

Ronnie Corbett: And now, it’s a goodnight from me…

Ronnie Barker: …and it’s goodnight from him.

Both: Goodnight.