A World Without Sports
I, Large, am officially prepared to announce the return of Large today from my wedding and honeymoon Mexican adventure. The picture on the right is of me drinking coffee at the hotel in Vallodolid where Montezuma eventually caught up to me after some very suspicious (but admittedly tasty) chicken soup.
Down in Tulum I pretty much experienced, for the first protracted period in my life perhaps, A World without Sports. Not that sports aren’t everywhere in Mexico – Franchise would be heartened to know about the apparent popularity of the old-school supercheesy mask-and-cape variety of professional wrestling on television, and I did on my last night at the hotel mentioned above manage to catch some Winky/Bernard highlights. But on the whole I ignored the entire universe of professional athletics during our trip, which is something that I haven’t done… well, probably ever now that I think about it.
In doing so, I must confess that I experienced a different, heretofore unknown version of myself, possibly a better version – who knows about that. Fever Pitch is the best book I know of in capturing the unique brand of OCD that afflicts the sports fanatic, and though I can’t say that I am anywhere near the class of Phillies or Eagles fan that Hornby is with Arsenal, I more relate to his book on the level of an obsession with the entire panoply of sporting occasions. I think the average No Mas reader will understand that concept – it’s just the literal need to be on top of shit from table tennis to judo to the FINA World Championships to… whatever. Thumb-wrestling. Just to check out whatever exciting action there is to be checked out, and ESPECIALLY if it involves a fight of some kind.
The internet and proliferation of cable sports coverage has made this type of obsession all-too-easily a 24-hour pursuit, and for as many joys as it visits upon us, let’s be truthful – it can start to wear on a man. It was a sincere goal of mine to let it all go the past two weeks, to consciously resist even the tiniest submission to the gravitational pull, and but for one slip late in the game (seeking out the Bernard/Winky highlights) I succeeded. Let me tell you something friends – it’s not so bad on the other side. The world does in fact continue to orbit the sun whether you read the morning boxscores or not, and when you miss a big pay-per-view fight featuring a Hall-of-Fame boxer from Philly, you do not spontaneously die. That might seem like an obvious statement to some, but my people out there… I know you feel me, and I hope you are reassured.
But look, enough. I’m back like MacArthur motherfuckers. Baldomir/Forrest? On it. Tour de France? On it. Gambling referees, doping cyclists, the abomination of Bonds, Ricky Fatton vs. Everybody, the rise of the Phillies… Yo check it out, I am on that shit. The blissful beaches of Tulum are all but purged from my muscle memory, and not without a pang I admit. But if I’m being completely honest I have to tell you… it’s good to get back in the hunt.
July 26th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
glad to have you back. you can catch that mexican wrestling on univision (i think, or maybe galavision) pretty often. it’s hysterical. i once saw a guy fake a heart attack or seisure in the middle of the ring after being pushed to the ground.
July 26th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
yes Large,
great that you are back on it. Life on the other side? I’m gonna have to try that one day as well.
July 26th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Glad you’re back Large. I went cold-turkey on sports for 2 weeks a few years ago and had a similar experience. During those 2 weeks, it felt fine, like it was no big deal. When I came back from my trip, even a Singe A minor league box score was ambrosia form the gods. It’s nice to know we can and are able to “let go” from time to time, but after that, one has to ask onself “why do it?”
July 26th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
good to have you back. I always laugh at people who are on the grid. I live in a log cabbin and shit in the woods…it is the only way to live. All you monkey’s in suits get off the grid.
July 26th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Rooster – I envy you son, I really do, but I just want to reassure you on one count – only suit I been wearing lately is a t-shirt that says Rubin “Hurricane” Carter on it, and the shit is ill.
July 27th, 2007 at 1:44 am
so very true. I was in mozambique a few months back and away from any connection to the world at all and found myself intently watching a local soccer game from the roof of a building through my camera’s zoom..
good to have you back Large
July 27th, 2007 at 3:46 am
The rise of the Phillies? Please, wigga, please.
July 27th, 2007 at 4:07 am
large, you are speaking of lucha libre.
2nd, the past few years ive tivoed the world jumprope championships.
so i do know of your illness all too well.
July 27th, 2007 at 6:15 am
Nice to have you back, as my personal sports addiction includes twice-daily visits to this site.
Come to think of it, has there been a two week stretch in recent memory where more weird shit went down in the sports world?
I smell a Vick t-shirt….
January 9th, 2011 at 3:15 pm
I like drinks! Anyhow… I like reading your blog because you always post great articles about my favorite topics. Informative writeup. Thanks for sharing once again. I plan to add this blog to my faves. I think I will subscribe to the websites feed as well. Thee yumtastic par when waking is folgers in you’re thermos!