You know the kind of days. You wake up to discover that it’s your fortieth birthday. Your once certain Hall-of-Fame baseball career has dwindled to shit due to a bum hip and you’ve been out of the game for six years. Money’s running low. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY likes you. And that bitch you been stalking won’t give you no time.

And, oh yeah, you’re on your way to jail. Albert, look bruh, take a couple of Advil and go back to bed. It’s gonna be a long one.

Former slugger Belle sentenced (Washington Post)